Disclaimer: Go ahead sue me, you'll just find a bunch of student loans and some bonds my Great grandmother got me for my tenth birthday.
A/N so I take it I don't need to up the rating? Good. Nothing much to say except that I like reviews… even mean ones.
READ MY NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!
School will be Better…
Harry looked at his potions book with disgust. One week before school Ron had suddenly woken up to the fact that despite all his alleged studying with Hermione he had actually accomplished nothing at all and had ordered the bushy haired heroine too spend the day with Ginny so he could get some work done. Harry had been dragged into the equation, though he preferred doing any other subject besides potions. The thought of Professor Snape made his skin crawl.
The summer hadn't been too bad. Ron and Hermione had always made a point of acting platonic in front of him to ease any friction (never mind that they both sucked at acting) and Fred and George always made for good entertainment. But in the end he noticed that before he had always been in the middle of the trio and suddenly he was on the outside looking in.
Ginny was another mystery to him. She wasn't avoiding him exactly…more like avoiding everyone. It was as if she was in her own private world, a world he didn't have entrance to. She was either busy or gone…she seemed to disappear into the woods all the time. Once when he was out looking for those wild pansies (he was still unsure about that assignment) he saw her spinning barefoot in the grass. But she had seen him and started to walk away. Not quickly in embarrassment but more like he had disturbed her or something. Harry shook his head reverently. She was not acting normal at all.
Of course that annoying voice in the back of his head asked how he would know if she was acting normally of not. The extent of his knowledge of Ginny's behavior included her blushing and dropping things when he entered the room. So she had stopped that. No big deal. The real problem was that it seemed like everyone was changing all at once and he felt left behind.
***********************************
Ginny slowly packed her books in her trunk. She and Hermione had sorted through all her things and now Hermione had gone down to see what progress Ron and Harry were making in Potions. It seemed a miracle that the summer was finally over and school was to begin at last. She packed her newly hemmed robes and her school boots. Looking over at the stack of clothes on her bed Ginny grimaced as she realized that she still hadn't taken in Ron's black robe. Leaving it out she began layering the clothes between her pencils and drawing parchment. Ginny ran her fingers gently over a sketch she had drawn that morning of a tiny silver winged creature skimming over the surface of the pond. In a way they were hers, at least when she called them. For a few moments of glory they belonged to her. Or she belonged to them.
Emptying her drawers she came across her blade. It was looking dull from use and she made a mental note to polish it. Tracing her fingers over the delicate faerie handle, Ginny debated whether or not to take it. Her mind raced through the events of the summer and of the previous year going back and back over times until in her minds eye she was that scared girl who walked shaking towards platform 9 ¾ on her way to Hogwarts for the first time. She smiled at the good times, when Ron had pulled her into his circles, when the twins had been there for her, when Percy had been kind. Then she remembered the bad times. The slow knowledge that Tom Riddle had taken possession of her body, the times Ron had snubbed her and Draco had said biting horrible things about her family. With out thinking she dropped the knife in her trunk.
Ginny walked down stairs, holding drawing parchment in one hand and carrying Ron's black robe under her other arm.
Ron appeared to be screaming. Loudly. In frustration? "I can't, I just can't! It doesn't make sense and I'm going to fail everything! Why didn't we study any hhmmm? This is your entire fault, Hermione! Why didn't you yell at me to study or something!"
Hermione's voice shouted back, "Oh, please Ron, don't even try to blame me for this one! I tried to tell you that we had to quit playing around…you were to one who kept insisting I had to let my hair down!"
"Well you did need to, but not at the expense of my studying!"
"Your studying!? What about mine? I swear Ron if we were I allowed to use magic I'd- "
"Yeah, yeah…I've heard it all before."
SLAP!
Ginny avoided the living room and steered towards her father's study. The last thing she wanted was to witness another one of their pointless arguments. Sitting down in the comfortable chair near the unlit fire she began cutting the stitches of the black cloth. Presently the door opened and shut producing a frazzled looking Harry. He turned around and jumped; he hadn't expected to see Ginny.
"Sorry, am I disturbing you?" he asked. He never could tell if he was welcomed or not around Ginny anymore.
"No, sit down," she said, pushing her hair deftly out of her eyes.
He sat down laughing nervously. "They're at it again. I swear, Ron can be a prat when he gets nervous."
"Yeah," agreed Ginny smiling "But he makes up for it, later. This will last a half and hour at the most before he melts."
Harry snorted and settled into the chair he was sitting in. He waited in silence for a few moments. Seeing that Ginny was not induced to say anything he asked, "So what's that you're working on?"
"Ron's robes. I'm taking them in."
"Taking them where?"
"Taking them in, Harry. At the waist. To fit me." She spoke slowly like he was a small child. He laughed nervously. "I knew that," he said "Really." She shook her head grinning a very Weasly grin. Harry felt himself getting red.
Getting up Harry began to pace the room, looking at the odds and ends Mr.Weasly had collected, seeing special notes written under some things stating there function and significance. He nearly cracked up laughing at the thought of the Mr. Weasly dancing about in fascination over the typewriter that seemed to have been given a revered place upon the mantel. Glancing down to the desk he saw an abundance of odds and ends; batteries, springs, wires and plugs. Then he saw a stack of drawings. Very un-MrWeasly like drawings of faeries, wood sprites and elves. Spinning around he asked, "Ginny, are these your father's ?"
Ginny looked up blinking. She bit her lip subconsciously and then looking back to her sewing she said, "No those are mine."
Harry's eyes widen in appreciation. "You drew these? Ginny you've been holding out on us! These are really good. Is this what you keep disappearing off to do?"
