Chapter four:

Dear Ka-san,

          Hi mom. its me, Trunks.  tou-san said that I should write something to you.  Well, here I am.  How do I start?  I'm turning 18 in three weeks, and you arent here to celebrate with me.  in fact, you havent been here to celebrate anything with me for 5 years. Crappy way to start huh mom?  I know you would want me to tell you how good my life is right now, but to tell you the truth, its really really lonely without you.  I have a girlfriend now, her name is Washu.  She's really great, and she has an attitude like yours.  Dad probably told you in his letter that I don't really have any friends, but that is almost untrue.  I have Goten and Uubu and Marron.  Little Panny tags along with us once and while too.  Bra hangs with Panny most of the time, and Marron stays with us. 

          Ok mom, I am gonna cut the shit. I miss you so unbelievably much.  I wish you were here with us. I wish you could see Bra. She looks more and more like you everyday.  I don't know what dad has told you, he won't let me read his parts to this letter, but I know he misses you as much as I do.  I hear him pacing his room from time to time in the middle of the night.  I still wake up in the night, after a nightmare about you dying over and over again, and i've never cried so much in my life then these past 5 years.  A big part of my life fell away when you died.  That was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and nothing has or ever will come close.  My mind draws a blank when I try to say things to you.  All I wanna do is curse and cry, but I know that would just upset you.  Mom, I am going to scream and rant for a few lines because if I don't get it out I will go crazy

          I MISS YOU SO MUCH FUCK THAT BASTARD FOR WHAT HE DID TO YOU DAMN SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD WHY WHY WHY WHY DID YOU TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME?? WHY DID YOU TAKE MY MOM AWAY FROM ME??? BRING HER BACK BRING HER BACK I WANT MY KA-SAN BACK!! WHY? I DON'T DESERVE IT! DAD DOESNT DESERVE IT! BRA DOESNT DESERVE IT AND MY MOM SURE AS HELL DIDNT DESERVE IT WE WERE PERFECT! WE WERE STRONG AND SHE WAS TAKEN AWAY! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE I WANT TO DIE!

          ok.  mom, I am really really sorry about that.  But I've kept that in for so long. I needed to express that. god I just want to SCREAM!! I miss you.....i miss you.....i don't know why I even bother....this is so pointless....i want to die and be with you...i just want to die....can't god grant me that one wish? all I wanna do is DIE! JUST KILL ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE! I know dad is here, and bra, and my friends, but I am really alone. life is empty without you Mama... I just want to die.....

~Driving 'round, thought I saw you pass me

My rearview mirror's playing tricks on me

'Cause you fade away

Maybe I'm just hallucinating

'Cause my loneliness got the best of me

And my heart's so weak~

-Case

Ok, that chapter really hurt me to write. I tried to meditate myself into what it would be like if I lost my mom, and I couldn't do it.  There was nothing I could say.  I tried to just close my eyes and let it out, and trunks' outburst is probably what I would have done. I would have just kept screaming and saying that I would want to die, because if I lost my mom, all I would want to do is die.  I hope for anyone who has lost a parent that I did ok with this, because it's never happened to me before.  But I dont think trunks would be ok if Bulma died; I think he probably would have killed himself. Especially future trunks, since he lost Gohan too.  Sniff.  Ok, I'm ok. In the next chapter, Bra will write a letter to Bulma.

Stay tuned