A/N:Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).

Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).

Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times).

Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.

The Origin of the Darkness
By: Shining Moonlight Part II ~ A Hole in my Heart

It's the end of the week and I pretty much have given up hope of ever having my normal life back. I cry myself to sleep every night and it always seems as though Adam is lurking in the shadows, waiting to catch me alone. I try to stay in a group, but it's very hard and since I care so much about getting to my classes, I frequently had to shoo my friends off to get there on time. If a boy were to put his arm around me, I'd be pungent with panic. I like it when the common room is empty, so I come down only when it is, frightened that someone will notice my behavior, I make myself go down once in a while to sit with Parvati, Ginny, or Harry. But it is just too hard. I need this to go away, it has to.

****

Saturday night I went down to the Gryffindor common room to see how everyone was doing and I planned to go back up in about a half an hour. I was sitting in an overstuffed armchair when the hair on the back of my neck bristled and I turned to see Adam walking in to the room. He was smiling that devilish grin and I dipped under the rim of the chair, but it wasn't fast enough to keep him from seeing me. His grin widened and he turned in my direction. His arms encircled my shoulders.

"Hey, babe." He said into my cinnamon hair. I recoiled from his grip, but he kept an intense grasp on me.

Ginny came over to us looking surprised, but smiled. "So, Hermione, you're with Adam, now? And you didn't tell me?" she teased.

"Well, n-" I started but was cut off.

"Yeah, we sure are, isn't that right, Hermi?" Adam said, now stroking my hair.
"Well if that is the case I need some proof." Ginny went on, and I remembered how she had said this to me when Ron and I first became a couple. Then a feeling of dread swept over me when I remembered that she'd asked me and Ron to show some sort of affection, like kissing or hugging or, I gulped, making out. I anxiously waited for what Ginny would ask us to do for 'proof'.
"What are you talking about, Ginny?" I asked quietly, nudging her foot to try and get her to reconsider what she had just asked.

"Oh, that would be a good thing to do, wouldn't it? Why don't we tell everyone, Hermione? Good thinking, Ginny." Adam said, looking in high spirits. I tried to stay calm, but I feared that my feelings would show on my face. Ginny looked briefly at me, a flash of concern on her face. It was gone the next moment, though, and she urged us to show her. Adam swiftly lifted me out of the armchair and into his arms, my feet dangling pointlessly. I felt sick and the next thing I knew Adam was sitting in the armchair, me on his lap. I felt considerably apprehensive and I prayed that that was all he would do. But my wishes were in ineffective, and as he swept my face level to his, I knew what he planned. My stomach flipped as he brought my face closer to his, and soon it made contact. My lips against his cheek, his mouth by now on my neck, I was swept into a fresh wave of nausea when he did not let go. He muttered words into my ear I can bear not to repeat, but when he did I became more passionate towards him, at least it looked that way, but it was not of my will. This must have gone on for a brief time, merely five minutes though to me it seemed unending.

******

I awoke from a nightmare and realized that I was drenched in cold sweat. I tried to remember what the dream was about, but all I could remember was a piercing scream and a merciless laugh. The sounds would not come to an end, and soon I gave up trying to push them out of my mind and tried to get back to sleep as I knew it was the middle of the night. It was then that I heard mumbling, but I could not distinguish if it was real or my imagination. I listened hard and when I heard their words I shivered. Could be worse, better make certain it isn't. I recognized these words at once, for they were the ones Adam had whispered into my ear when I would not correspond to his affectionate gestures in the common room that evening. I also realized that the voices must be in my head, because it just made no sense for them to be real, let alone right outside my door. I lay back, relieved that there was no one outside the dormitory, though I was still rigorously stunned by the term coming back to me. I decided not to think about it, laid my head back down on my pillow, and eventually drifted into a half-sleep.

******

I was abruptly awoken by a voice at the foot of my bed. This time I was sure it had not been my imagination and I stayed still in my bed. I saw the shadow of someone who was clearly a male or an extremely tall female. I was frightened, but for the first time in almost two weeks I felt some confidence building up inside me. Then I heard the figure speak.

