A Very Matrix Christmas
Disclaimer- The characters aren't mine, so don't sue me!
(Scene 1- Trinity and Neo are sitting around the main deck of the ship, just talking.)
Trinity- Christmas is coming up, Neo. Any plans?
Neo- I thought I'd wake up, scratch my butt, yawn, and sleep 'til noon.
Trinity- But that's what you do every morning!
Neo- So?
Trinity- You're hopeless!
Neo- So, do you have any plans for Christmas?
Trinity-(blissful look comes across her face)- Turkey…
Neo- And? –
Trinity- Potatoes…
Neo- Anything else?
Trinity- Food in general!
All of a sudden, they hear a loud buzzing noise coming from the cockpit. Trinity and Neo run over to see what's causing it. When they get there, they see five squidies waiting outside the ship.
Squidie #1- *ahem!*
All squidies- We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas…
Trinity and Neo- AAAAAAHHH!!!!!
Trinity puts the ship into light speed, crashing into the squidies and leaving them behind.
Trinity and Neo- Weeshoo!
(Scene 2- Morpheus is laying in his bunk taking a nap. All of a sudden, the ghosts of Cypher, Switch, and Apoc show up.
Switch- I am the ghost of Christmas past!
Apoc- I am the ghost of Christmas present!
Cypher- I am the ghost of Christmas future!
Morpheus wakes up screaming.
Morpheus- Damn! What did Neo put in that eggnog?
Neo- (says as he is walking by) rum, 'shrooms- whatever was lying around.
Morpheus- I see…
(Scene 3- One week later [Christmas Day]- Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity are in the Matrix cruising in their new, kick-ass convertible. All of a sudden an agent shows up and shoots all four tires. Neo jumps out.)
Neo- Hey, those are brand-new tires, you-
Neo shuts up as the agent aims his gun at Neo's face. The agent pulls the trigger, but instead of a bullet, a message pops out. It reads: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not much of a poet, how about you? Merry Christmas!"
Morpheus- How inspiring.
Neo- That reminds me, Mr. Agent, sir. I have something for you.
Neo gives the agent a box wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper.
Agent- Gee, thanks!
The agent opens the box and a fist attached to a spring pops out, punching the agent in the face. Neo, Trinity and Morpheus drive away, laughing.
(Scene 4- While Trinity is at a local auto body shop picking up parts for the ship, Neo and Morpheus try, unsuccessfully, to pick up chicks)
Neo- (approaches a woman)- You must be a light switch baby, 'cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
The woman slaps Neo in the face and walks away in a huff.
Two hours and many unsuccessful attempts later…
Morpheus- Neo,what have we got so far?
Neo- Let's see- eight slaps in the face, three "I'm gay" s, five whacks from a purse, and eleven funny looks. I think we need a new pick-up line.
Morpheus- Hmm. Oh well, it's almost time to meet Trinity back at the ship anyway.
(Scene 5- Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity arrive at the ship.)
Neo- Ooooooo! Look, Trinity, we're under mistletoe! (Looks at Trinity expectantly)
Trinity- Ok, you can kiss me- kiss my a**!
Neo looks so disappointed, Trinity almost feels bad.
They enter onto the main deck and find four bowls of goop at an elegantly set table.
Neo- Wow, Tank! You really know how to prepare a Christmas dinner! This looks great!
Tank blushes, and everyone turns to face the camera.
Everyone- Merry Christmas!
Neo- And God bless us- Everyone!
