Well, this is a story that I worked very hard on and take much pride in when I'm not hiding it from my parents' prying eyes (just kidding, just kidding). I do like it very much when I'm not thinking of what really happens in this story, which is very similar to some of my experiences (at least subconsciously). So, please read this with caution and read it for it's true meaning, not just because you're bored. I want the reader to take time to think the story over and realize the effects of this idea, (you had time to read it, take a few minutes to think about it). Thank you all for appreciating my sensitivity (I only allow flames that tell me what I've done wrong so that I may please you, don't just tell me it sucked).

Disclaimer: JK is the exquisite creator of these fascinating characters who have left me mesmerized and also have assisted me with a lot. I own Adam, though if JK personally wants him, she may take him and I would be honored (but for right now he is for my use).

Thanks: Lilia, my best friend who has helped me through the experiences I have had (and for letting me read this to you so many times). Cheryl, my best friend for helping me understand the world a little bit better (and for letting me bore your ears with questions). I thank you both deeply and truthfully.





The Origin of Darkness

By: Shining Moonlight

Part V~ It can't be true

After I had told McGonagall and the Headmaster my worries, and they had reassured me that I would not be expelled I was told that Dumbledore would owl Cornelius Fudge with an "Urgent Owl- five minutes delivery or you keep it!" The wait for the owl seemed to take forever and we three sat in complete silence looking very odd, I'm sure as it was four thirty in the morning. I kept thinking of the gawking student body, the jeerers, the taunting, Malfoy especially. Encouraging Adam to dump me instead of going on "giving my kids valuable blood."

Then I was snapped out of my daydreams by a tapping at the window which turned out to be a ministry owl whom Professor Dumbledore kindly and promptly let in. The letter was short and scrawled and at first I thought it was because he'd written it in a hurry, but I saw that the sides were wrinkled and I knew it had been read over many times. It read:

Dumbledore,
This is really a Muggle case, but I set up a court date for tomorrow if it's convenient. You know that you won't be able to testify, but try to set up some witnesses and I'll get the boy a lawyer. I think Judge Alfred Lisha would be a good guy for the case, since he has three daughters but has no record of being biased. Miss Granger has to speak to the boy, just give her ten minutes to ask him anything that might be worth evidence and record it. Then give the boy ten minutes to ask Miss Granger anything. I'll be there by Floo Powder at approximately 5:45.
Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic

"Alright, Hermione. It's five twenty, so why don't you go in there and get something out of Twiddles. Just don't be frightened because the door's open and Professor McGonagall will be right there. Do a record charm before you go in." Dumbledore said heavily.

"Alright." I said, sounding mute and feeling just the same. I was in too much fear, panic, and shock to feel any sort of emotion. I walked towards the door behind Professor Dumbledore's desk and open the door with quivering fingers.


Adam sat inside the room in a chair, which was the only thing in the space. He smiled when he saw me and tried to get up, but found that he was bound to his seat. I hesitantly sat opposite him on the floor and murmured "Immitordus", the spell to record things.

"So Adam, how have you been?" I said, trying to sound friendly, but the lump in my throat wouldn't dislodge and I found that I could not look away from his eyes. They flickered mischievously. I didn't like the feel of the air in the room. It hung over me, suffocating me in my suffering.

"Pretty screwed up. How would you like to wake up bound to a chair face to face with a person that has fooled two teachers into thinking I assaulted her. That's you and I feel no need to go on with this." He said then grinned and pointed to my wand. I knew he was thinking 'it can't record my sarcasm' and I loathed him for it. I didn't even bother glancing at my wand, my gaze was fixed upon his facial expressions which were now resembling triumph.

A second later I realized that I should have looked at my wand when I thought about it, because I saw it float up in front of my face and into Adam's hand which made him grin even wider.

"Now, Hermione, my girlfriend whom I've been going out with for the last year and a half-" he put great emphasis onto each of these words. "Why do you say that I've sexually harassed you?" he waited for my answer as he tucked my wand safely in his pocket. It was worse than torture to answer the question he knew perfectly well the answer to.

