Man of La Mancha-Trigun Style
Act IV
Cast-
Don Quixote - Vash the Stampede (DQVash)
Vash the manservant - Vash the Stampede (Vash)
Sancho the manservant - Nicholas D. Wolfwood (SanchoWW)
Nicholas Miguel Wolfwood de Cervantes - Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Wolfwood)
Captain of the Inquisition - Chapel the Evergreen (Chapel)
Meryl the Whore/Dulcinea - Meryl Stryfe (Meryl)
Midvalley the Innkeeper/The Governor - Midvalley the Hornfreak (Midvalley/MHGov)
Dr. Knives/The Duke - Millions Knives (Knives/MKDuke)
Padre Legato - Legato Bluesummers (Legato)
Dominique the Niece - Dominique the Cyclops (Dominique)
The Housekeeper - Milly Thompson (Milly)
Rai-Dei the Barber - Rai-Dei the Blade (Rai-Dei)
Monev, Head Muleteer - Monev the Gale (Monev)
Leonef, Muleteer - Leonef the Puppeteer (Leonef)
Zazie, Muleteer - Zazie the Beast (Zazie)
Caine, Muleteer - Caine the Longshot (Caine)
E.G. Mine, Muleteer - E.G. Mine (EGMine)
Maria, the Innkeeper's Wife - Random Female Prisoner. (Maria)
Songs-
"The Quest (The Impossible Dream)" - Don Quixote
"The Dubbing" - Midvalley the Innkeeper, Meryl the Whore, and Wolfwood
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Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun. I do not own "Man of La Mancha" which the script to, and the songs of, belong to Dale Wasserman and Joe Darion. The story of Don Quixote belongs to Miguel de Cervantes. I'm not making money off this, and I'm a broke college student anyway so there's no point in sueing me.
**********
Vash comes out into the courtyard and begins pacing.
DQVash: Now must I consider how sages of the future will describe this historic night… "Long after the sun had retired to his bed, darkening the gates and balconies of La Mancha, Don Quixote, with measured tread and lofty expression held vigil in the courtyard of a mighty castle!" (He stops pacing and frowns) Oh, maker of empty boasts… On this, of all nights, to give way to vanity… (sighs) Nay, Don Quixote- take a deep breath of life and consider how it should be lived.
Vash thinks for a second and then kneels, closing his eyes. To the side, Meryl enters, but stays in the shadows, listening. She is a bit cleaner now, her hair brushed and her face washed.
DQVash: Call nothing thy own except thy soul. Love not what thou art, but only what thou may become. Do not pursue pleasure, for thou may have the misfortune to overtake it. Look always forward; in last year's nest there are no birds this year. Be just to all men. Be courteous to all women. Live in the vision of that one for whom great deeds are done… she that is called Dulcinea.
Meryl: (Leaving the shadows) Why do you call me that?
DQVash: (Opens his eyes) My lady!
Meryl: Oh get up!
Vash rises, his eyes wide with awe. Meryl seems to have cleaned up quite nicely.
Meryl: Why do you call me by that name?
DQVash: Because it is thine…
Meryl: My name is Meryl!
DQVash: I know thee, lady.
Meryl: My name is Meryl and I think you know me not.
DQVash: All my years I have known thee. Thy virtue. Thy nobility of spirit.
Meryl: (Laughs bitterly and advances upon him) Take another look!
DQVash: I have already seen thee in my heart.
Meryl: Your heart doesn't know much about women!
DQVash: It knows all, my lady. They are the soul of man… the radiance that lights his way. A woman is… glory.
Meryl: (turns away from him) What do you want from me?
DQVash: (sniffs the air, and his face turns toward the kitchen) Mmm Donuts…
Meryl: What?
DQVash: *blink* Oh, uh… I mean… I want nothing.
Meryl: You're a liar and your squire is gay.
DQVash: (Jumps in surprise) Sancho's gay!?
Meryl: (Nods) Yup.
DQVash: I never knew… but you're right, I am a liar.
