The Christmas revelation

It was the day before Christmas, and the girls were actually decorating the manor for the occasion. For the last few years, they had somewhat avoided celebrating this holiday. In part, because they had wondered if witches were even supposed to do this, but also because this gift had come with so many obligations and dangers, that it left them very little time for the sheer pleasure of celebration. However, this year, Phoebe had made it a point to be in a joyous mood, and she encouraged all of them to do the same. Slowly, but surely, she had brought her sisters and even Leo into the Christmas spirit. Her only problem was to convince Cole to feel the same. Her own renewed desire to be thankful was born of his newly found human condition, and of how grateful she was about it.

Most of the time, he seemed content, and she was hoping that it would grow on him. Nevertheless, oftentimes she found him in deep contemplation, wondering no doubts what he would do next.

In hindsight, she could understand his dilemma very well, as now she knew that losing her own powers would be like losing a part of herself.

She had still secretly been hoping that her love would be enough to keep him happy. Unfortunately, it looked like it might not be enough…

Again, that morning, he had left the room early, and she found him in the living room, observing the decorations with an odd look about him.

"Cole?"

He turned halfway, with a slight surprise at her voice, then gave her a half-hearted smile. It was not starting well.

"Good morning," he answered, without much enthusiasm.

She came to sit by him on the love seat and turned askance.

"Is something wrong?"

Sighing, he still answered:

"Nothing, nothing at all."

"Cole, I know there is something."

This time, when he looked at her, there was obvious irritation in his expression.

"Phoebe, you know perfectly well what is wrong. Why do you keep asking?"

Hurt by the rebuff, she recoiled, and he regretted his outburst. Still, he could not say that he had not meant it, although maybe not so harshly. Therefore, he simply kept quiet.

She looked away for a while, just as lost in thoughts as he was. Suddenly, the Christmas spirit did not seem so bright anymore.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, worried about her silence.

She twitched slightly, but still turned to him with a soft smile.

"It's ok, I understand."

Cole took her in his arms and kissed her while hugging her tight. He knew that he should simply be thankful for her. So why was it so hard to accept his condition?

Phoebe tried to take a lighter tone of voice, faking an enthusiasm that she was not sure she felt.

"Ok, I still have a lot to do to make this house ready for Christmas."

She said this while getting up, but not before she had given him a light kiss of her own.

"Be good," she added, as an afterthought. She had not meant it as a warning, but in a way, he took it as one.

As soon as she was gone, his brooding mood returned.

Cole had been thinking furiously in the last few days. He had tried to get used to being human, but it was too hard.

He already had a working solution in mind, but he also knew that when Phoebe understood what he had done, she would be furious.

Cole himself had tried to think of many other ways, but in the end, this was the only solution. As unpleasant as it might have been, he could not see himself continue in this weakened state. First, as a human, he could not protect Phoebe, as all the dangers that she faced were now beyond the scope of what he could do. This had soon become painfully obvious when, trying to save her from a demon, he had actually put her in more danger.

Secondly, he had not the first clue as to what he might do, that would make him in any way useful to them. He had no diploma, no usable skill, beside his experience as a demon that was, which was not a great help in finding a job. Because he had never needed money, he found himself penniless and shamefully in debt to the woman that he loved. All this was becoming too much to bear.

Standing up, he sighed but still decidedly moved toward the stairs. He went all the way up to the attic and, although with some hesitations, he picked up the book that he could now look up to his heart content.

Unbeknown to the girls, he had indeed been searching for something in the book that would be of any use to him, and only the day before, he had found it. At the time, the discovery had left him unsettled. Looking for the solution was a way to alleviate his frustration. However, finding it gave him a dilemma that he had spent the last day and night debating.

First of all, he knew that saying the spell was of no use to him. He needed one of them to say it, and preferably, the one who wrote it. He was sure that Phoebe had never envisioned that this spell could actually bring Belthazor back. Moreover, if she had, how could he make her do this?

Then an idea had come to his mind, one that he found despicable and had caused even more brooding. Christmas was coming, as she had pointed out many times in the last few days. Christmas was a time for gifts and exchange of good wishes. In his pocket, he already had the card that he would use for his plan. Still hesitating, he nevertheless pulled it out and looked at it as if it was a disease.

"How could I?"

However, the more he thought about it, the more sense it seemed to make.

"She will understand," he thought again. "After all, I proved to her that I was good long before I was human…Plus, how else can I protect her against evil."

The fact that what he was planning was this close to evil did not escape him, however hard he tried to forget about it.

Sighing again, he still opened the book to Phoebe's entry.

Guiding spirits I ask your charity
Lend me your focus and clarity
Lead me to the one I cannot find
Restore that and my peace of mind.

