Chapter 22

AN: faulty phone lines…Well I don't know if I want to keep doing this story so tell me if its worth it cause I am making this awesome scrapbook\video for my mother for Christmas and it is swallowing my time not to mention computer space.

            Logan sat sulking in front of his window.  Max had been gone a week now and he hated himself for letting her leave on such rotten terms.  But she had to understand that it was for the best. 

            Bling was getting sick of him and his sulking and had told him as much earlier, but Logan couldn't seem to find anything better to do.  He couldn't do any Eyes Only broadcasts, sure he could research them but it just didn't have the same appeal since he didn't know when he could air them and even if he could.  Lots of his information had deadlines.  It wasn't like it could sit around for days; you couldn't bring people back to life after they paid for freedom only to be dropped in the middle of a lake. 

            So besides being irritated by Max, Logan was busy being irritated by Zack's request that he stop Eyes Only for a time.  Inside he knew that what Zack had said made sense, but it was easier to blame Zack for his aggravation with circumstances.

            He'd reached what Bling liked to call a plateau, where improvement didn't seem to be coming at any noticeable rate.  It was looking more and more like he'd never be on his feet again.   Maybe that was why he barked at everyone.

            Truthfully Logan knew short of a miracle, he'd never get back on his feet and had known it for sometime.  But accepting that fact didn't seem possible.  It would mean coming to terms with it, learning to live with the fact that he was only half a man.

            He didn't have anything to offer Max, well anything worthy of offering.  It wasn't fair to sit there and think about her like he was.

            They could only be just friends.  Logan couldn't believe that Max would have a problem with that; they'd rushed into something that they shouldn't have.  Zack was right Logan was only a liability to her.  So just friends would have to be the way they played that game. 

            Logan closed his eyes blocking out the blackened streets of Seattle below him and remembered the fight they'd had when she left.

            "I didn't expect to find you here this morning." Max offered as she slipped into bed next to him and tried to snuggle with him.

            "Max please don't.  Why did you come in here anyway?"  Max ignored the anger in his voice.

            "I got cold." She offered.

            "There's an extra blanket in the closet." He said coldly and Max backed away.

            "Someone's grumpy." Her voice wary.

            "Someone was asleep and rudely awakened by the energizer bunny."

            "Oh I forgot my drum excuse me for a moment." She tried to lighten his mood.

            "Max.  I'm not playing games." His voice flat.

            "I noticed." She admitted.  " What happened?  Last night you wanted to kiss me then this morning I wake up alone."

            "Didn't think you'd notice." He bit out.

            "Well Gee Logan I guess this is me noticing.  You're being a real jerk lately." She was sick of his little pity party.

            "I don't see how."

            "Why am I not surprised?  Logan if this is because…" she tried to reason with him but he interrupted her.

            "Because what…I'm not the same person you left." He offered coldly.

            "I noticed. He was actually decent once you got to know him.  What did you do bury him in all that brooding and self pity?" her anger growing.

            "No. Didn't have to he died when I got shot."

            "I'm beginning to get that.  Logan you're pathetic like this.  Give it up and get on with your life.  So you can't do the things you used to do, learn to live differently." His words had hurt her and she softened trying to make him see everything could still be ok.

            "Max I can't walk, I can't get things from the top shelf, I can't even get dressed without problems." He trudged on no longer looking at her.  Max had backed toward the door but at his softened tone she approached the bed again.  He really was hurting and it wasn't her fault but maybe she could make him see it wasn't his either.

            "So I'll walk for you, I'm sure the top shelf isn't to high for me, and I wouldn't mind helping you get dressed either." Max added slyly.

            "What would you know about it anyway?"Logan finally blew up at her and Max jumped back surprised and enraged.

            "Oh you're right, what would I know about learning to live again?  Hell what would I know about living in two different worlds.  What would I know about conflicting emotions?  What would I know about adapting?"

            "Its not the same." He said simply.

            "Your right it isn't. Instead of learning to live with your physical handicap you've decided to take on an emotional handicap as well.  Well good luck to you Logan Cale on both your handicaps." This game had carried on far too long and when he was sick of being an invalid he'd know  where to find her.

            "Max." he offered lamely.  Max didn't believe his appeal and it only irritated her more.