"I don't disappear. But I do draw a lot, when I have time."
Harry quirked an eyebrow and walked over to where she was steadily relining the black robe. He watched as the needle swished back and forth steadily, in clean straight lines of neat stitches.
"You seem to work well with your hands," he said softly.
If she had looked up she would have seen him analyze her with his eyes. She might have had a conversation with him that went beyond the barest formalities. She might have done a lot of things. But then Fate took a nice twist when they both heard very clearly.
"Harry I need to speak with you."
It was Ron. He was standing by the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. He seemed to be twitching of sorts. "Ginny," he said "Could you be a dear and leave us chaps to talk for a minute?"
Ginny quickly got up and brushed past Harry and her brother, not really sure if Ron had saved her from disaster or pulled her into one. 'They probably want to hash out his fight with Herm,' she thought deciding to go check on the bushy haired girl who was the closest thing she had to a friend.
Back in the study Ron's face went from passive to fierce the moment Ginny left the room.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!"
Harry jumped taken aback at this sudden turn of events. "W-W-What?"
"Quit stuttering like an idiot Harry. Do I. Look STUPID. To you? You think I didn't see you hitting on my sister?"
Harry gulped; this had the potential to turn very very ugly. "I wasn't hitting on Ginny, I was just having a normal conversation…"
"Oh give it up Harry. Look, you think I don't know what the hell is going on? You're upset about Cho, bored with me and Hermione, but if you think that you can entertain yourself with MY sister, think again."
"Ron, One I wasn't…well at least I didn't mean to hit on Ginny. Two, Cho has nothing to do with this and three, Ginny is old enough to make her own decisions about who can say what to her and who she chooses to talk with. If she doesn't want me around, she'll tell me."
The minute he said this Harry realized he had made a BIG mistake. It was almost in slow motion the he felt Ron grab his throat and slam him up against the wall.
"SHE IS A LITTLE GIRL YOU HORMONAL PRAT! SHE IS MY LITTLE SISTER!!!!! IF YOU EVER COME NEAR HER I'LL KILL YOU!"
At that moment Hermione came rushing in only to see her two best friends locked in what looked like a death grip. "Ron! Get off of him! Harry what is going on?"
Harry was too busy gagging and Ron was practically breathing fire. Turning around in blind fury to Hermione he shouted, "This bloody git was hitting on my sister! I don't know what the hell he thinks he's doing but I'd say he has a death wish!"
Hermione tried to dislodge Harry's throat from Ron's fingers as he continued to shout furiously. All was cut short by a low scream from the door.
Ginny was standing, looking very pale as she took in the scene in front of her, her fingers flexing dangerously. Her eyes swept from Harry to Ron. "Ron what do you think you're doing?" she asked her quiet voice cutting through him like a knife.
"I saw what he did, Ginny. You're too young to understand, but he has got to get some self control if he wants to stay here!"
Ginny felt her throat constrict dangerously. Would she ever be seen as anything more than a helpless naïve kid? "Ron, let him go. I'm not ten years old anymore! Just drop it, okay? Lord can't you all leave me alone!?" She could feel her voice cracking with emotion and felt her fingers tremble. Turning around quickly Ginny ran up the stairs to her room.
Collapsing on bed that awful sensation bit her again…The feeling of needing to cry very much and not being able to. Ginny curled herself up in a tight ball clenching her fists. 'Ron IS a stupid prat and Harry is going to drive me insane! Can't he make up his mind about how he feels?'
A few moments later a soft knock was heard at her door. Ginny was in no mood to deal with any of them, but she wasn't in the mood to listen to someone knock at her door for a half an hour either.
She gave a shaky, "Come in."
Hermione stepped inside sympathy etched into all her features. Sitting down next to Ginny she compassionately wrapped her arms around the younger girl's shoulders saying, "Wouldn't it be great if there was a huge explosion and they were all wiped off the face of the earth?"
"Definitely!" agreed Ginny enthusiastically.
Hermione smiled and took on a 'knowing mother voice' saying, "You know it will be years before Ron begins to suspect that you're grown. We were best friends for years before he even noticed I was a girl! Draco Malfoy caught on before him. I'd like to give you hope but there is none. He does love you, though. You know, if he thought Harry would hurt you or had hurt you, I wouldn't be surprised if he, like tried to kill him or something."
Ginny sighed but couldn't help giggling. "How do you stand him? I mean he's impossible.'
"Yeah, but he's a good kisser," Hermione giggled. Hermione giggling was definitely a post-Ron phenomenon. But suddenly she got very serious. "Ginny, about Harry."
Ginny looked up, pulling a complete stone face to hide the confusion she felt in side her.
"He's all messed up right because of Cho and being his last year at school, and having to move out of the Dursely's. He may say things or act ways that don't make any sense. He's just a little confused right now so don't let him disturb you.."
'In other words he doesn't really like you Ginny because, you're a poor freckle face little sister so don't get your hopes up'
"And half the time he doesn't know what he's feeling so don't you expect to. He'll be back to normal when school starts…" continued Hermione.
'Thanks Herm, for that vote of confidence.'
Hermione looked at Ginny concernedly. "Come on say something. He didn't really hurt your feelings did he?"
Ginny brushed her bangs defiantly out of her eyes. "I was sewing and I really wasn't paying attention to what Harry did or said. I don't think he meant anythign by what he said or didn't say."
Hermione patted her the back. "Good. Now come and eat supper. We can watch Ron trip over himself while he tries to make up with me and Harry at the same time."
