Part 14 - Forgiveness Begins
Her mother, glaring down. "Faith! You've been bad again, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU?"
Screaming at her, holding the long dark hair in a fist, yanking viciously on it. Faith, protesting, crying, sobbing.
She hadn't done anything, it wasn't her fault her mother's latest boyfriend had left her………… The punishment was the usual one. Her mother slapped her across the face, strong despite her skinny frame. Dragged Faith through the house, threw her bodily into the deep cupboard beneath the stairs. Faith screamed miserably as the door locked, the darkness suffocating her. She knew her mother didn't believe what she'd said. That They were under the stairs. They always waited till silence fell, after one of her mother's rages; she tried screaming and banging on the door but her mother never answered. Just left her, alone. With Them. With the things that lurked in the dark. Sometimes they touched her, stroking her soft 9-year old skin, smoothing her hair. She didn't know what they were, only that they whispered amongst themselves. They never hurt her, but their noises…….. she scrunched herself as far back into one of the cupboard corners as possible, pulling her knees up, wrapping her arms round them. Trying to make herself invisible. But they'd come. She knew they would.
The door swung open, the light blinding her, making her eyes water even as she squeezed them shut. She had no idea how long she'd been in there. She was hungry and cold, and scared. They'd come, touching and poking. She didn't know what they were, knew she never wanted to know.
She felt more than saw the arm reach in, felt the hand clamp onto her shoulder, pulling her forwards. The sour smell of unwashed flesh and alcohol rolled over her, the wetness of tears splashing on her face as her mother cried, hugging her roughly. Drunk and full of self pity. Faith knew by now what was coming. Shortly the self pity would turn to anger. And then? Time for little Faith. All her fault. She was bad, evil, a monster. Her mother told her so, so it must be true. She was evil. Everything was because of her……...it always was.
She screamed then, as the first vicious blow knocked her from her feet, only her mother's grip holding her up. Fading away as the screaming started, the screaming and the shouting and the accusations she didn't really understand……
* * * * *
Buffy woke in the dark, disoriented for a moment. She lay in Angel's bed; through the open doorway she could see a light burning dimly, could see him hunched over a book. He'd given up his bed for her, and only she knew how hard he had to work not to share it with her. They'd kissed but - nothing could come of it. They both knew that. She sighed sadly as she looked at him, outlined in the light. His head was raised now, alerted by the same thing that had woken her. She clambered from the bed, pulling his robe round herself, padding forwards. He turned at her approach, even though her footfalls were almost noiseless. "Buffy." She stopped by him, smiling, dropping a gentle kiss on his forehead. "She's dreaming again," he said.
"I know." Her voice was gentle. "I'll deal."
She moved away from him, pushing open a door that was already slightly ajar, into a room that was dimly lit. Faith lay curled up into a ball on the bed there, arms almost covering her head, covers rumpled and pushed to one side in a heap, evidence of her restless, haunted sleep. A t-shirt reached to mid-thigh and the dim lamplight shone on the smoothness of her pale skin. Buffy's face twisted as she listened to Faith whimper in her sleep, then to the words. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no………" her voice was thin, faint, but slowly rising to a shriek of fear, of pain. "Nooooo – Mommmmmmmy……please - noooooooooooo…"
Buffy crossed the room and paused, looking down at Faith. It had been a week now since the switches, and Faith had dreamed almost every night. Buffy sat softly on the edge of the bed and reached out, grasping Faith's shoulder, shaking her gently. Faith jerked into wakefulness, eyes wide and staring, not seeing Buffy. "I didn't mean it!" she cried. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" Her face crumpled and she came to herself then, aware of where she was. Her breath hitched in on a sob, as Buffy crooned gently to her and pulled her into her arms. Faith clutched tightly at her as Buffy felt tears wet her skin and held the shaking Faith in her arms, knowing that deep inside her there was still a terrified, desperate 9 year old child.