"Adam, I've told Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore that you raped me, not just assaulted me, because you did. Four times. And Adam, it isn't good to hold huge lies inside yourself. Just let the truth out, it'll be a lot easier on me."

"Alright. Just let me turn this off okay?" Adam said, taking out my wand again and snapping it in half. I screamed. Some people don't understand this, but my wand is like a friend to me. A good friend. I got up, looked at Adam quickly and muttered,

"Asshole." As I walked out of the room I heard Adam say,

"I did it. You know it and I know it and now you will pay!"

******

I awoke knowing that today was a very important day. When Ron rushed in yelling,

"Hermione! You have to be in the courtroom in two hours!" I knew why. It was set for eleven o' clock that morning and it seemed that in no time I was in the courtroom, waiting to be questioned. There must have been some law made right after the previous Easter because it seemed that whatever had happened, had happened in the worst case scenario. I was seated next to Adam, only a space of about two feet separated me from the man who had so far basically ruined my life. First they called me up to the witness stand.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" A man said placing my hands on my birth certificate which my wand would have replaced, but due to circumstances it was currently in two pieces. I replied a yes and the man whom I recognized as Lucius Malfoy and none other, stepped up and got into my face with rather embarrassing questions.

"So, girl, you have proceeded to tell the court that this boy, Adam Twiddles, has raped you?" he spat looking very pleased at my disgusted facial description. I nodded,

"It is the truth."

"Well, would you like to tell the court why he would have done such a preposterous thing?"

"His reason was that, and I quote 'You were just so beautiful I couldn't resist.'" I said recalling his flattering comments which brought on a putrid stench and made me feel as though I was about to vomit. Malfoy snorted with unconcealed laughter.

"You ? Beautiful? I'm sorry your honor but my client defies that statement." Adam rose and walked to the stand, where he stood.

"Look, Hermi, I told you I was in love with you and I think you returned the gesture." Adam said before being screeched at by the vulture-like judge to sit down.

"Your honor, my client has evidence in form of a tape. Recorded, he says, for purposes of remembering the first day they fell in love." Lucius said. My heart stopped. He wasn't going to play the tapes, was he? Indeed he was. A security guard took the tape to Judge Lisha and he handed it to someone behind his desk. The someone turned out to be a dementor and the air felt cold. The dementor put the tape in a player, all the while torturing me with 'No, Adam STOP! No, it hurts PLEASE!'. When the creature returned behind the desk the room resumed its warmth and I stopped shaking and wiped the tears from my eyes with my sleeves. Soon the sounds returned and I heard myself and Adam talking, sounding, to my horror, very much in love.

"Well, I saw you, beautiful, and I just couldn't resist saying hello. Well, gorgeous, I didn't think you were ever going to stop shaking. Why thank you, I guess. Oh, gorgeous Hermione, tell me truthfully, what do you think of me? I think you're a wonderful, attractive man who loves me. Well, I think you're a beautiful, attractive women who is in love with me. That is so true. And I think you will love this even more. January 5th, 2004"

Adam looked satisfied and Lucius beamed smugly. The jury, which consisted of five people Harry had told me were Death-Eaters and two people who looked as though they were in my favor began scribbling notes. The judge hit his mallet on the table.

"Court adjourned for decision of the jury. There will be another court date on Thursday."

Professor Dumbledore hurried me out and gestured to the center of the parking structure.

"We'll Apparate. Here, hold my sleeve and Professor McGonagall's and say 'Apparitorus' on the count of three. Oh, and think about my office. One. Two. Three." I concentrated on Fawkes, the Sorting Hat, and the desk in Dumbledore's office and muttered the spell and we were there. Madam Pomfrey was sitting at the desk waiting for us with a grave expression on her face. She walked over to Professor Dumbledore and whispered something in his ear. Then he did the same thing to McGonagall. She nodded and wiped a trickle of a tear from her eye.

