Man of La Mancha- Trigun Style
Act V
Cast-
Don Quixote - Vash the Stampede (DQVash)
Vash the manservant - Vash the Stampede (Vash)
Wolfwood/Sancho the manservant - Nicholas D. Wolfwood (SanchoWW)
Nicholas Miguel Wolfwood de Cervantes - Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Wolfwood)
Captain of the Inquisition - Chapel the Evergreen (Chapel)
Meryl the Whore/Dulcinea - Meryl Stryfe (Meryl)
Midvalley the Innkeeper/The Governor - Midvalley the Hornfreak (Midvalley/MHGov)
Dr. Knives/The Duke - Millions Knives (Knives/MKDuke)
Padre Legato - Legato Bluesummers (Legato)
Dominique the Niece - Dominique the Cyclops (Dominique)
The Housekeeper - Milly Thompson (Milly)
Rai-Dei the Barber - Rai-Dei the Blade (Rai-Dei)
Monev, Head Muleteer - Monev the Gale (Monev)
Leonef, Muleteer - Leonef the Puppeteer (Leonef)
Zazie, Muleteer - Zazie the Beast (Zazie)
Caine, Muleteer - Caine the Longshot (Caine)
E.G. Mine, Muleteer - E.G. Mine (EGMine)
Maria, the Innkeeper's Wife - Random Female Prisoner. (Maria)
Songs-
"Meryl" - Meryl the Whore
"The Knight of the Mirrors" - Ensemble
"A Little Gossip" - Wolfwood
"Dulcinea (Reprise)" - Meryl the Whore
"The Quest (Reprise)" - Meryl the Whore and Don Quixote
"The Quest (2nd Reprise)" - Company
*
Disclaimer junk: Yeah, I don't own Man of La Mancha or Trigun, so nah.
**********
Wolfwood: Returning to my defence, I will tell you a little of what has passed. Don Quixote and his squire have left the inn behind, going forth in search of adventure. Meryl was not there to see them off however. The reason being, that when she went to minister to the wounds of the Muleteers, they took advantage of her and carried her off. We now set our hero on a road of La Mancha…
DQVash: (sings) I am I, Don Quixote
The Lord of La Mancha
Destroyer of evil am I,
I will march to the sound of the trumpets of glory
Forever to conquer or die!
SanchoWW: I don't understand.
DQVash: What, my friend?
SanchoWW: Why Meryl thinks I'm gay.
DQVash: Uh… well, I could answer that, but I might get my ass kicked for the trouble…
SanchoWW: (glares) So why are you cheerful? First you find your lady, then you lose her again.
DQVash: Never lost!
SanchoWW: She ran off with those mule drivers…?
DQVash: Ah, but undoubtedly with some high purpose…
SanchoWW: (rolls his eyes) High purpose with those low characters?
DQVash: Sancho, Sancho-
SanchoWW: Wolfwood.
DQVash: Always thine eye sees evil in preference to good.
SanchoWW: There's no use in blaming my eye; it doesn't make the world, it only sees it. Anyway, there's something my eye sees truly enough. Gypsies! Let's make a wide track around them, for they're a scurvy lot and Your Grace can't deny that.
DQVash: (Rolls his eyes) There, thou fallest into the trap of thy peasant mind again.
SanchoWW: You're saying that they're not thieves and murderers?
DQVash: Do not condemn before thou knowest! (A gypsy girl approaches) Shhh, there's a hot one!
The girl begins to dance with her Pimp encouraging her. Wolfwood covers his eyes and shakes his head as Vash drools all over his "horse", with giant hearts in his eyes.
SanchoWW: She's nothing but a slut and he's her-
DQVash: Stop it with your suspicions! Dost not understand what they are saying? These two are brother and sister, offspring of the noble Gypsy Lord, Sidi ben Mali. Sweet maiden, what wilt thou?
SanchoWW: I think I know what she wilt!
Vash "dismounts" and the girl approaches him, dancing. She seizes one of his hands and places it on her right breast.
