Although it goes without saying, the characters in this story are the
property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Feedback is welcome (please; pm or email: jarment@us.ibm.com).
Wake and Rise (part three)
Angel and Buffy sat in their cramped hotel room, enjoying the touch of each other. Angel thought he would never do this again, and Buffy longed for the comfort it brought her. Through the sheer curtains, it was clear that the sun was rising.
"I should shut the drapes," Buffy murmured to Angel. Angel just held her tighter.
"Angel," Buffy started, just a touch pouty, "I need to close those curtains. The sun is rising." And with that, she pushed Angel away, hating losing contact with him. "All my slayer powers, knowledge of vampires and all and I don't even have the forethought to close the bloody drapes." Buffy stopped cold as Angel's eyes bored into her.
"You said 'bloody!' Buffy, you don't say 'bloody.'" Angel said, shocked and alarmed.
"Sorry, too much time spent around Spike." Buffy said, knowing instantly it was a mistake. "I'm sorry, Angel. I shouldn't have brought him up. I know how much you hated the fact that I felt sorry for him."
"I don't hate that you feel sorry for him, Buffy. I don't trust him is all." Angel said, gravely.
"Angel, can we not talk about Spike?" Buffy asked plaintively.
Angel relented immediately. It was too much, having Buffy back to ruin it with talk of Spike. They had yet to really talk. The past two days had been spent mainly holding each other. And yet, he knew Buffy had to leave soon, he had to leave soon. There was no way around it; they would begin leading their separate lives again.
"Buffy," Angel began as Buffy settled down next to him again, "do you know how you were brought back? Was it.like me with the Powers that Be?"
Buffy shook her head, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. "No," she answered, "Willow brought me back. Willow, Anya, Tara and Xander. They did some sort of spell."
"Oh, Buffy," Angel said despondently.
"They.rescued me," Buffy lied. She wasn't certain why she did. She had resolved to be truthful with Angel, but it was just too hard.
"No, they didn't Buffy." Angel said matter-of-factly. Buffy was stunned.
"How?" was all Buffy could manage.
"I know you, Buffy." Angel said quietly.
Buffy began to sob in his arms. He knew. She had waited for someone to comprehend. She thought Giles would, but.maybe she hadn't given him enough time.
"Angel, is this what it was like for you when you came back? This is Hell," she said, echoing her words to Spike a few days earlier.
"It was different. I was dealing with a century of torment." Angel began. Buffy looked at him coldly. ".you, I can see, you are only now being tormented. I can tell. Your pain is fresh."
"I try so hard to be me.with everyone. But it's so hard, Angel. I don't know if I can ever be right again. I don't know if I want to be here again. Everything is so hard, and everyone wants so much of me."
Angel quietly regarded her for a moment. Buffy watched him looking at her.
"I am being unfair to them, I think." Buffy continued, "I mean, it's not wrong for them to be happy, or to have wanted me back. I wanted you back. I still want my Mom back."
"Does anyone suspect?" Angel asked.
"Spike knows." Buffy said. On Angel's look, she continued, "I told him."
Angel stiffened, and tried, unsuccessfully, to relax. "I'm sorry," he said, "I can't help but resent that."
"I know. I don't mean to upset you. Spike.he.he just has a way of being there when I am alone and miserable. Please, though, don't be angry that I told him."
"I'm not angry." Angel said, totally unconvincingly.
"Yes you are." Buffy argued back, losing a little of the despair that had crept over her. "Don't be though, seriously. Spike's.gosh, there really aren't words to describe him are there."
"Malicious and manipulative come to mind," Angel retorted.
Buffy laughed. It was the first time Angel had heard her laugh since she had arrived.
"You know, he baby-sits Dawn?" Buffy asked, incredulous.
"I know." Angel said. Buffy looked at him questioningly. Angel continued, "I came for your (he hesitated) funeral. Spike was there. Dawn is very attached to him-Buffy, I didn't even know who Dawn was."
"You.don't remember her?" Buffy asked.
"No. Cordelia did. Wesley did. Buffy, I know what Dawn is, or was. Or at least, I know what happened. Spike and Willow told me. But Buffy, I, I was going through some dark times last year."
"You didn't." Buffy began.
"No, I don't think you know any of this, but.Darla was brought back last year."
Buffy just gaped in open horror.
"Someone brought back a vampire?" Buffy asked, in full Slayer mode.
"No, the people who did this, they brought her back as human. Buffy, I was obsessed with.rescuing her."
"That seems natural, Angel."
