***Disclaimer: Harry Potter is strictly owned by JK Rowling and no one else.***

A/n: I've been reading fanfics for a long time. And it seems to me that most fanfiction (especially romantic fanfiction) pair Harry Potter up with a lot of people. A lot. There is also a lot of controversy over who Harry Potter is/will be in love with. I guess this is my way of making my stand on the matter known.

~*~*~

Harry walked gloomy down the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He walked alone, as Hermione and Ron both ditched him earlier rather abruptly for reasons unknown. He sighed and walked over to the library. After plopping down on at a table, he sadly began to read by himself.

"Oi, Harry! What's up?" Seamus Finnigan said from the table behind him. Dean Thomas, who was with him waved at Harry. They both had huge grins on his face.

Harry shrugged.

"You all right?" Seamus asked again, still smiling. "What's up? Where's Ron and Hermione?" At this Dean turned around quickly and covered his face to stifle his laughter.

Not noticing this, Harry only sighed.

"Wish I knew," he answered glumly. "They ditched me for no reason two seconds ago. Said they had 'important business' to take care of, and then disappeared. But I have no idea what they meant,"

Dean turned back and faced Harry, almost bursting with laughter.

"Y-yeah…I dunno Harry…it's probably nothin', you know!"

Harry narrowed his eyes.

"….what's up guys? What's so funny?" he asked slowly.

Dean and Seamus looked at each other and shook their heads in unison.

"Nothing!" they both said at the same time.

"No, don't worry bout it Harry. Just….uh…continue reading!" Seamus said and turned back around. Almost immediately the two started to laugh.

Harry shook his head and continue to read. Obviously there was something going on….something to do with Ron and Hermione? But whatever it was it had to be pretty funny….

~*~*~

Inside the Great Hall, a beautiful, talented and EXTREMELY intelligent Terra Seruba stood loftily on top of a huge stage in the front. Huge crowds of students cheered her on as she raised the mike to her.

Terra: Heeelllloooo fellow Hogwarts students!!!! I'm Terra , and welcome to the seventh annual The Boy is MINE contest! You all know the drill! Each year, you pick someone who's totally adored sometimes for no reason, and ya bring his admirers up here to duke it out for all the public to see! Now, just before we start, I HAVE to stay. This contest is full of violence, foul humour, profanity and LOTSA stuff not suitable for children, so all of y'all in first and second year better get the hell out!

Disgruntled and swearing loudly, all the first and second year kids get up and leave the room.

Terra: All right. Now…on with the show! First-

Random Person from the Audience: TAKE IT OFF!!!

The audience cheers loudly.

Terra: growls Hey screw you! Umm….okay, anyway, now first we gotta announce who our boy toy of the year is! And that lucky person is none other than….the Boy Who Lived, HARRY POTTER!!!

Audience cheers aggressively.

Terra: That's right…heh heh…and now for the crazy physco fans of Harry! Now remember. These are the guys who're gonna duke it out for our boy toy's hand! First up…her parents are dentists, her grades are better than yours! Let's here it for Hermione Granger!

Hermione runs out onto the stage with the crowd cheering her on (and some yelling 'will you my homework?')

Hermione: Thanks Terra, it's great to be here. I love Harry with all my heart and soul, and I'm gonna win him no matter WHAT! And no, Fred, I won't do your homework. You can do your own damn homework for once.

Terra: OUCH!!! DAMN!!! Aw man, that's gotta hurt! Well, them's the breaks Fred. Anyway, next up…all the way from the Burrow, commonly known as the littlest Weasely, we got….Ginny Weasely!!!

Ginny walks up on stage, and waves shyly. Hermione looks at her angrily.

Ginny: Thanks for having me, Terra.

Hermione: *cough* skank *cough*

Ginny: (takes out a roll of cough drops) Here you go, Hermione!

Hermione: (looks at her like she's an immense loser and then takes a cough drops) Yeah…thanks.

Terra: All right, up next! She's beautiful, she smart, she's the seeker for Raven Claw….give it up for Choooooo Chang!!

Audience yells even louder than before. Some whistle. Cho comes running up on stage, waving and blowing kisses. Once she comes up stage she stands right in between Hermione and Ginny, who both look like their thirsty for blood.

Cho: (coyly brushing her hair back behind her ears) Oh, I'm just so nervous! I really hope I win

Hermione: Well, if it was a air head competition you woulda already one.