DQVash: (His voice cracking) She wishes me to feel the beating of her heart. And such is her innocence that she does not eve know where it is…
Vash looks as if he's going to faint from pleasure as the girl takes his other hand and place it on her left breast.
SanchoWW: She doesn't seem to know how many hearts she has either…
Vash has an inane grin on his face, and Wolfwood "dismounts", pulling him from the girls grasp, unwillingly. The Gypsies begin to dance and laugh, and sing.
DQVash: (Listening) Much as I surmised.
SanchoWW: What are they saying?
DQVash: As most grievous tale. The noble Sidi ben Mali hath been taken captive and even now lies deep in a dungeon not fifteen miles from here. While these, his faithful family and retainers, travel the countryside in hope of raising a ransom.
SanchoWW: Don't do it! Don't give them any money!
DQVash: Thou wouldst ignore a fellow knight in jeopardy? Here, sweet maiden- with all my heart.
Vash give the girl some money and winks at her. Wolfwood shakes his head in disbelief. Behind them, the Gypsies are stealing their horses.
DQVash: Shame on thee for a reluctant Christian! Shame on thee for a parsimonious wretch! Same on thee for a small-hearted peasant! Shame on thee, Sancho, multiple shame!
SanchoWW: Wolfwood. And the answer is still no.
DQVash: Scrooge.
SanchoWW: Broom head.
DQVash: Queer.
Wolfwood reaches over and pulls Vash toward him by the collar.
SanchoWW: If you call me that one more time, I'll make sure you never have children.
DQVash: (Swallows nervously) Yessir.
The Gypsies all run off with the horses, leaving the two men broke and alone. They turn around and head back to the inn. Midvalley is crossing the courtyard humming happily. The sound of a bugle is heard. Midvalley cringes.
Maria: Don't open the gates! Don't let him in!
Midvalley: It's the pig-butcher! Don't you remember? We expected him yesterday.
Maria: No, no! Don't open-
Midvalley opens the gate and sees Wolfwood and Vash. He tries to close the gate again, but Vash sticks his foot in the door.
Midvalley: Not again. This place is closed! This castle has gone out of business!
DQVash: What, sir? Deny the right of sanctuary?
Midvalley: I hate to, but…
DQVash: And to be a knight, dubbed by thy own hand…?
Midvalley: It doesn't seem right… (Sighs) Fine…
Vash and Wolfwood enter, Vash looking a bit worse off than Wolfwood, with a black eye.
Midvalley: More Muleteers?
SanchoWW: Gypsies. They stole our money.
DQVash: Quit Sancho.
SanchoWW: Wolfwood. (To Midvalley) They stole our horses too.
DQVash: Yes, yes, you told me so…
SanchoWW: They stole EVERYTHING.
Midvalley: Why don't you declare a truce?
DQVash: And allow wickedness to flourish?
Midvalley: I'm afraid wickedness wears thick armour.
Unnoticed by the rest, Meryl enters. Battered and bitter.
DQVash: And for that wouldst thou have me surrender? Nay, let a man be overthrown ten thousand times, still must he rise and again do battle. The Enchanter may confuse the outcome, but the effort remains sublime!
Meryl: Lies. Madness and lies.
Midvalley: Meryl! What happened to you? Are you alright?
Meryl: Ask him. (She points at Vash)
Midvalley: Maria! Maria! (He exits to get bandages for Meryl)
DQVash: I shall punish them that did this crime.
Meryl: Crime! You know the worst crime of all? Being born. For that you get punished your whole life!
DQVash: Dulcinea…
Meryl: Enough of that! Get yourself to a madhouse. Rave about nobility where no one can hear!
DQVash: My lady…
Meryl: I am not your lady! I am not any kind of lady!
(singing) I was spawned in a ditch by a mother who left me there
Naked and cold and too hungry to cry;
I never blamed her, I'm sure she left hoping
That I'd have the good sense to die!
Then of course there's my father-I'm told that young ladies
Can point to their fathers with maidenly pride;
Mine was some regiment here for an hour,
I can't even tell you which side!
So of course I became, as befitted my delicate birth,
The most casual bride of the murdering scum of the earth!
DQVash: And still thou art my lady.
Meryl: And still he torments me! Lady! How should I be a lady?
(singing) For a lady has modest and maidenly airs
And a virtue I somehow suspect that I lack;
It's hard to remember those maidenly airs
In a stable laid flat on your back.
Won't you look at me, look at me, God, won't you look at me,
Look at the kitchen slut reeking of sweat!
Born on a dungheap to die on a dungheap,
A strumpet men use and forget!
If you feel that you see me not quite at my virginal best
Cross my palm with a coin and I'll willingly show you the rest!
DQVash: Never deny, thou art Dulcinea.
Meryl: Take the clouds from your eyes and see me as I really am!
(singing) You have shown me the sky, but what good is the sky
To a creature who'll never do better than crawl?
Of all the cruel bastards who've badgered and battered me,
You are the cruellest of all!
Can't you see what your gentle insanities do to me?
Rob me of anger and give me despair!
Blows and abuse I can take and give back again,
Tenderness I cannot bear!
So please torture me now with your "Sweet Dulcineas" no more!
I am no one! I'm nothing! I'm only Meryl the whore!
DQVash: Now and forever thou art my lady Dulcinea!
Meryl: Nooo!
She collapses, crying. Vash moves to comfort her, but suddenly there is a fanfare of trumpets. Warlike and ominous. Wolfwood peeks around the gate and takes a few steps backward.
SanchoWW: Your Grace!
The gates swing open and a strange parade enters. There are many men, attending a tall knight on a black "horse". His armour is decorated with many small mirrors and his face is hidden by a large helmet with feathers. He is carrying a large sword.
Knight of Mirrors (KoM): Is there one here calls himself Don Quixote de La Mancha? If there is- and he be not afraid to look upon me- let him stand forth!
DQVash: I am Don Quixote, Knight of the Woeful Countenance.
KoM: Hear me now thou charlatan! Thou art no knight, but a foolish pretender. Thy pretense is a child's mockery, and thy principles dirt beneath my feet!
DQVash: Oh, false knight! Discourteous! Before I chastise thee, tell me thy name.
KoM: Thou shalt hear it in due course.
DQVash: Then say why thou seekest me out!
KoM: Thou called upon me, Don Quixote. Thou reviled me and threatened.
DQVash: The Enchanter!
Wolfwood groans and Vash removes a glove and throws it on the ground in front of the Knight.
DQVash: Behold at thy feet the gage of battle!
SanchoWW: Your Grace, no!
KoM: On what terms do we fight?
DQVash: Choose thine own!
KoM: Very well. If thou art beaten thy freedom is forfeit and thou must obey my every command. And thy conditions?
DQVash: If thou art still alive thou shalt kneel and beg mercy of my lady Dulcinea.
KoM: And where shall I find this lady?
DQVash: (Points to Meryl) There she stands.
The Knight begins to laugh.
DQVash: (drawing his sword) Monster! Defend thyself!
KoM: Hold! Thou asked my name, Don Quixote. Now I shall tell it. I am called- The Knight of Mirrors!
The Knight brandishes his shield which is polished, like a mirror. His attendants do the same. Vash reels in front of each one, seeing his reflection in all of them.
KoM: Look Don Quixote! Look in the mirror of reality and behold things as they truly are. Look! What seest thou, Don Quixote? A gallant knight? Naught but a fool! Look! Dost thou see him? A madman dressed for a masquerade! (The Knight and his attendants close upon Vash) Drown, Don Quixote. Drown- Drown in the mirror. Go deep- the masquerade is ended! (Vash falls to his knees) Confess! The lady is a whore and thy dream the nightmare of a disordered mind!
DQVash: I am Don Quixote, knight-errant of La Mancha… and my lady is the Lady Dulcinea. I am Don Quixote, knight-errant… and my lady… my lady…
Vash begins to cry, having been defeated. The Knight removes his helmet to reveal that he is really Dr. Millions Knives.
Knives: It is done!
SanchoWW: Your Grace! It's only Doctor Knives! It's just Millions Knives!