"Hermione, I'm going to be as formal as possible so that you can take this better. You tested negative for Herpes II and other similar STD's, and you aren't pregnant. Unfortunately, one virus has been transferred from the boy's system to yours. This virus is called the Human Immune-deficiency Virus, or HIV. I'm sorry."

No. No. No. NO. I do not have HIV. I didn't test positive. I am not going to die from a Muggle disease. I do not have five or ten or however many years to live. I don't. This is a dream. It's not real.

These thoughts raced through my brain for three hours while Madam Pomfrey told me all she could about HIV and AIDS. It seems like it really is true, though, because I'm seeing a specialist after the trial Thursday, which is the day after tomorrow. Now Adam's supposed to come in and get tested with a new instant test that's less exact, but quicker, which is all we need. I asked Madam Pomfrey if I could go upstairs and talk to Ron, who wasn't allowed to come to the court because he isn't supposed to know, none of the students are. Professor Dumbledore has to tell the school tomorrow, though and I'm dreading it. Madam Pomfrey consented to my request and I raced up three sets of stairs and through the common room door and straight into his dorm forgetting Harry's requesting me not to. Ron and Harry jumped up when I stepped in and Ron walked over to me, standing protectively between me and the only other occupant of the room, Adam. Adam chuckled and said mildly,

"They want me do they? Alright. Have a good time up here Hermi, don't get too intimate with them. Oh, and Weasley, nice efforts to save your girlfriend, but it's too late. I'll strike again soon." Then he left with a wink that sent nauseous waves of revulsion throughout my body. Ron's arm circled my shoulders and I sat down on his bed and took his hand. I felt my lower lip begin to tremble and bit it to keep from crying out in my misery. I could tell that Harry knew and I was grateful that Ron had told him and I didn't have to again.

"The court was wretched. Lucius Malfoy is his lawyer and he's a darn good one, too. They played the tape Adam had and the jury consisted of five Death-Eaters Harry, you, told us about and two nice looking people. After that I got my tests back and… and…Harry, Ron, I have H.I.V!" I sobbed into Ron's shirt for many moments until I looked up at his face and saw tears on his cheeks and I comforted him until we stopped suddenly and realized how silly it seemed.

"I still have five or ten years, it's okay." I said. Ron and I were very out of it from such an incidental day and he nodded and patted the bed pillow, onto which I promptly fell asleep with Harry gazing at me, concern in his eyes.

******
I awoke in my bed and suddenly felt a weight on my chest and realized everything was hopeless. I t was morning and as I walked into the Great Hall I could tell that Professor Dumbledore had already announced that Adam was temporarily suspended on charges of raping me.


"Hey Mudblood, why are you going around spreading sleazy lies around when everyone knows you're the whore?" Malfoy shouted across the hall while walking swiftly towards me. He got beside me and stood looking me over. He then got up and spit on the floor nearly missing my shoes. "Filthy blood, that's what you have." He said and turned his back. Harry lunged and toppled Malfoy to the ground. The two rolled over each other pounding the other's face with their fists each bleeding profusely. Goyle started towards the two and Ron hurled a punch at him that sent a SMACK! Through the entire room and Goyle fell to the floor with a great lump on his forehead. Crabbe looked down at Goyle and into Ron's eyes and turned on his heel. He was out of the Great Hall in five seconds flat.

"You guys really shouldn't have done that. I could've handled Malfoy. I did once, remember in fourth year?" I said helping Harry off the ground. He was bleeding from a gash in his shoulder and the knuckles on his right hand looked unaligned.

"Quick, we better get him to Madam Pomfrey." Ron said looking at his best friend, who was currently clenching his teeth together in pain. Both of us could tell Harry was about to lose consciousness and we hurriedly helped him up and stabilized him with our arms…

Harry awoke some hours later lying on a hospital bed with Ron's and my face leaning close to his. "I win!" Ron shouted, sticking his tongue out in a childish manner.

"Yeah, sure." I said, giving in and laughing. Harry looked confused so I explained,

"See, we were guessing when you'd wake up and I said it would be at least a day, but Ron said that he knew you'd wake up before midnight."

