CHAPTER 4

"Shopping?"

"Shopping."

"Why?!"

"Hm, I wonder?"

Megavolt glared at Luminas. "I don't need to go shopping!"

"Oh yeah, sure, sweetheart," Luminas agreed sarcastically. "You can go to an extremely formal occasion wearing that."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

Megavolt's jaw dropped and he gave her a wounded look. "That was mean," he whined. "This is--"

"Not the height of style," Luminas finished for him. "C'mon, it'll be painless. You don't need anything unusual, do you? No. Just a plain tux."

"I'm not going to a mall!" the rat said savagely.

Luminas put her hands on her hips and ordered imperiously, "You are going shopping for a tux. You are going to a mall. Not only that, but you're going in disguise. Got it?"

"But--"

"No 'buts', mister! Go change! Go, before I say more idiotic things like I just did!"

Megavolt glared once again and stalked off to the control room, where it was presumable that he kept a change of clothes. When the door slammed shut, Luminas smiled to herself and whipped a change of clothes out. However, as she was pulling on a tank top, there was a polite knock on the door at the foot of the spiral staircase. Figuring Megavolt would never hear it, she glanced out the window and took note of a girl she'd never seen standing at the door, glancing around nervously. Luminas finished dressing and descended, then opened the door.

A young squirrel was there, anxiously wringing her tail in her hands. "Oh!" she exclaimed upon seeing Luminas. "Um. Hello. Are you...are you..." She gulped and finished quickly, "...the fearsome villain Luminas?"

The cat blinked. "Uh...who would you be again? Wait--who do you think you are to be asking me that?! Accusing an ordinary citizen of--"

"I'mtheFlyingWonderIwentonadatewithQuackerjackandnowIfeelreallybadforput- tinghiminjailandIneedyourhelp!" she wailed.

"--yeeah, that's me," Luminas amended. She scrutinized the visitor. "So you're the Flying Wonder. That's not a name. What do your friends call you?"

"Well, if I had any friends, they'd call me Avia," she replied hesitantly.

"Way to throw in a 'Hercules' reference there, girl." Luminas smiled at the young heroine's utterly terrified expression and said kindly, "Avia, huh? Yeah, sure, c'mon in."

"Oh, thankyouthankyouth--"

"Stop." Luminas held up a hand. "No gushing."

"Right, right. I'm sorry."

Luminas led Avia upstairs and directed her to a chair-like structure. "Now," the cat began, "what can I do for you?"

Avia drew a deep breath. "It's Quackerjack."

"I figured."

"I feel terrible. For...um...getting him arrested."

"Understandable."

"I can't stop thinking about him."

"Good lord."

"What?"

"Nothing. Sorry. Continue."

Looking away, Avia finished, "Anyway, I was hoping that maybe you'd break him out of jail."

"Already did."

"What?!" Flabbergasted was an understatement of Avia's expression.

"Sure. Don't you watch t.v.? Or listen to the radio?"

With an embarrassed cough, Avia replied, "I...I don't have either." Something occurred to her, and she said dismally, "He hasn't called me. He hates me."

Luminas almost choked. "Quackerjack? You? Hate?"

Before she could finish, the control room door flew open and Megavolt stormed out half-dressed. "Cinder, I can't wear th--" His eyes fell on Avia and he stopped in mid-sentence.

"Yes, Megs," Luminas said conversationally. "We have a guest. If you weren't so wrapped up with your trivial wardrobe troubles, you'd have heard her knocking. Now, did you need something?"

By this time, Megavolt had retreated back up the stairs and behind the door. "Can you come here?" he asked in a strangled tone.

"Certainly." To Avia, she said, "One moment."

Megavolt hastily closed the door once she was in the room and shot a miffed look at her.

"What?" she said innocently.

"Ha ha, you're hysterical."

"Hey, I'm bypassing a comedic goldmine by withholding comments about those pants and your nigh-unto anorexic chest."

"Once again," the rat said through gritted teeth, "your humor is amazing. Now will you listen?"

"Sure."

Holding up a t-shirt, he yelled, "I can't wear this!"

She studied it for several long moments, then told him, "I don't see why not."

"That's because you put it here!"

"Mm hm."

"It has...Puffpower Girls on it!"

Luminas gave him a wide, extremely sarcastic, congratulatory smile. "Very good!"

Megavolt dropped his arms to his sides. "What did you do with all of my old clothes?" Giving him a disgusted look, Luminas opened a storage closet and pulled out a hideously colored polyester shirt straight out of a bygone era. The other villain took it gratefully and put it on, then said, "Oh, and also, Gosalyn trashed my bathroom."

"Better your so-called bathroom than the lab." She shook her head at his outfit and added, "I'd think you two would be really close by now. She's been here almost a week."

Dropping to his knees, the rat begged, "Take her away! For the love of Edison, take her away!"

"I heard that!" came a holler from the bathroom, followed by a crash.

With a wince, Megavolt groaned, "I thought she knocked everything over already."

"Let me out!" the girl bellowed, punctuating each word with a pound on the door.

