Disclaimer: *looks around her, then goes to check all her most recent finical holdings* Nope, I still don't own Harry Potter, Ginny, Draco or any other things of JK Rowlings…More's the pity.
AN: Hmmmm…Looks like everyone is pretty sick of Harry/ Ginny Mush. I understand you. Well, well…Here's the deal. Did you guys see the review from Pinky and the Brain? Yeah well that was my little sister. In case you haven't noticed she's kind of an H/G shipper. She is also making my life hell, literally, and threatening to disown me if I write this G/D. Now I promised that I would go solely on reviews…so here's what I'll do: I was going to finish this up in this chapter, but I'm going to delay it by one more chapter. This chapter is your LAST chance to vote on your couples, so if there are any H/G shippers still lurking in the woodwork, you'd better come forward or forever hold your peace. After this I tally up and decide. Choose wisely. PLEASE REVIEW! ;)
The Last Straw
Harry felt like his whole body had been wracked. He hurt in places he didn't even know existed and as he made his way slowly up the steps to the Gryffindor common room he began to curse the day he had agreed to be Quidditch team Captin. One thing was for sure: he had new respect for Oliver Wood.
He knew everyone was asleep. It was far passed curfew, Harry was only awake because he had fallen asleep in the storeroom of the Quidditch equipment and had been discovered by Flitch only moments earlier. Harry's ears still rang from the lecture Flitch had bellowed at him and he had detention. "It wasn't my fault," grumbled Harry "I was bloody tired. Have him try and plan Quidditch strategies for hours and hours and then practice all night and see if he can keep awake in the end."
Trying to shrug the ache from his drooping shoulders, Harry muttered the password to the sleeping Fat Lady and slowly pushed through the portrait of the Gryffindor common room.
He immediately froze in his tracks. The room, which he expected to be empty and dark, was bathing in warm ember-glow light. A girl was kneeling by the fire and she seemed to be trying to blow the embers to life. A girl with the hair the same color as the dying fire.
'Ginny?' he thought. But what happened next made all speculations leave his mind. As she blew on the embers, sparks began to rise from the crackling wood. Suddenly, in a rush of light, the tiny sparks took shape and seemed to turn into a thousand flames dancing in the air. As Harry's eyes adjusted to the change in light he realized he was staring into a mass of Fire Sprites.
Still gaping, a sound startled him. Was Ginny singing? She was in a way…but not really, at least not in any mortal voice. All the same she seemed to call them about her in a blaze of fire and light, spinning about her they came, creating an exotic dance before his eyes…
Ginny was vivaciously enchanted. To feel them pull towards her gave a joy, no one could ever understand. She could see and feel them swirl around her drawing her out into their own little world…And with out realizing it she began to dance.
Harry was sure he was hallucinating. He couldn't be watching Ginny, in a thin cotton nightgown dancing in step with Fire Sprites. It was not possible. He HAD to be dreaming. He was so caught up in watching her he didn't notice his grip slowly slacking on the handle of his Firebolt…CRASH
The noise of broom was followed by the portrait slamming shut behind him. Ginny and the sprites surrounding her froze for one brief second, then in a rush the tiny beings all shot back into the embers of the dying fire, like they were sucked into a vortex. In a second the brilliant room was plunged into semi-darkness.
"H-H-Harry?" stuttered Ginny, horrified at the squeaky tone her voice had.
"G-G-Ginny?" stuttered Harry, horrified at the husky tone his voice had.
The both stood very still, Ginny debating whether to bolt and wishing she could apparate to Nova Scotia and Harry still under the illusion that he was delusional.
"Ginny, what was that? What did I just see?"
Ginny blinked. "Fire Sprites," she said in as matter-of-fact a tone as she could muster.
He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Yes, I know they were fire sprites, but you, I mean they - he threw his hands up in frustration - Did, you…speak to them?" he asked in bewilderment.
Ginny shifted uncomfortably and chewed her bottom lip. "I suppose. I mean I called them."
Harry checked to see if his jaw was hanging open and found that it was. He shut it before choking out, "Y-You call sprites?"
She nodded incredulously, unconsciously stepping back away from him.
"And faeries? Wood elves? Water nymphs?" he asked eyes wide.
Ginny swallowed turning around to face the fire, "Yeah."
Harry began to rake his fingers through his hair. "That's why you were always in the woods? Dancing with faeries? And the drawings?"
"Basically," she answered flatly. 'Why did he have to see?' she thought bitterly. 'It was something that all my own. He's ruined it.'
Harry's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Ginny, to call the faerie…It's a gift. Not even Hagrid can call faeries, well not like that any ways. Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"It's not a big deal. I mean everyone has gifts…Hermione's a walking encyclopedia, Ron's unbeatable at chess, you play Quidditch and defeat Dark Lords. I call faeries, so what? You don't see Ron parading around school saying 'All hail me the great chess player' do you?"
"Well actually…"
Her glare made him stop. The expression on her face reminded him for the umpteenth time that she was not the girl she had been. Harry felt an odd stab in his gut at the thought and said quietly, "When did you grow up Ginny?"
She tried -and failed- not to laugh harshly. "Harry, I grew up a long time ago."
He stepped closer to her and said in almost a melancholy voice, "Ginny I don't you, do I?"
She turned her face from the fire and looked at him with mock nonchalance. "Of course you do. I'm Virginia Weasly, called Ginny. I have red hair, brown eyes and freckles. I'm Ron's little sister."
"And you call faeries."
She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "And I call faeries."
He caught her chin the exact same way Draco had weeks before, the only difference was in the expression; Harry was searching, Draco was confirming. Turning her face so that it caught the firelight, Harry sighed, "I wish I knew YOU, Ginny."
She gently pulled her face out of his grasp, flashing him the same look she had given him in Weasly kitchen. "Harry you're tired. You should go to bed," she said.
Then she gathered up her nightgown and walked up the steps to the girls' dormitories. Harry followed her with his eyes until the door of the dorms clicked shut. 'Why is it when I'm serious, she makes me feel like a five-year-old,' he thought in frustration. He ignored the 'something' in the back of his mind told him it was pay back for years of pretending she wasn't there.
As he wondered up to his room he wondered whether he should tell Ron about Ginny's ability…but something, maybe the expression on her face when she had first seen him (disappointment? He thought…why?) made him decide to leave it alone.
*********************
Ginny went to breakfast the next morning with the silent dread of waiting for everyone to start demanding to know about her faeries. She almost skipped breakfast, but having missed dinner the night before, her stomach would not let her have her way. Almost sneaking into the Great Hall, she took a place as far from her brother and his friends as possible.
Harry kept trying to catch her eye through breakfast (without alerting Ron who still got edgy every time he caught Harry looking in Ginny's general direction). She had entered the hall with a petrified look, which was thankfully ebbing as the meal continued. For whatever reason, she wanted to keep her gift a secret and Harry wanted to give her some sign that he intended to do just that.
Ginny looked around cautiously relieved that no one seemed any wiser of the night's incident. Glancing in Ron's direction she caught sight of Harry who gave her a reassuring smile. Relief flooded her features and she returned to her meal with renewed vigor. She didn't notice Draco watching the whole exchange with unexplainable interest.
Draco picked at his food going through a slow process of elimination. It wasn't sexual he knew. Whatever had gone between Ginny and Harry wasn't like that or else Ginny wouldn't have shown up for breakfast at all he was sure. With a start he considered the fact that Harry might have figured out about her cutting. As quickly as the thought came he brushed it aside, Harry didn't have the gumption to come up with that and Ginny would have panicked if he found out. She had avoided him ever since the day in the hall and when ever she made eye contact with him her expression reminded him of a trapped deer. 'What? Does she think I'm going to hurt her?' he wondered silently. He laughed in spite of himself…'She probably does. Or she's afraid I'll tell. Maybe she's still pretending I don't know…'
Draco had been watching the youngest Weasly for longer than he bothered to keep track of. At first none of it had made sense… the Weasly's were one of the happiest families Draco had ever heard of. She was smart; she hung around, not only with the most famous people in school, but also the most popular as well. What right did she have to cut? Was it some sort of sympathy plea? It didn't make sense to him in the least so Draco had watched…watched as all the pieces fell into place.