"Oooh, I see. You guys are nerds." Harry said and started to laugh but quickly stopped and grabbed his wrist.

"Yeah, you know you want me." I mocked.

"I do." Ron replied quietly. Harry whistled and slapped him on the back with his good hand. Ron blushed and quickly changed the subject to the Quidditch discussion Professor Flitwick had with him Tuesday, but the tint of pink in his ears was no match for the brick red color my cheeks got as I looked away. Harry glanced at his watch.

"Hey, Hermione, what time do you have that meeting with the specialist guy tomorrow?"

"Eight fifteen. Why, what time is it?" I said automatically the weight sunk onto my chest.

"You better get some rest, it's eleven twenty right now!" He said and I nodded and quickly thanked him and wished him to feel better. As I walked to the common room I felt the presence of someone else. I turned sharply, but no one was there. I decided it was Peeves or a suit of armor playing a prank and I ignored the sound of distinct footsteps moving behind me until I reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. She was gone and I turned and was about to find another Prefect or look for her when my breath was cut short. I could see feet on the ground in gray tennis shoes and the beginnings of black Hogwarts robes, but the rest of the figure remained unseen.

"Come on, I can see your feet and I know you're there. Just take the cloak off and help me find the Fat Lady." I said, feeling very foolish talking to a pair of shoes. A male's voice, deep and loud cursed and removed the Invisibility Cloak. I turned but found the wall and empty painting, so I turned back to face the man and tried to edge around him, all the while whimpering softly when he pinned me to the wall as he had done once before when I had tried to tell Ron about him.

"Shhh don't move. Just stand still I need to talk to you. I want forgiveness." He said slowly, staring deep into my eyes, penetrating my brain. I blinked and wriggled out of his grasp.

"How dare you even speak to me. How dare you ever ask that of me, as if you hadn't taken enough, you came to see if I was okay with it? I'm damn well not okay with it so leave me be!" I yelled, my fists balling up in unimaginable anger. He refused to move, so I took care of him by kicking his shins as hard as I could. He dropped to his knees and groaned in pain. I didn't see him get up, so I ran as quickly as I could back to the hospital wing. I didn't want to upset Ron, Harry, or Madam Pomfrey who had her fair share of worries right now, so I told her that the Fat Lady had gone off somewhere and I couldn't get into my common room. She snatched her wand and yelled,

"Acio, Eleanor Fatisimo!" The Fat Lady zoomed into the room looking shocked, but quite tipsy.

"Ms. Eleanor, how many times do I have to speak to you about not going off when children are still out! You may indeed be removed if you do not stop running about like a Hippogriff with it's head cut off!" Madam Pomfrey spoke severely and the Fat Lady sulked back to the portrait as I followed on her heels. We reached the common room and I began to murmur the password when she replied,

"Don't bother I know ya know it, so just go on in." She swung the portrait hole opened and I went straight to bed, not even stopping to worry about what tomorrow may hold.

******

I walked into St. Mungo's cautiously, not wanting to disturb anyone, but trying to keep myself sane. I kept my eye on the back of Dumbledore's cloak, but I could not dissolve the sounds of screaming, highly disturbed people when we walked past the Mental Illness section. I thought of Harry and Ron when we passed the Support Office. Then, finally we got to the hallway labeled "Immune System Specialists" and Professor Dumbledore knocked three times on the second door to the right. A bespectacled man with a resemblance to Mr. Olivander nodded and gestured for the two of us to enter.

"I've been expecting you for a long time, Albus." But we had only known for a few short days, how could he have expected me? I shot a confused glance at Dumbledore, who sighed deeply and sat in a chair, bidding me to take the seat next to him. As soon as I had lowered myself into the comfortable leather seat the doctor told me not to.

"No you, my dear, will take a seat on the examining table. I have some painful tests to run on you." His eyes glinted and he walked to the back of the room and got three items. He then laid them on the examining table near my right knee. I flinched when I saw them, one was a shot of pale yellow fluid, another was an empty needle, and the last was a large package full of instant tests. I'm terribly afraid of needles and the shots on top of all my nervousness was too much. The empty needle fell to the floor. The doctor immediately turned and sterilized it with a tap from his wand.

