A/N;Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).

Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).

Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times).

Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.

The Origin of the Darkness
By: Shining Moonlight Part III ~ Sick Pleasure

I gathered the ends of a sheet and wrapped myself within them. I jumped up when I heard the door creak. At first two shoes, then legs, then a torso appeared before me, but I refused to look into the face of Ronald Weasley.

"Holy shit, Hermione. This is not a laughing matter." He said misinterpreting my sobs for laughter.

"What the heck did you do? Look, I need to know this." Ron went on. It was then that I could take it no longer, I snapped.

"You want to know what happened. Well even if you don't you'll find out now. This is what you get for interfering, okay? You get the truth and when you get this truth with it comes hatred, so do you still want to know? Do you, Ron?" I yelled whatever the thought no matter how spontaneous it was. He nodded. I couldn't believe his nerve. So I told him.

"You know, you really don't deserve to know, but I can really do this, I can. He did this to me, okay. He did it all and I hated every bit of it like I hate you right now." I pulled the sheet down so that he could see the gashes and slices around my upper body. I let him see my neck and the bite marks and bruises. I showed him my limbs and the savage slashes about them.

"He stole my beauty, my virginity, my soul. And he turned it around for his own use. He did it to me at Easter, last week, and now again. He is a monster, and he's taken me as his damsel and eaten my heart. I didn't think I deserved this at first, but now I know I do. After what I did to you, my only chance, I ought to have had him come along and snatch me in my vulnerability, it wouldn't have happened if I had kept you. And I didn't pay attention to any of his signs, I let him in with open arms, Ron, I did it to myself." I cried and started to sob into his shoulder uncontrollably, near hysterics.

"Hermione listen to yourself. You are a beautiful woman, how can you say that?" Ron said looking into my eyes with concern and pity entirely showing in his face.

"No! I'm hideous and it's true! I'm sitting here wasting your time and, like everything else, it's my entire fault! Ron, please help, you've got to, he's going to find us, and then he'll hurt me. Please, Ron, I need you.
" ~*~ And so it went until I at last reminded myself that I was attractive and I knew that it wasn't my blunder or mistake- it was Adam's. Then I got dressed and Ron and I got to work on a plan. ~*~*

A few hours later Ron and I had formulated a foolproof arrangement for me so that I would never have to be around Adam, but he wouldn't get suspicious, either. I knew I had to play a huge roll in it and for two days I would have to surrender to the pain completely for the plan to work. I would have to carry a tape recorder in my pocket all the time and I'd have to be alert for when to turn it on, but always before I fell asleep. The first thing I would have to do was go down to the common room and Ron would tell Adam that I wanted to speak to him downstairs.

"Hermione, I haven't seen you for a long time. Er, Ron said you needed a word with me? I'll be happy to talk to you about whatever you want, baby. Lets get some privacy and go talk in the closet.

" Adam tapped me on the shoulder and said. I hesitated. I was scared to bits of him and that supply closet, but I did what I had to do.

"Sure, Adam. I just needed to tell you something real quick." I gave him a huge smile, but he wasn't paying attention to my face, oh no he was too busy gawking at other spots. I wanted to slap him, but I giggled instead. "Oh, you like that now? I knew you'd get used to having me around. And I'm glad you did so soon." Adam said and I realized that I had just taken away from what I would say next. We reached the supply closet then and I gently took his hand off of my waist, or rather my behind, which is where it really was resting.

"Hey, girl, you'll keep that there if you don't like bruises." Adam said harshly.

"Excuse me, is that a threat, Adam? I thought you were a loving man, but now you're threatening me? Well, guess what, we're through. I never even wanted to have anything to do with you, and now I hope I never will again. You're disgusting and sick and twisted. And you better stay away from me." I shouted. Adam immediately turned towards me and slapped me across my face. My cheek stung and I put my hand to it and felt it already swelling. Adam just chuckled and continually stared at a place on my body between my head and waist. I sprang back into action, turned on my heel and ran for Ron, who was in his dorm just like he said.

"Oh God, Ron. He hit me when I said it and- and- oh, Ron!" I threw myself at him and he embraced me with strong, protective arms. I sobbed into his shoulder and he just gently rocked back and forth to sooth me. "Hermione, it's okay now. I'm here and if that idiot comes in here I'll…" he paused in thought, obviously not wanting to upset me more.