The first thing he saw was that Ginny was practically always alone. She couldn't seem to carry on a conversation with any other girl except Hermione. She wasn't a tomboy he noticed, but being raised with six brothers seemed to have left her without the ability to deal with other girls. Draco couldn't remember what she had been like in the years before, but now she seemed to mental withdraw from every situation and conversation even when she was around the Dream Team. It was like she wasn't really there when she sat with them. He had watched her in the library once surrounded by Harry, Ron and Hermione and had seen as her eyes got a glazed opaque look, like she was slowly leaving her body behind as her mind traveled to some other world…Draco almost slapped himself. 'She's a spoiled kid who can't deal with a crush she's had since first year,' he told himself angrily. But as he watched her stare blankly at her hands with that drowning look in her eyes he knew he was lying to himself. That was what scared him the most, even though he wouldn't admit it, the fact that she seemed to be drifting away and none of her so called brilliant friends seemed to the brains to catch her.
Then there were other times…when she would come in from the grounds practically dancing, again lost in her own world but without that drowning expression on her face. Those days she was flushed and glowing with a sort of terrible happiness. She always avoided people then, in fact she seemed to take anyone's company as an intrusion on her personal space. What she did on those days was a mystery to him…He couldn't follow her and Ginny obviously wanted to be alone. But when she did come in, sparkling from whatever activity she engaged in she looked more alive than any person he had ever seen.
He rubbed his temples in exasperation…he did NOT need this now…Not at all. Still, the more attention he paid to Ginny, the more of a mystery she became and the more compelled he felt to solve it, or to solve her. He had come to one conclusion though; caring about people was a dangerous game.
The other members of the Dream Team were as clear to read as day. Ron was in love and shifted between forgetting that his sister existed and acting over protective to cover it up. He didn't mean to be completely useless, but he was still in that euphoria stage of love…It made Draco sick to watch him. Then there was Hermione who had much the same dilemma Ron did…she always smoothed out fights between Ginny, Harry and Ron but was too caught up in her own romance to be a bosom buddy to a skinny sixth year student. And then there was Harry…Draco sighed deeply and began to tap his fingers impatiently on the long table. No one had the ability to set off his temper like Harry did. Couldn't the git make up his mind? Harry seemed to shift between not noticing her and trying to catch her and the inconsistency made Draco crazy. He couldn't figure out if Harry liked Ginny or just wanted her or was just bored and he was beginning to have doubts on whether Harry knew himself.
It shouldn't matter he thought. It DIDN'T matter he insisted in his head. He looked at Ginny as she got up from the table pushing the ever-flowing red hair out of her eyes. As she made her way to the door with that same damn lost look in her eyes, Draco noticed the Crabbe was heading straight for her. He watched as Crabbe tripped her up sending her colliding into some other Slytherin sloshing food all over the floor. As Crabbe bellow, "Watch where you're going Weasely!" Draco cursed mentally to himself. Her fingers were flexing again.
**************************************************************************************
'It's getting worse,' thought Ginny as she sat on the dormitory floor, carefully wiping a sponge over her thigh. It was Saturday evening and everyone was at Hogsmeade for the weekend. She had opted to stay in and the result had been a trail of hair thin cuts over her thigh. She winced slightly as she ran her fingers over the cuts comparing them to the scars on her arms. As Ginny let the light catch on her hands and watched as it reflected off the tiny silver scars.
She tried to avoid blading her hands and leave that for when she was too tired or upset to find a different patch of skin. She had almost ruined a session in her Transfigurations course because her hands hurt too much to hold her wand properly. The skin over her thighs was very sensitive and hurt a great deal when it ran against the cold silver edge, which was a good thing she told herself. Her blade however was getting dull and she had had to hack away at her thigh before the pain made her mind spin and overtook the bitter ache inside her. She made a mental note to put a sharpening charm on it. But all this didn't erase that fact that her cutting moments were increasing. At the beginning of the school year she cut maybe once every two weeks, and now, three weeks before Christmas, it had become twice and thrice a week. Her knife, once kept at the bottom of her trunk was now kept at the bottom of her boot heal. Her forbearance seemed to decrease with time, or rather cutting had become easier than dealing with problems. It frightened her how quickly she reached for her blade… and yet the idea of giving up cutting frightened her even more.
It seemed the more she cut the more she withdrew from everyone around her, of course the isolation only made her cut more so it worked in a sort of viscous cycle that left her feeling weak and helpless. There were times when Hermione would ask her what the matter was, or Harry would ask if something was wrong and she wanted to tell them so much it hurt…but then the old fears and insecurities would arise. What would they think? What would they say? In her heart she knew they would never understand. No one could…
Ginny pulled her robes down over her red swollen thigh. No one could possible realize how important it was that she blade. That it was what kept her going, what kept her alive…alive. That's what Draco had said, she remembered suddenly. 'Sometimes you even bleed to keep yourself alive. What had he meant by that? With a shiver she thought about the possibility that had been bothering her for some time now, that he somehow knew. 'But no,' she thought 'He couldn't, could he? Even if he suspected, he hadn't seen her scars… You couldn't see them unless you were looking for them; it wasn't like something you caught out of the corner of your eye. And he hadn't been looking for scars when he had grabbed her arm, who would? Besides she rationed if he had known or even suspected he would have told the whole school…and would have had a blast doing it and he hadn't so that meant…? Her head began to throb. She did NOT need this now…not at all.
Ginny carefully picked up her things off the dorm floor as she heard voices of the incoming Gryffindors, back from their trip to Hogsmeade. Several girls bustled in, hyper and chattering over the trip and were blissfully unaware of Ginny's presence or absence. A girl with wavy blonde hair turned to her and said "Gin, Hermione wants you in her dorm."
Ginny walked into the seventh years dorm which seemed abuzz with some news.
"…And they say she got drunk and then actually went to bed with him!" giggled Lavender.
"What a stupid thing to do, I used to think she was nice but that is sick," murmured Parviti throwing down her bags.
"And Goyle of all people. She must have been desperate," said some one else.
Ginny wondered briefly who they were talking about until she heard Hermione over the chatter, growling, "You guys don't know what happened. Stop spreading rumors about stuff you don't know about."
"Well we heard--"
"Whatever you heard, you don't know if it's true. I don't want to hear about. Not in front of me. As far as I'm concerned Michele hasn't done a thing. Alright?" There were times when you didn't argue with Hermione, this was one of them.
Ginny pondered the conversation as she went slowly over the Hermione… Michele was a sweet blonde girl from Huffelpuff. Why would anyone want to spread rumors about her?
Her thoughts were interrupted by Hermione tapping her gently on the shoulder. "Ron wants you down in the common room," she said smiling. Hermione winked playfully and shooed her out of the door.
Ginny walked down the stairs, only to see Ron pacing back and forth looking very nervous. She smiled at him as he caught sight of her and beckoned her to sit down.
"Hey, Ginny Winny, you didn't come out with us today," he said playfully, still clearly nervous.
"I was tired," she said. It was her excuse for practically everything those days.
"Yeah, well, you seemed to be tired a lot of the time," said Ron with a hint of concern in his eyes. He cleared his throat and rubbed his noise furiously. Ginny grinned, any moment now he would start turning pink at the ears.
"The thing is Gin, I know I have been kind of, well, a jerk these days…I'm either ignoring you or being---well, being a little, what was it Mione said? -er, over protective?" he looked down at her and was encouraged by the slight smile on her face.
"You see, Ever since-well ever since me and Herm-that is Mione and I, well you know, got together (he was now turning pink at the ears) things have been a bit up side down for me. Everybody says that its just because we hang about together so much and because Harry liked Cho, that we got together. I know everyone thinks that the moment we leave school it will all end between us. And--and that its just hormones with me…and I don't know. But the thing is I really really think I love her. I mean when she's gone, I'm not just bored or even just miss her, I feel like a piece of me's not there and that's got to be more than hormones, don't you think?" Ginny nodded. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. You see I know I've been neglecting you shamefully. I mean I AM your big brother I SHOULD take care of you…it's just well…sometimes I'm afraid it will end between me and Mione, I mean Mione and I-- and that tears me all up inside. I mean lets face it, I'm not the best looking chap in school,"
"Oh, you're not so bad, big brother, now that you're not so wiry," interrupted Ginny smiling.