"No, it isn't. I isolated myself from Cordy and Wesley and Gunn, and Darla was made a vampire again." Angel continued, seeing the horror on Buffy's face, "She's gone now. I.I tried to kill her and Dru, but.they're gone now. Anyway, I had this epiphany one night, and I realized I had been sidetracked and was risking everything. I had hurt everyone I loved, but I knew I had to get them back."
"Angel, I didn't know." Buffy said.
"I know. I.I didn't want you to. And then I found out Joyce died. And I came back.to see you. And I realized I had more reason to try to be better than just atonement. I had you, and Wesley and Cordelia and Gunn. You all were the part of my life I had given up. And I realized I wanted that back."
"So you're saying that I should accept them? Angel, I haven't given them up." Buffy said, not a little hurt.
"No, I am saying you should be honest with them and with yourself. It's natural for you to resent them. But, these are the people that you love. And we love you, Buffy."
Buffy sat uncomfortably for a while. She didn't know if she could hurt them, and the truth would hurt them. And yet, what Angel said.She leaned forward and kissed him. As the kiss grew more passionate, Angel pulled away.
"I know, I'm sorry," Buffy said, contrite. They sat silent for a moment.
"I need to tell you something else," Buffy said hesitantly, "Remember when I came to visit you after Thanksgiving two years ago?"
Alarmed, Angel looked up, "Yes."
"I remember everything." She simply said.
*****
Spike just gaped at Dawn, uncertain what to say next. He tried what came first.
"Dawn, do you think maybe you should go to Giles about this one? He's far better equipped to.you know, handle these things." Spike said.
"I don't want Giles to.I mean, he's got enough on his mind." Dawn answered very quickly.
"Dawn, pet, you may not want to bother him, but this is his field. He knows these things." Spike said emphatically.
"No!" Dawn shouted. "I need you, Spike. I can't go to anyone else. They wouldn't understand. No one knows."
"No one knows what, pidge?" Spike asked.
"Those people that Glory hurt. I've seen them. They see nothing in me. Nothing's changed." Dawn said, sounding so very old to Spike.
"Okay, won't utter a word." Spike said.
*****
Buffy and Angel sat together as the hotel room became darker, the sun dropping.
"Angel, I need to get back home. I have people waiting for me." Buffy said.
"Do you want me to drive you back?" He offered.
"No, but there is someplace I need to go. Can you take me there?" She asked.
"I can." Knowing where she needed to go, "Get cleaned up and I'll call the others for you."
Buffy left to go shower. Angel walked to the phone and dialed.
"Hello?" Spike's voice answered.
Angel was not expecting this. "Spike?!?"
"Yeah, Angel. What do you want?" Spike said, very nastily.
"Where's Giles?"
"Not here, man. It's me and kid sis. Wanna talk to her? I'll get her." Spike said, not wanting to talk to Angel any longer then he had to.
"No, just let her know Buffy's okay. She'll be back tomorrow night." Angel said.
"Great. Thanks for lettin' us in on the game-plan," -poofter, he added silently. "Anythin' else?"
"No."
Click. Spike hung up the phone without saying goodbye.
"Who was it?" Dawn asked, coming back in the living room.
"Angel, bloody wanker. Said big sis will be back tomorrow night."
"Did he sound.bad?" Dawn asked, frightened.
"He always sounds bad, love. But, you mean was he Angelus? No. Little light on the insults for that one." Spike said.
*****
Faith sat in the cubicle area waiting to pick up the handset so she could speak with Angel. She had not seen him in months-since he had come to tell her that Buffy was dead. But Faith already knew, she had felt it, but had not let on to Angel that she had known. She knew that her own remorse and, yes, pain needed to take a backseat to Angel's pain. Faith was used to dealing with things alone. A lifetime of not being able to trust anyone had left her as her own council. For better or worse, Faith could rely on no one else now-although she very much relished Angel's visits.
She noticed that Angel stood awkwardly, not sitting, not picking up the handset. Faith kind of twitched and shrugged in her own erratic way, beckoning Angel to get on with it and sit down. Angel just shook his head and stepped aside, leaving Faith completely unprepared for what was behind him.
Buffy saw the blood drain from Faith's face. It wasn't fear but something infinitely sadder than that. Buffy slowly sat down and picked up the handset. Faith struggled to contain herself and also picked up the handset.
"B-is it really you?" Faith asked, her voice shaking.
"Yeah. It's me, Faith." Buffy said.
"Oh my God! How?" was all Faith could manage to ask.