            "No, no don't bother.  You know I thought you were stupid before for risking your life over people you didn't know.  But now I see how wrong I was.  Your stupid because you won't risk it over people you do know and care for." She let him have it.

            "And who would that be?" Logan asked angrily, no longer wanting or caring if Max understood or not.

            "Me, Logan. Us. And you damn well know it." She yelled back.

            "There is no Us.  There can't be and there shouldn't be." He matched her volume.

            "Why, because you're too busy moping about something you can't change?"

            "No."

            "Why then?" she relented giving him a chance to explain.

            "How can I trust you Max? How do I know you aren't going to kill me the first chance you get? " He finally let out after he had fished for few moments.

            "You are such a liar." Max admitted with an mocking laugh.  Hell he didn't know the truth if it bit him.

            "I haven't lied to you once." He tried.

            "Oh really. Pinocchio. Fine just remember when you're straining to reach that bowl on the top shelf that I would have gladly got it for you." His continuing words only infuriated her more.

            "Everything's been moved to the bottom." He defied her, letting her know with his words he didn't need her.

            "I don't need you either." She yelled right back.

            "Finally we see eye to eye."

            "Don't expect it on any other subject." Max glared, her chocolate eyes growing even darker.

            "Not a problem I don't expect much from you anyway." Logan glared back his baby blues turning to a crystal ice.

            "The feelings mutual. Oh yeah and if you ever decide to get on with your life don't bother trying to find me." Max flung out as she turned to walk out the door.

            "Why would I want to find you?  With all your emotional hang ups I'd be dialing all day and never get through to you." He lashed out to her back and she turned around to face him head on while she accused.

            "You wouldn't get through because you wouldn't be able to reach the phone, apparently you forgot to move it into reach.  Have a nice life." Once more she turned to leave.

            "Oh I plan on it. Once your out of my hair I'll be able to sleep at night without the fear of being killed in my sleep, not to mention being able to sleep in my own bed." Logan seemed bent on goading her on and she took his bait, spinning around and hurrying back to the bed to wave an accusing finger in his face.

            "You could have last night, but apparently my poisonous presence would have killed you, so I guess its best you decided to suffer through one night." She let him know just what his pride had forced him to miss.

            "Well I knew that today you'd be headed back to your friends at home.  I hope they throw you a welcome back party.  Just make sure not to let your buddy Lydecker know that you failed again cause I don't think he'll like it much." He had justified not entirely sure of himself.

            "Get over yourself." With that Max stormed out of the room.

            Max rolled over on her bunk trying to block out the memory.  She hadn't wanted to leave like that.  But Logan seemed to know every button to push.  She had to give him credit in that, if he knew one thing it was how to push people away.

            How could he even fathom the idea that his handicap would bother her?  Try as he might to mask his reasons, Max knew that the underlying cause of his behavior had nothing to do with him trusting her and everything to do with his own feelings about his new condition.  He'd been such a jerk about the whole thing and Max wasn't sure how she felt about it.  Every time she recalled their parting words she remembered how angry he had made her.

            Not that she hadn't fought back.  No, what bothered Max the most was not his words, and it definitely wasn't they way he had acted; those things could easily be explained away.  What bothered Max the most was her reaction to them, that and the fact that a week later she was still laying awake at night thinking about it, about him.

            Before meeting Logan, Max had never had a problem with concealing her emotions; it had always been a necessity.  After Logan however was another story.  He had done something to her and their fight had only proved it further.  She should have been able to brush his comments off calmly, but instead she found herself lunging to her defense, protecting something she didn't understand, but knowing it was vital she protect it all the same.

            His feelings of unworthiness Max could understand and even match.  His feelings of inadequacy she also could get.  She may have been super human physically but that didn't mean anything when it came to emotions.

            Max wondered if that was all that had held him back and caused him to leave her side that night, or if there was something more.  She wondered if maybe the same fear that swallowed her chased after him also.

            When she had woken up alone that morning it had taken her a good two hours to muster the courage to go and find him.  And now if the situation were to occur again…she didn't know if she'd be able to leave the bed.

            His words had hurt.  Oh Max had tried and tried to deny that fact but it still remained.  From anyone else, comments like his would have been pushed aside, but then maybe it was because she never could just simply push him aside, that Logan's comments still rang in her ears and tore at her heart.

            His meaning seemed all to clear.

            He didn't want anything more from her.

