The ecchibis have launched their assault; Ernest's mind gets caught in the crossfire...
Sympathetic!Leena kicks in for a repeat performance, Ernest almost kills himself several times, and we get to see inside Garu's head from the point of view of someone rational -- ie, not Garu. ^^
WARNINGS:
Shounen ai, shounen AI, SHOUNEN AI. Yep yep yep. Up the proverbial
wazoo. Pro-Leena, normal timeline, long, and full awareness of how much
it sucks to be a telepathist. Next! It takes me twenty minutes to romanize
a single page of the manga, and even then my Japanese is rudimentary at
best, so consequently I then have to feed it into the computer to get a
mangled translation, which I then have to translate into normal English,
and only THEN can I understand what's going on, so my knowledge of the
manga-verse is preliminary at best. Expect me to improvise and make up
stuff I don't know.
GUIDE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE:
Words like this> are normal thoughts. When a telepathist reads a person, these are the kinds of thoughts he'd feel.
~Words like this~> are deliberate telepathic contact. Only a skilled telepathist can come across strongly enough to send this strongly. Someone with no EX can not discern this from their own thoughts, making it mental manipulation, which is highly illegal.
::Words like this:: are Ernest's special brand of telepathic contact. He uses his powerful empathy to boost his relatively weak skill at telepathy, using his strengths to cover his weaknesses.
There are reasons and logic behind all the different brands of contact,
the different brackets I used to indicate them, even the
commentary ABOUT the contacts... but you're probably not interested.
^^ I rationalize things too much. As a matter of fact, most of that
isn't even important for this chapter. Well... On with the fic!
SEDIMENTARY PERCUSSION
CHAPTER 2: Counterpoint
by Kay Willow
I can only imagine that Garu made a concerted effort to kill me today.
All week, he'd been so focused on exercising that every time I reached out to check up on him, it was the only thing I could sense. By the third night of his thoughts roiling ceaselessly in the empty space left by the darkness, I knew that it wasn't going to work. The only effect his exercising had was to make his thoughts the more frustrated and unhappy, making them stronger, and they seethed against my own and rendered me sleepless as well.
Once this week, he commented on how I looked tired, too. The fact that he'd noticed something so small made me float on air for the next two days.
And no sooner had I recovered from that than he announced to me that he'd officially given up. When we were at lunch. He ALWAYS likes to spring things on me at lunch, even though you'd think he'd realize that I'm not at my best in the cafeteria, surrounded by strangers and acquaintances and none of them bothering to check their emotions. With so many people feeling such a wide variety of things so powerfully... physical contact is totally unnecessary to have their thoughts and wishes carry to me.
And he expected me to be able to handle his problems effortlessly. He's so thoughtless sometimes.
"That's because you're not doing it right. You're supposed to ease down before you stop; you can't just suddenly decide you've had enough and flop into bed and expect to fall asleep," was the best I could manage, while still accustoming myself to the sudden press of the crowd.
"That's not what I'm doing!" Sure it isn't, Garu. "But I don't know WHAT you want from me!" Oh, you're definitely right about THAT. "What do you mean, ease down?"
I figured he must have been joking. So I responded in kind, "It's kind of like warming up, but the other way around!"
He didn't find it very amusing. I began to realize that he really had no idea that when a normal person exercises, they start slow and end slow, for their own sake. He just plunges right into the hardcore lifting and running, never mind the risks.
And why? "It's boring."
"Boring?" Only Gareas Elidd could ever think that SAFETY was boring. "Garu, you could seriously hurt yourself if you force your body right into a strenuous activity; what if you sprain something--"
Garu's temper kindled at what he perceived as a challenge, and he set out to prove me wrong in the worst possible way. "What, you don't think I can handle exercise? This is me we're talking about, Ernest! My body can take anything you throw at it!"
Maybe I'm perverted, but I took that TOTALLY the wrong way. I felt myself blushing as I said awkwardly, "Ah. Well, I don't doubt that--"
But he wouldn't let it go. "Here, look, put your hand on my thigh."
And he proceeded to take my hand and do it for me.
The moment he touched me I felt a connection span between us, and when he placed my palm on his bare skin...
You can't know how intimate that skin really is -- how much vitality and life focuses and passes under that skin -- unless you're a telepathist, and I'm not going to try to explain it. But the connection you'd feel when you touch someone there... it's very intensely personal.
But... but even so... Am I a pervert? I can't help thinking that it's considered perfectly normal for a normal sixteen-year-old boy to lust after the female friends that a few years ago were far less attractive than chocolate pudding. Maybe I'm not a pervert, maybe I'm just a little left of the norm, maybe I'm just rambling to avoid going into detail about what I was thinking at that point in time...
