Duty, Dragons and Dabo.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em; The Blue Goo, Dr Megalomania and Elvis own the Dragons. We're just seeing what happens when you mix Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and our sick twisted minds.
We'd also like to include various TV series and feature films for inspiration.
Author Note's: We'd also like it noted that we own the various red shirted ensigns and would like to assure the reader that *no ensigns were killed in the writing of this story, horribly maimed or transported to another time and place maybe but killed? No!*
//the dragon's thinking/speaking//
Part 6: Duck! What An Important Word . . .
If Worf's sense of humor was improving then, few hours later, the situation in Quark's bar was not.
This was probably due to the fact that a Dragon was balanced precariously on one of the stools - a feat of incredible dexterity, to fit a three-metre- long lizard (including serpentine neck and tail) wings and all, on one of the bar stools. Or not exactly fit - to keep her balance in this 'really weird gravity' both wings were half-outstretched, which was more than enough to dislodge any unfortunate sitting in the adjacent seats . . . many of whom had discreetly slipped away anyway, when confronted with fangs the size of most people's hands and an appetite to match. Except for the reliable Morn, of course.
And OF course, the Dragon conveniently had no concept of currency and so forebore to pay for the increasingly large meal festooning the table in front of her.
In the throes of despair, head in hands, or else banging it repeatedly against the table top, subtly lit to provide a cosy ambience - but carefully: no need to damage his earlobes - the ferengi watched his business go down the drain.
Then, because banging his head was a non-profit enterprise, he stopped. There had to be, there was always, a way to turn the situation to his advantage. Even when that situation entailed a large, fire-breathing monster with a boundless fascination for everything this universe had to offer.
And if not, there was always someone to take it out on.
"Rom, get over here."
Dopily eager to please, as he often seemed, his brother hurried over.
"Yes brother?"
"I want you to get that Dragon doing something useful."
His brow furrowed as he paused. "Useful?"
"Yes, you idiot, useful - get it out of here or use it as some sort of attraction."
Preferably the latter: that would keep the both of them occupied for a while.
"Like: 'Quark's most intriguing form of entertainment: new creature from another universe?'"
He threw up his hands in exasperation. Obviously slogan-writing, unlike engineering, was not his strong point.
"Fine. Just so long as you get some customers back in here: I have a business to run."
At that moment, however, his problem seemed set to solve itself. The Dragon clambered off her stool and loped over to their whispered conversation.
:-// Hi again. This is really cool! But, um . . . have you seen . . . guy with the yellow uniform . . . about so high. . . know where he is? Whatsisname. . . uh. . .//
The effort of articulation tailed off.
Rom said: "O'Brien?"
Quark said: "Odo?"
:- //Who-do? Probably. Always annoyed. Introduced us.//
A healthy dose of grousing resentment crept into his voice. "That would be Odo. Of course I know where he is. Its my job to know where he is."
"Oh really?"
He hated it when the shapeshifter snuck up on him like that, which was, incidentally, probably why he did.
"You see? I only have to say-"
He interrupted. "Excuse me. Will you please come with me for a minute?" Addressing the Dragon, although considering the number of scams he had been involved in lately, it could have just as easily been Quark.
:- //Great! Where are we going next?//
"The Captain wants to see you. This way."
How either of them could stand each other's company was a mystery. Or at least, how the Dragon could enjoy the changeling's company, and Odo endure in the manner of the long-suffering his self-appointed shadow's boundless zeal. Their personalities clashed completely - particularly since that little incident in sickbay had shown the intimidatingly enthusiastic Dragon's love of practical jokes. However, their leaving signalled a substantial increase in trade, so he wasn't about to complain. He had an idea of how to get rid of his problem. . . "I'm coming with you"
Odo shook his head "I don't think so"
"Tough! *I'm* going to see the captain"
Knowing that he wasn't going to win this, Cdo conceded. "All right, come on"
Ignoring the smirk of satisfaction on his nemesis's face, bombarded by endless questions - and the occasional physical buffet as the Dragon forgot their station's interior wasn't built for a flying 3 meter Dragon, whose wing span was a similar length, and spread them - Odo walked out and hoped against hope that some intelligent company - i.e., major Kira Nerys - would be present in Sisko's office.
If Odo was a religious man, he would have thanked his god/profits/latinum/goddesses. But he wasn't so he didn't. Instead he was intensely grateful that the journey to the captain's office was short.
"Ooooohhh, we're here again! FUN!!"
"just you wait , the captain will put somewhere where you aren't a threat to my profits!!"
the Dragon stuck out her tongue "bleah"
Quark stomped "huh!"
Odo considered becoming a statue.
The doors to captain Sisko's office simply parted.
He'd sat there for the last 10 minutes, listening to Quark's reasons why the Dragon shouldn't stay in his bar. Last count was 47 reasons. He picked up his baseball and really did consider throwing it at the short, annoying bartender. Allowing his gaze to settle on his chief of security, he could see the stoic changeling looked like he was also entertaining the idea of inflicting harm to Quark. Captain Benjamin Sisko closed his eyes and tuned back into Quark's tirade.
"I will not torlerate this. . . unprofitable, *stupid* animal threating my staff, *me* included."
To this the Dragon, who'd balanced herself precariously on the edge of the desk, to this the Dragon appeared to take offence. Holding up her claws, she wiggled newly formed digits at him.
"whoohoo. . . opposable thumbed, transdimentional, multispacial . . . admittedly accidentally, sentient life form!! Hel-low!"
Quark made the mistake off not paying attention.
The Dragon crossed her arm, and to Sisko, she pouted. "Right", she said more to herself then to anyone "that's it, little, big-eared, thingy - bipedal!!"