"Willow and the others, they brought me back." Buffy answered for what felt the hundredth time. She was so tired of explaining it all.
"I see," Faith said, taking in Buffy's exhaustion. "How long have you.been back?"
"Coupla weeks." Buffy said.
"Yeah. Wow. You've got some friends there." Said Faith, and Buffy detected a sliver of sarcasm.
"Faith, I'm not really certain why I'm here."
"Well, jeez B-I was never really good with the metaphysical stuff." Faith joked.
Buffy smiled faintly-this was one of the Faiths she remembered. "No, I meant. I don't know what I am supposed to say to you. Except, I feel like I let you down; I wasn't there for you when you needed me."
"Yeah, well I did a pretty good job of pushing you away, if you remember." Faith said, on guard now.
"I remember." Buffy said, intrinsically responding to the pain that Faith had brought.
"Anyway. I pretty much screwed up everything anyway-did that all by myself." Faith said, matter-of-factly. "Redemption? Hard road you know, got miles to go."
Buffy startled at Faith's last words, but tried to hide it. "Angel helps?" she asked, trying to shake the dread.
"Yeah, he does. Just knowing.he's there. Watching my back." Faith said, aware that this could still be a sore point for Buffy.
"He does do that. He watches all of our backs.I want to keep in touch with you Faith. Maybe write, if that's okay? I can't visit a lot, what with Dawn, and all." Buffy said.
"How is that little chit? She probably hates me." Faith asked.
Again, Buffy was startled. How did Faith remember and Angel didn't? "She's fine, everything considered. And no, she doesn't hate you."
Faith looked surprised by this.
A guard came up behind Faith; time was up.
"It's good to have you back B." Faith said. She hung up the handset and pressed her palm to the window. Buffy pressed her palm in return. She could feel the power course through the glass: that Slayer strength and something else. She saw Faith through the window mouth 'you can do this Buffy,' and then stand up and walk away. Buffy fought back tears as she watched Faith be escorted back to her cell. Then she turned to leave.
Angel was waiting for her by the guard station.
"You all right?" he asked.
"I'm fine." She said, meaning it for the first time in a long time.
*****
Faith waited until she was alone in her cell to cry, racking sobs taking over her for the first time since she had begged Angel to kill her.
to be continued...
Feedback is welcome (please; pm or email: jarment@us.ibm.com).
Wake and Rise (part three)
Angel and Buffy sat in their cramped hotel room, enjoying the touch of each other. Angel thought he would never do this again, and Buffy longed for the comfort it brought her. Through the sheer curtains, it was clear that the sun was rising.
"I should shut the drapes," Buffy murmured to Angel. Angel just held her tighter.
"Angel," Buffy started, just a touch pouty, "I need to close those curtains. The sun is rising." And with that, she pushed Angel away, hating losing contact with him. "All my slayer powers, knowledge of vampires and all and I don't even have the forethought to close the bloody drapes." Buffy stopped cold as Angel's eyes bored into her.
"You said 'bloody!' Buffy, you don't say 'bloody.'" Angel said, shocked and alarmed.
"Sorry, too much time spent around Spike." Buffy said, knowing instantly it was a mistake. "I'm sorry, Angel. I shouldn't have brought him up. I know how much you hated the fact that I felt sorry for him."
"I don't hate that you feel sorry for him, Buffy. I don't trust him is all." Angel said, gravely.
"Angel, can we not talk about Spike?" Buffy asked plaintively.
Angel relented immediately. It was too much, having Buffy back to ruin it with talk of Spike. They had yet to really talk. The past two days had been spent mainly holding each other. And yet, he knew Buffy had to leave soon, he had to leave soon. There was no way around it; they would begin leading their separate lives again.
"Buffy," Angel began as Buffy settled down next to him again, "do you know how you were brought back? Was it.like me with the Powers that Be?"
Buffy shook her head, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. "No," she answered, "Willow brought me back. Willow, Anya, Tara and Xander. They did some sort of spell."
"Oh, Buffy," Angel said despondently.
"They.rescued me," Buffy lied. She wasn't certain why she did. She had resolved to be truthful with Angel, but it was just too hard.
"No, they didn't Buffy." Angel said matter-of-factly. Buffy was stunned.
"How?" was all Buffy could manage.
"I know you, Buffy." Angel said quietly.
Buffy began to sob in his arms. He knew. She had waited for someone to comprehend. She thought Giles would, but.maybe she hadn't given him enough time.
