Chapter 3 Pam Mitchell Normal Phoebsfan 1 1 2001-11-13T00:12:00Z 2001-11-13T00:16:00Z 2 917 5227 43 10 6419 9.2720 9.35 pt 2

Chapter 3

            Max slowly made her way back to her bunk, every muscle screaming her need to rest.  For the past week she'd done nothing but train.  Discipline, structure, obedience, these were what she needed.  Sleep and food had been foolish pastimes.  And in two hours she'd be back at it again. 

            Letting out a sigh and rubbing the back of her neck massaging the sore muscles, she made her way over to her bunk and flung herself down, not taking even enough time to remove her shoes.  Closing her eyes and finally relaxing she let her mind drift on the incidents of the failed attempt of a week ago.

            "X-5452!" an angry voice barked.  Letting out a slight groan barely audible she jumped to her feet and attention before even opening her eyes.  When she did open her eyes and she saw not a foot soldier but a smirking Alec she about lost it and killed him on the spot.

            "Not funny." She growled crashing back on her bunk once more closing her eyes and throwing one arm over her face trying to block him out.

            "They planning on killing you?" Alec asked sitting at the end of her bed and starting to take her shoes off for her.  Peaking out from under her arm at him in slight surprise at his actions she smiled.

            "Why would you care?" Alec shrugged and started to rub her foot. "And what the hell are you doing?" Max asked jerking her foot away from him.

            "Just trying to help you." He shrugged her reaction off and Max did the same. 

            "Hey you ever wonder what it would be like out there?" Alec asked suddenly.  Max squeezed her eyes closed trying not to react to his question.  If anyone knew that she often asked herself the same thing she would be in for more weeklong sessions of torture.

            "Hey listen I've only got a two hour break and I'd like to get some sleep." Max interrupted trying to show annoyance which wasn't hard considering how much her body wanted rest. 

            Alec nodded and started to walk away.

            "Hey…yeah…I mean…I have.  But don't tell anyone else or you'll regret it." Max said softly. Alec nodded and left her alone.

            For once in a long while she was alone.  Max couldn't remember the last time she was alone and then still the same she couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been.  Before the escape attempt they had been so close, their unwritten agenda had been to thwart Lydecker and the rest of them, but when the attempt had failed…  Lydecker had shown them the error of their ways and they quickly stopped their inappropriate actions.

            Those who didn't stop simply disappeared.  That's why Max never voiced her obviously treacherous thoughts.  That and what Lydecker had done to Zack.

            Zack had been the ringleader.  It had been Zack who insisted that they leave.  And it had been Zack who had suffered the most for his actions.  He hadn't been the same since.  There was something lost and defeated in him now.  And Max had an uneasy feeling that every word out of her mouth when around him somehow made it back to Lydecker.

            When the rest of the group talked about the past it was always Zack who made sure to stop the conversation.  Max knew that some of the X-5's still dreamed of life on the outside and that was one of the reasons that they tried so hard to be loyal, they knew that as soon as they had passed their tests that they would get a taste of that world.  Each hoped for that elusive field assignment.  Max was sure she would never be trusted with a field assignment now.  She'd blown her only chance with the stupid Cale target.

            He'd had the nerve to rub his victory in.  He'd boasted, smirked, and even came back to finish the job.  It still infuriated her that he'd taken her down so easily.  She was trained for hours on end and a lowly journalist had taken her down before she could resist.

            She didn't understand.  It should have been simple.  But he had fought with such a passion.  He knew what he was doing when he distracted her.  He knew what he was doing when his cold blue eyes tore into her. 

            Feelings she didn't know existed erupted in her like wildfire.  Suddenly the desire to be free of Manticore and all its chains came crashing on her.  His eyes had held such a desire to live, to fight, and to protect what he had.  Max had realized then that she didn't have nearly the will of his.  And suddenly that seemed very important.  Suddenly she felt that she had missed out on more then she could have imagined.

            And then the lamp had hit her; Max rubbed her forehead where the lamp had hit her.  The cut was gone within twenty-four hours but it left a faint scar on her forehead and a huge scar on her heart.  The scar on her forehead would continue to fade until it was completely gone, one of the wonders of being genetically engineered, but the one on her heart wasn't going anywhere.  It let all those questions and desires she had felt before '09 out.  And suddenly Max felt a lot more human, more lonely, and more convinced that she had to get out.

            When those same blue eyes were on top of her bearing down, she almost felt that he could see straight through her.  Something almost mischievous had flashed in their crystal midst and then he had kissed her with an overpowering passion that scared her and insulted her at the same time, igniting something in her that hadn't been there before. 

            Desperation drove her to scratching him, Max opened her eyes and looked at the hand that had left claw marks on his face and wondered silently at it.  He'd surprised her with a smile that disarmed her and a defiant whisper making sure she remembered exactly where he was. 

            Closing her eyes again, Max retraced the line on her cheek and with a sharp intake of air she remembered how it had felt when he had done the same.  He had touched her in a way no one had ever done before, emotionally and physically.

            With his touch he had changed something in her.

            That's why she let him go.

            Things like that shouldn't happen, and she wasn't going to let it happen again.  She would get her field assignment and complete it with perfection.  Next time she would let the target sleep.  Next time she would be like Zack and remain unemotional. 

            Manticore was right and it always came first. 

            Shoving the emotions back into her scarred heart Max carefully constructed another wall to lock them behind and then rolled over unaffected to catch up on the much-needed sleep.