"Nervous, are we? Well, this won't take but a minute!" He said chuckling to himself though I found nothing funny about the matter at all. He gently reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling it towards him. I retracted when I saw his other hand grasp the empty needle.

"There, there." He muttered under his breath while tightening his hold around my right forearm. I closed my eyes as I felt the needle puncture my arm, slightly below my elbow. I chanced a look at it and immediately felt queasy. Dark purple-red blood was flowing into a jar from a series of tubes connected to the needle in my arm. When the jar was ¾ of the way full, he removed the tube, but left the needle in my arm.

"Ah, ah!" I whimpered, looking at my blood seeping gently through the towel the doctor had placed over the area.

"Alright my dear, I can tell that this will not be a great experience for you. When I finish the tests, we will see exactly how nasty you'll feel each day." He then removed the needle and with a small ' Pop!' there was no cut, only a small bruise.

"Before I put the other injection in, I will give you a lesson on how to treat your blood, not that it is swimming with the toxic virus HIV." He then placed the towel into a plastic bag, then another, then a special bag made of heavier blue plastic. Then, he muttered an inconceivable spell and the bag was gone.

"Now, this is a drug called AZT which is used by Muggles. Unfortunately, these diseases and cures are still a great mystery and all we know is what the Muggles know." I grimaced as he punctured yet another spot in my unblemished skin. I felt the liquid enter my veins and I had a sudden picture of pink blobs with white flags fighting a mass of black, and losing. The doctor wiped my arm with an alcohol pad that stung slightly and then opened the packages.

"These right here, I invented these." He boasted proudly, picking up three of them.

"Yes, none of that Muggle waiting two days for your blood sugar count, and up to a year for the HIV testing! No, we'll get these done is less than half the hour." He picked up on test and asked me to put my finger on the white tag. I did so and yelped in surprise as it sliced a miniscule cut in my flesh. I watched as the doctor squeezed a drop of blood out onto it.

"There we go. As you see, I like color so if it turns blue in a few seconds I'll tell you you've got a good 20 years ahead of you. But if its green then you've only got around 10…" We waited in silence. Professor Dumbledore stood and patted my back, which startled me since I'd forgotten about him. Dr. Marcus whistled a low note as the test turned a sickly yellow color and then on to brown.

I hung my head and heard Dumbledore ask dully, "What does it mean?" The doctor looked as if he didn't want to answer, but took a deep breath and told us precisely what I didn't want to hear.

"Well, I've seen the yellow a few times and that means you've got a sad five years to go, but I've never treated a brown patient. Black means your time has come, but I'm guessing she's got a good year, judging by the shad that brown is. And it ain't going to be a pretty year either." I got off the table and sat by Dumbledore. I didn't care what anyone thought. It was my right to sit there. Dr. Marcus didn't make any move to stop me.

"Why? Why can't I live?" I asked him, the depths of my soul pouring out in those 4 words. A year I had. 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days. And the doctor wasn't even sure that it was going to be that long. I knew I couldn't make it now, I had nothing to look forward to. I might not even graduate from Hogwarts. I wouldn't have a career, a family, a love. No, I have a love, I thought to myself, I've got Ron, and I love him. But he didn't know how I felt. No one did. Dr. Marcus was talking again. I shook myself and my thoughts were washed away as I concentrated on his lecture. Soon, all I could hear was him telling me why I would pass on before my seventeenth birthday. My immune system and white blood cell count was low, too low for me to have lived very long even if I hadn't been infected, hadn't been raped. I needed to start on many medicines right away. I would be at the hospital every weed on Thursday for the entire afternoon. Until something went wrong, in which case I'd get a room there. I didn't mention my beliefs that it wouldn't be long until I'd be getting a room, but held my tongue as I was introduced to a woman in her thirties wearing a pink dress and bright red lipstick. She looked like a regular Barbie Doll.