"Thanks. And I don't study nearly enough, and when I get angry or nervous I say the stupidest things in the world…anyone with half a brain would have left me ages ago, which doesn't make sense since Hermi's got to be the brainiest person in the whole school… And well all in all the whole thing distracts me a bit." He took a deep breath and continued. "So to make up for it I sort of over react around you so that you know I care and that I'm not just, you know, blowing you off. But I have been -informed-that my methods can sort of drive you a little nuts, which is okay, but they can also make you kind of sad, which is not. " He had stopped pacing and was now standing in front of the fire place shifted nervously form one foot to the next.
"Which brings me to the point of my little heart to heart with you. The thing is I want to try and make up for the crummy start of the year so I bought you these." He handed her a pair of fine dragon skin gloves. "Someone told me your old ones tore, which isn't surprising since they were George's, and I thought I'd get you knew ones for Christmas. But I wanted to do this now so that you wouldn't be sulky come the holidays and you'd forgive your old ogre of a brother for being a prat."
Ginny took the gift from feeling a wonderful warmth in chest that she thought she would never feel again. Then on impulse, ignoring the pain in her thigh, she jumped up and hugged him. She had forgotten how good a hug could feel. He squeezed her for a moment before setting her down gently on the floor.
"You like them then?" he said a bit shyly.
"You can be a wonderful brother when you try, Ron," she said pinching his nose playfully. "And you know what? People who think you and Hermione are just hormones, don't know love when it stares them in the face."
Ron's face split into a wide grin. "You think?" he asked excitedly
"I know," she said as she turned to return to the dorm.
Ginny sighed contently. Maybe things could get better after all.
Two days later at dinner Professor Dumbledore caught everyone's attention by announcing that the Yule Ball was to held once again during the Christmas holidays. "A costume party so that everyone can relax a little before the new term," he had said. The news didn't effect Ginny in the least; she had not been to the Yule since her third year and no intention of going now. Harry however had other plans.
As soon as the announcement was made Harry was determined to take Ginny to the dance. Ever since the night in the common room when he had seen her surrounded by fire sprites, Harry had been determined catch her alone sometime. Unfortunately fate and Ron seemed against him. Ginny was as reclusive as ever somehow he always just missed spending time with her. 'But not this time,' he thought. He would ask her out and everything would finally fall into place.
Harry cornered her in the library the next afternoon. "Ginny where have you been lately? It's easier to catch a butterfly then get a mintue alone with you."
Ginny shifted uncomfortably, "I was up in the owlery…I like it there. It's quiet except for the birds."
"Oh, I never would have thought to look for you there. Anyways, I need to ask you something… has Neville asked you to the ball yet?" Ginny blinked in surprise and slowly said, "N-No, why should he have?"
"He shouldn't have. Because I'm asking you. Will you come with me?" He flashed her a hopeful smile.
Ginny swallowed, as her throat felt suddenly dry. She wanted to say no, to say she wouldn't go with anyone, but the tiny part of her that still insisted on seeing Harry as the heroic knight in shining armor wouldn't let her. It was one dance, she reasoned it couldn't hurt. "If you like," she said finally.
"Great!" exclaimed Harry as he rubbed he knuckles against her chin before turning to walk towards Ron and Hermione.
Draco watched her as she walked almost dazed out of the library, from his position against the wall and fought the urge to groan. It wasn't like he was planning on asking her, but still…he supposed it didn't matter. Perhaps Harry did liked Ginny, and even if she was over her initial crush she probably wouldn't mind going with him, finding out that he liked her wouldn't hurt either. Still he hoped Harry didn't screw it up.
Harry felt great. Things were finally working out his way. He smiled as he remembered just how beautiful and alive Ginny had looked that night in the common room. Yes this was going to go wonderfully. The sky was blue, it was a beautiful day…Nothing could go wrong.
"Did you ask my sister to the Yule Ball, Harry?"
Suddenly Ron loomed before him and Harry tried not to gulp. He had forgotten that one catch…
"Yeah…it should be fun," said Harry hoping his face didn't betray how nervous he was.
Ron let out a deep sigh and folded his arms across his chest. Harry wondered when the skinny red head had become six feet and gotten so damn broad across the shoulders…he wonder also if that right arm that was balling into a fist was as dangerous as it seemed.
"Harry, what's going on?"
Harry raised his eyes in mock innocence… maybe it would work.
"Don't give me that mock innocent look, Harry what the HELL is you problem? You ignored her for years and when she finally gets over you, you suddenly have this unconfined interest in her? Come ON Harry! What sort of prat are you?"
"Why do you always assume that I'm taking Ginny for a ride? Did it ever occur to you that I just might actually like her?"
Ron raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Well do you?"
Harry gulped. "I-I…would like to find out. If I could just spend more than three minutes with her with out you trying to kill me..."
Ron's fists began to ball up. "Let me get this straight," he said "You want to take my sister out…so you can DECIDE if you like her? I suppose I should be pleased." He growled sarcastically. "Look Harry you're not thinking straight. You lead her on to decide to maybe break her heart…I can't have that. I don't want her hurt!"
"Ron, its just one dance!"
"Harry she's not just some girl! Did you think what it would do to her if you got up and left her after a few hours? Did you? NO! because guys like you don't think!"
Harry began to feel a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. What if Ron was right? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her…"Look Ron, I already asked her. Wouldn't it hurt her more if I broke it off now?"
Ron rubbed his forehead mumbling, "I'll take care of that. Just fix it …and Harry? STAY away from my sister. Use someone else to experiment on."
Harry watched as Ron stalked off. 'Damn!' he thought furiously as he made his way to the common room. 'Why does Ron have to ruin everything!?'
He thought of Ginny, of her tiny body and her soft smile, of the way she always seemed wrapped up in a world of her own…He wanted her, to knew what went on her mind…unfortunately everyone else seemed against it. As he thought of Ginny he remembered the little girl he had saved from Voldemort all those years ago…what would she think when he told he couldn't go with her?
Ginny sat in the owlery tower for the first time without a knife. She had come up to think about the way things were working out. Harry had asked her out and she should have been thrilled. A part of her, the piece that had always ached when he hadn't noticed her all those years, was. But she in her self was almost disappointed. Harry had finally asked her, but he had waited until the beautiful spell of childhood love had been broken. Even the tiny shards of her that remember what it felt like to worship him from afar knew that in the Harry was just a boy like any other. Special as all people are special but not the perfect person she had made him to be in her youth. The disillusionment was a as much a relief as a disappointment, but she wished she could just put it behind her like an over used sweater…and here he was insisting that he needed to know her.
'You wish you knew me Harry?' she thought silently as the uneven light of the tower filtered through on her face. 'If you knew me, really knew me, you wouldn't know what to do with me…' Her thoughts raced through her mind like dandilion fluff in the wind, as her fingers traced over the near invisible scars that latticed her arms like ivy vines. 'If you knew me you'd think I was some sort of creature that you didn't understand…or you'd pity me. Poor little Ginny who needs a blade to survive.' She shuddered at the mental picture forming in her mind. No Harry was NEVER going to find out if she could help it…Her mind shifted over to Draco. "No he doesn't know!' she insisted to hereself, whatever he had said or meant, it didn't matter. The point was he didn't know, he couldn't know.
Ginny could feel a headache coming on. It was better not to think about things like this…better to let them sort themselves out. She stood up slowly and brushed the feathers off her lap. She smiled ruely to herself, after all for the next two weeks she had a dance to prepare for…there was soemthing to be said for that.
******************
For two days Harry avoided Ginny at all costs, but by the third day Ron was threatening to dislocate his shoulder if he didn't deal with things. So when Harry found her sitting in the window-seat of the library, he took the opportunity to finally speak to her. Harry couldn't justify to himself the feeling of dread that clung to him or the bitter taste that was in his mouth as he made his way over to her.
"Ginny," he said shakily "We need to talk."
It was more the tone of his voice than his words that made her look up in surprise and shut the Potions book that was opened in her lap. Rearranging her feet so that he could sit next to her, Ginny signaled for him to continue.
