"I'm not your fucking whore." It was the last thing she said to me before she walked out of my life. I still don't understand. It wasn't about sex! Couldn't she see that? It was about bringing together the two people who meant the most to me. I sure as hell wasn't going to choose one or the other. All or nothing, they say. I risked it all and gained nothing but years of pain.
What makes it worse for me was the last thing Bank said to me before Alyssa broke my heart. "Sure." God, I can't even imagine how much courage that one word took. "Sure." With just that one simple word, everything came out. His love for me, his jealousy of Alyssa, and his homosexuality. I never knew he had that kind of strength.
After she left, Bank went straight to his room and started packing. He didn't speak to me again. We finished the last issue of Bluntman & Chronic in two different buildings.
It's funny how you never realize how much you love someone until they're gone. How you just take for granted their presence because they've been there for so long. You never think about what life would be like without them because you just can't imagine it. You've never known that life. Until now.
I wanted so much to call Alyssa, but I love her too much. She didn't want to talk to me. I respect her wishes.
Bank didn't want to talk to me either, on account he wanted time to figure out who he is. It's what he wrote to me in the last bit of communication I got from him. Just a little note with the inked Bluntman & Chronic issue. Guess he figured it out. He's with Hooper now. I would've never thought.
I haven't dated anyone, not one person, since they left. Neither of them can understand what I'm going through. Maybe they struggled with coming to terms with their sexuality. I'm struggling with the fact that I accepted who I was so easily. I just woke up one morning and realized I was bisexual. And that was it. It's supposed to be more complicted than that, isn't it? I don't know.
I guess maybe I'll find someone someday. Someone who'll make me as happy as Bank makes Hooper. That's all he talks about when I see him. I want that. I had that. My stupid ass screwed things up. Lyss just took it the wrong way. I wish I could take it all back. I never knew it was possible to be in love with two people at the same time. Now I know. And now I'm alone.
END
What makes it worse for me was the last thing Bank said to me before Alyssa broke my heart. "Sure." God, I can't even imagine how much courage that one word took. "Sure." With just that one simple word, everything came out. His love for me, his jealousy of Alyssa, and his homosexuality. I never knew he had that kind of strength.
After she left, Bank went straight to his room and started packing. He didn't speak to me again. We finished the last issue of Bluntman & Chronic in two different buildings.
It's funny how you never realize how much you love someone until they're gone. How you just take for granted their presence because they've been there for so long. You never think about what life would be like without them because you just can't imagine it. You've never known that life. Until now.
I wanted so much to call Alyssa, but I love her too much. She didn't want to talk to me. I respect her wishes.
Bank didn't want to talk to me either, on account he wanted time to figure out who he is. It's what he wrote to me in the last bit of communication I got from him. Just a little note with the inked Bluntman & Chronic issue. Guess he figured it out. He's with Hooper now. I would've never thought.
I haven't dated anyone, not one person, since they left. Neither of them can understand what I'm going through. Maybe they struggled with coming to terms with their sexuality. I'm struggling with the fact that I accepted who I was so easily. I just woke up one morning and realized I was bisexual. And that was it. It's supposed to be more complicted than that, isn't it? I don't know.
I guess maybe I'll find someone someday. Someone who'll make me as happy as Bank makes Hooper. That's all he talks about when I see him. I want that. I had that. My stupid ass screwed things up. Lyss just took it the wrong way. I wish I could take it all back. I never knew it was possible to be in love with two people at the same time. Now I know. And now I'm alone.
END