She breathed in, let out a small puff of purple flame, finding everything in order and breathed in a little deeper.
Before Odo or Sisko could do anything, the Dragon breathed fire. Everything appeared to move in slow motion. In the brief split second, before it left her lips, a familiar flash appeared, between the Dragon and Quark, that caused Sisko to think #*oh no, not now, not Q!!*#
Unfortunately, it was. . . opening his mouth, and posing. "TA - DA!!" he sang.
"DUCK!!" was all that Sisko could think to call out before the lick of purple flame made first contact with Q's hair.
"Hey!" Q started at the inferno that had consumed his head.
"Sorry, I was aiming for thingy" the Dragon jerked her head towards Quark.
Q clicked his fingers and a man appeared. He was human, clad in a bright yellow mackintosh which had the word 'FIRE' printed on the back, black trousers, big boots and a bright red helmet.
In a deep southern accent he said:
"What the devil. . .?"
"Ah!" Q clapped his hands together and motioned to his fiery head of hair. "If you would be so kind. . . "
The man looked from Q to the hose in his hands as if it was completely alien to him. Q clapped a hand over his eyes and dragged it down his face in mock-desperation "Put. . . the. . . fire. . . out!"
The man looked indignantly at Q.
"I'm a doctor, damnit, not a fireman. What am I doing here? Where is my sickbay? Did that green blooded walking computer son of a--?"
Q interrupted. "Because I say so, on the Enterprise, NO!" he huffed "Fine! DON'T help me then!"
Odo, Quark and Sisko just watched this scene play out, in stunned silence. Sisko was the first to snap out of it, sluttering "Aren't you. . .?"
"Yes, I am," He turned to Q again, "Now, listen here you, young whippersnapper, you send me back, send me back to my sickbay, RIGHT NOW!!"
"Not until you put out my hair"
"I've already told you I'M A DOCTOR, DAMNIT, NOT A FIREMAN!!!!"
The Dragon decided to intervene by blowing a shot of cold blue flame over the hot purple fire that had taken up residence on Q's head. This was greeted with protest. "Awww. . . I wanted him to do it!"
"Oh stop being so childish" she turned to the Doctor "Where did you say you came from?"
"I'm the chief of the medical department aboard the Starship Enterprise, NCC - 1701."
"Uh huh, what century?"
"WHAT CENTURY??" he looked accusingly at Q "Just what the devil have you done?" his accent getting more prominent as he flushed with anger.
Q tried to look innocent but failed miserably.
"Please," the Dragon prodded, "what century?"
"The 23rd!" he continued to glower at Q.
"Okay, that's all I need to know, thank you."
She closed her eyes, briefly and turned to Q. Opening her eyes, she nodded and clicked her claws.
In a flash, the glowering doctor disappeared.
"Hey! That was MY humourous way of putting out my hair. . ." placing a hand gingerly on top, ". . . talking of which, what is going to be done about my hair? It was one of my most dashing qualities, a lot of women have run their fingers through it."
"Ugh! What were they hoping to find?"
Q gasped, "I am considered debonair beyond comparison, compelling, the most desired being in the universe"
The Dragon looked from Q, to Sisko, to Odo and to Quark, then back to Q. "Then *your* universe has low standards!"
That remark, coupled with the priceless look of complete disbelief on Q's face that accompanied it, made Sisko let out a loud guffaw.
Q shot him a dirty look. "Don't encourage her!"
"Her observation is remarkably perceptive." Odo gave the Dragon a bemused glance.
She ducked her head graciously. "Thank-you."
"Excuse me, what are you planning to do about my HAIR?"
The Dragon looked back at Q, she clicked her claws again and, in the twinkling of an eye, Q's hair was restored to its former 'glory'. "How do you do that?" Q looked really, truly shocked.
The Dragon shrugged. "It appears I have adapted your abilities."
"Adapted my abilities!?!" Q, for once, was completely without a clue. "How can you 'adapt' MY abilities?"
"Well, I . . ." the Dragon looked positively sheepish. ". . . I, well. . . How can I put this? . . . well my people. . . we. . . when we. . ."
"Oh! Just spit it out!!" Q looked worried, and for that matter so was Sisko. In the few hours that the Dragon had been here, she had 'adapted' a lot of things. If she fell into the hands of the Founders. . .
"The Founders? . . . who the heck are the Founders?" the Dragon peered curiously at Sisko. He started. She looked at the floor. "Sorry, force of habit, kinda thing, that's, um, how I adapt, I read people's mind, pick the best, most useful qualities of the environment and assimilate them. . . who the heck are the Borg?" She stared blatently at Sisko, whose look of confusion was mirrored through the room.
"Huh?"
"The Borg? When I said I assimilate others' abilities, you associated me with the name Borg."
Q, having never been very good at not being the centre of everyone's attention, interrupted. "Excuse me, but you have my abilities, come from another universe AND can read minds?"
"Yep. . . MASS GENOCIDE?! YOU associate ME with MASS GENOCIDAL MONSTERS??"
Now it was Sisko's turn to look sheepish. "I'm sorry, it's just the way you adapt . . . it just reminds me of them . . ."
"oh, okay. . ." she flashed him a sweet, toothy but sweet grin. "I'm really not so bad."
"Well, if you ask me. . ." Quark jumped in. This time the Dragon didn't miss, however the effect was short lived as Quark was as hairless as tin.
Q was getting quite impatient now. He adapted an accent Odo had heard from O'Brien a couple of times. . . western cow. . . boy?
