A Very Matrix Christmas

Disclaimer- The characters aren't mine, so don't sue me!

(Scene 1- Trinity and Neo are sitting around the main deck of the ship, just talking.)

Trinity- Christmas is coming up, Neo. Any plans?

Neo- I thought I'd wake up, scratch my butt, yawn, and sleep 'til noon.

Trinity- But that's what you do every morning!

Neo- So?

Trinity- You're hopeless!

Neo- So, do you have any plans for Christmas?

Trinity-(blissful look comes across her face)- Turkey…

Neo- And? –

Trinity- Potatoes…

Neo- Anything else?

Trinity- Food in general!

     All of a sudden, they hear a loud buzzing noise coming from the cockpit. Trinity and Neo run over to see what's causing it. When they get there, they see five squidies waiting outside the ship.

Squidie #1- *ahem!*

All squidies- We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas…

Trinity and Neo- AAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Trinity puts the ship into light speed, crashing into the squidies and leaving them behind.

Trinity and Neo- Weeshoo!

(Scene 2- Morpheus is laying in his bunk taking a nap. All of a sudden, the ghosts of Cypher, Switch, and Apoc show up.

Switch- I am the ghost of Christmas past!

Apoc- I am the ghost of Christmas present!

Cypher- I am the ghost of Christmas future!

    Morpheus wakes up screaming.

Morpheus- Damn! What did Neo put in that eggnog?

Neo- (says as he is walking by) rum, 'shrooms- whatever was lying around.

Morpheus- I see…

  (Scene 3- One week later [Christmas Day]- Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity are in the Matrix cruising in their new, kick-ass convertible. All of a sudden an agent shows up and shoots all four tires. Neo jumps out.)

Neo- Hey, those are brand-new tires, you-

     Neo shuts up as the agent aims his gun at Neo's face. The agent pulls the trigger, but instead of a bullet, a message pops out. It reads: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not much of a poet, how about you? Merry Christmas!"

Morpheus- How inspiring.

Neo- That reminds me, Mr. Agent, sir. I have something for you.

   Neo gives the agent a box wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper.

Agent- Gee, thanks!

   The agent opens the box and a fist attached to a spring pops out, punching   the agent in the face. Neo, Trinity and Morpheus drive away, laughing.

(Scene 4- While Trinity is at a local auto body shop picking up parts for the ship, Neo and Morpheus try, unsuccessfully, to pick up chicks)

Neo- (approaches a woman)- You must be a light switch baby, 'cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!

  The woman slaps Neo in the face and walks away in a huff.

   Two hours and many unsuccessful attempts later…

Morpheus- Neo,what have we got so far?

Neo- Let's see- eight slaps in the face, three "I'm gay" s, five whacks from a purse, and eleven funny looks. I think we need a new pick-up line.

Morpheus- Hmm. Oh well, it's almost time to meet Trinity back at the ship anyway.

 (Scene 5- Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity arrive at the ship.)

Neo- Ooooooo! Look, Trinity, we're under mistletoe! (Looks at Trinity expectantly)

Trinity- Ok, you can kiss me- kiss my a**!

  Neo looks so disappointed, Trinity almost feels bad.

   They enter onto the main deck and find four bowls of goop at an elegantly set table.

Neo- Wow, Tank! You really know how to prepare a Christmas dinner! This looks great!

    Tank blushes, and everyone turns to face the camera.

Everyone- Merry Christmas!

Neo- And God bless us- Everyone!