"Hello, you must be Hermione. I'm Ms. Paluchin, I work with children like you. I'll try to help you focus on the positive side of your life," She said, a fake smile plastered across her round face. Or what's left of my life, you mean, I thought. She kept jabbering away, oblivious to the fact that I didn't give a care about what she was telling me.

"Also, another priority I'm going to work on with you is I'll try to help you deal with the fact that many of the children with your type of situation pass on, and how to find positive in that." How did she expect me to find positive in dying? She shook Professor Dumbledore's hand and waved good-bye to me, quickly telling him that I'd see her after each of my weekly treatments.

After my meeting with Ms. Paluchin, I went back to Hogwarts and began to carefully scrutinize myself. Physically I was a mess, the bruises from my last encounter with Adam were still clearly visible, reminding me, haunting me with my horrendous past. After I stepped away from the full sized mirror, I could not help but continue to brood over the unbearable life I had lived in the last year. It was so very intense pain and humiliation that I crumpled to the floor in sobs of anguish, and strangled cries erupted from my throat. When I got up I tried to cheer myself up. The only way I could think of doing this was to talk to Ron before it was over. I walked cautiously out of the dorm, making sure that no one in the common room noticed me. I didn't need the ridicule. I knocked gently and was led in by Ron, thankfully the only person in the room.

"What's wrong, Hermione, you seem all hot and bothered." He said, looking concerned. He led me to his bed and I sat down on it, very close to him.

"Well, if you had a terminal disease you wouldn't be feeling very cheerful either, I can tell you that much." I said, getting defensive of my very short life. It isn't fun to talk about dying was what I thought, and I think I got my point across to Ron.

"Now, you can't think like that already. McGonagall and Dumbledore said you have at least five years and I'm going to make then the best years of your life." He said, trying desperately to cheer me, but it was to no avail. I squeezed his hand and pressed myself against his chest. My head found the groove between his shoulder and his neck, and I rested comfortably.

"No, no…Dumbledore and I saw Dr. Marcus today, remember?" I asked. He nodded, and tightened his embraced making me feel warm and protected.

"Well, I found out that I've got a naturally low immune system and he's guessing that I've only got around a year to live." I looked at his shirt, the rise and fall of his chest.

I had begun to cry when he cupped his warm, caring hands around my face and said quietly, "It'll be alright, you and me, we'll be alright." He glared at me with fierce adoration, begging me to agree with him. I saw tears unwilling to fall from his brown eyes, and sorrow clinging to his heart refusing to leave him happy. His hands didn't move from my face, though they trembled slightly and he kissed me, softly in all the mourning he felt as well as I did. I could only sit into it and gradually let him reduce my pain, yet the aching was permanently branded in my heart.

"Good night, Hermione. Be strong." He said, breaking the kiss and wiping tears from my cheeks.

"I will, Ron. Good-bye." I said, standing up and disconnecting my hand from his even though every particle in my body willed me to stay with him. I shuffled out, noticing that my mood had only gone downhill with my departure and feeling that it would only continue to decline.

I let my mind wander and I moaned unnecessarily the entire walk until I realized just where my body had unconsciously taken me. The door to a room become visible before me and my hand turned the knob without being told to by my brain. I felt a terrible shiver run through my body and fell to my knees. The supply closet where it had all began appeared around me and sent memories, crisp remembrances through me. This unconscious walk gave me the feeling that the new, shiny knife I saw in front of me was an omen that I would have to follow. I nodded to my thoughts, walked over and picked up the tool. I traced the knife across my wrists, thinking of the advantages of life and the advantages of death.
No more worrying, pain, or fear, a voice whispered in my ear. True, but you wouldn't have love. Another contradicted. I was angry that my soul and body wouldn't let me end it. I traced the knife deeper, putting more pressure on, until I pierced the skin. It was only a miniscule slash, not even causing a drop of blood to spill out, but I relished in the pain, no matter how small and little it hurt. I expected to cry, but no tears fell. I took a breath and punctured the other wrist, a slightly large cut formed. The slices came easier and I ruptured the skin of my arms spontaneously. A mad cackle emerged from within me. Some piece of me enjoyed it. I enjoyed hurting the insignificant body I was caged in.

"Hey! What are you doing Herm?!" An urgent voice came from behind. The door closed almost silently behind Adam.

"Damn you, Adam. Get out of here, I'm trying to finish something." He looked confused.

"What, your life? Did you even stop to think about how many people you'll hurt? Come now, I'll tell you for one, I care. And if I care, just think of how much you'll hurt Weasley. I won't let you do it. I'm not leaving until you change your mind." He said firmly, grabbing the knife roughly from my hands and sliding it across the floor. He then went over and set a large box on it. I didn't want to see my chance of escape go and I writhed as I heard it crack.

"Damn. If I can't do it, you kill me. Just get it over with quick. All I want is to die." I whispered speaking the truth. I held my arms out to the sides in an act of complete vulnerability and closed my eyes, expecting the end. When I opened them I saw Adam looking at me seriously.


"I could never hurt someone I love." He said, looking straight into my eyes as he had so many times before when he was about to cause immense pain to me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…You cannot just come in here and tell me you love me. It's SICK! How could you hurt me as much as you have, and sentence me to death if you loved me?"

"Sit down." He ordered, lowering himself to a seated position. He looked so serious that I didn't hesitate and immediately sat, making sure to keep a good distance from him all the while. He began to speak, his gray eyes on the ground, he looked ashamed. Good, I thought, he should feel bad about what he's done.

"You see, Hermione, I've had my eye on you ever since first year. When you crashed into me on the train. I knew you would just end up with Potter or Weasley, so I kept a distance. It was hard. You always seemed to ignore me on purpose, but I guess that's just because I wanted your full attention all the time, just like you had mine. At the beginning of this year I found out I'd gotten AIDS. Probably from that seventh year I went steady with. I didn't love her, but I did like the pleasure she gave me, so I didn't worry about protection when we got intimate. I guess that really pushed me over the edge. My true love gone with another guy, and now I didn't even know how long I'd be alive to admire you from afar. Soon I became obsessed.

I needed to be loved in return from you, so when I saw you here I took it. Now I realize how stupid that was, because it only caused you to hate me more, but I was overcame by the feeling I got by making you give me your love that I only concentrated on getting more. I am most ashamed of the fact that I'm not insane or under a curse, I did it on my own free will. I know nothing could make you forgive me, and you shouldn't forgive me no matter how much I seem to have changed. I'm sorry, Hermione. I truly do love you." His eyes rose to meet mine. It wasn't sinking in, it didn't make sense, yet the look in his eyes was so genuine and true. The air held still and we were silent.

I looked down at my hand, my eyes traveled to my wrist . Then, I took a fleeting look at the ground underneath my wrists and went pale. Maybe it was from the shock of seeing a pool of blood, or perhaps it was from the sudden tremor of pain that ripped through my body. My breathing came, sharp in my chest and steadily the blood spilled onto the ground, each drop taking another moment from my life. You should be happy, this is what you wanted. Something inside me said.

"No, I- I want to live." I whimpered, hopelessly drifting away. The blackness was coming, slowly blotching away my sight. I vaguely felt Adam squeeze my hand, saw a look of concern flash across his face, heard his panic as he called out my name. I was almost gone, the darkness was almost completely smothering me, when I heard a heavenly voice.

'Do not be afraid. Come.' It whispered. I nodded and my soul rose. I saw my body on the floor, lifeless, but content. I saw Adam, my deceased hand still clutched in his, tears running unchecked down his cheeks.

'I'm fine. It all worked out okay.' I whispered, and finally, all was forgiven, all was right.


~ End~

Once Again...

I thought I'd add a bit of an ending. This story deals with serious topics, such as rape, depression, and suicide. If you are dealing with these feelings or things happening in your life DO NOT SUFFER QUIETLY! Tell someone you trust like a parent, counselor, friend, relative orcall a crisis line. The Hope Line (656-HOPE) has many caring people who can help you and is completely confidential.