Chapter 2: The Hurt
God this hurts. It hurts so terribly bad. Woman, I have never felt a pain like this. Never. I would die a million times just for you to take one more breath. I can't believe how the pain has overtaken me. I can't even begin to explain the feelings I have kept inside all this time. I want to scream, cry, curse, and blow things up nearly every day. The tiniest things remind me of you. The children, Kakarotto, your perfume....this planet in general. I would do anything for you, I hope you know. No matter how I acted or what I said, you were always on my top priority list. Sometimes I didn't pay attention to you, and sometimes I was an ass. Well, most of the time I was an ass. I dont know why, I loved you so much. I guess I was just born to express my feelings that way. But I dont know what I can do now, you're gone. Dammit, I am crying again. I don't know how you do it woman. Causing the most arrogent egotistic creature in the universe to bawl like a baby. I can't hardly write this, my hand is shaking, but I can't seem to shut up. now that I've started I want to tell you so much. There is so much I could have told you while we were together. I could have told you of my past, and you could have told me yours. You were patient to listen to me, but I was never patient to listen to you. i....i never even got to say goodb...
10 minutes later
I couldn't finish. my tears were causing the ink to run. Although what does it matter, you'll never read this anyway.
Do you really want to hear what it feels like? I need to explain it to let some of the pressure go. I will tell you, my woman. It feels like someone has reached into my chest and is pushing my ribs into my heart, crushing it and twisting in unnaturally. It feels like I ate trash for dinner and cannot digest it. My head feels so full like its going to explode. My eyes are red and bloodshot from crying so badly so often. My whole body feels tingly all the time, like I can't fully wake up from this living nightmare of you being gone. Gone. that word is so terrible, it haunts around your head like a huge hammer, pounding it in as far as it will go. Gone.
~...I don't know why they say grown men don't cry....~
-Tim McGraw