            Well maybe Logan had been right.  After she got out of here things wouldn't be exactly safe.  Zack and the others were headed for Canada to try and get lost.  Max knew she should go with them and start again but something in her screamed to stay in Seattle.  Maybe because it had become more then a city to her, maybe because it had been her first, whatever the reason, Max knew that she wouldn't be headed for Canada with the rest of them.  At least not right away.  She had things she needed to settle and friends she needed to talk to.  Then of course there was Logan; Max had no intention of leaving Seattle without first making sure Logan was going to be okay.

            Even if he had seemed all to happy to be rid of her, she knew that inside he too didn't want to leave things like they were.  They both owed each other more then that.

            They had both changed so much and yet not at all.  Logan wasn't as sure of himself but he was still just as sharp and Max…well she didn't quite understand what was going on with her.  But she knew she didn't want to fight the changes anymore.  And she was sick of playing pretend.

            Truth was really all she wanted.

            Rolling over again her mind returned to her earlier conversation with Zack.

            "Lydecker wants me to go out and get rid of some government spy like character.  I'm leaving tomorrow.  I'll get Eyes Only to broadcast tomorrow afternoon and then the escape will follow within the next few days. I'll get the word to you before hand but I'll need someone inside to take care of the x-7's.  Can I trust you Maxie?" He'd asked as they walked down the hall to her bunk.

            "Of course.  I'll inform the others." Max offered quietly as they slid past a guard.

            "Be careful.  Lydecker is already suspicious of us.  When Eyes Only broadcasts he's going to know we betrayed him.  I've told him that you were unconscious at the time and that Eyes Only was prepared for us but that you still managed to get a shot in and take him down.  He bought my story and with you being unconscious at the time of Eyes Only's demise, he hopefully will pin it all on me.  But you need to play the part to perfection Max. If he suspects in even the slightest bit your life will be in danger." He explained as he pulled her to a stop.

            "Isn't that a little lame even for us?  He isn't going to buy the fact that I was unconscious Zack.  Not once Eyes Only broadcasts." Max had offered worried.

            "He has to Max.  Once we got back you went directly to the infirmary for the treatment of your head wound…because Max you were knocked unconscious, just not by who Lydecker will believe.  And your gun was discharged; I have done everything possible to validate my story.  But those aren't the most convincing pieces of evidence to keep you safe, I know that and so did Eyes Only."

            "Zack…" Max interrupted him not understanding how he could be so calm about the whole thing.

            "That is why he created this for us."  Zack had shown her a copy of a videotape. "It will cross Lydecker's desk this evening.  Eyes Only created the scenario to the best of his ability using clips of footage his security cameras caught.  It is pretty unbelievable how real it looks but if Lydecker gets suspicious and has an expert look at it…Max you need to do your best to be 452.  Everything depends on it."

            "You've really thought this out haven't you?" she smiled as they started to walk again.

            "I've tried to cover every base yes, but I don't know if it will be enough that's why…"

            "Yeah I know 452, I got it."

            "Thanks Maxie."

            "Hey do me a favor while you're out there?" Max said arriving at the door to her bunk.

            "What?" Zack asked.

            "Go easy on him, he's lost a lot.  Not that he doesn't deserve a good butt kicking but leave that to me ok.  After all he is helping us get out of here."

            "Its stupid what you guys are doing." He grew serious.

            "I know.  Don't think I haven't told myself that more then once."

            "Are you going to stay with him after you get out?"

            "That isn't up to me.  Its up to him.  Good luck.  I'll see you soon."

 With that Zack had nodded and left.

            Zack smiled as he pulled up in front of Foggle Towers remembering his little sisters request to go easy on Logan.  She'd known of his dislike for the man even though he'd tried to be supportive of her. 

            Riding the elevator up to his floor he tried to bite back his worry over what would happen if Max screwed up.  As he arrived at Logan's apartment door he pushed the last trace of worry from his mind and turned to more pressing issues, like how he was going to keep his promise of going easy on the guy.

            "So you bored yet? I was wondering if you'd be interested in starting some trouble with me." Zack offered sneaking up behind Logan at his computer.

            "Took you long enough.  And by the way out here there's this little thing called knocking, you might want to check into it." Logan answered spinning around.

            "I promised Max I'd behave. Don't make this harder then it has to be." Logan simply smiled.