Harry began to nervously rake his fingers through his hair making it stick up on end. "I have been thinking about the dance…and after I -well thought about it-it didn't seem like such a good idea. I mean you and me…going to together." Harry knew that whatever he had said it had come out completely wrong.
Ginny felt herself grow very very pale. "What do mean? You don't want to go with me?"
"No! No it's not that…it's just…well you're-and I…You're my best friend's little sister. It just doesn't seem right."
Ginny's eyes narrowed. "Do want to go with some one else?"
"NO! Really it isn't that! Its just things right now between us are---are fine and I don't want to…complicate them." Harry wondered if his words sounded as awful to her as they did to him.
Ginny's face contorted into this pain expression as she said with icy cool, "Oh I see. Your afraid I'm going to suddenly take this as a declaration of true love from you and start waiting around for us to get married. Is that it?!"
Harry groaned and rubbed his eyes furiously, "Lord, Ginny that's not what I meant…I just didn't want to give the wrong impression and then hurt you, I mean you're my best friend's sister for Merlin's sake!"
Suddenly it all snapped into a horribly clear picture. Practically laugh Ginny flashed him a broken smile and said, "Ron, put you up to this didn't he? He gets word that you ask me out and then he thinks 'oh Harry's going to go break her heart, better save her again.' And you believe him, because after all I'm just that scared little girl who was taken over by Voldemort when she was eleven, aren't I?! That's right if Harry doesn't love me I guess I'll just have to throw myself off the owlry tower, because I can't take it…" Ginny stopped out of breath and stared at the beautiful gloves Ron had given her just a few days before, that covered her scarred hands. Her brother could be so sweet and so pig headed at the same time…WHY would he refuse to see that she wasn't a child anymore?
Harry shook his head in horror of what he had done. He had never seen her so hurt since the day he had meant her. Her face was deathly pale and her gloved hands trembled in her lap. Suddenly he realized that he had made the biggest mistake off his life.
"Look Gin, I'm sorry. This was a stupid idea and I should have just ignored Ron, but I just didn't want to hurt you…Please Ginny don't look like that."
Then as if on queue her all the anger and pain in her face disappeared like water down a drain and she got the most tranquil look on her face he had ever seen. She turned to him and said in voice he couldn't place, "Harry it doesn't matter. I'm over reacting and I'm sorry. I didn't even want to go to the Ball. Please don't think a thing about it. I'm not really upset, just surprised. It is better this way, really."
"Ginny, I never meant to hurt you…"
"You didn't Harry, really," she said standing up and gather her books. She turned around and smiled that cool, tranquil smile that made the ache in his stomach relax. "I'm sure it will work out better this way," she said. And for a moment, looking into the smile on her face, Harry believed her.
If Draco had seen her expression, it would have sent chills down to the bottom of his soul.
As soon as she left the library Ginny, felt herself swimming in emotion. She pushed blindly through the crowd of students changing classes, feeling nothing except for the bitter acid ache in her chest and the painful, throbbing dryness of her eyes. It was one of those moments when she wished to God she could cry but her eyes wouldn't obey. Instead with every step she could feel the handle of her blade press into the sole of her boot. What class did she have? She couldn't remember, but she wasn't attending. She just needed a room, or the owlery tower, anywhere where she could relieve the pressure…
"Ginny!" a hand caught her upper arm and pulled out of the crowd to the side of the corridor. "Ginny, hi! I've been trying to find you all day."
Ginny fought for mental control so that her eyes could focus on the person in front of her. "Colin?" she asked bewildered "Do you need something?"
He looked sheepishly for a minute and then began to shuffle back and forth on his feet. "I was wondering if…if you wanted to go to the Yule ball with me?"
Ginny tried to collect her wits about, because she was sure she hadn't heard him correctly. Colin was in love with Amada Peterson, a girl who sat with them in class. He had never shown the slightest interest in her. And here he was in front of her asking her to the dance that she was being to hate more than Voldemort.
Her eyes narrowed. "Did Ron put you up to this?"
"NO! I just thought it would be fun…I mean we've always been friends…"
The toss of his hair, the flash his eyes and width of his smile told Ginny plain as day that he was lying. Damn, big brother had taken care of all the loose ends hadn't he? She thought bitterly. Colin would do anything for Harry including get him out of a unwanted date…Ginny felt her stomach twist painfully inside her. Right now he was going on about what fun they would have together…All she wanted him to do was to stop talking...
"Fine, sure, I'll go with you," she heard herself saying.
"Great, I'll see you around. Umm Ginny, we have Charms, aren't you coming?"
"I'll be right there," she lied.
Then he turned around to leave…and as he turned she caught his smirk. The 'I fooled the little girl, and got away with it' smirk. And suddenly all the pain swirling inside her changed into hot white rage. She had often wondered what would have to happen for her temper to finally snap. Well this was it. She spun around on her heals and ran blindly to the common room.
The fourth, six and seventh years had classes so the sixth year dorms where empty, as Ginny entered, her once neat bun now wisping everywhere, her hands flexing dangerously.
Pale and shaky she stared blankly at herself in the mirror turning her blade over in her hands. She was so ANGRY. At Ron, at Harry, at Colin…at all of them. So angry she barely felt the blade cut through her skin. She didn't notice the shapes that were appearing in tin red lines over her pale arms as she cut through old scars. She had to make them see her for what she was. 'And what am I?' She thought bitterly, 'A mixed up girl, who at sixteen can't find a single person who has a clue on what's going on in her life.'
She remembered the look on Colin's face as he asked her to go with him to Ball, that self-sacrificing gleam that lay hidden in his eyes. Her hands clawed up like a raven's talons as she saw his expression in her mind's eye, revealing a tiny depression in her hand just between her thumb and her wrist. With out thinking she let her knife cut through the skin over the depression…and suddenly felt a very warm sensation spread over her. Looking quickly at her hand she realized she was bleeding, not in tiny little trails, but really bleeding! Startled she rushed to bathroom to wash off her skin, amazed by the amount of blood that was gushing out of her hand.
Shaking, she tied a piece of cloth around her wrist while sponging off the rest of the blood with her robes. Slowly the bleeding stopped and she felt herself collapse in surrender on the bathroom floor.
She wasn't sure how long she lay there, waiting and wishing for the tears to come. But they didn't, they never did and she was left with an incredible rock pressing down on her with no relief. Slowly she sat up and walked into the dorms, looking at the clock. Great, another ten minutes and they would all be swarming back to the dorms. She looked cautiously at her hand. 'What happened?' she thought, tracing over the line of dried blood. 'Must have hit a vessel…' she concluded. It frightened her a little that she had hurt herself beyond the tiny scars she was used to. She would have to be more careful next time. "Next time…always next time," she murmured.
Sitting down in front of the mirror she looked at herself. Her hair was half fallen down anyway, so she undid it and let the cherry mane reach down to her waist. Ginny surveyed herself with a critical eye from her fringe that fell almost to her nose, to the freckles splattered across her cheeks. She wasn't entirely ugly…She would never be beautiful like Lavender Brown, but with a little help…And suddenly it came to her. She was witch going to a witch's ball. And damned it she didn't do her best be a beautiful as a freckled redhead could be. Damned if she didn't make them all realize she wasn't twelve and make Ron spit fire with anger when she showed up on the dance floor. Damned if she didn't make Colin wish he'd loved her. Putting her knife aside she began to plan very carefully just how she was going to enjoy the dance this year in spite of her natural dread for being around people, in crowded places. She'd be belle of the ball for one bloody night…even if it killed her.
AN: Well, those of you who are hoping that she'll turn into this beautiful princess for the ball and everyone will see her and fall in love…don't bet on it. I promise that the next chapter WILL be the end. And NO she will not commit suicide (why are Ginny suicides so popular these days?). I do know how this will end…and well, I hope you guys like it.
Special thanks to, Grace: Thanx for the concern and Yes I am fine, though if you read the next chapter I'll be speaking through Draco. Btw your two cents are NOT worthless
Kiara: Ginny burned the palm of her hand, which doesn't scar when you cut it especially if you just cut over the natural creases in your skin. Even if Snape had looked closely at her hand he wouldn't have seen anything. Besides this IS Snape we are talking about. I like it when people notice stuff like that though
Angelwriter: Love your Bio Pic.