And she led Ginny out of the room.
Ginny let it wash over her, the whole event of the evening. It would shift to the back of her mind and build up with all the other pressure points until her body screamed release. And then she'd blade her way out and she would live. In a few days it wouldn't matter either way; school would start and life would be fine. Just dandy. Ginny shuddered a little. The more she told herself that, the less convinced she was.
**********************************
Getting to the train on time was about like training a circus. Ginny was amazed at the noise, elbowing and general disaster that her family generated. She thanked the lord that Fred and George were gone or else she was positive that they would never have made it. Now finally settled in the train She took a seat by the window and pretended to watch the landscape rush by in a high-speed blur. Her eyes actually observed the three of them as she let the sun filter through her eyelashes. Harry and Ron were speaking again…she had heard Ron give him a 'you'll always be my best friend, I just got carried away' speech the day before. She had thankfully missed the 'but if you touch my sister I will dislocate your shoulder' speech but it seemed that it must have been given too, because Harry would hardly look her in the eye.
The feeling…that made her feel like an outsider looking in to wonderful world of which she was not a part of, was threatening to overwhelm her. But Ginny had learned a trick of her own. 'This is an ocean…' she thought. 'And all the things around me are the choppy waves on the surface. If I sink below the waves I won't feel anything at all.' It was a good trick…the key was not drowning.
She let the conversations of the others wash over her like waves…if she could just loose herself…
"Ginny? Ginny? Are you sleeping?"
Ginny opened her eyes reluctantly. "No, Ron, what do you want?"
"Could you get the sandwiches Mum packed? I think I left them in the other compartment."
She stood stretched and walked out towards one of the luggage compartments, thinking, 'Good, maybe I can get some parchment to draw on. Anything to keep my mind busy.'
Ginny found the sandwiches almost immediately, Ron had left them on top of his trunk. Then she knelt before her own trunk and began to rummage through it. As she moved aside her cloaks and robes she had the distinct feeling of some one watching over her. Praying it wasn't Harry she stood quickly and turned.
"What's the hurry, Skinny Ginny, 'fraid someone's gonna catch you rummaging through your charity basket?"
It wasn't Harry. It was Draco Malfoy.
Ginny felt her heart sink. This was the LAST person she wanted to see.
"Draco, please let me pass," she said. She was in no mood to have a word battle with a guy whose name meant dragon's tongue.
"I think you've grown skinnier, over the summer…Can't they feed you at home any more? Or have you been reduced to forest foraging?"
Ginny scowled at him. "Draco, save it for some one who cares, will you? Don't you think this is getting a little old?" she said as she roughly pushed passed him and headed down the passage.
"Oh, Ginny the quiet Weasly who can actually control her temper…Are you a bastard kid or has being the youngest and most under fed finally broken you? Come on now which one was it that crushed you for life? Being sabotaged by those nitwit twin apes, squashed under Ron or the lovely pressure of years of unrequited love for the four eyed wonder, Harry Potter?"
Ginny froze. She knew if she said anything a dam would break and crumble her hold on herself control and she would either kill him or start crying. Unconsciously she began to flex her fingers…clenching and unclenching them by her sides.
Draco watched her. He watched her freeze in her place with cruel satisfaction. Then he saw her hands flinching…and a sick, bitter taste coated his throat.
"What's wrong with your hands, Weasly? " he barked.
She looked at her hands in surprise and then at Draco. And he saw the answer written all over her face. What happened exactly is unclear. Draco grabbed her wrist in one wrenching movement, causing the sleeve of her robe to slide up to her shoulder. Ginny gave a low scream and, working on pure adrenaline, she swung her foot around and kicked him in the ankle. Hard. Draco bellowed at the unexpected move and dropped her wrist, falling on his knees to the ground. She could still see the marks from his fingers as she ran down the train passage, ignoring the doors sliding open to see what the commotion was all about.
Draco pulled himself off the floor and limped slowly to his compartment. He fell silently to his seat ignoring the questions that Crabbe and Goyle pelted him with. As the pain in his ankle subsided he thought back to what he had seen. The movement of her hands, the expression of her face... and though he could not be sure in the moments that he had held her thin wrist in his grip, he thought he had caught a glimpse tiny silver scars across her arm.
Ginny stumbled into the room where Ron stood, sandwiches forgotten, and asked her what had happened.
"We heard a scream, was that you Ginny?" asked Harry, concerned.
"Yeah," she said shakily. "Nothing serious, just another run in with Malfoy."
Ron's face went from white to red in a matter of nanoseconds. "What did he do, the ruddy bastard!? I'll smash his bloody face in!"
Hermione put her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. Ginny rubbed her eyes irritably and said, "Don't bother. I kicked him hard. He'll probably limp through the first week of school. Sit down, Ron."
Harry led her to her seat kneeling in of her. "Are you sure your all right?" he said.
"She said she was fine, " growled Ron. Ginny felt her head begin to throb. Hermione, always one to sense a fight, forced him to sit down. "He's just asking," she whispered softly "Take it easy." Ron snorted under his breath but remained silent. Harry returned to his seat sensing his rather dangerous position and began to read through his Charms book.
Ginny looked around at them. Ron was glowering, Hermione was trying to consolidate him and Harry kept sneaking glances trying to discern whether he was still in danger of being beaten up by Ron.
It was going to be a long trip.
***************************************************
School was the same. Ginny smiled as she trailed down the same halls and looked at the same rooms, making her way down to potions class. 'There is a wonderful stability in school. It's always there, always the same. Never changes,' she thought silently.
The hustle of students and the constant changing classes didn't leave time for self-pity. The busyness was a wonderful distraction. She could almost forget the constant subtle pressure and the needling ache… Almost.
After the whole incident with Malfoy, Ginny started wearing her dragon skin gloves all time. She was fairly sure that no one could see her scars anyway but she wore then like an insurance policy. Already hand-me-downs from the twins, the constant wear began to show on them and as she entered Snape's dungeon she prayed they wouldn't tear at the seams before class was over. The dungeon was the same dark, dank place that it had been for the last decade. The same. Monotonous. Comfortable. Snape was tall thin and greasy. Also the same.
Five minutes into Potions and Ginny began to wish some things would change at Hogwarts. Like that a train could flatten Snape and wipe him into oblivion. Her class with the Slytherins was going as all classes with the Slytherins went; long stuffy and full of spiteful ridicule. She ignored it to the best of her abilities, tuning it out like she did almost everything else focusing on the potion; measuring the unicorn's hair and the acid dragon's blood with utmost care.
Trying to balance the vile of dragon's blood in one hand she stretched her fingers to reach the flashing glow worms on the table beside her cauldron. RIIIIIIPPPP. Like a cascade, the threads in her gloves spilt apart. Jerking her hand back suddenly she accidentally tipped the vile of blood over and sent it splashing over her uncovered hand.
It burned like blue fire. Ginny let out a small yelp before rubbing her hand on her robes to get the blood off. Not a very good move. The blood ate through the thin cloth like singed flames. Ginny wreathed under the pain and then at the tone of professor Snape as he bellowed "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!"
Ginny held her burned hand and stuttered, "S-s-sir my glove tore and I got dragon's blood on my hand."
Groaning in exasperation Snape produced a balm, which he quickly applied to her hand to stop the pain. Tearing away the rest of the flimsy hide he examined the gloves before sneering, "Do these date back to the Fred and Goerge, or further back to Charlie? If you can not afford the correct equipment needed for my class then do NOT attend! Is that understood Miss Weasly?"
Ginny felt her throat tighten. "Yes, sir."
Her answer was followed by a hoot of laughter from the Slytherins particularly Goyle who had managed to fail last year and was stuck in her class. Colin Creavey who was sitting just a ways away from Ginny spoke up angrily, "Professor, It's not her fault that her gloves tore!"
"Mr. Creavey! I will do without your impertinence in my class! Ten points from Gryffindor!"
Though this was met with groans from the Gryffindors and more sniggering from the Slytherins no one said anything further. Ginny felt her eyes smarting horribly. She couldn't cry, she couldn't cut, she could only sit there under Snape's gaze holding her flexing hand until the period ended.
As soon as the bell rang, Ginny rushed out of the class. Snape had ordered her to Madam Pomfrey's to have her hand checked, but there was no subsurface damage so she was now hurrying down the hall, trying to make her way to the dorms. To her trunk . To her blade. Word of the incident had obviously spread, for every Slytherin in sight was pointing at her and sniggering and the rest of the school cast looks of sympathy as she hurried down the corridor.
Ginny saw it on one level. But subconsciously she blocked most of it out. It didn't matter. Once she got her blade it would all go away…the ache and the frustration… CRASH!
Ginny collided into someone who sent her skidding across the stone floor, causing her ankle the jolt and cutting the skin of her knee and lower leg deeply. Grasping her leg, she bit back the urge to cry out and instead swallowed the sharp pain and tried to focus her vision. Her leg was bleeding. The blood ran down her leg in a dark red continuous stream. Staring at the blood she began to run her fingers through it, using it as a focus point like she did with the cuts she inflicted on her arms. The pain was good and sharp and over whelming. It left no room for the ache in her chest. She was almost grateful to whoever had knocked her down.
Suddenly she remembered that she might have knocked some one else down. Looking up quickly she found herself staring into the eyes of Draco Malfoy.
He was looking at her like a hawk looks at its meal. From the first collision he watched her slide across the floor, skinning her knee in the process. His first instinct had been to just keep walking. Then remembering the scene on the train he stayed and watched her. A chill went up his spine when she ran her fingers through her blood and he suddenly saw her for exactly what she was. The bastard in him smiled. The human in him cringed.
When she finally looked up at him he saw it etched in her features as clear as day. She recoiled back in an attempt to scramble to her feet, but the pain in her leg prevented her. He kneeled down before her on his hunches observing her further before he shot forward and caught her chin in his cold grip.
"You're bleeding," he said coldly, his eyes like liquid ice boring into her's.
Ginny couldn't even respond.
"Bleeding's good for you.," he said with a twisted grin. "As long as you bleed you know you're alive. The dead don't bleed." Ginny thought for a moment that his breath would make frost on her cheeks.
"Sometimes," he continued his eyes glancing to her exposed arms "Sometimes you even bleed to keep yourself alive." He looked straight at her again. Then he stood up and left her there in the middle of the empty corridor to go to whatever class he had.
With a sickening thud in her stomach Ginny realized that he knew what she was doing. He had seen her scars. And she had no idea what he was going to do about it.
Okay sorry if this particular part is kind of depressing. The next part will hopefully be the last so I need some help. One: how do you guys want Malfoy? Evil? Good Guy? Or the main love interest? Review and tell me. Next part will have a lot of Harry's introspect so we'll see what he's doing while all this is going on. I will choose between H/G or G/D solely based on the reviews so vote for who ever you want. The next part will begin happy have a very ugly middle and hopefully end happily…but it really all depends on my mood…and the reviews.
Another point: my finals are coming up in a week so if the next part doesn't come out until early May, it's not writer's block, it's because I would like to pass this term. Happy readings!
A/N so I take it I don't need to up the rating? Good. Nothing much to say except that I like reviews… even mean ones.
READ MY NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!
School will be Better…
Harry looked at his potions book with disgust. One week before school Ron had suddenly woken up to the fact that despite all his alleged studying with Hermione he had actually accomplished nothing at all and had ordered the bushy haired heroine too spend the day with Ginny so he could get some work done. Harry had been dragged into the equation, though he preferred doing any other subject besides potions. The thought of Professor Snape made his skin crawl.
The summer hadn't been too bad. Ron and Hermione had always made a point of acting platonic in front of him to ease any friction (never mind that they both sucked at acting) and Fred and George always made for good entertainment. But in the end he noticed that before he had always been in the middle of the trio and suddenly he was on the outside looking in.
Ginny was another mystery to him. She wasn't avoiding him exactly…more like avoiding everyone. It was as if she was in her own private world, a world he didn't have entrance to. She was either busy or gone…she seemed to disappear into the woods all the time. Once when he was out looking for those wild pansies (he was still unsure about that assignment) he saw her spinning barefoot in the grass. But she had seen him and started to walk away. Not quickly in embarrassment but more like he had disturbed her or something. Harry shook his head reverently. She was not acting normal at all.
Of course that annoying voice in the back of his head asked how he would know if she was acting normally of not. The extent of his knowledge of Ginny's behavior included her blushing and dropping things when he entered the room. So she had stopped that. No big deal. The real problem was that it seemed like everyone was changing all at once and he felt left behind.
***********************************
Ginny slowly packed her books in her trunk. She and Hermione had sorted through all her things and now Hermione had gone down to see what progress Ron and Harry were making in Potions. It seemed a miracle that the summer was finally over and school was to begin at last. She packed her newly hemmed robes and her school boots. Looking over at the stack of clothes on her bed Ginny grimaced as she realized that she still hadn't taken in Ron's black robe. Leaving it out she began layering the clothes between her pencils and drawing parchment. Ginny ran her fingers gently over a sketch she had drawn that morning of a tiny silver winged creature skimming over the surface of the pond. In a way they were hers, at least when she called them. For a few moments of glory they belonged to her. Or she belonged to them.
Emptying her drawers she came across her blade. It was looking dull from use and she made a mental note to polish it. Tracing her fingers over the delicate faerie handle, Ginny debated whether or not to take it. Her mind raced through the events of the summer and of the previous year going back and back over times until in her minds eye she was that scared girl who walked shaking towards platform 9 ¾ on her way to Hogwarts for the first time. She smiled at the good times, when Ron had pulled her into his circles, when the twins had been there for her, when Percy had been kind. Then she remembered the bad times. The slow knowledge that Tom Riddle had taken possession of her body, the times Ron had snubbed her and Draco had said biting horrible things about her family. With out thinking she dropped the knife in her trunk.
Ginny walked down stairs, holding drawing parchment in one hand and carrying Ron's black robe under her other arm.
Ron appeared to be screaming. Loudly. In frustration? "I can't, I just can't! It doesn't make sense and I'm going to fail everything! Why didn't we study any hhmmm? This is your entire fault, Hermione! Why didn't you yell at me to study or something!"
Hermione's voice shouted back, "Oh, please Ron, don't even try to blame me for this one! I tried to tell you that we had to quit playing around…you were to one who kept insisting I had to let my hair down!"
"Well you did need to, but not at the expense of my studying!"
"Your studying!? What about mine? I swear Ron if we were I allowed to use magic I'd- "
"Yeah, yeah…I've heard it all before."
SLAP!
Ginny avoided the living room and steered towards her father's study. The last thing she wanted was to witness another one of their pointless arguments. Sitting down in the comfortable chair near the unlit fire she began cutting the stitches of the black cloth. Presently the door opened and shut producing a frazzled looking Harry. He turned around and jumped; he hadn't expected to see Ginny.
"Sorry, am I disturbing you?" he asked. He never could tell if he was welcomed or not around Ginny anymore.
"No, sit down," she said, pushing her hair deftly out of her eyes.
He sat down laughing nervously. "They're at it again. I swear, Ron can be a prat when he gets nervous."
"Yeah," agreed Ginny smiling "But he makes up for it, later. This will last a half and hour at the most before he melts."
Harry snorted and settled into the chair he was sitting in. He waited in silence for a few moments. Seeing that Ginny was not induced to say anything he asked, "So what's that you're working on?"
"Ron's robes. I'm taking them in."
"Taking them where?"
"Taking them in, Harry. At the waist. To fit me." She spoke slowly like he was a small child. He laughed nervously. "I knew that," he said "Really." She shook her head grinning a very Weasly grin. Harry felt himself getting red.
Getting up Harry began to pace the room, looking at the odds and ends Mr.Weasly had collected, seeing special notes written under some things stating there function and significance. He nearly cracked up laughing at the thought of the Mr. Weasly dancing about in fascination over the typewriter that seemed to have been given a revered place upon the mantel. Glancing down to the desk he saw an abundance of odds and ends; batteries, springs, wires and plugs. Then he saw a stack of drawings. Very un-MrWeasly like drawings of faeries, wood sprites and elves. Spinning around he asked, "Ginny, are these your father's ?"
Ginny looked up blinking. She bit her lip subconsciously and then looking back to her sewing she said, "No those are mine."
Harry's eyes widen in appreciation. "You drew these? Ginny you've been holding out on us! These are really good. Is this what you keep disappearing off to do?"
"I don't disappear. But I do draw a lot, when I have time."
Harry quirked an eyebrow and walked over to where she was steadily relining the black robe. He watched as the needle swished back and forth steadily, in clean straight lines of neat stitches.
"You seem to work well with your hands," he said softly.
If she had looked up she would have seen him analyze her with his eyes. She might have had a conversation with him that went beyond the barest formalities. She might have done a lot of things. But then Fate took a nice twist when they both heard very clearly.
"Harry I need to speak with you."
It was Ron. He was standing by the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. He seemed to be twitching of sorts. "Ginny," he said "Could you be a dear and leave us chaps to talk for a minute?"
Ginny quickly got up and brushed past Harry and her brother, not really sure if Ron had saved her from disaster or pulled her into one. 'They probably want to hash out his fight with Herm,' she thought deciding to go check on the bushy haired girl who was the closest thing she had to a friend.
Back in the study Ron's face went from passive to fierce the moment Ginny left the room.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!"
Harry jumped taken aback at this sudden turn of events. "W-W-What?"
"Quit stuttering like an idiot Harry. Do I. Look STUPID. To you? You think I didn't see you hitting on my sister?"
Harry gulped; this had the potential to turn very very ugly. "I wasn't hitting on Ginny, I was just having a normal conversation…"
"Oh give it up Harry. Look, you think I don't know what the hell is going on? You're upset about Cho, bored with me and Hermione, but if you think that you can entertain yourself with MY sister, think again."
"Ron, One I wasn't…well at least I didn't mean to hit on Ginny. Two, Cho has nothing to do with this and three, Ginny is old enough to make her own decisions about who can say what to her and who she chooses to talk with. If she doesn't want me around, she'll tell me."
The minute he said this Harry realized he had made a BIG mistake. It was almost in slow motion the he felt Ron grab his throat and slam him up against the wall.
"SHE IS A LITTLE GIRL YOU HORMONAL PRAT! SHE IS MY LITTLE SISTER!!!!! IF YOU EVER COME NEAR HER I'LL KILL YOU!"
At that moment Hermione came rushing in only to see her two best friends locked in what looked like a death grip. "Ron! Get off of him! Harry what is going on?"
Harry was too busy gagging and Ron was practically breathing fire. Turning around in blind fury to Hermione he shouted, "This bloody git was hitting on my sister! I don't know what the hell he thinks he's doing but I'd say he has a death wish!"
Hermione tried to dislodge Harry's throat from Ron's fingers as he continued to shout furiously. All was cut short by a low scream from the door.
Ginny was standing, looking very pale as she took in the scene in front of her, her fingers flexing dangerously. Her eyes swept from Harry to Ron. "Ron what do you think you're doing?" she asked her quiet voice cutting through him like a knife.
"I saw what he did, Ginny. You're too young to understand, but he has got to get some self control if he wants to stay here!"
Ginny felt her throat constrict dangerously. Would she ever be seen as anything more than a helpless naïve kid? "Ron, let him go. I'm not ten years old anymore! Just drop it, okay? Lord can't you all leave me alone!?" She could feel her voice cracking with emotion and felt her fingers tremble. Turning around quickly Ginny ran up the stairs to her room.
Collapsing on bed that awful sensation bit her again…The feeling of needing to cry very much and not being able to. Ginny curled herself up in a tight ball clenching her fists. 'Ron IS a stupid prat and Harry is going to drive me insane! Can't he make up his mind about how he feels?'
A few moments later a soft knock was heard at her door. Ginny was in no mood to deal with any of them, but she wasn't in the mood to listen to someone knock at her door for a half an hour either.
She gave a shaky, "Come in."
Hermione stepped inside sympathy etched into all her features. Sitting down next to Ginny she compassionately wrapped her arms around the younger girl's shoulders saying, "Wouldn't it be great if there was a huge explosion and they were all wiped off the face of the earth?"
"Definitely!" agreed Ginny enthusiastically.
Hermione smiled and took on a 'knowing mother voice' saying, "You know it will be years before Ron begins to suspect that you're grown. We were best friends for years before he even noticed I was a girl! Draco Malfoy caught on before him. I'd like to give you hope but there is none. He does love you, though. You know, if he thought Harry would hurt you or had hurt you, I wouldn't be surprised if he, like tried to kill him or something."
Ginny sighed but couldn't help giggling. "How do you stand him? I mean he's impossible.'
"Yeah, but he's a good kisser," Hermione giggled. Hermione giggling was definitely a post-Ron phenomenon. But suddenly she got very serious. "Ginny, about Harry."
Ginny looked up, pulling a complete stone face to hide the confusion she felt in side her.
"He's all messed up right because of Cho and being his last year at school, and having to move out of the Dursely's. He may say things or act ways that don't make any sense. He's just a little confused right now so don't let him disturb you.."
'In other words he doesn't really like you Ginny because, you're a poor freckle face little sister so don't get your hopes up'
"And half the time he doesn't know what he's feeling so don't you expect to. He'll be back to normal when school starts…" continued Hermione.
'Thanks Herm, for that vote of confidence.'
Hermione looked at Ginny concernedly. "Come on say something. He didn't really hurt your feelings did he?"
Ginny brushed her bangs defiantly out of her eyes. "I was sewing and I really wasn't paying attention to what Harry did or said. I don't think he meant anythign by what he said or didn't say."
Hermione patted her the back. "Good. Now come and eat supper. We can watch Ron trip over himself while he tries to make up with me and Harry at the same time."
And she led Ginny out of the room.