"Angel, is this what it was like for you when you came back? This is Hell," she said, echoing her words to Spike a few days earlier.
"It was different. I was dealing with a century of torment." Angel began. Buffy looked at him coldly. ".you, I can see, you are only now being tormented. I can tell. Your pain is fresh."
"I try so hard to be me.with everyone. But it's so hard, Angel. I don't know if I can ever be right again. I don't know if I want to be here again. Everything is so hard, and everyone wants so much of me."
Angel quietly regarded her for a moment. Buffy watched him looking at her.
"I am being unfair to them, I think." Buffy continued, "I mean, it's not wrong for them to be happy, or to have wanted me back. I wanted you back. I still want my Mom back."
"Does anyone suspect?" Angel asked.
"Spike knows." Buffy said. On Angel's look, she continued, "I told him."
Angel stiffened, and tried, unsuccessfully, to relax. "I'm sorry," he said, "I can't help but resent that."
"I know. I don't mean to upset you. Spike.he.he just has a way of being there when I am alone and miserable. Please, though, don't be angry that I told him."
"I'm not angry." Angel said, totally unconvincingly.
"Yes you are." Buffy argued back, losing a little of the despair that had crept over her. "Don't be though, seriously. Spike's.gosh, there really aren't words to describe him are there."
"Malicious and manipulative come to mind," Angel retorted.
Buffy laughed. It was the first time Angel had heard her laugh since she had arrived.
"You know, he baby-sits Dawn?" Buffy asked, incredulous.
"I know." Angel said. Buffy looked at him questioningly. Angel continued, "I came for your (he hesitated) funeral. Spike was there. Dawn is very attached to him-Buffy, I didn't even know who Dawn was."
"You.don't remember her?" Buffy asked.
"No. Cordelia did. Wesley did. Buffy, I know what Dawn is, or was. Or at least, I know what happened. Spike and Willow told me. But Buffy, I, I was going through some dark times last year."
"You didn't." Buffy began.
"No, I don't think you know any of this, but.Darla was brought back last year."
Buffy just gaped in open horror.
"Someone brought back a vampire?" Buffy asked, in full Slayer mode.
"No, the people who did this, they brought her back as human. Buffy, I was obsessed with.rescuing her."
"That seems natural, Angel."
"No, it isn't. I isolated myself from Cordy and Wesley and Gunn, and Darla was made a vampire again." Angel continued, seeing the horror on Buffy's face, "She's gone now. I.I tried to kill her and Dru, but.they're gone now. Anyway, I had this epiphany one night, and I realized I had been sidetracked and was risking everything. I had hurt everyone I loved, but I knew I had to get them back."
"Angel, I didn't know." Buffy said.
"I know. I.I didn't want you to. And then I found out Joyce died. And I came back.to see you. And I realized I had more reason to try to be better than just atonement. I had you, and Wesley and Cordelia and Gunn. You all were the part of my life I had given up. And I realized I wanted that back."
"So you're saying that I should accept them? Angel, I haven't given them up." Buffy said, not a little hurt.
"No, I am saying you should be honest with them and with yourself. It's natural for you to resent them. But, these are the people that you love. And we love you, Buffy."
Buffy sat uncomfortably for a while. She didn't know if she could hurt them, and the truth would hurt them. And yet, what Angel said.She leaned forward and kissed him. As the kiss grew more passionate, Angel pulled away.
"I know, I'm sorry," Buffy said, contrite. They sat silent for a moment.
"I need to tell you something else," Buffy said hesitantly, "Remember when I came to visit you after Thanksgiving two years ago?"
Alarmed, Angel looked up, "Yes."
"I remember everything." She simply said.
*****
Spike just gaped at Dawn, uncertain what to say next. He tried what came first.
"Dawn, do you think maybe you should go to Giles about this one? He's far better equipped to.you know, handle these things." Spike said.
"I don't want Giles to.I mean, he's got enough on his mind." Dawn answered very quickly.
"Dawn, pet, you may not want to bother him, but this is his field. He knows these things." Spike said emphatically.
"No!" Dawn shouted. "I need you, Spike. I can't go to anyone else. They wouldn't understand. No one knows."
"No one knows what, pidge?" Spike asked.
"Those people that Glory hurt. I've seen them. They see nothing in me. Nothing's changed." Dawn said, sounding so very old to Spike.
"Okay, won't utter a word." Spike said.
*****
Buffy and Angel sat together as the hotel room became darker, the sun dropping.
"Angel, I need to get back home. I have people waiting for me." Buffy said.