He continued, totally oblivious to my embarrassment, "I'm NOT just going to tear a ligament, pal, not with THIS body--"
I almost told him that I wasn't really concerned with his ligaments at the moment. Instead, thankfully, what came out of my mouth was a vaguely breathless, "Garu, really, I believe you! Stop--!"
I've never been so thankful in my life for the loud and terrifying presence of Chef.
I bowed my head to hide my red face behind my hair and attempted to tune out their conversation and my own embarrassment. He really is... He really is so thoughtless...
"EAT!"
Startled out of my inner turmoil, I reacted automatically to Chef's voice by taking hold of my tray like a lifeline and running. Reflex.
We seated ourselves in the back; although Leena was there, Garu didn't feel like sitting near her. He'd even gone so far as to take her depression -- for his sake! -- to be ruined dreams of her own. He told me that he'd given her the chance to leave him for a less problematic Candidate... and that she hadn't, outright, refused.
Garu, you moron. Why can't you see how fanatically loyal to you we all are? Leena would no sooner apply for a transfer than she would deliberately sabotage you in battle.>
As we began to eat, Gareas' formerly collected emotions scattered to the winds. We weren't touching, but his every emotion came across to me clearly all the same, as they so often do when we're close: despairing and outraged and defensive. I think I'm lucky that telepathy itself has to be a deliberate effort -- if just being near him forced me to listen to every thought in his head, I think I might already be insane.
I had to help him somehow. My empathy has made me painfully aware of how much every action can mean, no matter how small or unimportant.
So I made another small and unimportant attempt. "You can try drinking more milk... Milk is an agonist of the serotonin hormone, which helps you sleep..."
Looking back, I sounded like an encyclopedia. Or worse -- Dr. Rill. Small wonder he didn't so much as blink.
"Where do you propose I GET milk?" he retorted, frustration coloring his tone. "Do we have cows on board GOA? Maybe I should ask CHEF for some. Sure, and then get a quart of this flavorless energy drink shoved down my throat by a madman demanding to know why what he gives me isn't GOOD enough."
I stared at the questionable blue liquid in my own and remembered the one time I'd gotten up the nerve to ask Chef what it was; he'd responded with a long and extremely loud dissertation involving essential vitamins and stimulated neurons and other things guaranteed to make wannabe Pilots like myself strong and lively if I would just shut up and DRINK! I tried to muster a sincere grin. "Maybe you should stop drinking the energy drink."
He practically splattered his food-like substance with the force of his infuriated stab. "And get jumped by admin-types who've been watching me on the cameras, making sure I don't dehydrate on top of everything else?" Garu snarled, every word a study in negative emotion that bludgeoned what remained of my good mood.
I'm taking this far too lightly,> I decided with a sinking heart, and sighed. This is very serious to him; in his mind it's the death of his dreams, even though I can see that he's so close to the solution only willful ignorance keeps him from realizing it... I should be more sensitive to his plight. How can I call myself his best friend, how can I say that I love him this much, and then find amusement in his suffering...?>
Then -- without warning, because I'd been guiltily staring at my tray instead of being observant -- his hand was on mine, and I had no chance to recoil from the physical contact before Garu showed me himself.
Yes, there was the swirling darkness of his anger and misery and even fear, but those were dim shadows of a brighter, stronger emotion. Repentance. It spoke more eloquently than thoughtless Gareas ever could, and it told me that he was sorry for having taken his unhappiness out on me, told me that he was sorry for being so abrupt, told me that he didn't mean -- could never mean -- any slight to me.
And accompanying that were the subconscious but omnipresent emotions that are his opinion of me: appreciation and affection and unconditional acceptance. There wasn't LOVE there -- not the way I love him -- but it was such a beautiful thing that I am overwhelmed and awed by it every time he let me see it.
There were tears in my eyes when I finally found myself able to lift my head and smile at him again. I slipped my hand around so that my fingers could curl and lock against his, and he let me, just being there and letting me see his amused relief at my reaction.
Freak,> Garu's deliberate thought came to me clearly through the contact.
I snatched my hand away from him and had to fight back laughter, because if I laughed I would cry, too, and I couldn't do that, not in front of him. "I am not a freak," I protested faintly, trying to calm myself in the wake of that rush of emotion.
"Of course you're not!" Garu cried, literally radiating insincerity. "Who said you're a freak?"
I seized the closest weapon -- a spoon -- and rapped him sharply on the knuckles with it. He yelped and clutched it close to his chest with a great show of wounded dignity. "We have to think about your insomnia now," I announced with authority.
He saluted. "Yes, sir!" Mocking me, the thoughtless creature. I waved the spoon at him threateningly.