Ginny let it wash over her, the whole event of the evening. It would shift to the back of her mind and build up with all the other pressure points until her body screamed release. And then she'd blade her way out and she would live. In a few days it wouldn't matter either way; school would start and life would be fine. Just dandy. Ginny shuddered a little. The more she told herself that, the less convinced she was.
**********************************
Getting to the train on time was about like training a circus. Ginny was amazed at the noise, elbowing and general disaster that her family generated. She thanked the lord that Fred and George were gone or else she was positive that they would never have made it. Now finally settled in the train She took a seat by the window and pretended to watch the landscape rush by in a high-speed blur. Her eyes actually observed the three of them as she let the sun filter through her eyelashes. Harry and Ron were speaking again…she had heard Ron give him a 'you'll always be my best friend, I just got carried away' speech the day before. She had thankfully missed the 'but if you touch my sister I will dislocate your shoulder' speech but it seemed that it must have been given too, because Harry would hardly look her in the eye.
The feeling…that made her feel like an outsider looking in to wonderful world of which she was not a part of, was threatening to overwhelm her. But Ginny had learned a trick of her own. 'This is an ocean…' she thought. 'And all the things around me are the choppy waves on the surface. If I sink below the waves I won't feel anything at all.' It was a good trick…the key was not drowning.
She let the conversations of the others wash over her like waves…if she could just loose herself…
"Ginny? Ginny? Are you sleeping?"
Ginny opened her eyes reluctantly. "No, Ron, what do you want?"
"Could you get the sandwiches Mum packed? I think I left them in the other compartment."
She stood stretched and walked out towards one of the luggage compartments, thinking, 'Good, maybe I can get some parchment to draw on. Anything to keep my mind busy.'
Ginny found the sandwiches almost immediately, Ron had left them on top of his trunk. Then she knelt before her own trunk and began to rummage through it. As she moved aside her cloaks and robes she had the distinct feeling of some one watching over her. Praying it wasn't Harry she stood quickly and turned.
"What's the hurry, Skinny Ginny, 'fraid someone's gonna catch you rummaging through your charity basket?"
It wasn't Harry. It was Draco Malfoy.
Ginny felt her heart sink. This was the LAST person she wanted to see.
"Draco, please let me pass," she said. She was in no mood to have a word battle with a guy whose name meant dragon's tongue.
"I think you've grown skinnier, over the summer…Can't they feed you at home any more? Or have you been reduced to forest foraging?"
Ginny scowled at him. "Draco, save it for some one who cares, will you? Don't you think this is getting a little old?" she said as she roughly pushed passed him and headed down the passage.
"Oh, Ginny the quiet Weasly who can actually control her temper…Are you a bastard kid or has being the youngest and most under fed finally broken you? Come on now which one was it that crushed you for life? Being sabotaged by those nitwit twin apes, squashed under Ron or the lovely pressure of years of unrequited love for the four eyed wonder, Harry Potter?"
Ginny froze. She knew if she said anything a dam would break and crumble her hold on herself control and she would either kill him or start crying. Unconsciously she began to flex her fingers…clenching and unclenching them by her sides.
Draco watched her. He watched her freeze in her place with cruel satisfaction. Then he saw her hands flinching…and a sick, bitter taste coated his throat.
"What's wrong with your hands, Weasly? " he barked.
She looked at her hands in surprise and then at Draco. And he saw the answer written all over her face. What happened exactly is unclear. Draco grabbed her wrist in one wrenching movement, causing the sleeve of her robe to slide up to her shoulder. Ginny gave a low scream and, working on pure adrenaline, she swung her foot around and kicked him in the ankle. Hard. Draco bellowed at the unexpected move and dropped her wrist, falling on his knees to the ground. She could still see the marks from his fingers as she ran down the train passage, ignoring the doors sliding open to see what the commotion was all about.
Draco pulled himself off the floor and limped slowly to his compartment. He fell silently to his seat ignoring the questions that Crabbe and Goyle pelted him with. As the pain in his ankle subsided he thought back to what he had seen. The movement of her hands, the expression of her face... and though he could not be sure in the moments that he had held her thin wrist in his grip, he thought he had caught a glimpse tiny silver scars across her arm.
Ginny stumbled into the room where Ron stood, sandwiches forgotten, and asked her what had happened.
"We heard a scream, was that you Ginny?" asked Harry, concerned.
"Yeah," she said shakily. "Nothing serious, just another run in with Malfoy."
Ron's face went from white to red in a matter of nanoseconds. "What did he do, the ruddy bastard!? I'll smash his bloody face in!"
Hermione put her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. Ginny rubbed her eyes irritably and said, "Don't bother. I kicked him hard. He'll probably limp through the first week of school. Sit down, Ron."
Harry led her to her seat kneeling in of her. "Are you sure your all right?" he said.
"She said she was fine, " growled Ron. Ginny felt her head begin to throb. Hermione, always one to sense a fight, forced him to sit down. "He's just asking," she whispered softly "Take it easy." Ron snorted under his breath but remained silent. Harry returned to his seat sensing his rather dangerous position and began to read through his Charms book.
Ginny looked around at them. Ron was glowering, Hermione was trying to consolidate him and Harry kept sneaking glances trying to discern whether he was still in danger of being beaten up by Ron.
It was going to be a long trip.
***************************************************
School was the same. Ginny smiled as she trailed down the same halls and looked at the same rooms, making her way down to potions class. 'There is a wonderful stability in school. It's always there, always the same. Never changes,' she thought silently.
The hustle of students and the constant changing classes didn't leave time for self-pity. The busyness was a wonderful distraction. She could almost forget the constant subtle pressure and the needling ache… Almost.
