Tortallan Wheel of Fortune

Chapter 1

Pat: Welcome to our show! Yeah!! Today we have a special edition of Wheel of Fortune guaranteed to make your head SPIN! Hahaha! Aren't I funny!

Vanna: You are simply hilarious you little hunk of burning love Pat! Rwrohra!

Pat: *purring* After the show, Vanna dear. Then I'm all yours. *suddenly realizes the audience is gaping at him* Oh yes. On with the show! Our three contestants ARE Daine, Alanna and Keladry! Can you please introduce yourselves and state where you're from and any hobbies or jobs you have?

Daine: Well... It all started on a dark and stormy night in the village of Snowsdale in the kingdom of Galla. I was born and then-

Alanna: Cut the crap will you? Just state your age, sex and location.

Daine: *takes a huffy breath* As I was saying, my name is Veralidaine Sarrasri and I'm from Snowsdale in Galla. I have the gift of Wild Magic which permits me to talk to animals. I was recently given the title Wildmage and now I live in Corus with my hot stuff lova Numair. My hobbies... Um let's see... Sex, talking to animals and sex.

Alanna: Yeah, whatever you say slutbag.

Daine: What did you call me!! You are the whore, bitch!

*Alanna and Daine start fighting. Alanna draws her sword and cuts Daine's head off, then is suddenly attacked by a mob of ferocious animals. They both go down in a cloud of dust*

Pat: Great. Just great, my first day back from St. Lucia and now 2 contestants have died on my show. Oh well, bring in the replacements. Aren't I smart and wonderful? I had the feeling this might happen.. Should never have brought knights onto this gods-damned show anyways...

*Cleon and Neal walk on the stage. The audience cheers and whistles. They think this all part of the show*

Kel: My name is Keladry of Mindelan, lady knight of the kingdom of Tortall, but please call me Kel. I am the second lady knight in all of Tortall in a century and I passed my ordeal after serving Lord Raoul as his squire for 4 years. My hobbies are practicing my weapons, horse back riding and making out with MY hot stuff lova Cleon. *bats her eyelashes and licks her lips at Cleon*

Pat: Okay. Now let's introduce the replacements.

Neal: I'm Nealan of Queenscove, knight. When I was 15 I left mage training to become a page. I'm Kel's best friend and she used to like me.

Kel: *blushing* How did you know that!

Neal: I read the books, duh!

Cleon: Anyway. *glares at Neal* That was then and this is now. I'm Cleon of Kennan and Kel loves ME! By the way, I'm a knight and I'm 21 years old. I love you Kel sweetie! *winks*

Neal: I challenge you to a duel! No one steals my Keladry and tells a TV audience!

Cleon: YOUR Keladry? She's mine! And besides, I didn't diss her!

Kel: Excuse me. I belong to no one but myself. So I will be forced to kill you both for talking about me like that.

Cleon: Kel, baby. You know I didn't mean to be protective! Please... It was an accident.

Kel: Here's another accident! *she whips out a hidden glaive and rakes it across Cleon's face, chest and masculine (erhem) areas. He screams, Neal laughs. Then Kel gives Neal the same treatment.

Pat: Oh boy. I guess we'll need to bring on some more contestants. This has GOT to be some kind of record!

*Raoul and Buri enter*

Raoul: Hey everybody! I'm Sir Raoul of Malories Peak and Goldenlake and this is Buriram Tourakom. I don't think we should say any more of that for fear of offending someone.

Pat: *sighs and covers his eyes* Oh my Goddess! This show is gonna be terrible. Vanna dear? Will you bring me my Aspirin. On second though, bring me the whole bottle...

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Please R/R! If you give some suggestions you can help change the direction the plot is going... Is it worth a new chapter?