"Well, if y'all be askin' me, kid, there ain't enough room on this here station f' the both o' us. . . an' since this be Q territory, I think y'all outta be moving on out." The Dragon looked at Q blankly. He continued. "Now, y'all can mosie on along and I won't have t' force ya. I make it my business not t' hurt a lady like ya self. . ."
"Hang on a minutes, you think you could force me to leave?"
Q dropped the accent, rolled up his sleaves and took an aggressive stance. "Yep. . . draggie"
"Draggie. . .? I'll show you Draggie!!" She breathed fire once again but this time Sisko could feel the heat of this blood-red flame. Q's hair once more was engulfed in fire, and began to crackle. He yelped in surprise, clicked his fingers and a gale appeared and blew out his hair. Catching a glimpse of himself with his burned head, he scowled at this Dragon who had dared oppose him. With a click of his fingers, he restored his prized hair.
Odo glanced at Sisko and could see the captain sharing his growing concern. Here in this office were two very powerful beings, capable of many things and they were building a very unhealthy rivalry, which could prove even more destructive than the present war that loomed over them.
The Dragon appeared to follow the officers' line of thought when she threw back her head and began her strange laughter. At this, Q flushed a deep angry red.
"And what are you laughing at?" He demanded.
"Oh, you, them, this universe without its side-pull gravity!!" This sent her into anough flood of giggles. Noting the seriously insulted look on Q, she stopped laughing and tried her hardest to maintain a sombre expression as she levelled her gaze at Q.
"Oh come on! They think we're going to destroy their station just because you're being silly!"
"Oh, so it's like that? Well maybe YOU should just leave."
"But I was here first so . . ." she grinned mockingly at him, "it seems t' little ol' me, ya'll be the one mosie on out of 'ere." She indicated the door with her thumb.
Q smirked, "Well if I can't get rid of you maybe I should call in a professional!"
He clicked his fingers, and there appeared in Sisko's office:- a knight in shinning armour complete with a flag, sword and a high purple feather plume atop a silver helmet. He looked straight out of a storybook. He looked around, took a half step back at the sight of a 3 meter long dragon perched on Sisko's, his visor-ed gaze fell on Q. Although muffled, a distinct voice yelled "Q!! What the Hell am I doing here?"
"Why, you're here to get rid of her!" he pointed at the dragon, which stuck her tongue out at him. The knight turned briefly to the dragon, and then back to Q.
"I don't know what game you are playing . . ."
"Excuse me," Sisko and Odo approached the fairy tale knight with caution. Sisko continued slowly. "Don't worry, we can get you back, just give us your sword . . ."
"Captain Sisko, trust me, the moment I get this armour off, I will be able to hand you the sword, until then you'll have to take it from me."
Realisation hit Sisko like a sledgehammer to the face, in fact the sensation was so physical Sisko stumbled back a few steps. Odo came up behind him.
"Captain?"
Sisko shook his head, and sat down behind his desk. Staring bluntly at the mysterious knight, Sisko thought *No, no, no, no, no*
"Captain, are you alright? Why are you repeating No to yourself?" The dragon peered at him.
Sisko snapped out of his funk, repeated his thoughts and punctuate it by thumping his head on his desk.
"Not him" THUMP! "Not him" THUMP! "ANY-" THUMP! "-Body" THUMP! "But-" THUMP! "Blimmin'-" THUMP! "-PICARD!!"
"That can't be good for those brain cells," the dragon added innocently.
The knight tried to lift his arm up, and failed miserably. "Captain Sisko, get Q to send me back, and both of us would be much happier."
Q looked a little disappointed. "Two of my favourite captains don't like each other?"
Sisko pointed at the armoured Starfleet captain. "This man killed my wife."
"Is that why you don't like me?" Came the muffled plea.
"Yes. . . and don't get me started on your accent, the uniform thing and. . . oh my goodness. . . stop saying TEA EARL GREY HOT!!"
The armoured captain's stance became indignant. "Wel-ll, Mr. Everytime-I- Get-Excited-I-Start-To-Hyperventilate-So-Just-Agree-With-Me-To-Avoid-A-Long- Winded-Lecture-About-Why-I'm-Right. . ."
"WHAT?" Sisko's chair rattled back against the wall.
"Look gentlemen. . ." The constable moved between the two captains.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Quark jumped in between them. "If you two want to have a fight, you can't do it here. . . Look at yourselves, you're Starfleet and you in an official office of Starfleet. . ."
For a few moments Sisko and the armoured Picard bowed their heads in shame. Quark continued "However, if you wish to continue this in a venue more profitable. . . I'm sure I can arrange this. . . at a reasonable margin of-- -"
"Thank you Quark, for a moment there I thought you meant it, Goodbye now." And with that Odo thrust Quark out of Sisko's office. Odo wiped his hands and turned back to the feuding captains who were now trading insults about each other's posts and crews.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! You have a poncy crew, with a poncy ship and a poncy mission, and you ponce about all day!"
"Really?"
"Yep, and you have a poncy walk too and a poncy uniform with a stupid poncy fish in your stupid poncy ready room."
"Are you done now?"
"No. . . well, yes."
"Good 'cause. . . " Picard paused.
He swivelled his entire body round to Q. Slightly muffled but clearly annoyed, Picard yelled. "Q! Get this helmet off my head so I can insult him properly."
For once Q seemed compliant with Picard's wishes as he stepped forward and removed the offending helmet from Picard's head. Sisko sank back into his chair. It was soon obvious why Q was so compliant. Although Q had removed the helmet, the purple plume remained sticking out of the back of Picard's head.
Q stepped back, flashing a grin at the two shocked Starfleet officers and the dragon, he brought a finger up to his lips and mentioned to them to remain silent.