After the whole incident with Malfoy, Ginny started wearing her dragon skin gloves all time. She was fairly sure that no one could see her scars anyway but she wore then like an insurance policy. Already hand-me-downs from the twins, the constant wear began to show on them and as she entered Snape's dungeon she prayed they wouldn't tear at the seams before class was over. The dungeon was the same dark, dank place that it had been for the last decade. The same. Monotonous. Comfortable. Snape was tall thin and greasy. Also the same.
Five minutes into Potions and Ginny began to wish some things would change at Hogwarts. Like that a train could flatten Snape and wipe him into oblivion. Her class with the Slytherins was going as all classes with the Slytherins went; long stuffy and full of spiteful ridicule. She ignored it to the best of her abilities, tuning it out like she did almost everything else focusing on the potion; measuring the unicorn's hair and the acid dragon's blood with utmost care.
Trying to balance the vile of dragon's blood in one hand she stretched her fingers to reach the flashing glow worms on the table beside her cauldron. RIIIIIIPPPP. Like a cascade, the threads in her gloves spilt apart. Jerking her hand back suddenly she accidentally tipped the vile of blood over and sent it splashing over her uncovered hand.
It burned like blue fire. Ginny let out a small yelp before rubbing her hand on her robes to get the blood off. Not a very good move. The blood ate through the thin cloth like singed flames. Ginny wreathed under the pain and then at the tone of professor Snape as he bellowed "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!"
Ginny held her burned hand and stuttered, "S-s-sir my glove tore and I got dragon's blood on my hand."
Groaning in exasperation Snape produced a balm, which he quickly applied to her hand to stop the pain. Tearing away the rest of the flimsy hide he examined the gloves before sneering, "Do these date back to the Fred and Goerge, or further back to Charlie? If you can not afford the correct equipment needed for my class then do NOT attend! Is that understood Miss Weasly?"
Ginny felt her throat tighten. "Yes, sir."
Her answer was followed by a hoot of laughter from the Slytherins particularly Goyle who had managed to fail last year and was stuck in her class. Colin Creavey who was sitting just a ways away from Ginny spoke up angrily, "Professor, It's not her fault that her gloves tore!"
"Mr. Creavey! I will do without your impertinence in my class! Ten points from Gryffindor!"
Though this was met with groans from the Gryffindors and more sniggering from the Slytherins no one said anything further. Ginny felt her eyes smarting horribly. She couldn't cry, she couldn't cut, she could only sit there under Snape's gaze holding her flexing hand until the period ended.
As soon as the bell rang, Ginny rushed out of the class. Snape had ordered her to Madam Pomfrey's to have her hand checked, but there was no subsurface damage so she was now hurrying down the hall, trying to make her way to the dorms. To her trunk . To her blade. Word of the incident had obviously spread, for every Slytherin in sight was pointing at her and sniggering and the rest of the school cast looks of sympathy as she hurried down the corridor.
Ginny saw it on one level. But subconsciously she blocked most of it out. It didn't matter. Once she got her blade it would all go away…the ache and the frustration… CRASH!
Ginny collided into someone who sent her skidding across the stone floor, causing her ankle the jolt and cutting the skin of her knee and lower leg deeply. Grasping her leg, she bit back the urge to cry out and instead swallowed the sharp pain and tried to focus her vision. Her leg was bleeding. The blood ran down her leg in a dark red continuous stream. Staring at the blood she began to run her fingers through it, using it as a focus point like she did with the cuts she inflicted on her arms. The pain was good and sharp and over whelming. It left no room for the ache in her chest. She was almost grateful to whoever had knocked her down.
Suddenly she remembered that she might have knocked some one else down. Looking up quickly she found herself staring into the eyes of Draco Malfoy.
He was looking at her like a hawk looks at its meal. From the first collision he watched her slide across the floor, skinning her knee in the process. His first instinct had been to just keep walking. Then remembering the scene on the train he stayed and watched her. A chill went up his spine when she ran her fingers through her blood and he suddenly saw her for exactly what she was. The bastard in him smiled. The human in him cringed.
When she finally looked up at him he saw it etched in her features as clear as day. She recoiled back in an attempt to scramble to her feet, but the pain in her leg prevented her. He kneeled down before her on his hunches observing her further before he shot forward and caught her chin in his cold grip.
"You're bleeding," he said coldly, his eyes like liquid ice boring into her's.
Ginny couldn't even respond.
"Bleeding's good for you.," he said with a twisted grin. "As long as you bleed you know you're alive. The dead don't bleed." Ginny thought for a moment that his breath would make frost on her cheeks.
"Sometimes," he continued his eyes glancing to her exposed arms "Sometimes you even bleed to keep yourself alive." He looked straight at her again. Then he stood up and left her there in the middle of the empty corridor to go to whatever class he had.
With a sickening thud in her stomach Ginny realized that he knew what she was doing. He had seen her scars. And she had no idea what he was going to do about it.
Okay sorry if this particular part is kind of depressing. The next part will hopefully be the last so I need some help. One: how do you guys want Malfoy? Evil? Good Guy? Or the main love interest? Review and tell me. Next part will have a lot of Harry's introspect so we'll see what he's doing while all this is going on. I will choose between H/G or G/D solely based on the reviews so vote for who ever you want. The next part will begin happy have a very ugly middle and hopefully end happily…but it really all depends on my mood…and the reviews.
Another point: my finals are coming up in a week so if the next part doesn't come out until early May, it's not writer's block, it's because I would like to pass this term. Happy readings!