AN: Hmmmm…Looks like everyone is pretty sick of Harry/ Ginny Mush. I understand you. Well, well…Here's the deal. Did you guys see the review from Pinky and the Brain? Yeah well that was my little sister. In case you haven't noticed she's kind of an H/G shipper. She is also making my life hell, literally, and threatening to disown me if I write this G/D. Now I promised that I would go solely on reviews…so here's what I'll do: I was going to finish this up in this chapter, but I'm going to delay it by one more chapter. This chapter is your LAST chance to vote on your couples, so if there are any H/G shippers still lurking in the woodwork, you'd better come forward or forever hold your peace. After this I tally up and decide. Choose wisely. PLEASE REVIEW! ;)
The Last Straw
Harry felt like his whole body had been wracked. He hurt in places he didn't even know existed and as he made his way slowly up the steps to the Gryffindor common room he began to curse the day he had agreed to be Quidditch team Captin. One thing was for sure: he had new respect for Oliver Wood.
He knew everyone was asleep. It was far passed curfew, Harry was only awake because he had fallen asleep in the storeroom of the Quidditch equipment and had been discovered by Flitch only moments earlier. Harry's ears still rang from the lecture Flitch had bellowed at him and he had detention. "It wasn't my fault," grumbled Harry "I was bloody tired. Have him try and plan Quidditch strategies for hours and hours and then practice all night and see if he can keep awake in the end."
Trying to shrug the ache from his drooping shoulders, Harry muttered the password to the sleeping Fat Lady and slowly pushed through the portrait of the Gryffindor common room.
He immediately froze in his tracks. The room, which he expected to be empty and dark, was bathing in warm ember-glow light. A girl was kneeling by the fire and she seemed to be trying to blow the embers to life. A girl with the hair the same color as the dying fire.
'Ginny?' he thought. But what happened next made all speculations leave his mind. As she blew on the embers, sparks began to rise from the crackling wood. Suddenly, in a rush of light, the tiny sparks took shape and seemed to turn into a thousand flames dancing in the air. As Harry's eyes adjusted to the change in light he realized he was staring into a mass of Fire Sprites.
Still gaping, a sound startled him. Was Ginny singing? She was in a way…but not really, at least not in any mortal voice. All the same she seemed to call them about her in a blaze of fire and light, spinning about her they came, creating an exotic dance before his eyes…
Ginny was vivaciously enchanted. To feel them pull towards her gave a joy, no one could ever understand. She could see and feel them swirl around her drawing her out into their own little world…And with out realizing it she began to dance.
Harry was sure he was hallucinating. He couldn't be watching Ginny, in a thin cotton nightgown dancing in step with Fire Sprites. It was not possible. He HAD to be dreaming. He was so caught up in watching her he didn't notice his grip slowly slacking on the handle of his Firebolt…CRASH
The noise of broom was followed by the portrait slamming shut behind him. Ginny and the sprites surrounding her froze for one brief second, then in a rush the tiny beings all shot back into the embers of the dying fire, like they were sucked into a vortex. In a second the brilliant room was plunged into semi-darkness.
"H-H-Harry?" stuttered Ginny, horrified at the squeaky tone her voice had.
"G-G-Ginny?" stuttered Harry, horrified at the husky tone his voice had.
The both stood very still, Ginny debating whether to bolt and wishing she could apparate to Nova Scotia and Harry still under the illusion that he was delusional.
"Ginny, what was that? What did I just see?"
Ginny blinked. "Fire Sprites," she said in as matter-of-fact a tone as she could muster.
He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Yes, I know they were fire sprites, but you, I mean they - he threw his hands up in frustration - Did, you…speak to them?" he asked in bewilderment.
Ginny shifted uncomfortably and chewed her bottom lip. "I suppose. I mean I called them."
Harry checked to see if his jaw was hanging open and found that it was. He shut it before choking out, "Y-You call sprites?"
She nodded incredulously, unconsciously stepping back away from him.
"And faeries? Wood elves? Water nymphs?" he asked eyes wide.
Ginny swallowed turning around to face the fire, "Yeah."
Harry began to rake his fingers through his hair. "That's why you were always in the woods? Dancing with faeries? And the drawings?"
"Basically," she answered flatly. 'Why did he have to see?' she thought bitterly. 'It was something that all my own. He's ruined it.'
Harry's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Ginny, to call the faerie…It's a gift. Not even Hagrid can call faeries, well not like that any ways. Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"It's not a big deal. I mean everyone has gifts…Hermione's a walking encyclopedia, Ron's unbeatable at chess, you play Quidditch and defeat Dark Lords. I call faeries, so what? You don't see Ron parading around school saying 'All hail me the great chess player' do you?"
"Well actually…"
Her glare made him stop. The expression on her face reminded him for the umpteenth time that she was not the girl she had been. Harry felt an odd stab in his gut at the thought and said quietly, "When did you grow up Ginny?"
She tried -and failed- not to laugh harshly. "Harry, I grew up a long time ago."
He stepped closer to her and said in almost a melancholy voice, "Ginny I don't you, do I?"
She turned her face from the fire and looked at him with mock nonchalance. "Of course you do. I'm Virginia Weasly, called Ginny. I have red hair, brown eyes and freckles. I'm Ron's little sister."
"And you call faeries."
She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "And I call faeries."
He caught her chin the exact same way Draco had weeks before, the only difference was in the expression; Harry was searching, Draco was confirming. Turning her face so that it caught the firelight, Harry sighed, "I wish I knew YOU, Ginny."
She gently pulled her face out of his grasp, flashing him the same look she had given him in Weasly kitchen. "Harry you're tired. You should go to bed," she said.
Then she gathered up her nightgown and walked up the steps to the girls' dormitories. Harry followed her with his eyes until the door of the dorms clicked shut. 'Why is it when I'm serious, she makes me feel like a five-year-old,' he thought in frustration. He ignored the 'something' in the back of his mind told him it was pay back for years of pretending she wasn't there.
As he wondered up to his room he wondered whether he should tell Ron about Ginny's ability…but something, maybe the expression on her face when she had first seen him (disappointment? He thought…why?) made him decide to leave it alone.
*********************
Ginny went to breakfast the next morning with the silent dread of waiting for everyone to start demanding to know about her faeries. She almost skipped breakfast, but having missed dinner the night before, her stomach would not let her have her way. Almost sneaking into the Great Hall, she took a place as far from her brother and his friends as possible.
Harry kept trying to catch her eye through breakfast (without alerting Ron who still got edgy every time he caught Harry looking in Ginny's general direction). She had entered the hall with a petrified look, which was thankfully ebbing as the meal continued. For whatever reason, she wanted to keep her gift a secret and Harry wanted to give her some sign that he intended to do just that.
Ginny looked around cautiously relieved that no one seemed any wiser of the night's incident. Glancing in Ron's direction she caught sight of Harry who gave her a reassuring smile. Relief flooded her features and she returned to her meal with renewed vigor. She didn't notice Draco watching the whole exchange with unexplainable interest.
Draco picked at his food going through a slow process of elimination. It wasn't sexual he knew. Whatever had gone between Ginny and Harry wasn't like that or else Ginny wouldn't have shown up for breakfast at all he was sure. With a start he considered the fact that Harry might have figured out about her cutting. As quickly as the thought came he brushed it aside, Harry didn't have the gumption to come up with that and Ginny would have panicked if he found out. She had avoided him ever since the day in the hall and when ever she made eye contact with him her expression reminded him of a trapped deer. 'What? Does she think I'm going to hurt her?' he wondered silently. He laughed in spite of himself…'She probably does. Or she's afraid I'll tell. Maybe she's still pretending I don't know…'
Draco had been watching the youngest Weasly for longer than he bothered to keep track of. At first none of it had made sense… the Weasly's were one of the happiest families Draco had ever heard of. She was smart; she hung around, not only with the most famous people in school, but also the most popular as well. What right did she have to cut? Was it some sort of sympathy plea? It didn't make sense to him in the least so Draco had watched…watched as all the pieces fell into place.