"Beautiful, purely beautiful." My confidence slowly drained away and I'm sure that the color in my face did, too. Then I felt a hand on my leg near my ankle. I desperately tried to keep it from shaking and I hid my face under the comforter. As soon as I did this Adam's hand, which I unnaturally knew so well, pulled them back off of my face and well off of my arms and chest. I felt progressively more uncomfortable and so I sat up thinking that maybe he would lay off if I were awake. He turned towards me with a surprised look on his face, but with laughter in his eyes. I knew that I was scared and that I probably looked it, but I kept the negative out of my mind and held my breath, waiting for what he would say. When he did not address me in any form, I decided to question him first.

"What are you doing here? How long have you been here? Are you crazy, Adam, this is a girl's dormitory and it's two-thirty in the morning!" I said this all very fast and very quiet. He put his hand to his chin and looked away in thought. He chose his words carefully, but I was dazed at what he declared bluntly.

"I thought you knew." His voice had grown gruff with desire and I backed up against the headboard, not knowing what to do or what to expect. I saw his eyes travel from my legs to my face in one swift, solid motion. He missed not a thing, though in his eyes I found that he wanted to see more. I was uneasy and I briefly thought of screaming, yet then it would look like an affair of some sort and I would get in the dilemma, which I certainly did not want. I suddenly realized that Adam had been staring at me directly into my eyes for the last few moments. His gaze was bursting with desire and a craved look was appearing from within those pitiless eyes. It was a look that overcame me with a feeling so unexplainable. It was a bit like fright, but not entirely, yet it had a feeling of need. And it was then that I realized that Adam had caused a hole in my heart, my soul, and my very life. Now I understood. I had to fill in that hole, it was then that I felt complete confidence and I seized his hand firmly in mine and lifted it off of my right thigh, where it had came to rest. As I did this Adam let out a low growl of disagreement, yet I felt no apprehension. My strength grew and built up against my fear. Soon I felt it smothered completely and I was happy. I looked the scene over and laughed, for the first time in weeks, I laughed. Then I got up, walked out of the room and though I heard Adam coming after me, I didn't care.

******

I awoke and realized quite suddenly that I was in an armchair in the common room. I then also realized that it was probably quite early in the morning, maybe five, or so. I put pressure on the arm of the chair to get up and it was then that I comprehended exactly what must have happened. I remembered walking out of the dormitory and hearing Adam's pursuit, but nothing else. Just him coming after me. Ignoring these thoughts that screamed for me to think them over, I got up and a blanket trailed after me. I knew I had not brought a blanket with me and I subconsciously thought that Adam must have something to do with it. And all the while the thoughts of the night were shrieking at me to listen to what they had to say. An important piece of mind this was. The next thing I saw made me feel like shrieking for real. The blanket came to an end and with the hem came a leg. My head spun, my stomach was retched in and out of nausea, and the room blurred before my eyes and the only thing that stayed in focus was the slightly tan, hair-covered leg. Finally the nausea got the better of me and I ran to the bathroom, in vain. I heard footsteps, and Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, her hair frizzled and wearing a nightgown.

"Ms. Granger, what is going on?" then she saw the mess, "Oh dear, well honey, get to the toilet now before you do it again." Then she waved her wand and magically cleaned it up.

When I came back out about twenty minutes later after desperate tries not to vomit, I found Professor McGonagall holding Adam by the ear. I gasped and turned my back to them to keep down their sight of my tears.

"What happened, in your opinion, Ms. Granger?" she said in a quiet 'no nonsense' voice. I thought fast of a cover up for what I was sure had happened.

"Well, I awoke and felt sick, so I ran down here, not realizing that my blanket had trailed with me in an attempt to reach the toilet and, well I didn't manage to get there. I was not aware of him sleeping down here," I gestured to Adam, ignoring his piercing stares.

"And that's what happened, Professor, I am sorry for the inconvenience." I finished up. She looked rather pleased with my response and shooed me up to my dorm. As I rushed past her she whispered, "Get some sleep, hon. I'll explain your absences.

" I silently thanked her and hurried back to the dormitory. As I reached the room I knew the last thing I would do was sleep. I was going to think about what happened earlier, how to fill this hole Adam had created, and, I shivered as I thought of what I must do, how to stand up to Adam. It took nearly four hours to get everything sorted out and as I went over my plan of action I felt relieved, scared, and in a sense- happy. I knew that Adam had most likely waited until I had fallen asleep on another chair, or maybe he had magicked me asleep, and then had moved me to his and done who knows what. I also knew that I would have to confront Adam about the incident and find out exactly what did happen at any costs. For the most part I thought that I would have to live my life without fear at what was and probably would keep on happening to fill the hole. And to stand up to Adam I would have to take drastic measures and I knew my plan was not perfect, but I thought that if I was going to do this right it had to happen. I would have to wait until Adam tried to rape me again -I was positive he would- and go along with being scared and letting him do what he pleased until the end. Then I would state that he didn't scare me and I would win, and hopefully he would respond and it would go from there. Finally I was pleased with myself and I laid my head down, and slept.