Cho: Go read a book.

Before a cat fight can break out Terra steps in between them.

Terra: Ooooookay!! Hehehehe….Let's carry on, shall we? Up next we have….

She checks her list and spots a name. Immediately her jaw drops. She checks it one more time and then looks back at the audience.

Terra: ….um….I guess….we have…Ronald Weasely?

Silence. A few odd, confused claps here and there can be heard in the room. Cho, Ginny, and Hermione look at each other bewildered. Ron comes running up to the stage waving enthusiastically.

Ron: Hello everyone! I'm sooo excited to be here! I so hope I win!

Terra: Aren't you Ron's best friend?

Ron: (looks at her for a moment and the narrows his eyes) Oh, I see what this is….just because I'm a guy, I'm not allowed to be in love with another guy, is THAT it?

Terra (starting to sweat) no…no…that's not it at all…

Ron swipes the mike from Terra and steps out infront of her.

Terra: HEY!! Give that back!

Ron: NO! I will NOT be silenced! My voice will be heard, by Selena it will!

Hermione turns to Ginny and mouths the words 'by Selena?' Terra runs up to Ron , takes the mike from him and smacks him on the head.

Terra: Fool. Do that again and I'll castrate you. Now….lastly on the list, we have….(checks the list. This time a look of utter shock appears on her face). Oh I don't believe this….(she turns to the camera men in the corner) What the hell is this? He's his worst enemy!

The camera men shrug.

Terra: (sighing) Whatever. Okay, Draco Malfoy, come on down.

Draco saunters onto the stage. Hermione, Cho, Ginny and the entire audience stare at him opened mouthed while Ron gives him his best 'Oh no he didn't' look.

Draco: Thank you Terra, it's good to be here. And let me take this time to profess my undying love for my sweet, brave Harry Bunny…

Hermione: Harry Bunny?

Ron: (flips his hair back…which is kinda useless since he has short hair) Oh please. Harry Bunny? Boy, you need to get a reality check

Draco: S'cuse me?

Ron: That's right. Cuz everybody knows Harry's my guy.

Hermione: (suddenly remembering where she is) What the? Harry, you're guy? Ron, don't kid yourself. You've read the fanfics, Harry's in love with me!

Draco: You need to get your but back to huss school, girlfriend. Harry loves me.

Hermione: Girlfriend?

Ginny: But none of you have proof that he actually loves you!

Draco: Yes I do. He told me.

Hermione: LIAR

Cho: Hey…wait a sec…you're guys! Ha, I get it! Good work Terra!

Terra sits back and watches the cat fight for a moment grinning widely.

Terra: heh heh…this is gold. Gonna get ratings for sure…(then remembering that her mike's still on laughs nervously). heh heh…you know me, guys…just jokin'! Anyway, there you have it folks! The five competors willing to risk it all for Harry Potters love! (turns to the 'competors') Now remember, you'll all have your chance to prove your love for Harry…but you'll have to do some pretty messed up things to do it! You up to it?

Hermione: (glaring at everyone) Course! I can win, no problem!

Ron: I am so up to it!

Ginny: I'll do my best

Hermione sticks out her tongue at her.

Cho: Yeah sure!….hey, Hermione? Oh! You like the taste of air too!?

Draco: Harry my love…we'll be together.

Terra: There you go! Now y'all just sit back and enjoy the messed up ri-

All of a sudden someone from the audience throws something onto the stage. Terra walks up to it and picks it up.

Terra: What the…(after examining it she looks up furious at the audience) UNDERWEAR? What the hell? Who was that!!?

Silence. Terra looks at them for a moment and then growls fiercely.

Terra: Oh, I get it. You're probably the same jack ass who told me to take my shirt off!! Well, I'll show you!! That's right! I'll find out who your are if it's the-

Random Person from the Audience: Take you're shirt off!!!

Terra: (close to pulling her hair out). YOU JERK!! I'LL FIND YOU!!!!!

****To be continued***

A/n: Yeah, I know. It's kinda messed up. I did it kinda spur of the moment. I also have to say that I KNOW that Ron, Hermione, Draco, Cho and Ginny are not represented truthfully…that is to say I messed with their personalities. It's supposed to be that way. Anyway, cast in your votes to see who you thinks gonna win this years The Boy is MINE contest!!

*~Terra~*