The first thing he saw was that Ginny was practically always alone. She couldn't seem to carry on a conversation with any other girl except Hermione. She wasn't a tomboy he noticed, but being raised with six brothers seemed to have left her without the ability to deal with other girls. Draco couldn't remember what she had been like in the years before, but now she seemed to mental withdraw from every situation and conversation even when she was around the Dream Team. It was like she wasn't really there when she sat with them. He had watched her in the library once surrounded by Harry, Ron and Hermione and had seen as her eyes got a glazed opaque look, like she was slowly leaving her body behind as her mind traveled to some other world…Draco almost slapped himself. 'She's a spoiled kid who can't deal with a crush she's had since first year,' he told himself angrily. But as he watched her stare blankly at her hands with that drowning look in her eyes he knew he was lying to himself. That was what scared him the most, even though he wouldn't admit it, the fact that she seemed to be drifting away and none of her so called brilliant friends seemed to the brains to catch her.
Then there were other times…when she would come in from the grounds practically dancing, again lost in her own world but without that drowning expression on her face. Those days she was flushed and glowing with a sort of terrible happiness. She always avoided people then, in fact she seemed to take anyone's company as an intrusion on her personal space. What she did on those days was a mystery to him…He couldn't follow her and Ginny obviously wanted to be alone. But when she did come in, sparkling from whatever activity she engaged in she looked more alive than any person he had ever seen.
He rubbed his temples in exasperation…he did NOT need this now…Not at all. Still, the more attention he paid to Ginny, the more of a mystery she became and the more compelled he felt to solve it, or to solve her. He had come to one conclusion though; caring about people was a dangerous game.
The other members of the Dream Team were as clear to read as day. Ron was in love and shifted between forgetting that his sister existed and acting over protective to cover it up. He didn't mean to be completely useless, but he was still in that euphoria stage of love…It made Draco sick to watch him. Then there was Hermione who had much the same dilemma Ron did…she always smoothed out fights between Ginny, Harry and Ron but was too caught up in her own romance to be a bosom buddy to a skinny sixth year student. And then there was Harry…Draco sighed deeply and began to tap his fingers impatiently on the long table. No one had the ability to set off his temper like Harry did. Couldn't the git make up his mind? Harry seemed to shift between not noticing her and trying to catch her and the inconsistency made Draco crazy. He couldn't figure out if Harry liked Ginny or just wanted her or was just bored and he was beginning to have doubts on whether Harry knew himself.
It shouldn't matter he thought. It DIDN'T matter he insisted in his head. He looked at Ginny as she got up from the table pushing the ever-flowing red hair out of her eyes. As she made her way to the door with that same damn lost look in her eyes, Draco noticed the Crabbe was heading straight for her. He watched as Crabbe tripped her up sending her colliding into some other Slytherin sloshing food all over the floor. As Crabbe bellow, "Watch where you're going Weasely!" Draco cursed mentally to himself. Her fingers were flexing again.
**************************************************************************************
'It's getting worse,' thought Ginny as she sat on the dormitory floor, carefully wiping a sponge over her thigh. It was Saturday evening and everyone was at Hogsmeade for the weekend. She had opted to stay in and the result had been a trail of hair thin cuts over her thigh. She winced slightly as she ran her fingers over the cuts comparing them to the scars on her arms. As Ginny let the light catch on her hands and watched as it reflected off the tiny silver scars.
She tried to avoid blading her hands and leave that for when she was too tired or upset to find a different patch of skin. She had almost ruined a session in her Transfigurations course because her hands hurt too much to hold her wand properly. The skin over her thighs was very sensitive and hurt a great deal when it ran against the cold silver edge, which was a good thing she told herself. Her blade however was getting dull and she had had to hack away at her thigh before the pain made her mind spin and overtook the bitter ache inside her. She made a mental note to put a sharpening charm on it. But all this didn't erase that fact that her cutting moments were increasing. At the beginning of the school year she cut maybe once every two weeks, and now, three weeks before Christmas, it had become twice and thrice a week. Her knife, once kept at the bottom of her trunk was now kept at the bottom of her boot heal. Her forbearance seemed to decrease with time, or rather cutting had become easier than dealing with problems. It frightened her how quickly she reached for her blade… and yet the idea of giving up cutting frightened her even more.
It seemed the more she cut the more she withdrew from everyone around her, of course the isolation only made her cut more so it worked in a sort of viscous cycle that left her feeling weak and helpless. There were times when Hermione would ask her what the matter was, or Harry would ask if something was wrong and she wanted to tell them so much it hurt…but then the old fears and insecurities would arise. What would they think? What would they say? In her heart she knew they would never understand. No one could…
Ginny pulled her robes down over her red swollen thigh. No one could possible realize how important it was that she blade. That it was what kept her going, what kept her alive…alive. That's what Draco had said, she remembered suddenly. 'Sometimes you even bleed to keep yourself alive. What had he meant by that? With a shiver she thought about the possibility that had been bothering her for some time now, that he somehow knew. 'But no,' she thought 'He couldn't, could he? Even if he suspected, he hadn't seen her scars… You couldn't see them unless you were looking for them; it wasn't like something you caught out of the corner of your eye. And he hadn't been looking for scars when he had grabbed her arm, who would? Besides she rationed if he had known or even suspected he would have told the whole school…and would have had a blast doing it and he hadn't so that meant…? Her head began to throb. She did NOT need this now…not at all.
Ginny carefully picked up her things off the dorm floor as she heard voices of the incoming Gryffindors, back from their trip to Hogsmeade. Several girls bustled in, hyper and chattering over the trip and were blissfully unaware of Ginny's presence or absence. A girl with wavy blonde hair turned to her and said "Gin, Hermione wants you in her dorm."
Ginny walked into the seventh years dorm which seemed abuzz with some news.
"…And they say she got drunk and then actually went to bed with him!" giggled Lavender.
"What a stupid thing to do, I used to think she was nice but that is sick," murmured Parviti throwing down her bags.
"And Goyle of all people. She must have been desperate," said some one else.
Ginny wondered briefly who they were talking about until she heard Hermione over the chatter, growling, "You guys don't know what happened. Stop spreading rumors about stuff you don't know about."
"Well we heard--"
"Whatever you heard, you don't know if it's true. I don't want to hear about. Not in front of me. As far as I'm concerned Michele hasn't done a thing. Alright?" There were times when you didn't argue with Hermione, this was one of them.
Ginny pondered the conversation as she went slowly over the Hermione… Michele was a sweet blonde girl from Huffelpuff. Why would anyone want to spread rumors about her?
Her thoughts were interrupted by Hermione tapping her gently on the shoulder. "Ron wants you down in the common room," she said smiling. Hermione winked playfully and shooed her out of the door.
Ginny walked down the stairs, only to see Ron pacing back and forth looking very nervous. She smiled at him as he caught sight of her and beckoned her to sit down.
"Hey, Ginny Winny, you didn't come out with us today," he said playfully, still clearly nervous.
"I was tired," she said. It was her excuse for practically everything those days.
"Yeah, well, you seemed to be tired a lot of the time," said Ron with a hint of concern in his eyes. He cleared his throat and rubbed his noise furiously. Ginny grinned, any moment now he would start turning pink at the ears.
"The thing is Gin, I know I have been kind of, well, a jerk these days…I'm either ignoring you or being---well, being a little, what was it Mione said? -er, over protective?" he looked down at her and was encouraged by the slight smile on her face.
"You see, Ever since-well ever since me and Herm-that is Mione and I, well you know, got together (he was now turning pink at the ears) things have been a bit up side down for me. Everybody says that its just because we hang about together so much and because Harry liked Cho, that we got together. I know everyone thinks that the moment we leave school it will all end between us. And--and that its just hormones with me…and I don't know. But the thing is I really really think I love her. I mean when she's gone, I'm not just bored or even just miss her, I feel like a piece of me's not there and that's got to be more than hormones, don't you think?" Ginny nodded. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. You see I know I've been neglecting you shamefully. I mean I AM your big brother I SHOULD take care of you…it's just well…sometimes I'm afraid it will end between me and Mione, I mean Mione and I-- and that tears me all up inside. I mean lets face it, I'm not the best looking chap in school,"
"Oh, you're not so bad, big brother, now that you're not so wiry," interrupted Ginny smiling.