Picard, having obviously not noticed that there was a large feather plastered to the back of his skull, began his barrage of insults to Sisko.
"At least I don't go around copying other people's haircut!"
The Dragon clapped her claws over her snout, and look for all the world, as if she was trying not to laugh.
". . . And at least my crew are nice respectable people with perfect backgrounds. . ."
Odo crossed his arms and shook his head slowly.
". . . And at least. . . at least my head has a more natural shine than yours!"
Thinking that he had delivered the ultimate insult, Picard regarded Sisko with a smug glare, expecting to see him truly put down. Instead, Sisko was leaning back in his chair with a very satisfied grin on his face. A small snort escaped the Dragon, Picard turned his head to glare at her. Of course, the feather bounced merrily and teased Q's nose. He sneezed rather loudly. Again, Picard moved and again the feather sneaked around, this time to tickle the Dragon, who began to start giggling whilst all the time trying to maintain a straight face.
Once again Picard swivelled to confront the dragon. She tried not to stare blatantly at the mysterious purple plume and looked Picard in the eye.
"What, may I ask, is so humorous?" He demanded. When no reply was forthcoming, he shook his head. This was the last straw to Sisko, who threw his head back and laughed a deep, rumbling. "Aha-ha-ha-ha" He stamped his feet under his desk in positive glee. Even Odo smirked.
"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Picard shook with absolute rage which made the feather quiver in mock fear and a greater swell of laughter came forth. Odo, straight man as he was, permitted himself a small "ha!"
This served to make Picard even more annoyed. "Q, what have you done?"
"Moi? Oh Jean-Luc, why blame dear old innocent me?"
Picard whipped round to face the dragon, again the picture of innocence. Regarding him with the straightest face she could muster, she said:
"Its not funny, its stupid and puerile and utterly immature. . ." She trailed off and looked at Sisko and Odo who also stopped laughing and were trying to maintain a serious expression. She continued ". . . and I think it would be in everyone's best. . ." Picard's feather bobbed as he nodded his agreement, the dragon coughed into her claw to cover the laugh ". . . ahem, best interests if Q sent you back to. . . your ship, . . ." Q pulled a face "No, I don't wanna-"
"Q, do it," she urged.
"No!" he crossed his arms in defiance. "I want him here!"
The dragon looked slightly peeved at Q. She clicked her claws and the armour but not the plume disappeared. She winked at Q, communicating this better offer. "Fine, just send him back. AS HE IS." She said with emphasis.
Picard looked from Q, to the dragon not fully understanding the change in the agreement.
He shook his head Q nodded.
"Okay. . . 'till next time Jean-Luc!"
Picard disappeared in a flash of light.
He looked around, he was in a turbolift. The doors swished open and revealed his bridge. Picard breathed a sigh of relief. He walked purposefully to his command chair. "Number One, did anything happen while I was away?"
"Welcome back sir, what did Q want?" Riker was engrossed in his console, finishing off a report. "We figured when we couldn't find you, Q had decided to play."
"He dressed me up in armour and took me to DS9 to slay a dragon."
Riker turned to face the captain.
"Well I hope you. . . slayed . . . it. . . good. . ."he trailed off and he pointed a finger at Picard. He looked absolutely flabbergasted. "Sir. . . are you . . . all right?"
Picard looked confused, as his first officer couldn't seem to be able to formulate the right words. After opening and closing his mouth for several moments, Riker suddenly turned to the viewscreen and said "Oh, look. . . a star, never seen one of those before!" He moved away before Picard could enquire. Picard wondered briefly if he appeared ill. He turned and walked into the readyroom to look. When he peered into the mirror, he realised the source of Sisko's amusement and Riker's speechlessness.
His mouth dropped open. . .
Back on DS9. . .
Q had to jump straight to Sisko's office window and pressed against the glass.
Sisko was about to enquire when Q waved his arm at him.
"SHHHH. . . shush. . . wait, wait. . ."
The office fell silent. Both the dragon and Q seemed to strain to hear something.
"Patience. . . wait for it. . . and. . ." he trailed off and suddenly grinned. "YES-SS!" Q clicked his fingers and turned himself into an old- fashioned baseball player. He threw his cap on the floor, jumped up and down, and celebrated. "Ah!! And the crowd goes wild!!" Q ran around twice before the dragon deliberately tripped him up with her tail.
THUMP! Q disappeared in front of Sisko's desk. He struggled back to his feet.
"Why'd you do that?"
"You annoy me." She stated simply: "I think you should leave now."
"This is my universe, you leave."
"No, I was here first."
The humour of this situation soon slipped away as the powerful entities' argument boiled into a serious yelling match. Now, Sisko and Odo became concerned as threats were introduced. Finally, Q put a stop to their dispute.
"Fine! I challenge you to a war!!"
The room, the very station, seemed to fall into silence. Suddenly the war with the Dominion didn't seem so significant anymore. A war between these two was much more frightening.
The dragon hopped off her perch on Sisko's desk and drew herself to her full 3-meter height and brought her head down to level her eye with Q's.
"All right. . . if that's what it takes, I'll flatten. . ."
"WAIT! WE ALREADY HAVE A WAR ON OUR HANDS!" Sisko jumped in, having grasped their attention, he continued, "Can't you settle your differences in a less violent way. You are super-intelligent, very powerful beings. . ."
"Excuse me, *I* am the. . ." Q started.
"Shut up! What I'm saying is, why can't you settle your differences in a more peaceful manner. Why choose a war when it can be as simple as tossing a strip of latinum, maybe even choosing one of us to choose. We could even hold a vote. Destruction is wrong. Please, for the sake of the universe, please don't go to war about this meaningless decision."
Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em; The Blue Goo, Dr Megalomania and Elvis own the Dragons. We're just seeing what happens when you mix Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and our sick twisted minds.
We'd also like to include various TV series and feature films for inspiration.
Author Note's: We'd also like it noted that we own the various red shirted ensigns and would like to assure the reader that *no ensigns were killed in the writing of this story, horribly maimed or transported to another time and place maybe but killed? No!*
//the dragon's thinking/speaking//
Part 6: Duck! What An Important Word . . .
If Worf's sense of humor was improving then, few hours later, the situation in Quark's bar was not.
This was probably due to the fact that a Dragon was balanced precariously on one of the stools - a feat of incredible dexterity, to fit a three-metre- long lizard (including serpentine neck and tail) wings and all, on one of the bar stools. Or not exactly fit - to keep her balance in this 'really weird gravity' both wings were half-outstretched, which was more than enough to dislodge any unfortunate sitting in the adjacent seats . . . many of whom had discreetly slipped away anyway, when confronted with fangs the size of most people's hands and an appetite to match. Except for the reliable Morn, of course.
And OF course, the Dragon conveniently had no concept of currency and so forebore to pay for the increasingly large meal festooning the table in front of her.
In the throes of despair, head in hands, or else banging it repeatedly against the table top, subtly lit to provide a cosy ambience - but carefully: no need to damage his earlobes - the ferengi watched his business go down the drain.
Then, because banging his head was a non-profit enterprise, he stopped. There had to be, there was always, a way to turn the situation to his advantage. Even when that situation entailed a large, fire-breathing monster with a boundless fascination for everything this universe had to offer.
And if not, there was always someone to take it out on.
"Rom, get over here."
Dopily eager to please, as he often seemed, his brother hurried over.
"Yes brother?"
"I want you to get that Dragon doing something useful."
His brow furrowed as he paused. "Useful?"
"Yes, you idiot, useful - get it out of here or use it as some sort of attraction."
Preferably the latter: that would keep the both of them occupied for a while.
"Like: 'Quark's most intriguing form of entertainment: new creature from another universe?'"
He threw up his hands in exasperation. Obviously slogan-writing, unlike engineering, was not his strong point.
"Fine. Just so long as you get some customers back in here: I have a business to run."
At that moment, however, his problem seemed set to solve itself. The Dragon clambered off her stool and loped over to their whispered conversation.
:-// Hi again. This is really cool! But, um . . . have you seen . . . guy with the yellow uniform . . . about so high. . . know where he is? Whatsisname. . . uh. . .//
The effort of articulation tailed off.
Rom said: "O'Brien?"
Quark said: "Odo?"
:- //Who-do? Probably. Always annoyed. Introduced us.//
A healthy dose of grousing resentment crept into his voice. "That would be Odo. Of course I know where he is. Its my job to know where he is."
"Oh really?"
He hated it when the shapeshifter snuck up on him like that, which was, incidentally, probably why he did.
"You see? I only have to say-"
He interrupted. "Excuse me. Will you please come with me for a minute?" Addressing the Dragon, although considering the number of scams he had been involved in lately, it could have just as easily been Quark.
:- //Great! Where are we going next?//
"The Captain wants to see you. This way."
How either of them could stand each other's company was a mystery. Or at least, how the Dragon could enjoy the changeling's company, and Odo endure in the manner of the long-suffering his self-appointed shadow's boundless zeal. Their personalities clashed completely - particularly since that little incident in sickbay had shown the intimidatingly enthusiastic Dragon's love of practical jokes. However, their leaving signalled a substantial increase in trade, so he wasn't about to complain. He had an idea of how to get rid of his problem. . . "I'm coming with you"
Odo shook his head "I don't think so"
"Tough! *I'm* going to see the captain"
Knowing that he wasn't going to win this, Cdo conceded. "All right, come on"
Ignoring the smirk of satisfaction on his nemesis's face, bombarded by endless questions - and the occasional physical buffet as the Dragon forgot their station's interior wasn't built for a flying 3 meter Dragon, whose wing span was a similar length, and spread them - Odo walked out and hoped against hope that some intelligent company - i.e., major Kira Nerys - would be present in Sisko's office.
If Odo was a religious man, he would have thanked his god/profits/latinum/goddesses. But he wasn't so he didn't. Instead he was intensely grateful that the journey to the captain's office was short.
"Ooooohhh, we're here again! FUN!!"
"just you wait , the captain will put somewhere where you aren't a threat to my profits!!"
the Dragon stuck out her tongue "bleah"
Quark stomped "huh!"
Odo considered becoming a statue.
The doors to captain Sisko's office simply parted.
He'd sat there for the last 10 minutes, listening to Quark's reasons why the Dragon shouldn't stay in his bar. Last count was 47 reasons. He picked up his baseball and really did consider throwing it at the short, annoying bartender. Allowing his gaze to settle on his chief of security, he could see the stoic changeling looked like he was also entertaining the idea of inflicting harm to Quark. Captain Benjamin Sisko closed his eyes and tuned back into Quark's tirade.
"I will not torlerate this. . . unprofitable, *stupid* animal threating my staff, *me* included."
To this the Dragon, who'd balanced herself precariously on the edge of the desk, to this the Dragon appeared to take offence. Holding up her claws, she wiggled newly formed digits at him.
"whoohoo. . . opposable thumbed, transdimentional, multispacial . . . admittedly accidentally, sentient life form!! Hel-low!"
Quark made the mistake off not paying attention.
The Dragon crossed her arm, and to Sisko, she pouted. "Right", she said more to herself then to anyone "that's it, little, big-eared, thingy - bipedal!!"