And then, all at once, he got serious again. Garu had mastered the art of going from silly to sober at will; life with him could never be boring when he can be laughing and playful in one moment and then serious and intent the next, no warning whatsoever. It's one of the reasons our instructors are so careful around him -- they can't predict when he'll lose his casual laid-back air and suddenly turn on them, offended or furious for something they didn't even realize was derogatory.
But apparently he wasn't TOO serious, because his next comment was a chipper, "Maybe I could drink myself into a stupor!"
Oh, Garu. Wouldn't you just love that chance.> "I'm going to assume that you're joking," I told him coolly without missing a beat. "Even assuming you can get alcohol when you can't even get milk -- and I'm sure you'd manage it somehow -- I know you're not dumb enough to think that'll work. Although you certainly try."
"Try what? To be dumb?"
Now there's a loaded question if ever I heard one.> I decided to make another effort. Maybe he'd listen to reason this time. "You know, if you'd reconsider EX--"
"I thought we were trying to avoid being dumb."
Maybe, for my next trick, I could put an elephant in a space suit and send it out to trample the Victim to death. I shook my head, sighed, and went back to my lunch. He just won't do things the easy way. Every time I mentioned EX, he just appeared to become more and more convinced that it wasn't going to help him. He wanted my help, but he probably wanted to come up with the solution by himself.
Clearly, at his next announcement, he thought he'd found the solution.
"Sex!"
Now, I don't think I was totally out of line to react with instinctive surprise, swallowing too fast and nearly choking on my food. When the object of all your hormone-driven teenage fantasies suddenly chooses to change the topic to the one thing you devoutly pray he has decided to indulge in with you -- that, or never have it ever again with anyone else -- a little shock is understandable, don't you think?
Garu didn't know about this, of course, and he found my brush with death very amusing. He even added helpfully, "Oh, don't be such a virgin," to which I DEARLY wanted to reply that I WOULDN'T if he'd just DO something about it, but I was busy trying to kill myself on the wedge of food stuck in my throat. If I die,> was my clever reasoning, I won't have to explain to Garu why I'm having such a difficult time wrapping my mind around the concept.>
Then he proceeded to slam his fist repeatedly into my back, and I hurriedly recovered before he killed me in an attempt to save my life. "Someday you're going to break my ribs," I croaked, but it mangled somewhere around the sore region of my throat and came out completely unrecognizable. I don't know how he interpreted it, because I wasn't moving my eyes from the treacherous, hateful food on my plate. I pondered eating it some more, but I no longer had the motivation, and besides which, Gareas was still on his TOPIC and I'd probably choke again.
Sure enough...
"It's not that bad a thought, is it?"
For a brief heartrending moment I thought that he was asking because he'd planned on having sex with ME; I spun around and stared at him and can only thank whatever powers are watching that I know better than to broadcast, because even Garu would clue in if I smacked him in the face with my hopeful disbelief. Then I figured it out.
Garu, you can be SO thoughtless sometimes. The only thing "bad" about that idea is that you'll be having sex with someone ELSE.>
Having noticed my surprise but misconstrued it, Garu hastened to add, "Don't have a heart attack. But if you're going to keep having a fit every time you think about me having sex, just STOP thinking about it."
I shook my head vaguely. It'd be NICE to be able to stop thinking about it, but it didn't seem to be in my immediate future. Not the way MY thoughts were going. I forced myself to straighten and said as authoritatively as possible with 'denial' written all over my face in bright red, "I have NO idea what you mean."
Thankfully, he didn't call me out on it, and went on with his next point instead. "I think it might be a good solution, though! I mean, I pass out in like twenty seconds after sex! So it makes sense, right?"
Yet again I had to bite my lip against what I WANTED to say and told him honestly, "I'm not certain I'm the person you ought to be talking about for that." Any more embarrassed and I would've started to sweat. Maybe you should be talking to someone who doesn't have a personal stake in this, who doesn't want to be the other person in this scenario enough to sell his own soul, who doesn't get rendered semi-catatonic by the mere mention of you having sex...>
Apparently pitying my lack of sexual experience -- Damn you, Garu, why can't you feel the same and spare me this misery?> -- he clapped a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened unconsciously at the touch, blocked only by a thin layer of fabric that I both cursed and damned, which both saved me and destroyed me.
"We'll find a girl for you someday, Ernest," he told me with irrepressible good cheer, and I wanted to hit him for being so blind and kiss him until he never thought about the sheer absurdity of me with a girl ever again.
"Good luck," I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster, and I STILL don't think it entirely hid the bitterness in my voice. Fortunately, Garu is NOT a telepathist, and he had no reason to be observing my emotions anyway.