Cole made the modifications that he knew were needed, which did not do anything to help his frustration. All this knowledge, and all of it useless without powers. This finished to convince him that it had to be done.

***************

Good Spirit, I ask your lenience

Lend me your focus and guidance,

Lead me to the one I cannot find,

Restore what was lost in body and mind

***************

Satisfied that this would work, he put the card away and went out of the room without looking back.

Cole had no idea that Leo had been observing him almost throughout this activity. This one had been watching him since he had noticed him going to the attic the day before. Curious, he had orbed up and watched him furiously searching the book of shadows. He had then decided to continue his watch through the night and until now. He could see that it had been a good idea. While observing Cole, he had seen his hesitations, and knew for a fact, that something was bothering him. From the Heavens, he saw him opening the page to the lost and found spell, and puzzled over this for a moment. Then, he saw him pulling what looked like a Christmas card from his pocket and carefully transcribing the spell, along with some modifications. This sufficed to tell him that something was terribly wrong, although for the life of him, he could not think of what. Looking away, he tried to imagine what it was that Cole intended to do with this. There was no way that he could use the spell himself, as he was human now. Then, it dawned on him, and it was appalling.

Looking back, he realized that he had missed what Cole had done afterward, because he could see him going out of the attic and could not see the card anymore.

He wondered how Cole expected to do this. However, he trusted that the former demon had already thought this through… No matter, he could warn the girls beforehand, and nothing bad would happen.

In spite of his misgivings with Cole's actions however, he could not help but sympathize with his plight. He remembered too well what it felt like to have his powers taken away. He had experienced this himself once before, rendering him helpless to help the witches.

Thinking about this, he also realized that if he told Phoebe and the others, they would take it badly. Maybe, there was a way to make Cole see the error of his way?

An idea started to form in his mind, and the more he thought about it, the more sense it seemed to make. As he told himself, there was nothing original about it, yet it might just work.

Nevertheless, he could not take the chance that Cole would make his move before he had put his own plan in action. Orbing home and into the attic, he searched it carefully, hoping that the card was still there. As luck had it, he found it inside one of Gram's old books. Smiling to himself, he thought, "Well Cole, you are smart, but this game can be played both ways…" Picking up the card, already in its envelope, he materialized an identical one. Then, he substituted it to the original with his own modifications to the spell, which would render it useless. He knew that Cole would realize the substitution when the spell was recited, but would most certainly not dare comment on it.

Of course, Leo still hoped that Cole would change his mind long before this. In order to make sure of that, he orbed out to prepare the next part of his plan.

That night, Phoebe noticed how jumpy Cole was and, taking him aside, she finally questioned him about it.

"Cole? Is there something the matter?"

Cole answered too quickly.

"No, nothing. Of course not."

Phoebe opened wide eyes at this, obviously alerted by his rushed answer.

"You cannot fool me Cole, there is something wrong…"

Giving her his best smile, he replied:

"Nothing is wrong. If anything, everything is fine. If you must know, I think that your holiday spirit is getting to me."

She looked suspiciously at him then.

"No really! I had never thought about it much, but this is a fun occasion. I am becoming impatient. I have never celebrated Christmas before, for obvious reasons…"

Phoebe was still a little concerned, hardly believing that this could be true.

He came to her then, and took her in his arms, effectively hiding his guilty expression from her.

"Tomorrow night, I promise you that everything will be back to normal. No more brooding… Maybe then, you will accept my proposal?" He added, knowing that it would distract her from the problem at hand.

Pulling away, she protested:

"Oh Cole, I thought that you had understood."

He smiled then.

"That does not keep a man from trying…"

For a moment, she seemed to balance between getting upset or laughing.

Nevertheless, she thought that getting upset was in no way a good start for the Christmas festivities that she envisioned.

Therefore, a wide smile formed as she leaned back against him.

"I just want you to be happy, but…" she uttered in her charming baby voice. She knew that it annoyed him a little, since he could not resist her on those occasions, but she had to use whatever means to keep the peace between them.

She felt infinitely relieved when he wrapped his arms around her and said:

"I am happy, no matter what. Just because I am with you."

Phoebe decided that she wanted to believe that at all cost and dismissed her earlier worries.

That night, Cole could not find sleep, as he watched her with an intense remorse. Many times, he was tempted to go and tear up the card. Once, he even got up and went halfway to the attic.

Leo, who was watching him, held his breath for a moment, hoping that he would get rid of it on his own. However, after a long moment of hesitation, Cole turned back and Leo knew that his little scheme would be needed. Sighing, he orbed right in front of Cole.

"Well, Cole. I think that you and me need to go on a little eye opener trip…"

Before Cole could protest, he had orbed them both away…