"Well it'll be ugly, that's for sure." I felt so safe and warm in his arms and I snuggled deep into his shoulder to smother my pain. I cried until I had no tears left and still I sniffled. I was embarrassed at being so immature in front of Ron, whom cared about me so much, but I said nothing and he seemed to understand. He gently nudged me after what seemed like hours and brought me to my dormitory and tenderly kissed my head. I did not quiver the slightest amount and I was grateful that he would always be there for me. I soon fell asleep, feelings of great comfort like I hadn't felt in months swimming in my head.
******

I knew at once when I awoke that something was different. It wasn't a new bedroom, which I silently thanked God for, but during that prayer of thanks I asked him to watch me and I knew it wouldn't be easy to open my eyes, I was petrified and I didn't know why. I could tell it was morning through my eyes I could see sunlight from a nearby window and I could hear bird chirping outside. I then mustered up all of my courage, tried not to be a cynic, and opened my eyes to a wonderful sight. It was a foggy moor and I was on a horse nearing a castle. Everything seemed white and I dared look beside me to find another riding a black stallion. His face was masked, but I knew it was Adam from his manner and the bitterness that seemed to be dripping from him. I looked at the ground and no sooner did I that he seized the reins from my clumsy hands and led my horse deep into a forest and everything changed from damp and misty to humid and dark. I could see nothing, but felt the horse beneath me and heard Adam mumbling to himself, though I could not distinguish his words. He brought us on through the brush until we reached a large tree and he harshly lifted me off of the horse and sat me on the ground against the tree. I knew what was to happen next for I had this dream many times after Adam had raped me. I was not surprised when Adam sat down next to me and I knew the feeling of his hands groping and the fright when I learned I could not stop him. I felt the familiar unpleasantness at his actions and so it went until my dream would end up like what had really happened. My head snapped and I looked up at a familiar face chuckling at my fear.
"Adam Twiddles I swear if you weren't so stupid I wouldn't have to pound you! If you weren't so stupid I wouldn't be in this mess! If it weren't for you, I'd still be a virgin! If it weren't for you, I would be a lot happier!" I screamed at him. His laughter ceased and was replaced by a dangerous, crazy look. He stood and my wand dropped from his pocket.

"Oh yeah? Well, it's time you grew up, then. You won't pound me, you're not strong enough. You got yourself in this mess, you wouldn't have been a virgin long even if I hadn't forced it on you because you were falling in love with me and you couldn't have held back very much longer if you'd tried. And you should be happy you have me, not anyone else because I'm what you deserve, so live with it, girl." Adam said all of this quickly as if he had known what he would say before I asked him the question. I grew suspicious at once and he saw right through me so I decided to speak at random.

"Adam, how are you here now when it is surely an early hour and you would most likely be downstairs? How is it that you are not seen be anyone when you come into this dormitory, which is otherwise forbidden? Please answer my queries, Adam, for I do so long to know." I hesitated and then gazed upon his face which I had ignored and denied to look at for what seemed like eternity and tried to decipher exactly what made him think to do this. In his face I saw hurt and pain that seemed to match the ache I now felt in every new day. In his eyes I observed a longing and a wanting look that I possessed now for an ordinary life. In the curves of his lips I knew why they trembled when he spoke, they shook for the need to be accepted, for the crave to be respected. And I almost felt sorry for him as he brought his eyes, splotched with depression and anxiety, to mine and engaged me in a stare so long and with such depth that I almost wanted to throw myself towards him, but I forced myself to break away from his gaze.
"Adam? Adam? Adam, what is it? Why do you look so distressed?" I called out for it felt like everything was distant and I knew not where I was. I felt myself fall to the floor and I lost my vision and all I could see was black and white scribbles like I was watching a channel from a badly tuned television. Then I became lifeless and unaware of the world surrounding me, I had lost consciousness.

******

I awoke in the hospital wing to sounds of Madam Pomfrey bustling around getting things ready and mumbling about visitors staying too long.

"I'll only give you five more minutes with her, dears! Five minutes, and if you're not out by then I'll have the headmaster hear of this!" She said sharply in my direction. I opened my eyes and saw Ginny, Parvati, Harry, and Ron standing around me with confused expressions on their faces. Ginny & and Parvati looked as though they wanted to speak at once. Ron, on the other hand, looked as though he never wanted to speak again and immediately muted the others with a gesture of a finger to his lips. I couldn't read the expression on Harry's face. I didn't know what had happened or why I was in the hospital wing until Madam Pomfrey bustled in again with a clipboard and made the others get out.

"Well, Miss Granger, why didn't you tell anyone that you were expecting? I never would have guessed and you should have been taking parenting classes by now." She said looking exceedingly surprised at me. My head spun and I knew I must have not heard her right. Or she must be mistaken, I was convinced that this couldn't be true.

"Expecting? You mean pregnant? You are surely incorrect, Madam, for I am not pregnant." I said shaking now.

"Miss Granger, are you a virgin? Have you had sex with anyone in the past five months?" she queried. I didn't know whether to tell her or say no. I decided to blend the two together.