"Thanks. And I don't study nearly enough, and when I get angry or nervous I say the stupidest things in the world…anyone with half a brain would have left me ages ago, which doesn't make sense since Hermi's got to be the brainiest person in the whole school… And well all in all the whole thing distracts me a bit." He took a deep breath and continued. "So to make up for it I sort of over react around you so that you know I care and that I'm not just, you know, blowing you off. But I have been -informed-that my methods can sort of drive you a little nuts, which is okay, but they can also make you kind of sad, which is not. " He had stopped pacing and was now standing in front of the fire place shifted nervously form one foot to the next.
"Which brings me to the point of my little heart to heart with you. The thing is I want to try and make up for the crummy start of the year so I bought you these." He handed her a pair of fine dragon skin gloves. "Someone told me your old ones tore, which isn't surprising since they were George's, and I thought I'd get you knew ones for Christmas. But I wanted to do this now so that you wouldn't be sulky come the holidays and you'd forgive your old ogre of a brother for being a prat."
Ginny took the gift from feeling a wonderful warmth in chest that she thought she would never feel again. Then on impulse, ignoring the pain in her thigh, she jumped up and hugged him. She had forgotten how good a hug could feel. He squeezed her for a moment before setting her down gently on the floor.
"You like them then?" he said a bit shyly.
"You can be a wonderful brother when you try, Ron," she said pinching his nose playfully. "And you know what? People who think you and Hermione are just hormones, don't know love when it stares them in the face."
Ron's face split into a wide grin. "You think?" he asked excitedly
"I know," she said as she turned to return to the dorm.
Ginny sighed contently. Maybe things could get better after all.
Two days later at dinner Professor Dumbledore caught everyone's attention by announcing that the Yule Ball was to held once again during the Christmas holidays. "A costume party so that everyone can relax a little before the new term," he had said. The news didn't effect Ginny in the least; she had not been to the Yule since her third year and no intention of going now. Harry however had other plans.
As soon as the announcement was made Harry was determined to take Ginny to the dance. Ever since the night in the common room when he had seen her surrounded by fire sprites, Harry had been determined catch her alone sometime. Unfortunately fate and Ron seemed against him. Ginny was as reclusive as ever somehow he always just missed spending time with her. 'But not this time,' he thought. He would ask her out and everything would finally fall into place.
Harry cornered her in the library the next afternoon. "Ginny where have you been lately? It's easier to catch a butterfly then get a mintue alone with you."
Ginny shifted uncomfortably, "I was up in the owlery…I like it there. It's quiet except for the birds."
"Oh, I never would have thought to look for you there. Anyways, I need to ask you something… has Neville asked you to the ball yet?" Ginny blinked in surprise and slowly said, "N-No, why should he have?"
"He shouldn't have. Because I'm asking you. Will you come with me?" He flashed her a hopeful smile.
Ginny swallowed, as her throat felt suddenly dry. She wanted to say no, to say she wouldn't go with anyone, but the tiny part of her that still insisted on seeing Harry as the heroic knight in shining armor wouldn't let her. It was one dance, she reasoned it couldn't hurt. "If you like," she said finally.
"Great!" exclaimed Harry as he rubbed he knuckles against her chin before turning to walk towards Ron and Hermione.
Draco watched her as she walked almost dazed out of the library, from his position against the wall and fought the urge to groan. It wasn't like he was planning on asking her, but still…he supposed it didn't matter. Perhaps Harry did liked Ginny, and even if she was over her initial crush she probably wouldn't mind going with him, finding out that he liked her wouldn't hurt either. Still he hoped Harry didn't screw it up.
Harry felt great. Things were finally working out his way. He smiled as he remembered just how beautiful and alive Ginny had looked that night in the common room. Yes this was going to go wonderfully. The sky was blue, it was a beautiful day…Nothing could go wrong.
"Did you ask my sister to the Yule Ball, Harry?"
Suddenly Ron loomed before him and Harry tried not to gulp. He had forgotten that one catch…
"Yeah…it should be fun," said Harry hoping his face didn't betray how nervous he was.
Ron let out a deep sigh and folded his arms across his chest. Harry wondered when the skinny red head had become six feet and gotten so damn broad across the shoulders…he wonder also if that right arm that was balling into a fist was as dangerous as it seemed.
"Harry, what's going on?"
Harry raised his eyes in mock innocence… maybe it would work.
"Don't give me that mock innocent look, Harry what the HELL is you problem? You ignored her for years and when she finally gets over you, you suddenly have this unconfined interest in her? Come ON Harry! What sort of prat are you?"
"Why do you always assume that I'm taking Ginny for a ride? Did it ever occur to you that I just might actually like her?"
Ron raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Well do you?"
Harry gulped. "I-I…would like to find out. If I could just spend more than three minutes with her with out you trying to kill me..."
Ron's fists began to ball up. "Let me get this straight," he said "You want to take my sister out…so you can DECIDE if you like her? I suppose I should be pleased." He growled sarcastically. "Look Harry you're not thinking straight. You lead her on to decide to maybe break her heart…I can't have that. I don't want her hurt!"
"Ron, its just one dance!"
"Harry she's not just some girl! Did you think what it would do to her if you got up and left her after a few hours? Did you? NO! because guys like you don't think!"
Harry began to feel a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. What if Ron was right? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her…"Look Ron, I already asked her. Wouldn't it hurt her more if I broke it off now?"
Ron rubbed his forehead mumbling, "I'll take care of that. Just fix it …and Harry? STAY away from my sister. Use someone else to experiment on."
Harry watched as Ron stalked off. 'Damn!' he thought furiously as he made his way to the common room. 'Why does Ron have to ruin everything!?'
He thought of Ginny, of her tiny body and her soft smile, of the way she always seemed wrapped up in a world of her own…He wanted her, to knew what went on her mind…unfortunately everyone else seemed against it. As he thought of Ginny he remembered the little girl he had saved from Voldemort all those years ago…what would she think when he told he couldn't go with her?
Ginny sat in the owlery tower for the first time without a knife. She had come up to think about the way things were working out. Harry had asked her out and she should have been thrilled. A part of her, the piece that had always ached when he hadn't noticed her all those years, was. But she in her self was almost disappointed. Harry had finally asked her, but he had waited until the beautiful spell of childhood love had been broken. Even the tiny shards of her that remember what it felt like to worship him from afar knew that in the Harry was just a boy like any other. Special as all people are special but not the perfect person she had made him to be in her youth. The disillusionment was a as much a relief as a disappointment, but she wished she could just put it behind her like an over used sweater…and here he was insisting that he needed to know her.
'You wish you knew me Harry?' she thought silently as the uneven light of the tower filtered through on her face. 'If you knew me, really knew me, you wouldn't know what to do with me…' Her thoughts raced through her mind like dandilion fluff in the wind, as her fingers traced over the near invisible scars that latticed her arms like ivy vines. 'If you knew me you'd think I was some sort of creature that you didn't understand…or you'd pity me. Poor little Ginny who needs a blade to survive.' She shuddered at the mental picture forming in her mind. No Harry was NEVER going to find out if she could help it…Her mind shifted over to Draco. "No he doesn't know!' she insisted to hereself, whatever he had said or meant, it didn't matter. The point was he didn't know, he couldn't know.
Ginny could feel a headache coming on. It was better not to think about things like this…better to let them sort themselves out. She stood up slowly and brushed the feathers off her lap. She smiled ruely to herself, after all for the next two weeks she had a dance to prepare for…there was soemthing to be said for that.
******************
For two days Harry avoided Ginny at all costs, but by the third day Ron was threatening to dislocate his shoulder if he didn't deal with things. So when Harry found her sitting in the window-seat of the library, he took the opportunity to finally speak to her. Harry couldn't justify to himself the feeling of dread that clung to him or the bitter taste that was in his mouth as he made his way over to her.
"Ginny," he said shakily "We need to talk."
It was more the tone of his voice than his words that made her look up in surprise and shut the Potions book that was opened in her lap. Rearranging her feet so that he could sit next to her, Ginny signaled for him to continue.