She breathed in, let out a small puff of purple flame, finding everything in order and breathed in a little deeper.
Before Odo or Sisko could do anything, the Dragon breathed fire. Everything appeared to move in slow motion. In the brief split second, before it left her lips, a familiar flash appeared, between the Dragon and Quark, that caused Sisko to think #*oh no, not now, not Q!!*#
Unfortunately, it was. . . opening his mouth, and posing. "TA - DA!!" he sang.
"DUCK!!" was all that Sisko could think to call out before the lick of purple flame made first contact with Q's hair.
"Hey!" Q started at the inferno that had consumed his head.
"Sorry, I was aiming for thingy" the Dragon jerked her head towards Quark.
Q clicked his fingers and a man appeared. He was human, clad in a bright yellow mackintosh which had the word 'FIRE' printed on the back, black trousers, big boots and a bright red helmet.
In a deep southern accent he said:
"What the devil. . .?"
"Ah!" Q clapped his hands together and motioned to his fiery head of hair. "If you would be so kind. . . "
The man looked from Q to the hose in his hands as if it was completely alien to him. Q clapped a hand over his eyes and dragged it down his face in mock-desperation "Put. . . the. . . fire. . . out!"
The man looked indignantly at Q.
"I'm a doctor, damnit, not a fireman. What am I doing here? Where is my sickbay? Did that green blooded walking computer son of a--?"
Q interrupted. "Because I say so, on the Enterprise, NO!" he huffed "Fine! DON'T help me then!"
Odo, Quark and Sisko just watched this scene play out, in stunned silence. Sisko was the first to snap out of it, sluttering "Aren't you. . .?"
"Yes, I am," He turned to Q again, "Now, listen here you, young whippersnapper, you send me back, send me back to my sickbay, RIGHT NOW!!"
"Not until you put out my hair"
"I've already told you I'M A DOCTOR, DAMNIT, NOT A FIREMAN!!!!"
The Dragon decided to intervene by blowing a shot of cold blue flame over the hot purple fire that had taken up residence on Q's head. This was greeted with protest. "Awww. . . I wanted him to do it!"
"Oh stop being so childish" she turned to the Doctor "Where did you say you came from?"
"I'm the chief of the medical department aboard the Starship Enterprise, NCC - 1701."
"Uh huh, what century?"
"WHAT CENTURY??" he looked accusingly at Q "Just what the devil have you done?" his accent getting more prominent as he flushed with anger.
Q tried to look innocent but failed miserably.
"Please," the Dragon prodded, "what century?"
"The 23rd!" he continued to glower at Q.
"Okay, that's all I need to know, thank you."
She closed her eyes, briefly and turned to Q. Opening her eyes, she nodded and clicked her claws.
In a flash, the glowering doctor disappeared.
"Hey! That was MY humourous way of putting out my hair. . ." placing a hand gingerly on top, ". . . talking of which, what is going to be done about my hair? It was one of my most dashing qualities, a lot of women have run their fingers through it."
"Ugh! What were they hoping to find?"
Q gasped, "I am considered debonair beyond comparison, compelling, the most desired being in the universe"
The Dragon looked from Q, to Sisko, to Odo and to Quark, then back to Q. "Then *your* universe has low standards!"
That remark, coupled with the priceless look of complete disbelief on Q's face that accompanied it, made Sisko let out a loud guffaw.
Q shot him a dirty look. "Don't encourage her!"
"Her observation is remarkably perceptive." Odo gave the Dragon a bemused glance.
She ducked her head graciously. "Thank-you."
"Excuse me, what are you planning to do about my HAIR?"
The Dragon looked back at Q, she clicked her claws again and, in the twinkling of an eye, Q's hair was restored to its former 'glory'. "How do you do that?" Q looked really, truly shocked.
The Dragon shrugged. "It appears I have adapted your abilities."
"Adapted my abilities!?!" Q, for once, was completely without a clue. "How can you 'adapt' MY abilities?"
"Well, I . . ." the Dragon looked positively sheepish. ". . . I, well. . . How can I put this? . . . well my people. . . we. . . when we. . ."
"Oh! Just spit it out!!" Q looked worried, and for that matter so was Sisko. In the few hours that the Dragon had been here, she had 'adapted' a lot of things. If she fell into the hands of the Founders. . .
"The Founders? . . . who the heck are the Founders?" the Dragon peered curiously at Sisko. He started. She looked at the floor. "Sorry, force of habit, kinda thing, that's, um, how I adapt, I read people's mind, pick the best, most useful qualities of the environment and assimilate them. . . who the heck are the Borg?" She stared blatently at Sisko, whose look of confusion was mirrored through the room.
"Huh?"
"The Borg? When I said I assimilate others' abilities, you associated me with the name Borg."
Q, having never been very good at not being the centre of everyone's attention, interrupted. "Excuse me, but you have my abilities, come from another universe AND can read minds?"
"Yep. . . MASS GENOCIDE?! YOU associate ME with MASS GENOCIDAL MONSTERS??"
Now it was Sisko's turn to look sheepish. "I'm sorry, it's just the way you adapt . . . it just reminds me of them . . ."
"oh, okay. . ." she flashed him a sweet, toothy but sweet grin. "I'm really not so bad."
"Well, if you ask me. . ." Quark jumped in. This time the Dragon didn't miss, however the effect was short lived as Quark was as hairless as tin.
Q was getting quite impatient now. He adapted an accent Odo had heard from O'Brien a couple of times. . . western cow. . . boy?
"Well, if y'all be askin' me, kid, there ain't enough room on this here station f' the both o' us. . . an' since this be Q territory, I think y'all outta be moving on out." The Dragon looked at Q blankly. He continued. "Now, y'all can mosie on along and I won't have t' force ya. I make it my business not t' hurt a lady like ya self. . ."
"Hang on a minutes, you think you could force me to leave?"
Q dropped the accent, rolled up his sleaves and took an aggressive stance. "Yep. . . draggie"
"Draggie. . .? I'll show you Draggie!!" She breathed fire once again but this time Sisko could feel the heat of this blood-red flame. Q's hair once more was engulfed in fire, and began to crackle. He yelped in surprise, clicked his fingers and a gale appeared and blew out his hair. Catching a glimpse of himself with his burned head, he scowled at this Dragon who had dared oppose him. With a click of his fingers, he restored his prized hair.
Odo glanced at Sisko and could see the captain sharing his growing concern. Here in this office were two very powerful beings, capable of many things and they were building a very unhealthy rivalry, which could prove even more destructive than the present war that loomed over them.
The Dragon appeared to follow the officers' line of thought when she threw back her head and began her strange laughter. At this, Q flushed a deep angry red.
"And what are you laughing at?" He demanded.
"Oh, you, them, this universe without its side-pull gravity!!" This sent her into anough flood of giggles. Noting the seriously insulted look on Q, she stopped laughing and tried her hardest to maintain a sombre expression as she levelled her gaze at Q.
"Oh come on! They think we're going to destroy their station just because you're being silly!"
"Oh, so it's like that? Well maybe YOU should just leave."
"But I was here first so . . ." she grinned mockingly at him, "it seems t' little ol' me, ya'll be the one mosie on out of 'ere." She indicated the door with her thumb.
Q smirked, "Well if I can't get rid of you maybe I should call in a professional!"
He clicked his fingers, and there appeared in Sisko's office:- a knight in shinning armour complete with a flag, sword and a high purple feather plume atop a silver helmet. He looked straight out of a storybook. He looked around, took a half step back at the sight of a 3 meter long dragon perched on Sisko's, his visor-ed gaze fell on Q. Although muffled, a distinct voice yelled "Q!! What the Hell am I doing here?"
"Why, you're here to get rid of her!" he pointed at the dragon, which stuck her tongue out at him. The knight turned briefly to the dragon, and then back to Q.
"I don't know what game you are playing . . ."
"Excuse me," Sisko and Odo approached the fairy tale knight with caution. Sisko continued slowly. "Don't worry, we can get you back, just give us your sword . . ."
"Captain Sisko, trust me, the moment I get this armour off, I will be able to hand you the sword, until then you'll have to take it from me."
Realisation hit Sisko like a sledgehammer to the face, in fact the sensation was so physical Sisko stumbled back a few steps. Odo came up behind him.
"Captain?"
Sisko shook his head, and sat down behind his desk. Staring bluntly at the mysterious knight, Sisko thought *No, no, no, no, no*
"Captain, are you alright? Why are you repeating No to yourself?" The dragon peered at him.
Sisko snapped out of his funk, repeated his thoughts and punctuate it by thumping his head on his desk.
"Not him" THUMP! "Not him" THUMP! "ANY-" THUMP! "-Body" THUMP! "But-" THUMP! "Blimmin'-" THUMP! "-PICARD!!"
"That can't be good for those brain cells," the dragon added innocently.
The knight tried to lift his arm up, and failed miserably. "Captain Sisko, get Q to send me back, and both of us would be much happier."
Q looked a little disappointed. "Two of my favourite captains don't like each other?"
Sisko pointed at the armoured Starfleet captain. "This man killed my wife."
"Is that why you don't like me?" Came the muffled plea.
"Yes. . . and don't get me started on your accent, the uniform thing and. . . oh my goodness. . . stop saying TEA EARL GREY HOT!!"
The armoured captain's stance became indignant. "Wel-ll, Mr. Everytime-I- Get-Excited-I-Start-To-Hyperventilate-So-Just-Agree-With-Me-To-Avoid-A-Long- Winded-Lecture-About-Why-I'm-Right. . ."
"WHAT?" Sisko's chair rattled back against the wall.
"Look gentlemen. . ." The constable moved between the two captains.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Quark jumped in between them. "If you two want to have a fight, you can't do it here. . . Look at yourselves, you're Starfleet and you in an official office of Starfleet. . ."
For a few moments Sisko and the armoured Picard bowed their heads in shame. Quark continued "However, if you wish to continue this in a venue more profitable. . . I'm sure I can arrange this. . . at a reasonable margin of-- -"
"Thank you Quark, for a moment there I thought you meant it, Goodbye now." And with that Odo thrust Quark out of Sisko's office. Odo wiped his hands and turned back to the feuding captains who were now trading insults about each other's posts and crews.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! You have a poncy crew, with a poncy ship and a poncy mission, and you ponce about all day!"
"Really?"
"Yep, and you have a poncy walk too and a poncy uniform with a stupid poncy fish in your stupid poncy ready room."
"Are you done now?"
"No. . . well, yes."
"Good 'cause. . . " Picard paused.
He swivelled his entire body round to Q. Slightly muffled but clearly annoyed, Picard yelled. "Q! Get this helmet off my head so I can insult him properly."
For once Q seemed compliant with Picard's wishes as he stepped forward and removed the offending helmet from Picard's head. Sisko sank back into his chair. It was soon obvious why Q was so compliant. Although Q had removed the helmet, the purple plume remained sticking out of the back of Picard's head.
Q stepped back, flashing a grin at the two shocked Starfleet officers and the dragon, he brought a finger up to his lips and mentioned to them to remain silent.
Picard, having obviously not noticed that there was a large feather plastered to the back of his skull, began his barrage of insults to Sisko.
"At least I don't go around copying other people's haircut!"
The Dragon clapped her claws over her snout, and look for all the world, as if she was trying not to laugh.
". . . And at least my crew are nice respectable people with perfect backgrounds. . ."
Odo crossed his arms and shook his head slowly.
". . . And at least. . . at least my head has a more natural shine than yours!"
Thinking that he had delivered the ultimate insult, Picard regarded Sisko with a smug glare, expecting to see him truly put down. Instead, Sisko was leaning back in his chair with a very satisfied grin on his face. A small snort escaped the Dragon, Picard turned his head to glare at her. Of course, the feather bounced merrily and teased Q's nose. He sneezed rather loudly. Again, Picard moved and again the feather sneaked around, this time to tickle the Dragon, who began to start giggling whilst all the time trying to maintain a straight face.
Once again Picard swivelled to confront the dragon. She tried not to stare blatantly at the mysterious purple plume and looked Picard in the eye.
"What, may I ask, is so humorous?" He demanded. When no reply was forthcoming, he shook his head. This was the last straw to Sisko, who threw his head back and laughed a deep, rumbling. "Aha-ha-ha-ha" He stamped his feet under his desk in positive glee. Even Odo smirked.
"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Picard shook with absolute rage which made the feather quiver in mock fear and a greater swell of laughter came forth. Odo, straight man as he was, permitted himself a small "ha!"
This served to make Picard even more annoyed. "Q, what have you done?"
"Moi? Oh Jean-Luc, why blame dear old innocent me?"
Picard whipped round to face the dragon, again the picture of innocence. Regarding him with the straightest face she could muster, she said:
"Its not funny, its stupid and puerile and utterly immature. . ." She trailed off and looked at Sisko and Odo who also stopped laughing and were trying to maintain a serious expression. She continued ". . . and I think it would be in everyone's best. . ." Picard's feather bobbed as he nodded his agreement, the dragon coughed into her claw to cover the laugh ". . . ahem, best interests if Q sent you back to. . . your ship, . . ." Q pulled a face "No, I don't wanna-"
"Q, do it," she urged.
"No!" he crossed his arms in defiance. "I want him here!"
The dragon looked slightly peeved at Q. She clicked her claws and the armour but not the plume disappeared. She winked at Q, communicating this better offer. "Fine, just send him back. AS HE IS." She said with emphasis.
Picard looked from Q, to the dragon not fully understanding the change in the agreement.
He shook his head Q nodded.
"Okay. . . 'till next time Jean-Luc!"
Picard disappeared in a flash of light.
He looked around, he was in a turbolift. The doors swished open and revealed his bridge. Picard breathed a sigh of relief. He walked purposefully to his command chair. "Number One, did anything happen while I was away?"
"Welcome back sir, what did Q want?" Riker was engrossed in his console, finishing off a report. "We figured when we couldn't find you, Q had decided to play."
"He dressed me up in armour and took me to DS9 to slay a dragon."
Riker turned to face the captain.
"Well I hope you. . . slayed . . . it. . . good. . ."he trailed off and he pointed a finger at Picard. He looked absolutely flabbergasted. "Sir. . . are you . . . all right?"
Picard looked confused, as his first officer couldn't seem to be able to formulate the right words. After opening and closing his mouth for several moments, Riker suddenly turned to the viewscreen and said "Oh, look. . . a star, never seen one of those before!" He moved away before Picard could enquire. Picard wondered briefly if he appeared ill. He turned and walked into the readyroom to look. When he peered into the mirror, he realised the source of Sisko's amusement and Riker's speechlessness.
His mouth dropped open. . .
Back on DS9. . .
Q had to jump straight to Sisko's office window and pressed against the glass.
Sisko was about to enquire when Q waved his arm at him.
"SHHHH. . . shush. . . wait, wait. . ."
The office fell silent. Both the dragon and Q seemed to strain to hear something.
"Patience. . . wait for it. . . and. . ." he trailed off and suddenly grinned. "YES-SS!" Q clicked his fingers and turned himself into an old- fashioned baseball player. He threw his cap on the floor, jumped up and down, and celebrated. "Ah!! And the crowd goes wild!!" Q ran around twice before the dragon deliberately tripped him up with her tail.
THUMP! Q disappeared in front of Sisko's desk. He struggled back to his feet.
"Why'd you do that?"
"You annoy me." She stated simply: "I think you should leave now."
"This is my universe, you leave."
"No, I was here first."
The humour of this situation soon slipped away as the powerful entities' argument boiled into a serious yelling match. Now, Sisko and Odo became concerned as threats were introduced. Finally, Q put a stop to their dispute.
"Fine! I challenge you to a war!!"
The room, the very station, seemed to fall into silence. Suddenly the war with the Dominion didn't seem so significant anymore. A war between these two was much more frightening.
The dragon hopped off her perch on Sisko's desk and drew herself to her full 3-meter height and brought her head down to level her eye with Q's.
"All right. . . if that's what it takes, I'll flatten. . ."
"WAIT! WE ALREADY HAVE A WAR ON OUR HANDS!" Sisko jumped in, having grasped their attention, he continued, "Can't you settle your differences in a less violent way. You are super-intelligent, very powerful beings. . ."
"Excuse me, *I* am the. . ." Q started.
"Shut up! What I'm saying is, why can't you settle your differences in a more peaceful manner. Why choose a war when it can be as simple as tossing a strip of latinum, maybe even choosing one of us to choose. We could even hold a vote. Destruction is wrong. Please, for the sake of the universe, please don't go to war about this meaningless decision."