"Well, yes, but I'm sure I'm not pregnant." I replied sensitively.

"I'm sorry, Hermione, but you are- or should I say- were." She said in a piteous tone.

"What do you mean I was pregnant? Madam, explain yourself!"

"Well, um well dear, maybe I'm not the one to tell you. I'll, er I'll get Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore, which would you prefer?" I thought hard. How could they expect me to choose who I wanted to tell me that I was pregnant? I shook my head and my voice was shaking violently so that she could hardly distinguish the

"P-p-professor McGonagall." I managed to get out. I said this because I thought that I could talk to her because she was a woman and I wasn't exactly eager to talk to a male about being pregnant. Madam Pomfrey nodded.

"Well, before I get her I have to ask you a few questions, you know, for your physical. You need one monthly for a while. Okay let's see, we can do the tests later so let's start off with what is the last thing you remember before you fell unconscious?" she stated, her eyebrows raised in concern. How was I to tell her that I had seen Adam Twiddles controlling my mind, probably to get better at the Imperious curse so that he could have more sick pleasure than he already got. I decided to make something up, but in case Adam was found there I put him in.

"Um, I remember Adam Twiddles coming and saying hello to me and then I got mad at him and yelled at him and while I was yelling at him I blacked out." I said and prayed that she believed it because it sounded very clichéd to me. "That's all? You're sure? Alright then, honey I'll go get Professor McGonagall, you stay here." She declared and walked out of the room, her white apron splotched with what must have been tears. I soon saw Professor McGonagall appear at the oak doorway with an expression of dread on her face and when she looked down at me, a small slender girl that was now bruised and tear soaked, her icy eyes melted in pity. She brought a chair to my bedside and sat down, clamping my clammy hand in hers. I saw her breathe, taking in shaky breaths and then gradually letting them out. I braced myself for when she would tell me what I dreaded to here, but it didn't come like I thought it would.

"Darling, I know I don't want to say what I have to say and you don't want to hear it, so lets start this bloody conversation on the right note. How are you feeling? Did you eat?" she said her voice full of compassion and warmth.

"I'm fine, I guess and no, I didn't eat but don't worry about it, I'm not hungry, Professor." I replied in a tone that I was sure would make it hard to believe what I had said. It was very melodramatic in itself and I thought that though it was true, it sounded imagined and untrue. But instead of not believing me, Professor McGonagall nodded and sighed, then said what she had to.

"Well, Hermione, Madam Pomfrey may have told you that you were pregnant, and it's true. A child was growing inside of you, it was three months developed. But…not anymore. We think that, from the evidence on your stomach, someone must have attempted the Avada Kedavra curse on you and only ended your baby's life and not yours." At this I was in pure shock, but I could feel hot tears pouring down my face at the news. I knew at once that Adam had attempted this crime, but why? What had I ever given him but his sick pleasure? Had I ever done anything wrong to deserve this? Now I felt myself going into the zone of trauma where one may experience self doubt and question their own judgment. I knew also that this was pointless and had no effects but negative ones so I concentrated my best on not doing so. I was still sobbing a half an hour later and Professor McGonagall had taken to holding my hand in hers so that she could comfort me and act like a teacher at the same time. Then I asked her the question that had been bugging me for the time since I'd known.

"Professor, how do you know that everything will be alright in your life, no matter how bad it seems, how do you know you'll be alright?" This was meant to be for the baby dying, but it accounted for the events with Adam, also. She thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully.

"Well, I guess you just have to believe in yourself and know in your heart that it's okay. I know that it is hard to do so, but you must." She sat in thought for a moment and it looked like she was debating on saying more. Deeply, she sighed and asked me if I would like to hear how she, personally, had known that she was alright. In the hardest times of her life.

"I was very young, only about sixteen or so when I fell in love with a man who was so fine and said that he loved me that I could not resist and when I graduated from Hogwarts we ran away together. I knew his name, it was Tim, and I didn't notice when we were together that when ever I answered the phone, the people always asked for "Tom". I did not fret on that and now I wonder how I could have believed that it was a mistake, when even his closest friends mistook his name. It wasn't very long until we started making love and I wonder know how I could have found it so pleasurable when it hurt more than it helped. I was eighteen when the baby was born and he was 25 at that time. Then, a month and a half later… he left with my beautiful son, Adam Joseph. I remember long nights years afterward crying in my bed, which was permanently empty. I couldn't forgive myself for falling in love with that man, nor creating Adam and letting the father ruin his life, no doubt. I still to this day do not know where Adam is, but I have pledged my life to finding Adam and making his life with me the best it can be." Then, she began to whimper and soon began to weep into my shoulder, so that I was the one comforting her. I felt awful about what had happened to Professor McGonagall and her son and even though I was grieving myself, I knew she held a greater cross to bear than I did.