Luminas rolled her eyes. "I haven't thought of a way to get rid of her without her running straight to her hero daddy. Ex-hero daddy, I guess, but he'll go to the police, and we have learned that that's bad news."

"Yeah?" Megavolt questioned, raising an eyebrow. "If the cops are so terrible, how come they haven't come around?"

"That I don't know."

"Thought so."

"But when they do show up, you can bet that it's not going to be for a tea party."

"Ooh," Megavolt taunted. "Cliche."

Luminas smiled sarcastically and said snidely, "Right, if you're done dressing for the disco, I have a guest to attend to. You can stay here--she's skittish enough with just me in the room."

"You're scarier."

"Shutup." She slammed the door in his face and walked demurely down the stairs. "I'm sorry," she apologized to Avia. "You know how mad scientists are. So picky about their wardrobes." Avia just nodded and smiled hesitantly, so Luminas went on, "Where were we? Ah yes. Quackerjack doesn't hate you. Do you understand that? He is so unbelievably infatuated with you that I would almost call it obsession. I cannot tolerate him for more than five minutes because he's constantly raving about you. Of course, a good part of this raving is him informing me how inferior I am to you in every way. It's really quite annoying."

"Oh." Avia's eyes darted around nervously, looking for a possible escape path, no doubt. "I'm...um...I'm really...sorry...? Uh..."

"Why? It's not your fault. I'm just trying to emphasize that he does not dislike you in any way. He thinks you hate him, and I admit, I can see where he would get that impression--"

Avia's eyes brimmed with tears, and she sniffled, "That's just as bad!"

Wincing, Luminas quickly added, "But y'know, I'll just tell him what you told me, and everything will be fine, okay?"

"Really?" Avia asked hopefully.

Luminas looked at the girl's eyes shining with hope and felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. She felt nice. "Sure."

Avia stood up, smiling happily, and said, "Thank you, um...Luminas." Shyly, she offered the villainess her hand, and the cat shook it.

"This is...off the record, right?" Luminas asked. "This was a personal visit, not a business one?"

"Personal," Avia affirmed.

Just as the heroine turned to leave, Megavolt skulked out of the control room, prompting Luminas to sing softly, "Burn, baby, burn, baby, disco inferno!"

He glared at her and pointed at Avia, demanding, "Who's she?"

Luminas sighed. "Quackerjack's girlfriend, and she was just leaving, so you may not question her in any way."

Avia was blushing. "Oh, I'm not his girlfriend..."

"Sure you are. Go! Go before you lose your chance!"

That frightened her more than anything else, and she bounded down the stairs. Luminas smiled--the kid really wasn't bad at all. Way too young for Quackerjack, but if that was how the two of them got their kicks... She was a bit uncertain, but that was part of being young. That thought made her snort. Right, and she herself was so old and venerable. With a small, self-mocking smile, she said to Megavolt, "Alright. Vaya!"

"Huh?"

She stopped in mid-stride. "It's Spanish, you dolt. 'Go.' Ir conjugated into the--no, never mind, let's just go!"

Before she was able to drag him down the stairs, though, the door flew open and none other than Quackerjack bounced into the lighthouse. "Helloooo!" he called.

Luminas sat down heavily on the floor. "Why? Why, why, why?"

"Heeey, Luminas!" the duck sing-songed.

"Hi," she grumbled.

Megavolt had mysteriously vanished.

He plopped down next to her on the floor and said enthusiastically, "Hey, guess what, you get to do me a favor!"

"Oh boy."

"Wanna know what it is?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"You're going to come meet Avia with me! She's the best! She's amazing! Just wait," he told her seriously. ""You'll fall in love with her too."

She took her face out of her hands. "First of all, I've already met her. Second, why do I need to go see her? She just came to see me."

"She did?"

"Yes, because you haven't called her!" Luminas gave him a disgusted look. "If you like her so much, just take a chance and talk to her. It's not like you have anything to lose."

Quackerjack pondered whether or not that was an insult for a moment before dismissing it and going on, "Well, anyway, I'm going to ask her to the Charity Ball, right? But she'll probably say no. So I thought maybe if I brought you along then you could talk to her and convince her. You know, you could say girl-type stuff to her."

"'Girl-type' stuff?" Luminas asked dangerously.

"Yeah, you know, talk about buying clothes that will make her look pretty--not that she could get any prettier than she already is--"

"I would quite while you're still uncooked," Luminas growled. Then, she gave the duck a sarcastic smile. "Tell you what, QJ. Here's what you're going to do. Go to her house or apartment or whatever, bring flowers, and ask her to go to the dance with you. And get your tail in gear, because it is in a week. Oh, and I won't be going with you. Okay?"

"Um..."

"Okay?"

"Okay," Quackerjack grumbled.

Luminas's face grew remarkably brighter. "Good. You be nice to her, Quackerjack. She looks like the slightest thing could snap her."

"Not like you, right?" he mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

She gave her a wary look. "If you say so. Where's Megavolt..."

"I'm not coming out until he leaves!" came Megavolt shrill voice through the control room door.