******

Over the next few days I got no great opportunity to talk to Adam privately and I wanted to make sure that we weren't overheard. Plus, I wasn't in classes for a week because I was really sick the first few days, but then I enjoyed not interacting with everyone so much that I forced myself to vomit whenever it was necessary. The fifth day of my 'illness' I got a visitor that was unexpected. Ginny came every day with get well cards from Harry, Ron, and herself. She also told me what was going on and brought my homework when I insisted.

"Hermione, you really should get some rest, you know. You mustn't over work yourself or else you'll never get better."

"Oh, I will, Ginny. You go on to class now, okay?" She left with a nod and I hid my head deep in the goose-feathered pillows that were now warmed from my body. I thought about my life and how I would live it without fear. I decided that I should go to my classes starting tomorrow and begin my ascent to top student again. I was still daydreaming about this when I heard the doorknob turn and the door hinges creak to welcome the visitor to their lair. I got chills, but refused to hide under the covers yet again. I saw a vaguely familiar hand and though I felt a fresh wave of nausea build up in the pit of my gut, I did not flinch the slightest bit.

"Hey, babe, how's it going? You still out of it or are you awake enough to give me some fun?" Adam said while locking the door securely and all the while inching closer to where I laid.

"Well? Are you going to just sit there and tempt me or what?" he asked of me when I didn't reply. I sat up a bit and Adam reached his destination of my four-poster and sat gently down taking my hand in his. He used an oddly tender fashion and I knew at once that he was trying to fool me into loving him and I subconsciously made myself immune to his care.

"I swear Adam, come any closer and I will scream." I said, I was not thinking just saying and I didn't know what would happen next, nor did I want to. There was some effect to my words. Adam sniggered softly, though he did let go of my hand.

"You will, will you? You'd scream, Hermione?" he stated flatly, though the words cut through me and I was panicked once more.

"I don't think you'll be doing anything of that sort. Imperio." As he said this, my eyes were locked in his gaze and a strange feeling came upon me. I heard a soft, strict voice telling me to keep quiet. And I didn't just hear it; I saw it, felt it, smelled it, and tasted it. It was an amazing feeling. I was entirely ecstatic and I stood up and looked at the ceiling. As I did, I saw it in 1,000 dimensions, colors, and textures. Each new sight my eyes took on was better than the last and soon I could take the awe no longer and I shut my eyes. I felt a hand around my shoulders, steadying me and pulling me down to earth, as I had been flying across the moon on a comet. I opened my eyes and saw Adam, and he too appeared more fantastic than I'd ever seen him, swirling colors surrounded him and flew through him. Then I was pulled out of the bliss and into reality, yet I still heard the small voice keeping me silent. When I returned back down on the bed far away from where Adam was spread out, his arm shot out and lashed around my waist. I instinctively opened my mouth and was about to cry out when I stopped and thought to myself, what would it do if I yelled? What difference would it make, he's still here, and if I want my 'plan' to work I better keep quiet.

******

The next morning I awoke with a start. I turned over onto my side and saw that my blankets were on the floor in a pile, hopelessly tangled up. I then also realized that I was completely naked. I groped for my clothes and found them on the floor near a chair, along with some old jeans and a T-shirt. I was surprised at this, because the chairs in our dormitory were at the other side of the room. I looked again at the room and felt overcome with fear. I realized that this wasn't my dorm room at all. It was a boy's dorm room with Gryffindor lion embroidery on the wall. I saw the names above the beds and I was shocked into tears. One said 'Harry' in large, silver calligraphy. The next said 'Ron' in beautiful, gold coloring. And I dreaded where my head turned when I saw that 'Adam' marked in swooped, black marble hung above the bed in which I lay. I screamed and though it began high and piercing it ended a moan as vomit crept up my throat.

******

End Of Part II I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential.