Faith stood in the ruins of the library. No one had bothered to clean up
the mess. The destruction was nearly total. It seemed fitting that she see
it once more. After all, this was partly her doing. If it hadn't been for
her, none of this would have been possible.
Who was she kidding. She'd been nothing but a pawn. A useful one, but a pawn nonetheless. She recalled those brief weeks of happiness. Under the wings of the Mayor was comfort. Love. Attention. False or not, it was the closest thing she had.
She knew in the back of her mind that she'd meant very little to him. He'd seen her need and responded. She'd given all of herself to him and then he'd gone and let himself get killed. Perhaps she never really believed all that Ascension crap from the beginning. Eventually he'd get tired of it and give up. He'd buy a big house in the country and Faith would be like his daughter. He'd get her a puppy for Christmas and she'd hug him like the little girls in the movies. For a while, she'd been certain that it would all work out.
Even after she'd let go of the fantasy, she had hoped for something else. Something other than the total desolation. Abandonment. She'd finally realized what Angel had meant when he told her about forgiveness. There would be none.
She'd tried to atone. Prison had been nice for a while..a terribly comforting thought to be sitting around making up for your past. But in the end, it hadn't done any good. She was still just sitting. Accomplishing nothing. Bored. Tired.
Faith stood among the rubble and reviewed the events of the last few days. She hadn't expected Buffy's gang to welcome her with open arms, but the fear she saw in their eyes was too much. She didn't care anymore if they helped her. She deserved to be hunted and killed. Faith gave up and wept. She was not quiet. She beat her hands against the remains of a bookshelf until she was bleeding. She attacked the walls, ripping the shreds into smaller shreds. When she was too tired to do anymore, she lay down and slept. Her hair formed bloody mats and the blood on her hands dried to the floor.
***
Faith had told him to get out as soon as they reached the library. Spike played the good pup and left. He knew what was happening here. He recognized a nervous breakdown when he saw one. For a moment, some part of him wanted to comfort her. He repressed the urge quickly.
This was no time to go soft. This was a window of opportunity. Spike felt as though a great weight had lifted off of his shoulders. There was clarity, if not grace. He could see the justice in this. It was not right, but there was still justice. It was beautiful. One for one. Five by five. A sacrifice. A perfect circle.
Spike ran back to the Magic Box. He was betraying Faith. They all were. By the time she'd recovered, perhaps before, they'd all have vanished.
***
Who was she kidding. She'd been nothing but a pawn. A useful one, but a pawn nonetheless. She recalled those brief weeks of happiness. Under the wings of the Mayor was comfort. Love. Attention. False or not, it was the closest thing she had.
She knew in the back of her mind that she'd meant very little to him. He'd seen her need and responded. She'd given all of herself to him and then he'd gone and let himself get killed. Perhaps she never really believed all that Ascension crap from the beginning. Eventually he'd get tired of it and give up. He'd buy a big house in the country and Faith would be like his daughter. He'd get her a puppy for Christmas and she'd hug him like the little girls in the movies. For a while, she'd been certain that it would all work out.
Even after she'd let go of the fantasy, she had hoped for something else. Something other than the total desolation. Abandonment. She'd finally realized what Angel had meant when he told her about forgiveness. There would be none.
She'd tried to atone. Prison had been nice for a while..a terribly comforting thought to be sitting around making up for your past. But in the end, it hadn't done any good. She was still just sitting. Accomplishing nothing. Bored. Tired.
Faith stood among the rubble and reviewed the events of the last few days. She hadn't expected Buffy's gang to welcome her with open arms, but the fear she saw in their eyes was too much. She didn't care anymore if they helped her. She deserved to be hunted and killed. Faith gave up and wept. She was not quiet. She beat her hands against the remains of a bookshelf until she was bleeding. She attacked the walls, ripping the shreds into smaller shreds. When she was too tired to do anymore, she lay down and slept. Her hair formed bloody mats and the blood on her hands dried to the floor.
***
Faith had told him to get out as soon as they reached the library. Spike played the good pup and left. He knew what was happening here. He recognized a nervous breakdown when he saw one. For a moment, some part of him wanted to comfort her. He repressed the urge quickly.
This was no time to go soft. This was a window of opportunity. Spike felt as though a great weight had lifted off of his shoulders. There was clarity, if not grace. He could see the justice in this. It was not right, but there was still justice. It was beautiful. One for one. Five by five. A sacrifice. A perfect circle.
Spike ran back to the Magic Box. He was betraying Faith. They all were. By the time she'd recovered, perhaps before, they'd all have vanished.
***