Meryl: Now we get to it…
DQVash: …I ask that I may be allowed to sleep with yo- I mean… serve you. That I may hold you in my arm- Uh… heart. That I may dedicate each victory and call upon you in defeat. And if at last I must give my life, that I may give it in the name of Dulcinea.
Meryl: (Looks away from him) I must go… Monev is waiting. (She turns to leave, but stops) Why do you do these things?
DQVash: What things, my lady?
Meryl: These ridiculous things you do!
DQVash: I hope to add some measure of grace to the world.
Meryl: The world's a dungheap and we are maggots that crawl on it!
DQVash: My lady knows better in her heart.
Meryl: What's in my heart will get me halfway to hell! And you, Señor Don Quixote- You're going to take such a beating!
DQVash: Whether I win or lose does not matter.
Meryl: What does?
DQVash: Only that I follow the quest.
Meryl: (spitting on the ground) That's for your quest! (She marches away from him, but stops again and turns.) What does it mean… "quest"?
DQVash: The mission of each true knight… his duty- nay, his priviledge!
(sings) To dream the impossible dream,
To fight, the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To run where the brave dare not go.
To right the unrightable wrong,
To love, pure and chaste, from afar,
To try, when your arms are too weary,
To reach the unreachable star!
This is my Quest, to follow that star,
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far,
To fight for the right without question or pause,
To be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause!
And I know, if I'll only be true to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest.
And the world will be better for this,
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach the unreachable stars!
Meryl stares at him quietly for a moment, thinking. Suddenly she runs toward him and takes hold of his face, making him look her in the eyes.
Meryl: Once, just once, would you look at me as I truly am!?
DQVash: (Staring deep into her eyes) I see beauty. Purity. I see the woman each man holds secret within him. Dulcinea.
Meryl lets go of his face and backs away shaking her head. She turns to run but collides with Monev.
Monev: (furiously) Keep me waiting, will you!?
Meryl: No! I wasn't- I didn't-
Monev: None of your excuses! (mockingly) My lady! My princess!
Monev slaps Meryl, sending her to the ground. Vash picks up his lance angrily and snarls.
DQVash: Thou wouldst dare to strike a woman!?
Monev: Get back, or I'll break your empty head!
Vash ignores him and swings the lance, clubbing Monev on the head.
Monev: That hurt you idiot! Zazie! Leonef! Muleteers!
The Muleteers appear, circling Vash. Meryl gets to her feet and picks up what's left of Vash's sword.
DQVash: Come one, come all! Don Quixote will vanquish armies!
Monev: (standing up) Beware the lance!
Meryl: (holding up the sword) Let him be!
Monev: Back whore!
Meryl: I said let him be! He's worth a thousand of you!
Monev: You want then same then?
Monev pulls out his muleteer whip and snaps it at Meryl. She swings Vash's sword and knocks Monev in the side of the head. He falls, unconscious. Meryl turns to another Muleteer intending to do the same thing. Vash swings his lance around and hits a few Muleteers, but looses his balance and falls over, hitting himself with the lance. Zazie jumps in suddenly and swipes at Vash with a knife. Then Meryl hits Zazie on the head and all of the Muleteers are defeated.
Meryl: Hurray! Victory!
Midvalley: (Running out in a nightgown and bedcap.) What is this? All the noise!
Suddenly Wolfwood slides across the stage, crashes into the opposite wall, pulls himself up and jogs back to Vash. Wolfwood's jacket seems to be missing and his shirt is in disarray, as well as his hair. He's looking a bit flushed.
SanchoWW: What happened? I heard fighting?
Midvalley: What a dreadful thing!
Meryl: What a WONDERFUL thing!
DQVash: Sir Castellano, I would inform you, that the good has triumphed.
Vash groans and slowly crumples to the ground. Wolfwood leans over Vash and kicks him in the leg. Vash winces and glares.
SanchoWW: Are you hurt, Your Grace?
DQVash: Nay…I'm just tired…
Meryl: He is hurt!
Meryl drops the sword and hurries to help. Maria enters in her nightclothes.
Maria: What happened? The madman! I knew it!
Midvalley: Fetch some bandages!
Meryl: (She tears some cloth from her skirt to use as bandages.) You poor man…
Maria: Poor lunatic.
Midvalley: Go to bed, Maria.
Maria: I told you this would happen!
Midvalley: Go to bed now, Maria.
Maria exits angrily. Midvalley begins to move the Muleteers around, and Vash awakens, in Meryl's arms.
SanchoWW: He's awake!
DQVash: (Stares at Meryl and smiles) Ah, might I be so lucky to always wake to such a vision!
Meryl: (Blushes a little) Don't move.
SanchoWW: (glancing around at the unconscious Muleteers) I must say, Your Grace, you certainly did a job out here…
DQVash: We routed them, didn't we?
Meryl: (Grins) They won't be able to walk for weeks!
DQVash: My lady! It is not seemly to gloat over the fallen.
Meryl: Ah, let them all rot in hell!
Midvalley: (After having helped move all the Muleteers off stage) Sir, I am a tame and peaceful man. Please, Sir Knight- I don't want to be inhospitable- but I must ask you to leave as soon as you are able.
DQVash: (Stands, with Meryl and Wolfwood's help. To Wolfwood) Where's your jacket?
SanchoWW: (Blush) Uh…
DQVash: Nevermind, I don't want to know… (To Midvalley) I am sorry to have offended the dignity of thy castle and I shall depart with daylight. But first, my lord, I must remind thee of thy promise.
Midvalley: Promise?
DQVash: True, it is not yet dawn, but I have kept vigil and proven myself in combat. Therefore I beg thou, dub me a knight.
Midvalley: Oh! That… Uh… Sure. Let's get it over with.
DQVash: (To Wolfwood) Sancho-
SanchoWW: Wolfwood.
DQVash: Fetch my sword.
SanchoWW: If I must…
Wolfwood picks Vash's sword up from where Meryl had dropped it and he gives it to Midvalley.
DQVash: My lady, I cannot tell thee how joyful I am that this ceremony should take place in thy presence.
Meryl: (Helps him to his knees) Be careful!
DQVash: This is the moment that seals my vocation…
Midvalley: Are you ready?
DQVash: I am.
Midvalley: Okay then… (He touches the sword on either side of Vash's head) Don Quixote de La Mancha! I hereby dub thee a knight. (turns to leave)
DQVash: My lord…
Midvalley: I didn't do it right, did I?
DQVash: If your lordship would make some mention of the deeds I performed to earn this honor?
Midvalley: Oh, of course… (clears his throat) Don Quixote de La Mancha, having proven yourself this day in glorious and terrible combat, and by my authority as lord of this castle- I hereby dub thee a knight! (Turns to leave again)
DQVash: …Your lordship…
Midvalley: I forgot something else?
DQVash: It is customary to grant the new knight an added name. If your lordship might devise such a thing…?
Midvalley: Hmm… (He stares at Vash for a moment and then smiles)
(singing) Hail, Knight of the Woeful Countenance,
Knight of the Woeful Countenance!
Wherever you go
People will know
Of the glorious deeds of the Knight of the Woe-
Ful Countenance!
Farewell and good cheer, oh my brave cavalier,
Ride onward to glorious strife.
I swear when you're gone, I'll remember you well
For all the rest of my life!
Hail, Knight of the Woeful Countenance,
Knight of the Woeful Countenance!
Wherever you go,
Face to the foe,
They will quail at the sight of the Knight of the Woe-
Ful Countenance!
Oh valorous knight, go and fight for the right,
And battle all villains that be.
But oh, when you do, what will happen to you
Thank God I won't be there to see!
Midvalley/Meryl/SanchoWW: Hail, Knight of the Woeful Countenance!
Knight of the Woeful Countenance!
Wherever you go
People will know
Of the glorious deeds of the Knight of the Woe-
Ful Countenance!
DQVash: Thank you…
Midvalley: (Hands the sword to Vash) Now, Sir Knight, I am going back to bed. And I advise you to do the same! (Midvalley leaves)
DQVash: …Knight of the Woeful Countenance…
Meryl: It's a beautiful name…
SanchoWW: (Helps Vash to his feet) Come, Your Grace. Let's put you to bed.
DQVash: Not yet, I owe something to my enemies.
Meryl: That account's been paid already!
DQVash: No my lady, I must raise them up and minister to their wounds.
Meryl: What?
DQVash: Nobility demands.
Meryl: It does?
DQVash: Yes my lady. Therefore I shall take these-
Meryl: (Picks up the bandages) No, I'll take them… I'll minister.
DQVash: But-
Meryl: They were my enemies too.
DQVash: Wonderful woman!
SanchoWW: Come on loony.
DQVash: Who you calling loony, you queer.
Wolfwood's eyes grow larger and he lets go of Vash who falls to the ground, bleeding more.
Wolfwood: (Leaning over Vash) And just who are you calling "queer"?
DQVash: (wincing in pain, he points at Meryl) She said you were-
Wolfwood: (furious) I AM NOT GAY!
He stomps off stage, leaving Vash to drag his own body to bed. Meryl leaves to minister to the wounds of the Muleteers.
DQVash: (Under his breath) Ah, we all know you and Legato are getting it on in the back…
Wolfwood: (Offstage) I HEARD THAT!
DQVash: Whatever… (He stares in the direction that Meryl has gone and sighs) How I envy mine enemies, that they know the healing touch of my lady Dulcinea! Let this be proof that Nobility triumphs, and Virtue always prevails. Now in the moment of my victory do I confirm my knighthood and my oath. For all my life, this I do swear…
(Begins to sing) To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go!
Vash's singing is interrupted by sounds above them. Suddenly all is quiet and the actors remember that they are in prison and not in La Mancha. Wolfwood walks nervously toward Vash, his eyes staring upward at the staircase… Waiting for it to descend.
Wolfwood: What's that?
MHGov: The Men of the Inquisition.
Wolfwood: What does that mean?
Legato: They've come to fetch someone…
Zazie: They'll haul him off- put the question to him.
Leonef: Next thing he knows- he's burning!
Wolfwood: (worried) Are they coming for me?
MKDuke: Possibly. What, Wolfwood? Not afraid? Where's your courage? Is that in your imagination too? (Wolfwood backs away from Knives, his eyes wide with fear) No escape, Wolfwood. This is happening. Not to your brave man of La Mancha, but to you. Quick Wolfwood, call upon him. Let him shield you. Let him save you, if he can, from that!
The stairway descends into the prison and robed men come down it. Vash and Wolfwood stand still, staring at the floor. The robed men seem to approach Wolfwood and point in his and Vash's direction. The guards accompanying the robed men come forward and drag a man out from behind Vash and Wolfwood. They take him up the stairs yelling and screaming. The staircase rises again after them and everyone breathes out. Wolfwood's knees get a little weak and he sits on the floor running his hands through his hair nervously.
MHGov: Better?
Wolfwood: …Not really.
MHGov: Oh well… Let's get on with your defence!
Wolfwood: If I might rest a moment…
MKDuke: This La Mancha, what is it like?
MHGov: An empty place, Great wide plains.
Zazie: A desert.
MHGov: A wasteland.
MKDuke: Which apparently grows lunatics.
Wolfwood: I would say, rather… Men of illusion.
MKDuke: Much the same. Why are you poets so fascinated with madmen?
Wolfwood: I suppose because we have much in common.
MKDuke: You both turn your backs on life?
Wolfwood: We both select from life what pleases us.
MKDuke: A man must come to terms with life as it is!
Wolfwood: I have lived a long time, and I have seen life as it is. Pain, misery, hunger… cruelty beyond belief. I have heard the singing from taverns and the moans from bundles of filth on the streets. I have been a soldier and seen my comrades fall in battle… or die more slowly under the lash in Africa. I have held them in my arms at the final moment. These were men who saw life as it is, yet they died despairing. No glory, no gallant last words… only their eyes filled with confusion, whimpering the question: "Why?" I do not think they asked why they were dying, but why they had lived.
Wolfwood rises from his position on the floor and stares at Knives sadly. Knives looks rather uncomfortable and backs away a bit, but Wolfwood continues.
Wolfwood: When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams- this may be madness. To seek treasure where there is only trash. Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be.