A do-or-die expression settled on Luminas's face and she marched up the stairs, threw open the door, and exited again, this time with the rat, hideous disco ensemble and all, in tow. This spectacle was altogether too bizarre for Quackerjack to comment on, so he just stared in bewilderment as the two of them passed and Luminas requested, "QJ, think you can feed Gosalyn for us? Food's in the 'fridge, thanks, bye!"

With this last word, she managed to get Megavolt to the spiral stairs--unfortunately, not in a very balanced manner. The two of them tumbled all the way to the bottom, where there were a few moans of pain and then the sound of the door slamming.

Quackerjack shook his head at whatever that had been and went to inspect the food selection. "Mm...road trip sized cereal boxes." He grabbed the most colorful cereal for himself and another box for Gosalyn, then positioned himself outside her prison. Knocking on the door and pouring a handful of Fruit Loops into his mouth, he called, "Hey kid, you hungry?"

Inside, Gosalyn barely glanced up as she lied convincingly, "Do you mind? I'm going to the bathroom. Hold on a second!" She snickered when she heard him squeak in embarrassment, then returned to her project.

In front of her was a hastily drawn map of the way to her neighborhood from the lighthouse. A route of dashes wound around her pencil and paper front yard, ending abruptly at her sidewalk. "X marks the spot," she muttered. The spot where her dad hopefully would come out and kick Quackerjack's tailfeathers just for being there. For a second, Gosalyn considered writing that, but she quickly discarded the idea. No treasure map would actually say that. What treasure maps had were strange, nonsensical directions scrawled at random points along the path. This Gosalyn had done with a vengeance. Not even she had any idea what half of it meant. But Quackerjack could probably use his warped mind to get something out of it. He'd better, because this was her plan.

She jumped to her feet and started folding her map up, only to have to unfold it and scrawl a title across the top--"World's Greatest Toy." That ought to do it. She flushed the toilet for dramatic effect, then informed Quackerjack, "Okay, I'm ready."

The key rattled in the lock, and the jester peeked into the room. Gosalyn just stared sullenly at him. His eyes shifted down to the floor and he commented, "Wow, you've really made a mess."

"Just gimme my food," she demanded. "And don't come in here. There's confidential information."

Quackerjack perked up at this. "What do you mean, 'confidential information'?"

"You can't see my treasure map!" the girl exclaimed in a panicky voice. She could have died at her performance. Only someone as dense as Quackerjack would ever actually fall for this.

"Treasure map?!" The jester barged into the bathroom, grabbed the conveniently placed "map", dropped the cereal, and bolted, locking the door behind him.

Gosalyn smiled smugly. "Sucker."

~

Drake paced his well-worn path around his house, just as he'd been doing for the past week. It had been a week full of revelations. First and foremost was the fact that his neighbor--who he had trusted with Gosalyn--was Luminas! "Well, you should have seen that one coming, Drakester," he told himself derisively. "I'm probably better not fighting crime if I can't pick up on something that blindingly obvious."

It was about the nine-hundred and sixty-seventh time that week that he'd had this conversation with himself, and every time he knew that he didn't really mean that last part. In fact, even he was getting sick of his own self-pity. It was just that there were times when it really seemed much simpler to give up.

But at least he could consider this a lead. "In what, though? My case?" He drummed his fingers on the table as he came to a stop at it. If Cinder was Luminas and Luminas was part of the Sinister Six, then he could be almost positive that she was behind Gosalyn's disappearance. When Luminas had gone to the lighthouse that day, he'd followed her (Drake had to restrain his imagination at that. After all, just because she was going to Megavolt's hideout did not mean that she and Megavolt were some kind of insidious item). Perhaps Gosalyn was there? It seemed likely, but he didn't want to do anything without any solid proof. Luminas's threat still rang in his ears. "Give up crimefighting or your daughter will live in perpetual fear until I hunt her down too..." Drake shuddered. This girl was nasty. What on earth could Megavolt possibly see in her?

That was beside the point, though. The point was that Gosalyn could have just run away. She never had before, but there was a first time for everything.

Suddenly, he heard a noise outside chanting something bizarre. He looked out the window and started at what he saw, which was Quackerjack, seemingly doing interpretive dance on his front lawn. Drake watched for a minute in stupefied fascination, then snapped out of it and went outside to confront the villain.

Quackerjack, with a look of utmost concentration, approached him and stopped, holding a piece of paper close in front of his eyes. When he looked up, he said matter-of-factly, "Dad, what's taking so long." He looked confused for a second and glanced down at the paper, the top of which Drake could just barely see.

The suburbanite felt a slow grin spreading across his face. That was Gosalyn's writing--he'd bet his hideout on it. She'd found a way to let him know exactly where she was.

As Quackerjack ranted about something idiotic, Drake picked up a garden gnome and cracked him across the head with it. The jester fell silent and sighed happily, then collapsed in a heap.

"Thanks, Quackerjacker," Drake said to his gently snoring enemy. "I owe you one." He grabbed Gosalyn's map and sprinted to his armchair. "Finally. Time to get dangerous."

~