Disclaimer:

Okay, this is a highly personal and probably very weakly-linked Dwarfer fic, but it's therapy.

Follows on I suppose from my last fic, but this time it's Lister's response to the letter Rimmer left for him. Sorry, but this is how I write! Sorry if I depress anyone here, but you have been warned.

Dedicated to Karl, for being so cool about everything that's happening at the moment (he knows what that means), and for agreeing to go to Dimension Jump with me! GAPE

Also my new-found Dwarfer friend, Nick.

Copyright: Grudgingly, GNP, the Beeb, etc. Although I agree with most, they do NOT deserve the loverly boyz. They're much better off in the hands of the RDSS.

As I Sat Sadly (By His Side)

Rimmer, This is probably the most useless question to ask, given the explanation left in your wake, but why, man? Why?

I sit here now, cold, alone, feeling so empty. Yet I still wonder if I could have helped you. You always seemed to adamant that you were useless, when you were anything but. You were the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and believe me, I've known a few in my time.

It's such a shame that you lived a life you hated, that you never felt cared about, never felt loved. If only you'd told me...If only I'd told you how I felt. Perhaps it wouldn't have made any difference to your decision, but I would like to think that it would have. I know it would have for me.

Oh Rimmer. You don't know how much this hurts, not being able to say this to you. But I have to think, if you were here, would I be saying this to you? More importantly, would you believe me?

I like to think that you would.

Life without Arnold Rimmer is just not worth living.

But I must.

If not for my own sake, then for the Cat's and Holly's. The pain will never fade, and it will never die, but I hope that in time I will be able to see you again, to see you genuinely happy, perhaps even for the first time. But until then, I will spend my time trying to understand, never forgetting, never giving up hope.

If only you'd known. If only.



I wish things could have been different. It really shouldn't have ended this way.

I will never forget you, I will never stop loving you. And I'd still chose you over Ace any day.

Goodbye, Arnold Rimmer.

Dave