by: tlgirl
Rating: PG
Category: other
Disclaimer: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . you know the drill.
Note: This is a story I wrote inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song "Angel." It's a great song. This is a missing scene from Separation Anxiety in season 4. It's kind of short, but I think it's an emotional piece. It doesn't focus on details, more on thoughts and feelings.
Spoilers: Season Four – Episode #412 "Separation Anxiety"
Feedback: Please! This is the first Dawson's Creek fan fiction that I've written. E-mail me: tlgirl2@hotmail.com
You're asleep. Even though I'm not looking at your face, I can tell by your long deep breaths. I lean in closer to your bare chest, listening to the beating of your heart. I wonder when you stopped loving me.
"Pace . . . do you think maybe I could come and stay with you tonight? We could just...sleep." I asked you. I looked in your eyes, and searched for answer. But instead of finding one, I get lost in a sea of blue. I felt the tears come to my eyes. I tried to blink them away, tried to maintain my composure. I didn't want you to see how broken and how incomplete you've left me. I couldn't show you my tears. I tried to muster up some courage, but I can't because there isn't any left, and I broke down and cried. You were my source of courage. When I lost my spine, I leaned on you to stay strong. I never told you that. There's so much I want to tell you, so much that I should have told you a long time ago, so many lies I want to take back. But it's too late now. It doesn't matter anymore, I don't matter to you anymore.
"Yeah."
I close my eyes as another tear rolls down my face. When I'm with you, all the memories come flooding back to me. I remember pushing you away. I remember you being there when I was alone. I remember you wiping away my tears. I remember you making me feel alive. You see Pacey? I remember everything too.
I hate you so much.
I hate you for kissing me that day by the road.
I hate you for buying me a wall.
I hate you for being so goddamn unselfish.
I hate you for once loving me.
I hate you.
I hate you because I love you.
I slowly run my hand softly over your chest and lift my head to see your face. I want to memorize this moment. I want to remember just the way the moonshine lit your face through the window. I want to memorize the steady rhythm of your heart. Because after tonight, that's all I'll have left.
I don't want to think anymore. I'm so tired, Pacey. I wipe away the rest of my tears and lay my head back on your chest. I just want to find some peace tonight. Laying here in your arms, I escape one last time.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