"Do you want me to drive you back?" He offered.
"No, but there is someplace I need to go. Can you take me there?" She asked.
"I can." Knowing where she needed to go, "Get cleaned up and I'll call the others for you."
Buffy left to go shower. Angel walked to the phone and dialed.
"Hello?" Spike's voice answered.
Angel was not expecting this. "Spike?!?"
"Yeah, Angel. What do you want?" Spike said, very nastily.
"Where's Giles?"
"Not here, man. It's me and kid sis. Wanna talk to her? I'll get her." Spike said, not wanting to talk to Angel any longer then he had to.
"No, just let her know Buffy's okay. She'll be back tomorrow night." Angel said.
"Great. Thanks for lettin' us in on the game-plan," -poofter, he added silently. "Anythin' else?"
"No."
Click. Spike hung up the phone without saying goodbye.
"Who was it?" Dawn asked, coming back in the living room.
"Angel, bloody wanker. Said big sis will be back tomorrow night."
"Did he sound.bad?" Dawn asked, frightened.
"He always sounds bad, love. But, you mean was he Angelus? No. Little light on the insults for that one." Spike said.
*****
Faith sat in the cubicle area waiting to pick up the handset so she could speak with Angel. She had not seen him in months-since he had come to tell her that Buffy was dead. But Faith already knew, she had felt it, but had not let on to Angel that she had known. She knew that her own remorse and, yes, pain needed to take a backseat to Angel's pain. Faith was used to dealing with things alone. A lifetime of not being able to trust anyone had left her as her own council. For better or worse, Faith could rely on no one else now-although she very much relished Angel's visits.
She noticed that Angel stood awkwardly, not sitting, not picking up the handset. Faith kind of twitched and shrugged in her own erratic way, beckoning Angel to get on with it and sit down. Angel just shook his head and stepped aside, leaving Faith completely unprepared for what was behind him.
Buffy saw the blood drain from Faith's face. It wasn't fear but something infinitely sadder than that. Buffy slowly sat down and picked up the handset. Faith struggled to contain herself and also picked up the handset.
"B-is it really you?" Faith asked, her voice shaking.
"Yeah. It's me, Faith." Buffy said.
"Oh my God! How?" was all Faith could manage to ask.
"Willow and the others, they brought me back." Buffy answered for what felt the hundredth time. She was so tired of explaining it all.
"I see," Faith said, taking in Buffy's exhaustion. "How long have you.been back?"
"Coupla weeks." Buffy said.
"Yeah. Wow. You've got some friends there." Said Faith, and Buffy detected a sliver of sarcasm.
"Faith, I'm not really certain why I'm here."
"Well, jeez B-I was never really good with the metaphysical stuff." Faith joked.
Buffy smiled faintly-this was one of the Faiths she remembered. "No, I meant. I don't know what I am supposed to say to you. Except, I feel like I let you down; I wasn't there for you when you needed me."
"Yeah, well I did a pretty good job of pushing you away, if you remember." Faith said, on guard now.
"I remember." Buffy said, intrinsically responding to the pain that Faith had brought.
"Anyway. I pretty much screwed up everything anyway-did that all by myself." Faith said, matter-of-factly. "Redemption? Hard road you know, got miles to go."
Buffy startled at Faith's last words, but tried to hide it. "Angel helps?" she asked, trying to shake the dread.
"Yeah, he does. Just knowing.he's there. Watching my back." Faith said, aware that this could still be a sore point for Buffy.
"He does do that. He watches all of our backs.I want to keep in touch with you Faith. Maybe write, if that's okay? I can't visit a lot, what with Dawn, and all." Buffy said.
"How is that little chit? She probably hates me." Faith asked.
Again, Buffy was startled. How did Faith remember and Angel didn't? "She's fine, everything considered. And no, she doesn't hate you."
Faith looked surprised by this.
A guard came up behind Faith; time was up.
"It's good to have you back B." Faith said. She hung up the handset and pressed her palm to the window. Buffy pressed her palm in return. She could feel the power course through the glass: that Slayer strength and something else. She saw Faith through the window mouth 'you can do this Buffy,' and then stand up and walk away. Buffy fought back tears as she watched Faith be escorted back to her cell. Then she turned to leave.
Angel was waiting for her by the guard station.
"You all right?" he asked.
"I'm fine." She said, meaning it for the first time in a long time.
*****
Faith waited until she was alone in her cell to cry, racking sobs taking over her for the first time since she had begged Angel to kill her.
to be continued...
