Chapter 14
AN: ok I lied. I hadn't meant to write another chapter before leaving but it just kinda flew out and so here you go…this really will be the last chapter for a good week…enjoy…I expect to see lots of feedback when I get back.
Max tossed in her sleep. Visions filled her mind, causing conflicting emotions to boil to the surface and erupt like fire across her skin. Lydecker's face taunting and killing all free thought, the experiments, the consequences of the failed escape, her punishment for not killing Logan, all of the images culminated into one mass of pain and assaulted her subconscious, playing a never ending game of chess, one in which she was losing.
Max cried out in her sleep, fighting against the invisible restraints that held her to the table as they poured more drugs into her system, as they inflicted more pain, as Lydecker screamed at her for crying.
"Soldiers don't cry!" then turning to the doctors, "2 more cc's!" The fiery liquid seared its way through her back. She wasn't a soldier, she was a five year old kid, she wanted to scream back. But she didn't, that didn't stop the tears however. Zack stood watching without emotion. She pleaded with him silently for help but he ignored her inner cries.
Then her subconscious Lydecker was in her face taunting about Eva. Eva. It was her fault Eva died. Her fault. Failure. Even her subconscious Zack was disappointed in her.
"Max. Max. Wake up." She heard in the distance, fighting the restraints once more she finally broke free and drifted to the surface as her oxygen supply started to run out. Opening her eyes, Max gasped for the breath she thought would never come.
"Are you ok?" Logan asked in the dark room, kneeling on the floor by her side, reaching out to remove a sticky strand of sweat-strewn hair out of her face. Max flinched away from his touch.
"Fine." She clipped. "Go away." His face was the last she needed to see right now. Logan ignored her comments and tried to touch her face again.
"I said go away. Don't touch me." Max fought back angrily.
"Max…I'm not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what that was all about." Logan wasn't about to give up so easily. Max wasn't about to let him see her weaknesses either.
"It's none of your damn business." Max rolled away from him, sending spears of pain through her back and bringing tears to her eyes. Logan averted his eyes from the blood that was seeping through her shirt, she'd injured herself more with all her flopping around but he wasn't surprised. He was more surprised his bed was still standing after her tossing.
"You were calling out Eva. Was that her name?" Logan asked trying to get something out of her. It wasn't exactly a topic he wanted to discuss either but he had to start somewhere and sooner or later this was bound to come up.
"Leave me alone." She half yelled half cried. Logan decided to try and touch her again. Carefully he brought his hand down on her hip, when she didn't push it away he continued.
"I'm sorry." He offered.
"It was my fault. Not yours." She said keeping her back to him. "If I'd have been more careful it never would have happened. If I had done what I was suppose to that night it never would have happened." The topic was an obviously uncomfortable topic for both of them. His would be killer, the women who had been involved in killing his family and her failed target, the man who killed her sister; the topic wasn't exactly the easiest in the world, she couldn't just say she was sorry and make things all better and neither could he.
"It isn't your fault. You didn't pull the trigger. If I hadn't gone out that night, if I'd stayed at my parents and talked things out. I could have…" Max cut him off.
"I would have killed you too." Max paused still not looking at him. "The only thing that saved you was the fact that you were asleep. Hardened killer or not I couldn't kill you in your sleep. At least not then."
"Why us?" He asked suddenly needing to know. She didn't answer him for a moment but when she did her voice was clear of all emotion, flat and rational.
"Your father's connections." She dictated only telling him why his family had been chosen, not telling him why they had been sent to kill them. Logan accepted it.
"Max…they hurt both of us but they can't hurt you anymore." He tried to get her to look at him as he silently added; I won't let them.
Logan's words hit her hard. They could still hurt both of them and they would. Manticore was her living nightmare and always would, be at least he wouldn't have it to screw his life up for much longer.
"Max…" Logan tried again, his voice soft, like the sound of the rain hitting the windows outside. Max couldn't take it anymore and try as she might she couldn't fight the tears. The first few came out silently but then the floodgates opened and she found herself openly sobbing in front of him. Exposing herself in a way she never had.
"Max." he said climbing on the bed with her and pulling her to his chest holding her as her sobs grew. Her tears pierced through him and he held her tighter, he could feel her warm blood seeping through his shirt as well.
When her sobs died down she opened her heart to him, confiding things she'd never discussed with anyone.
"After our first escape attempt things got bad. We were only kids but that didn't matter, it never seemed to matter. The experiments…they…they got worse. Before the experiments were for useful things, things that the doctors would need to know. After they were only there as forms of punishment. They already knew what they needed to know. Lydecker was always there; if we cried it was worse. Soldiers don't cry…" Max paused, choking down another lump threatening to spill out as she remembered the countless hours spent strapped to a table and subjected to all kinds of pain.
"Zack disappeared for two months and when he came back…I don't know what they did to him but he looked like death itself. He's been a hollow shell since. Strapped to one of those tables, you wished for death to come and take you. You prayed for it. When they cut you open or broke your arm, when they tested a new drug on you or they were testing your pain threshold, you wanted it more then anything in the world." Logan buried his face in her hair trying not to picture the scenes she was describing. They were only kids.
"Tinga screamed once." Max said taking on a detached tone. "She never did again." Logan's arms tightened around her when he felt her start to shake. "They'd make us watch sometimes. They'd have a few of us in the room while they tortured our siblings, if we showed emotion of any kind we could be guaranteed a table next time." Max suddenly broke off as the room grew cold. Logan's arms held her tighter sending pain through her back again but Max didn't care. It reminded her that she was still alive. Still breathing.
"We weren't made to love, so when we exhibited signs of caring for each other they squashed us, starved us, tortured us till they had erased all thoughts and feelings different for those of Manticore."
"Shh. It's ok now." Logan whispered in her ear.
"Do you believe in fate?" Max asked suddenly changing the subject as she cuddled in his arms. His arms were strong, and she could believe that it would be ok, that somehow things would work out and that she could finally have that happy life she'd only dreamed about. His body offered the warmth her soul had been craving, and for the first time in her life she felt, safe, cared for, at ease. The dark room offered her a place to pour out her soul without fear of being caught. It masked reality, and made conversation so much easier. He couldn't see her tears, he couldn't see her eyes, and he couldn't know the depth of it if he couldn't see her eyes.
"I believe in some aspects of it I guess. I believe that you create your own fate but that certain things are going to happen along the way no matter what you make of your life. People for example. Some people will always find there way in. Call me a romantic but love is one of those constants. The person you love will always find you. I guess I'd like to think that two people could be made for each other and that those people are destine to fall in love. How they make their relationship work is up to them, but fate will always give them the opportunity." Logan said his words muffled by her hair. Max nodded.
"I don't want to believe in it." She offered her words almost engulfed by the dark room.
"Why?" he asked, nudging her shoulder with his forehead. Brushing her cheek against the stubble on his, she answered his question.
"I was made, not for love but for bringing death. If what you say is true then there will never be anyone out there for me because I was manufactured. Manticore didn't manufacture love interests for its GI Joes. I guess a part of me wants to believe that there is someone out there for me but I know better then to expect it." Logan seemed to consider what she was saying and weigh possible answers for her questions. All he knew was that there was definitely wasn't someone out there for him; she was already in his arms. He didn't know why he hadn't seen it sooner; maybe he had but chose to ignore it. All he knew was that he loved the woman lying so helpless in his arms.
"I know your wrong because I love you. You were made for me. And I am never going to let you go." He whispered fiercely. Max didn't answer; she'd fallen asleep.