"Now dear, don't fret over my past." McGonagall said, reading my mind. I saw her eyes focus on a portrait across the room and I guessed that she was just trying not to show her emotions. The portrait was of a man with black hair, brown eyes that almost looked red in just the right light, and a pale, round face. His nose was covered by a cloak as was his mouth and chin. Even the portrait had an aura of mystery and secrets about it and I found myself trying not to stare at the painting's intricate detail.

"Ms Granger? Dear me, she's seen him." Professor McGonagall sighed with a glance at the portrait she swiftly got up from her desk and walked over to it.

"That was my husband's portrait. I keep it there only to remember my son's resemblance to it. Though Adam had gray eyes and the cutest nose you'll ever see. But dear, that isn't important, lets get back to you." She said, and looked directly at me. I got a hot flash thinking of what I should have told her right then and there. Should I or shouldn't I tell her? I wondered to myself. Things could only get better if I did, I thought. Finally, I made up my mind. I asked Professor McGonagall if I could see her in her office at two thirty the next day and she agreed when I said that it was urgent. Then I ran directly to the common room, up the mini staircase to the boy's dormitory and straight to Ron's four poster where I found him sitting and reading an issue of the Daily Prophet.

"Hermione! You can't just run into a boy's dorm like that!" Harry hissed in a low voice that was full of shock and his face showed it, too. I knew it was a foolish thing to do, but what else could I have resorted to?

"Ron, I need to talk to you alone. Now." I said giving him a look of importance. He nodded and told Harry to leave and Harry reluctantly followed the order.

"What is it, Hermione?" Ron said to me, leading me over to his four poster and gently taking my hand in his. His queries were always so innocent. I wished I were innocent again.

"Ron, I need to tell someone about Adam, I'm going crazy keeping it a secret. Oh, and did I mention that I just saw Professor McGonagall about what happened and why I was in the Hospital Wing for two days, unconscious?" I said, not meaning to make it sound so rude. But how was I to express my feelings, I was dreading telling him that Adam had gotten me pregnant and then killed my baby in any way other than extreme anger? His eyes urged me to go on and the hurt from my tone was wearing off and being replaced with anxiety. So I went on.

"Well, first Professor McGonagall asked me if I had 'gone all the way' with anyone and if I might be pregnant and I got scared at what she'd say if I found out I had gotten a disease or something from Adam so I said yes I had, but I knew that I had taken precautions and that I wasn't pregnant." I said quickly and hoped Ron wouldn't look at my fists, which were balled up and sweating and would let him know how much I was upset about this. His ears went pink and he quietly asked me what McGonagall said next.

"Then she said she was sorry, but I had indeed been pregnant," Ron's ears went bright red and he looked away in embarrassment.

"Look Ron, if I'm going to come to you with this you might as well listen because this changed my life and the least you could do is act like you care about me!" I swelled with sudden anger and Ron squeezed my hand. "I am listening, Hermione, and I'm honored that you thought of me to tell.

" Ron said, before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, for encouragement, I supposed.

"Now go on, what did she say?" Feelings flooded me, embarrassment, passion, awkwardness. But I pressed on to the most important part of the conversation.

"She said that I had been pregnant, but that someone, and I saw Adam right before I got knocked out, had attempted the Killing Curse that Harry got the scar from on me and had ended the child's life instead of mine. Now I have a scar, too, just like Harry's only it resembles a rose petal. That means it was done out of love." Ron took me in his arms as I cried silently and I was aware of his masculine figure and his strong, protective arms and his chin nudging the top of my head. After a while I looked up into his eyes and saw that they looked oddly glassed over. Then I told him the other part of my reason for coming to see him. "Ron, I'm going to tell McGonagall. I got her to see me at two tomorrow. I want Adam put away- forever. He deserves Azkaban more than Wormtail."

"Darn right he does. And if I had things my way he wouldn't even get to Azkaban. I'd kill him now, if I could. Hermione, I'll come with you to tell McGonagall, if you like. And I'll protect you from that bastard if it's the last thing I do." Ron said, clenching his teeth. I felt his arms harden around me and I pressed myself closer to his sturdy torso.

"Ron, I love you." I said, tears in my eyes were now joyful and my voice shook with the seriousness of those words.

"Hermione, I care for you so deeply that I'd sacrifice myself for your well being. I love you, too." He hugged me tighter still and we stayed that way for quite some time, how long I do not know. Soon he roused me from half slumber and guided me to my dorm where I laid down and for one night in three months, my dreams were peaceful.

******

End of Part III I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential.