In The End: Linkin Park
A Gundam Wing Songfic
By Taylor
Disclaimer: Linkin Park is not mine. Gundam Wing is not mine. There yah go. Simple as that eh? ^_^
Authors Note: Drop a review please and thanks. My email is jedimasterteo@yahoo.com.
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| It starts with one |
| One thing |
| I don't know why |
| Doesn't even matter how hard you try |
| Keep that in mind |
Duo ran a hand through his bangs as he inspected the cheep beer in front of him. It was amazing, he thought, how just one thing- one thing -could mess every thing up forever. He had no idea why.
He had come home early to find Hilde otherwise occupied with some guy named Rick or something, his alcohol fuzzed mind didn't remember. Hilde had tried to explain but Duo had locked himself in his room, not sure what to do about it. He had been mad, but he didn't want to just turn her away with no where really to go. Thankfully, she had solved that problem by moving out an hour later to her new boyfriend's house. Duo had been detached, sending her off with some quip about making sure he was invited to the wedding. Hilde had looked at him, a sea of emotion in those eyes, sadness, regret, anger, determination; he would never forget. He shuddered.
| I designed this rhyme to explain in due time |
| All I know |
| Time is a valuable thing |
| Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings |
The old clock on the wall caught his attention, his beer momentarily forgotten. That damn ticking! It reminded him of so much…
| Watch it count down to the end of the day |
| The clock ticks life away |
| It's so unreal |
Every goddamn tick seemed to mock him, another wasted second gone by. But his time had always been wasted, hadn't it? Sure the fighting had stopped. But it would start up again.
| Didn't look out below |
| Watch the time go right out the window |
After the wars, Duo had contented himself with the junkyard and…Hilde. Even thinking about it hurt him in the deepest place. He had thought…
| Tried to hold on |
| Didn't even know I wasted it all |
| Just to watch you go |
He had thought they were in…love. Duo had, and still loved, Hilde but apparently he had assumed that her feelings were the same. It hurt him, that sudden rejection.
| Kept everything inside |
| And even though I tried |
| It all fell apart |
As usual with him, Duo had been living in the moment, caught up in it. He was done fighting and he knew another war was approaching…fast. He had wanted a normal life for awhile without war and death.
He kept a lot of old emotional scars hidden, things he desperately didn't want to think about. Maybe that's what pushed her away? His growing sense of discomfort, the reoccurring nightmares. He had hoped she would have stayed but…
| What it meant to me will eventually be |
| A memory of a time |
He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind as he returned his attention back to his beer. He couldn't remember what number he was on, he didn't know if it mattered anymore…
| I tried so hard |
| And got so far |
| But in the end |
| It doesn't even matter |
After the wars conclusion he had tried to settle down to a normal life, or as normal as it could be coaxed into becoming. But…damnit! That war! He took another swig of his beer. He had fought in that war for others! And did they really care? After a few years of peace or even less they wanted to stir things up again. He knew it would happen but he had hoped that maybe, somewhere, it would stop.
| I had to fall to loose it all |
| But in the end |
| It doesn't even matter |
So now he was sitting at a bar, trying to plan his next move with his alcohol soaked brain. Where had all that fighting put him anyway? What did he gain? He had been shot at, injured, almost killed, captured, tortured…all to save lives so they could be lost in the next war. Sure, the idea of the colony's independence from Earth was a grand vision. What would the next one be? Did it, does it even matter?
| One thing |
| I don't know why |
| It doesn't even matter how hard you try |
He had talked to Wufei just yesterday. Seemed the Preventers were all busy with putting out 'fires' and such. He played absentmindedly with the beer cap on the counter, thinking. Just one fire- just one anywhere -could potentially start another war. To him it seemed the Preventers might delay a war, but not prevent one, it was impossible. They couldn't be everywhere at once or see every plot and plan. They should have been called the postponers. He smiled at his bad joke, any reason for him to smile today was welcome.
| I designed this rhyme |
| To remind myself |
| How I tried so hard |
Duo had really made an effort to get out of anything having to do with war. He didn't want to see, hear or be part of it anymore. He was sick of being shinigami. Of course the whole thing that pissed him off was that it seemed that he really didn't have a choice in the matter. If he ignored death, it would again claim someone close to him as it always did. He didn't want that to happen.
| In spite of the way you were mocking me |
| Acting like I was part of your property |
A frown crossed his face; his thoughts again turned to why he was here and drinking. The thing that really confused him was how Hilde had seemed to cling to him recently. She always took it personally if he even looked at another girl. He sighed moodily and stared at the countertop. Then she goes and pulls something like this on him. He drank some more beer, rolling the taste around on his tongue. He didn't understand it, and he didn't want to.
| I remember all the times |
| You fought with me |
| I'm surprised it got so hard |
Then had come the arguments. Oh, there had been some before but they had always been done with good humor and immediate forgiveness on both parts. First it was the little things, the bigger to a point where they had found it difficult to speak to each other for a few days. He was going to smooth things over the day he came back early. A fresh wave of painful memories drifted before his eyes and he took another sip of beer in an attempt to drive them away.
| Things aren't the way they were before |
| You wouldn't even recognize me anymore |
| Not that you knew me back then |
| But it all comes back to me |
| In the end |
He raised the bottle to his lips for another swallow when he caught his distorted, amber colored reflection in the liquid. With a sigh he stood and staggered to the men's bathroom nearby.
He was momentarily blinded by the bright light but soon adjusted. His haggard appearance came into focus and he almost laughed outright. He fingered the bags under his eyes thoughtfully and looked at his watch, 9:03 PM. He was slightly startled. He resolved to get home soon, he had been mulling over his problems long enough, it was time to move on. He looked at his watch again. With a small smile he went back to his seat, steadier on his feet.
He looked at the half empty bottle and took another swig. 9:30, he'd get going then. A sudden thought hit him; he couldn't think of anyone who wouldn't be surprised to see him here, drinking away his problem, especially Hilde. She probably thought that he was over her already, back working on the junkyard like nothing happened. He laughed silently, and played with the cap, turning it over in his hand. A few days ago he wouldn't have thought himself here either.
| I tried so hard |
| And got so far |
| But in the end |
| It doesn't even matter |
| I had to fall |
| To loose it all |
| But in the end |
| It doesn't even matter |
Old thoughts resurfaced painfully as Duo tried to come to a plausible conclusion. There was no doubt that war was coming again. He put the beer aside and rested his chin on the table. If his comrades got involved, so would he. The end result still bothered him. Did it really matter if he fought? Would Duo Maxwell make a difference, involvement or not? He smiled and sat up,
"What would war be without shinigami?" He whispered quietly. War wasn't what he wanted anymore but he had nothing else. His smile faded and he returned to resting his chin on the table. Hilde…
| I put my trust in you |
| Pushed as far as I could go |
| For all this |
| There's only one thing you should know |
A tear escaped and rolled slowly down his cheek, he squeezed his eyes shut against the anguish. He would have forgotten war, forgotten Deathscythe, forgotten shinigami; if Hilde had only asked. He would have given up everything and anything for her. He had trusted her with everything and anything… it still hurt. He expected it always would.
But he knew he could get over it, it was second nature to him. If only he could… His phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. With a sinking feeling he reluctantly answered it.
"Hello? Duo Maxwell here!" He said with as much cheerfulness as he could muster.
"Duo? Hi it's Quatre! Um, there's been a problem that the Preventers need our help on." Duo held back the urge to yell at him and slam the phone around. Instead he gripped the bottle cap tightly.
"Uh huh." He did his best to keep his voice under control.
"So, we need to meet at my house as soon as possible okay?" Duo gripped the cap tighter the metal sides biting into his skin drawing blood.
"Sure! I'll be there Q-man! See yah in a bit!" He opened his hand and looked at the cuts in his palm. Another tear trying in vain to escape as a feeling of hopelessness washed over him.
"Take care Duo." The blonde hung up. Duo squeezed his eyes shut and turned the phone off, slipping it back into his jacket pocket. His thoughts under control he turned back to the few sips he had left of his beer.
He knew he could just say no and get on with life. Forget war; forget the Gundams…he sighed. He couldn't do that anymore. He took another sip. He didn't have anything else.
| I tried so hard |
| And got so far |
| But in the end |
| It doesn't even matter |
He finished his beer and stared at the bottom of the bottle. Standing up he dug into his coat pocket for cash. He left enough for the beer plus tip on the counter and set the bloody bottle cap beside it. He looked at it for a second then tuned and made his way outside.
The cold, crisp autumn air was refreshing on his face and cleared a bit of the fog from his head. So this is how it comes back around then eh? Will it matter this time?
He stuffed his hands in his pant pockets. With a start he pulled out an object that his hand had come intact with. It was a picture, but it was too dark to see it properly. Duo moved over to stand under the street lamp, his eyes blurred with tears. He looked up at the sky beseechingly as the tears ran unchecked down his cheeks. He allowed himself the outlet and let the picture drop to the ground. A corner of it landed in a puddle the water soaking it slowly.
It was a picture of Hilde and Duo outside the junkyard on the first day of its new management. Hilde had her arms wrapped around his waist a dazzling smile on her face. Duo grinned in pure happiness, one arm around Hilde the other on the doorknob. The water blurred the picture, the colors running off to create colored swirls in the puddle.
Duo looked down once, a tear falling in the puddle mixing the colors.
"Live, forget and move on." He whispered. "Be happy Hilde."
| But in the end |
| It doesn't even matter |
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