And then he called Leena over, and I knew that it was time for me to take my leave. No matter how close to me he might think he is, Leena was his girlfriend. If I know anything about personal relations, it's that you don't get between a man and his girlfriend -- or a girlfriend and her man, for that matter.
Garu didn't understand that. He said with surprise, "Hey -- where're you going?"
"I'm done eating." I'm fleeing for my life,> I edited internally. "I thought maybe I should let you broach this subject... alone. You know."
Watching my best friend, the love of my life, the subject of my every dream, proposition our mutual friend in front of my eyes is something I could definitely do without. Especially today. I'm off my kilter today. Not in control of my body, my thoughts, or my emotions. I don't know how this happened, but it needs to get fixed in the next few hours, or I'm doomed...>
Perhaps my pain entertained Gareas, because he wasn't willing to let me off the hook. "You are WAY too easily embarrassed. You really ought to get laid, it'll do wonders for your tolerance."
Kissing him was a powerful urge, yes. But hitting him was winning. I was getting tired of my own mind taking his comments and turning them back at him, and the best way to stop myself from doing that is to stop HIM from talking.
And THEN he said, "What about Tune? That girl worships the ground you walk on."
He was trying to push a girl at me. My own Repairer, no less. The other boys used to tell me I should look to Serisse for companionship and romance, that I was STRANGE for not trying to get in her pants the way THEY were with THEIR Repairers, and Serisse apparently shared that opinion. I don't think I ever heard a noncritical word from her in the half-year that we were partnered.
Then when she died they paired me with Tune; Garu isn't wrong to say that she thinks she's in love with me, but I could never feel the same. If not because of him, then because I'm not interested in someone so idolizing. I'd want someone who was my equal.
The only person who could make me feel like I was a human being -- not a god, not a telepathist, not a bizarre or worthless nobody -- had always been Garu.
"I'm not going to take advantage of her," I told him angrily, trying to express my disgust at the very idea without relating any of it back to him, "she's just a girl! Besides, SOME of us like to maintain a strictly professional relationship with our Repairers--"
That would've been a mistake, if Gareas had been the observant type. Might as well give me a sign. 'Hi,' it would read, 'I'm Ernest Cuore, and I'm jealous of my best friend's Repairer because she gets to sleep with him...'
But Gareas was NOT the observant type. Gareas was the thoughtless type. "Fine, fine, be that way," he returned casually, obviously not thinking of the matter any further.
Relieved, I made my way down the row of tables, only to hear Garu call out behind me, "Someday I'll find out what your type is, and then we'll see how much longer you're a virgin!"
And all my prayers would come true on that day, but it'll never happen, never in a million years, and we don't even have that many...>
I passed Leena on the way up to the counter; she smiled at my red cheeks sympathetically and commented under her breath, "He's about as subtle as an elephant in a spacesuit, ne?"
Despite my surprise at the way her joke mirrored my thoughts from earlier, I laughed with her, unable to help myself. There were days when I wished with all my soul that I could hate Leena for what she's stolen from me, but it simply isn't possible. She's a fun-loving and caring person who takes everyone into her heart; she has the unique gift of making all people her friend, and it was beyond me to resist her. She might have Garu, but I couldn't dislike her even a little.
The best part, though, is probably that she knows. Every time I stood near her and her emotions reached out to mine, I sensed a vague feeling of awareness. I think that Leena realizes that I love Garu, and goes out of her way to be there for me and to share things with me. Sometimes I even think that she would step aside and let me have a chance if only I were strong enough...
And we walked on. Leena went to join Gareas where he waited for her, and I headed away from them both.
Something had to be done. I had to get myself together. Before lights
out.
That night, I was unable to sleep for a long time, just staring into the darkness and blocking out my connection to Gareas as best I could.
As it turns out, he really does fall asleep only moments after sex.
In unison, come on everybody! "Poor Ernest~!"
They don't belong to me~, they belong to BUNNY-SENSEI~, and damn is she ever lucky...
--Kay Willow
AIM: Savinsilk
Email: kay_willow@h...
Quote: Li-san and I, talking about Japanese dialects --
"They have a characterization where one
ends sentences in
degojaru and the other deojaru, both
of which are corruptions
of degozaru, which is just the archaic
form of the 'be' verb
(desu/da). The normal grammar/Yoda grammar
thing was done so
that we would get a weird, but still
readable effect while we
who speak English have nothing even
vaguely similar to desu. ^^
"Hey, 'de gojaru' is in Tenshi ni Narumon~!"
"Did you know what it meant?"
"I had a vague feeling it was related
to 'desu', because it was
at the end of Papa's EVERY SENTENCE..."
