Chapter Twenty-Eight

"You see, Misara," Hotohori started. "Well...that is to say..." he trailed off, trying to think of the right way to tell her what had happened. Misara peeked at him from under her eyelashes and saw the pained expression on his face. She suddenly felt sorry for him.

"That's alright-you don't have to explain..." she said quickly, trying to make him feel better.

He shook his head slowly. "No...I must tell you..." he hesitated for so long that Misara wasn't sure if he was going to say anything else. She peeked at him again and instantly regretted it. Two trails of tears ran down his face, causing Misara to forget that she didn't want to look at him as she lifted her head entirely and stared at him, aghast. Misara had never, ever seen him cry, and now that she had, she knew that she never wanted to see it again. Without thinking, she climbed off her bed and moved quickly over to where he sat. She sat on her knees in front of him and took his hands.

"You really don't have to explain anything." she said softly.

He shook his head again, a little angrily this time. "No!" he cried. "I owe it to you to explain myself..." he took a deep breath and continued.

"When you left...that night...I was so sad. I couldn't do anything to stop you, and I didn't want to you leave me alone...and I thought that once you left, you couldn't ever come back. I couldn't admit to myself that you were gone forever," he said quietly as he finally looked at her. "and I didn't know what to do with myself." He sighed heavily. "And then Miaka left for Hokkan with the others and I couldn't even go with them because of my duties here. I felt so depressed-not knowing if you were alright and if you were coming back, and not knowing if Miaka was safe and when she would return. I wore myself out..." he trailed off finally, but once again kept his eyes averted from Misara's. "I'm so sorry, Misara." he whispered so softly that she could barely hear him.

Misara had no idea what to do or what to say to him. She felt terrible just thinking about how miserable he was, but she still didn't understand how he ended up being married. As if he knew her thoughts, he sighed again and continued with his story.

"My advisors pressured me greatly to find a wife...knowing that Konan needed an heir to the throne if Kutou ever attacked and I would have to go to war. Since you were gone from me forever, I didn't know what to do. I had planned..." he stopped for a moment, apparently fighting back more tears, and Misara looked away quickly, not wanting to see him cry anymore. "I had planned," he said thickly, as if there were something in his throat, "to ask you to marry me before you left with the others for Hokkan." Misara's head spun around to face him again and her lips mouthed the word 'marry' to herself. Hotohori didn't notice as he went on. "I didn't want to wait until we had summoned Suzaku, because I didn't know how long that would have been, and I was worried that something would happen to you before then. But then you left...you said you didn't want to stay here anymore...and I thought you meant...you didn't want to stay here with me. And then you were gone and I didn't think you could ever come back, even if you wanted to. And then one day...I met Houki." He looked at Misara again, who was still in shock from the 'marry' part. "Please don't misunderstand-I love Houki dearly. I would never have married her if I didn't love her. But I still love you too, Misara."

Misara caught the last sentence as she came out of her reverie. "I know you do..." she whispered.

"That's why I wanted-" he started very quickly, then stopped and made himself slow down. "That's why I wanted-why I WANT to ask you something now. I'm not quite sure how your culture deals with this...and I don't know if you'd be offended or not. But here the emperor can take as many wives as he wishes." He stopped for an instant and blinked quickly. "The first wife has priority over the rest, being the first, but..." Misara didn't hear the rest of his sentence as she realized exactly what he meant.

Unknown to Hotohori, Misara had learned a quite a lot about this world and how it worked. She knew exactly what fate she would have if she chose to become Hotohori's second wife. She could marry him and be with him for the rest of her life, just like she wanted, but she'd only be second-rate to this Houki woman. She would not be respected like the first wife, and Houki could very well decide to hate her and make her life miserable. She would have Hotohori's love forever, but be reduced to almost nothing and thought of as a...what was the word they used? She thought. A...concubine. She shuddered involuntarily at the thought of what that little word meant. Hotohori felt her shudder while he was still talking. He looked down and saw her staring off into space, her eyes registering an emotion he couldn't quite read. He took her face in his hands and she blinked as if she just remembered he was there.

"Misara?" He asked as he looked down into her face. He saw the way her eyes grew teary when she looked back at him, and he was instantly sorry that he asked her. He stood quickly, leaving her behind on the floor, and moved as fast as he could toward the door. He wanted desperately to be alone all of a sudden, but he turned for just a moment back to Misara, who was looking mournfully after him.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked you, Misara. I wanted to make up for my actions toward you, and I only succeeded in hurting you more. I will not bother you with the subject any longer." He opened the door to leave.

"Hotohori..." Misara called, and he turned back to her reluctantly. "I will...if you do not mind..." she swallowed visibly, and her eyes looked frightened as she finished her sentence. "I will consider your offer."

Hotohori had paled slightly, thinking for all the world she was going to tell him that she never wanted to see him again, and now breathed a small sigh of relief. He nodded at her, then quickly left the room and hurried to his own, where he could be alone.

After Hotohori left, Misara sat on the floor for a minute, thinking about what she had just done. After deciding she was too tired to make an immediate decision, she crawled into her bed with every intention of sleeping. For a few minutes, she could not fall asleep, but just before she finally did, she realized that she didn't want to make this decision on her own.


The next time Misara opened her eyes, the sun was shining in through her window. Not sure how long she had slept, she climbed quickly out of bed and made for the door. Then she looked down and saw the state her clothes were in. Her shirt was wrinkled and her jeans were still dirty from running around that monastery. She grimaced slightly at the thought of what her hair looked like.

"Well, I can't go out like this..." she said to herself. She opened up the wardrobe in the corner of her room and found some pieces of fabric that looked vaguely like a dress. After spending fifteen minutes of assembling her new outfit, she finally had it all on and was looking at herself in the nearest mirror. Not bad, she thought, smiling. She had put up her hair into a ponytail, and she now shook it out and pulled a brush though it, wincing when she hit a tangle. It still looked odd to her, to see Miaka's face in the mirror when ever she looked into one, but she was starting to get used to the shorter haircut. The bangs, unfortunately, were another problem, as she was forever pushing them out her eyes. Now that she was done, she took a final glance at herself. The shoes in the wardrobe were way to small, and she had reluctantly put on her tennis shoes, hoping no one would notice. Deciding that she didn't care, she headed once more for the door as a little voice spoke from the back of her mind. If you're going to be the emperor's wife, it said, you must look the part. Misara ignored it, for a second. "I haven't decided yet..." she muttered under her breath as she opened her bedroom door and took off down the hallway. After two seconds, she realized that getting anywhere in the dress would be difficult. It was a little too long on her, and the sleeves completely engulfed her hands. How do women DO anything in this? She asked herself indignantly as she turned a corner and ran directly into Tasuki.

"Misara??" He asked incredulously, his eyes taking in her new outfit. "What are you doing dressed like that?!?"

Misara frowned. "Thanks a lot!" She cried. "For once, I try to look nice and you jump all over me!"

Instantly, his temper flared and his face got red. "That's not what I meant!" He yelled over her. She sighed loudly and put her hands on her hips.

"Then what DO you mean?" she asked, a little quieter, but not much.

He shrugged absently. "I don't know." he said, his anger gone. "I was just surprised to see you dressed like...that." He made an attempt at reconsiliation. "You look nice, really." She rolled her eyes and stepped past him, continuing down the hall. "You always look nice!" He called after her, but she just threw up her arms, said "Hah!" very loudly, and continued walking. "Well, you do." He muttered after her as he watched her leave. Suddenly, he remembered that he was supposed to be finding her, to bring her to dinner, and he sighed loudly as he took off down the hall after her.

Misara turned the next corner and leaned up against the wall, her arms crossed. I always look nice? She asked herself. Why would he say that? A second later, as she tried to convince herself that she didn't care anyway, he came around the corner and knocked her over. As she tumbled to the floor, his foot got caught in her skirt and he fell over too. Thankfully, he didn't land on her, but his head hit the wall loudly. As he lay grimacing in pain, she tried to stand up, but all the fabric had tangled her up and she only succeeded in making a bigger mess. She was so upset that she started wailing.

"Shut up, will ya?" Tasuki moaned, crawling to his feet. He reached out an arm for her to take and she grabbed it quickly. Unfortunately, her legs were still tangled and she would have fallen over once more if he didn't catch her. Once she got herself straightened out at last, she sighed loudly.

"This dress is a death trap." She groaned. "If I had known I was going to break my legs wearing it, I would have stuck with my other clothes."

"But you look nice." Tasuki offered, and she was about to glare at him once more when she thought better of it. "Anyway, I'm supposed to bring you to dinner. Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Am I ever!" She cried. "Lead the way!"

"Are you sure you don't want me to carry you? It would be safer." Tasuki grinned. Misara turned up her nose at him.

"I can manage, thank you." She said haughtily, but didn't really mean it. She grabbed two large folds in her dress and pulled it up so she could walk, giving Tasuki a good look at her shoes. He raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth, but before he could speak, she cut him off. "Shut up, Tasuki. Just shut up."

Tasuki led the way to dinner and even opened the door for her, much to her chagrin. She was too distracted by the fact that he was treating her like a lady that she didn't notice that for once, he was acting like a gentleman. As she walked in the door, she hoped desperately that he wouldn't pull out her chair. A happy-sounding shriek brought her back to reality as Nuriko came bounding over.

"You're adorable!" he cried, picking at her sleeve. "Just adorable!" He repeated as he practically dragged her over to the table, leaving Tasuki at the door. Nuriko pushed her down into the chair next to his and asked the others at the table if they thought Misara looked adorable. After an initial snickering, they all smiled and agreed with Nuriko. Misara felt her cheeks redden and cursed herself for it. Just then, Hotohori walked into the room and saw her. She suddenly realized that she was hoping he would like her outfit. Thankfully, he smiled very kindly at her. She breathed a sigh of relief inwardly, then berated herself for even caring at all.

After she got through dinner, she wanted to retreat to her room to be alone, but Nuriko and Tasuki tried to keep her with them. She tried desperately to get rid of them, but only succeeded in ditching Nuriko. Tasuki was walking with her to her room when suddenly, she felt a little prick in her heart. She stopped, unsure of what was going on. For some reason, it started hurting more and more, and she had to put her hand on the wall to steady herself.

"Are you alright?" Tasuki asked worriedly. When she didn't answer, he touched her arm. "Misara?" he asked again.

Suddenly, she felt as if all her insides had been taken out and all her strength left her. Before she could stop herself, she screamed loudly. Beside her, Tasuki gasped and grabbed his head, looking incredibly confused and lost. Misara fell to her knees and passed out.