Chapter three: Mistakes

          I can't even begin to count the bad things I did to you, Bulma.  I cursed you, insulted you, I even once physically abused you while you were pregnent with Trunks.  That is one reason I took off for a while.  I am so sorry that I deserted you like that when you needed me so badly, but I couldnt stay.  I was afraid of hurting you again. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if something had happened to you due to me.  But the worst pain of your life wasnt even caused by me, it was caused by some drunk stranger who had no idea what kind of life you led, what he was taking away from you.  He took you away from all of us, from ME. he took YOU away from ME.  And some years, months, weeks,days, hours, even minutes  before I thought no one would ever be able to do that.  No one could ever take you away from me, or me away from you. But it turns out that not all wishes do come true.

          First of all, I should have been a better father.  I mean, I really do try to be a good father to trunks now, but its almost to late to make up for the 12 years I lost.  I'm so regretful of that.  I missed out on so many years of his life, the years that were the most important.  I missed out on him growing up.  I didn't see him as a person, I saw him as an attachment of me, one that must be perfected. I spent so much time hating him for not being good enough that I never got to see that he really was good enough.  I feel horrible about that, and I know that Trunks really doesnt like me for that.  And Bra.  That is another thing I feel terribly about. I spoil Bra so much, and yet I don't give the boy any attention at all, and I just cannot help it!  Bra reminds me so much you that I want to give her the world, and Trunks--trunks just angers me so...i don't know why, woman, its just the way it is!  I don't know if its the fact that he was born out of bondage, or that he took time away from you and me, or that he had so much more power than me at a young age then I did when he was his age, or what. But there is something about Bra that makes me give her all the attention. I know that Trunks hates that, and feels jealous, but I just don't  know what to do anymore woman I am lost! you've got to help me...give me a sign or something...the boy needs attention that I just can't seem to give to him.  Its true, I love them both. And I know that parents should love their children equally, and its really hard for me to say this, but I think I love Bra more because she reminds me of you.  And I love you the most, and I am not ashamed to say that.  I know Bra and Trunks loved and still do love you more than me and I am not complaining because its only the sensible way to go about it. Why should they love a cranky arrogent guy when they had a beautiful sweet caring mother to guide them through life?  Well what happens when that beautiful sweet caring mother is taken away? Then what? they are left with the cranky father they really want nothing to do with!  Bra is becomming more fond of me because she is starting to forget you. That saddens me greatly. I can't imagine ever forgetting you.  trunks says that if I really want Bra to remember you, I should talk about you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do that?  I just get started and I either can't say anything because my throat has a huge lump in it, or I get started and I can't shut up. Like this letter, I just can't seem to shut up. I want to share all this with you.  I need to get it out on writing anyway. 

          Another mistake I made was not showing you enough love.  I never loved you the way I should have. I never really showed my love, just my lust. I know after awhile you got used to it, but everytime I would screw up something, ruin a moment, I cursed myself many times. Remember that time you bought that one sparkly dress and I told you it was hideous?  You got so angry with me, but what I really meant was that how could someone as beautiful as you settle for a dress like that? I wanted to give you everything, even though there wasnt much we couldnt have, due to you having such a great position at CC.  But I wanted to give you more than just the material things. I wanted to give you my breath, my soul, my everything. You are my everything.  Nothing in this world mattered but you until the day you died. I can't say you still are everything in a technological way, that is impossible because I would be living my life for a dead woman, but in another way, you are, because the only reason I havent bit the bullet yet is because I know you would want me to be strong.  Heh. Funny how we realize how much we've screwed up after its too late.

~...and the good news is i'm better for the time we spent together, and the bad news is your gone...~

-Lonestar ( or Dimond Rio, I dont remember!)

::wails:: I have really got to stop crying while typing....it might screw up my keyboard to get salty tears in here...my mom knocked on my door a few minutes ago and was like "Why are you crying, Wash'?" and im like
"im writing a sad story!! waaaahh!!!"  She thinks I get too into my fics.  Anyway, I hope this made you sad and makes you realize you should tell everyone you love that you love them!

STAY TUNED!