Harry began to nervously rake his fingers through his hair making it stick up on end. "I have been thinking about the dance…and after I -well thought about it-it didn't seem like such a good idea. I mean you and me…going to together." Harry knew that whatever he had said it had come out completely wrong.
Ginny felt herself grow very very pale. "What do mean? You don't want to go with me?"
"No! No it's not that…it's just…well you're-and I…You're my best friend's little sister. It just doesn't seem right."
Ginny's eyes narrowed. "Do want to go with some one else?"
"NO! Really it isn't that! Its just things right now between us are---are fine and I don't want to…complicate them." Harry wondered if his words sounded as awful to her as they did to him.
Ginny's face contorted into this pain expression as she said with icy cool, "Oh I see. Your afraid I'm going to suddenly take this as a declaration of true love from you and start waiting around for us to get married. Is that it?!"
Harry groaned and rubbed his eyes furiously, "Lord, Ginny that's not what I meant…I just didn't want to give the wrong impression and then hurt you, I mean you're my best friend's sister for Merlin's sake!"
Suddenly it all snapped into a horribly clear picture. Practically laugh Ginny flashed him a broken smile and said, "Ron, put you up to this didn't he? He gets word that you ask me out and then he thinks 'oh Harry's going to go break her heart, better save her again.' And you believe him, because after all I'm just that scared little girl who was taken over by Voldemort when she was eleven, aren't I?! That's right if Harry doesn't love me I guess I'll just have to throw myself off the owlry tower, because I can't take it…" Ginny stopped out of breath and stared at the beautiful gloves Ron had given her just a few days before, that covered her scarred hands. Her brother could be so sweet and so pig headed at the same time…WHY would he refuse to see that she wasn't a child anymore?
Harry shook his head in horror of what he had done. He had never seen her so hurt since the day he had meant her. Her face was deathly pale and her gloved hands trembled in her lap. Suddenly he realized that he had made the biggest mistake off his life.
"Look Gin, I'm sorry. This was a stupid idea and I should have just ignored Ron, but I just didn't want to hurt you…Please Ginny don't look like that."
Then as if on queue her all the anger and pain in her face disappeared like water down a drain and she got the most tranquil look on her face he had ever seen. She turned to him and said in voice he couldn't place, "Harry it doesn't matter. I'm over reacting and I'm sorry. I didn't even want to go to the Ball. Please don't think a thing about it. I'm not really upset, just surprised. It is better this way, really."
"Ginny, I never meant to hurt you…"
"You didn't Harry, really," she said standing up and gather her books. She turned around and smiled that cool, tranquil smile that made the ache in his stomach relax. "I'm sure it will work out better this way," she said. And for a moment, looking into the smile on her face, Harry believed her.
If Draco had seen her expression, it would have sent chills down to the bottom of his soul.
As soon as she left the library Ginny, felt herself swimming in emotion. She pushed blindly through the crowd of students changing classes, feeling nothing except for the bitter acid ache in her chest and the painful, throbbing dryness of her eyes. It was one of those moments when she wished to God she could cry but her eyes wouldn't obey. Instead with every step she could feel the handle of her blade press into the sole of her boot. What class did she have? She couldn't remember, but she wasn't attending. She just needed a room, or the owlery tower, anywhere where she could relieve the pressure…
"Ginny!" a hand caught her upper arm and pulled out of the crowd to the side of the corridor. "Ginny, hi! I've been trying to find you all day."
Ginny fought for mental control so that her eyes could focus on the person in front of her. "Colin?" she asked bewildered "Do you need something?"
He looked sheepishly for a minute and then began to shuffle back and forth on his feet. "I was wondering if…if you wanted to go to the Yule ball with me?"
Ginny tried to collect her wits about, because she was sure she hadn't heard him correctly. Colin was in love with Amada Peterson, a girl who sat with them in class. He had never shown the slightest interest in her. And here he was in front of her asking her to the dance that she was being to hate more than Voldemort.
Her eyes narrowed. "Did Ron put you up to this?"
"NO! I just thought it would be fun…I mean we've always been friends…"
The toss of his hair, the flash his eyes and width of his smile told Ginny plain as day that he was lying. Damn, big brother had taken care of all the loose ends hadn't he? She thought bitterly. Colin would do anything for Harry including get him out of a unwanted date…Ginny felt her stomach twist painfully inside her. Right now he was going on about what fun they would have together…All she wanted him to do was to stop talking...
"Fine, sure, I'll go with you," she heard herself saying.
"Great, I'll see you around. Umm Ginny, we have Charms, aren't you coming?"
"I'll be right there," she lied.
Then he turned around to leave…and as he turned she caught his smirk. The 'I fooled the little girl, and got away with it' smirk. And suddenly all the pain swirling inside her changed into hot white rage. She had often wondered what would have to happen for her temper to finally snap. Well this was it. She spun around on her heals and ran blindly to the common room.
The fourth, six and seventh years had classes so the sixth year dorms where empty, as Ginny entered, her once neat bun now wisping everywhere, her hands flexing dangerously.
Pale and shaky she stared blankly at herself in the mirror turning her blade over in her hands. She was so ANGRY. At Ron, at Harry, at Colin…at all of them. So angry she barely felt the blade cut through her skin. She didn't notice the shapes that were appearing in tin red lines over her pale arms as she cut through old scars. She had to make them see her for what she was. 'And what am I?' She thought bitterly, 'A mixed up girl, who at sixteen can't find a single person who has a clue on what's going on in her life.'
She remembered the look on Colin's face as he asked her to go with him to Ball, that self-sacrificing gleam that lay hidden in his eyes. Her hands clawed up like a raven's talons as she saw his expression in her mind's eye, revealing a tiny depression in her hand just between her thumb and her wrist. With out thinking she let her knife cut through the skin over the depression…and suddenly felt a very warm sensation spread over her. Looking quickly at her hand she realized she was bleeding, not in tiny little trails, but really bleeding! Startled she rushed to bathroom to wash off her skin, amazed by the amount of blood that was gushing out of her hand.
Shaking, she tied a piece of cloth around her wrist while sponging off the rest of the blood with her robes. Slowly the bleeding stopped and she felt herself collapse in surrender on the bathroom floor.
She wasn't sure how long she lay there, waiting and wishing for the tears to come. But they didn't, they never did and she was left with an incredible rock pressing down on her with no relief. Slowly she sat up and walked into the dorms, looking at the clock. Great, another ten minutes and they would all be swarming back to the dorms. She looked cautiously at her hand. 'What happened?' she thought, tracing over the line of dried blood. 'Must have hit a vessel…' she concluded. It frightened her a little that she had hurt herself beyond the tiny scars she was used to. She would have to be more careful next time. "Next time…always next time," she murmured.
Sitting down in front of the mirror she looked at herself. Her hair was half fallen down anyway, so she undid it and let the cherry mane reach down to her waist. Ginny surveyed herself with a critical eye from her fringe that fell almost to her nose, to the freckles splattered across her cheeks. She wasn't entirely ugly…She would never be beautiful like Lavender Brown, but with a little help…And suddenly it came to her. She was witch going to a witch's ball. And damned it she didn't do her best be a beautiful as a freckled redhead could be. Damned if she didn't make them all realize she wasn't twelve and make Ron spit fire with anger when she showed up on the dance floor. Damned if she didn't make Colin wish he'd loved her. Putting her knife aside she began to plan very carefully just how she was going to enjoy the dance this year in spite of her natural dread for being around people, in crowded places. She'd be belle of the ball for one bloody night…even if it killed her.
AN: Well, those of you who are hoping that she'll turn into this beautiful princess for the ball and everyone will see her and fall in love…don't bet on it. I promise that the next chapter WILL be the end. And NO she will not commit suicide (why are Ginny suicides so popular these days?). I do know how this will end…and well, I hope you guys like it.
Special thanks to, Grace: Thanx for the concern and Yes I am fine, though if you read the next chapter I'll be speaking through Draco. Btw your two cents are NOT worthless
Kiara: Ginny burned the palm of her hand, which doesn't scar when you cut it especially if you just cut over the natural creases in your skin. Even if Snape had looked closely at her hand he wouldn't have seen anything. Besides this IS Snape we are talking about. I like it when people notice stuff like that though
Angelwriter: Love your Bio Pic.
