Could Have
By Misha

Disclaimer: I own nothing Smallville-related, or related in any other way to Clark Kent, Superman or any of the various creations of the wonderful folks at DC Comics.

Author's Notes- This is a companion piece to "Future of Darkness". I don't know a lot about the "Superman" universe. I don't read the comic books and it's been years since I've seen the movies, so with the exception of "Smallville", I have little knowledge of the characters and their backgrounds. I mean, I do know the basic facts about Superman, I know who Lois Lane is, and that Lex Luthor is the bad guy. But other than that... So, I just made things up. Like the other one this one focuses on Lex. It's pretty angsty with a mention of Clark/Lex slash. I'm not much of a slash fan, but I do like this pairing. Well, that's all for now, enjoy!

Spoilers- Hourglass.
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I look into the blue eyes of the man in front of me, remembering the past.

There was a time when all the eyes were filled with something other than loathing when they looked at me.

He doesn't think I know. That I know who he is. He thinks I don't even remember.

But how can I not? How could I ever forget those eyes?

They've changed though. They're not as innocent as they once were.

He's changed almost as much as I have.

Smallville is a hundred years away for the both of us.

But deep down inside, there's still a piece of me, a piece of who I was so long ago, that longs for those simple care-free days. Of the days before this blood-shed and madness.

I have all that I ever wanted. I own the world. I have all the power I ever dreamed of. Yet, still, there's a piece of me that wishes I had taken a different path.

I think there was a time when I could have. When I could have changed my course.

And if anyone could have helped me, it would have been the man standing in front of me.

He got to me in a way no one else ever did or ever has. He was only the real friend I ever have.

But he wasn't just a friend. He was the only person who I could ever share my soul with. And for a few brief months, he was my lover.

I wonder if his beautiful Lois knows that. That once, long ago, the despicable Lex Luthor was his lover.

Probably not, after all it would horrify her.

It probably horrifies him.

I wonder if he ever thinks of those days.

I do. I remember what it was like to look into his blue eyes and see love there. Somewhere, deep down, I think I even remember what it was like to return that love.

But that was a long time ago. It didn't work out.

Somewhere along the line a choice had to be made. Between me and between everything he knew. Despite the fact that he loved me, I lost.

That was it. The end. He began on his self-righteous path and I began on my destructive one.

And then, somewhere along the line, we ended up as enemies. The love and friendship we had shared years and years ago became hatred.

I wonder sometimes if this is what that old woman, Cassandra, was that her name? Well, I wonder if this is what she saw right before she died. The world as it is today. The blood and destruction that I've caused.

I wonder if she saw that one of the only people I ever loved would became my sworn enemy. I wonder if there had ever been a choice. If I ever could have changed the future.

I don't know.

It doesn't matter now. The past has no meaning anymore.

Whatever we were long ago back in Smallville doesn't matter any more. What we were then, has no baring on what we are now.

Still, as I look into the blue eyes of the man who was my friend, my lover, and now my enemy, I can't help but wonder if it could have been different.

The End