Knives: Forgive me Señor Vash. It was the only way…
Vash continues to cry and Meryl comes toward him, wanting to comfort him. The play is suddenly interrupted by shouting.
Chapel: Wolfwood! Wolfwood! Prepare to be summoned!
Wolfwood: By whom?
Chapel: The Judges of the Inquisition!
MHGov: Captain! How soon?
Chapel: Soon! (He leaves)
MHGov: But not yet. Good. You'll have time to finish the story.
Wolfwood: But it is finished.
MHGov: What?
Wolfwood: At least, as far as I know it.
MHGov: I don't think I like this ending… (There is a growl from the crowd) I don't think the jury likes it either…
MKDuke: Then he's failed!
MHGov: Nicholas Miguel Wolfwood de Cervantes. It is the sentence of this court-
Wolfwood: Wait!
MHGov: For what?
Wolfwood: If I could have a second?
MHGov: I'll grant it… but will the Inquisition?
Wolfwood: A few minutes only! Let me improvise…
Wolfwood wanders about and pulls certain actors out and whispers things in their ears. When he reaches Milly he whispers into her ear for a bit longer than usual and then kisses her cheek. Milly blushes a bit and nods. The actors take their places.
Dominique: (Whispers to Knives) Can you do nothing?
Legato: I'm afraid there'll be more need of my services than his. Where is he, I wonder? In what dark cavern of the mind?
Knives: According to recent theory…
Legato: Doctor, please.
Knives: Don't you think I did right?
Legato: Yes. There's the contradiction…
Dominique: There are so many contradictions around here… (sighs pitifully at Legato)
Wolfwood enters.
Dominique: You again?
Knives: Tell him to go away.
Legato: What harm can he do?
Dominique: Yes, it's all been done!
SanchoWW: Your Reverence. Could I talk to him?
Legato: I'm afraid he won't hear you.
SanchoWW: Then I won't say much.
Knives: No mention of knight-errantry!
SanchoWW: Of course not. Does one speak of the rope in the house of the hanged? Oh- excuse me, Your Grace.
Dominique: …Your Grace…
SanchoWW: (Sits by the bed) Just a few words… to lighten his heart.
(sings) A little gossip… a little chat…
A little idle talk… of this and that…
I'll tell him all the troubles I have had
And since he doesn't hear, at least he won't feel bad.
(To Vash) When I first got home I asked Milly to marry me,
But she told me not until I get a job.
She started singing and sighing and crying from the heart.
That if I had not left, she might say yes and not sob.
SanchoWW: Of course she will marry me, Your Grace, there's no denying that. No matter how much she pretends to ignore me, I know the truth…
Legato raises an eyebrow and Wolfwood blushes sheepishly.
(sings) A little gossip… a little chat…
A little idle talk… of this and that…
If no one listens, then it's just as well,
At least I won't get caught in any lies I tell!
(Quietly to Vash) Oh, I haven't fought a windmill in a fortnight,
And the humble joys get duller every day.
Why, when I'm asleep a dragon with is fiery tongue a-waggin'
Whispers, "Wolfwood, won't you please come out and play?"
Knives: That's enough.
SanchoWW: Why? What did I do?
Knives: I warned you!
SanchoWW: I didn't do anything, I was only trying to-
DQVash: Sancho.
SanchoWW: (Turns to Vash, everyone else stares in shock) Wolfwood. And did Your Grace say something?
DQVash: You're a fag stuffed with proverbs.
Sancho: And you're a broom-head who tries to attack windmills.
Dominique: (Runs to Vash) Uncle!
DQVash: Dominique… Good morning Legato… or is it evening?
Legato: Vash…
Knives: How do you feel?
DQVash: Not well.
Knives: Can you speak your name?
DQVash: Should a man not know his name?
Knives: If you would say it anyway?
DQVash: Vash the Stampede…. Legato?
Legato: Here.
DQVash: I should like to make a will…
Legato: Of course… (leave to get paper and ink)
Dominique: Uncle…?
DQVash: Forgive me, Dominique. When I close my eyes, I see a pale horse… and he beckons me- mount.
Dominique: No, you will get well!
DQVash: Why should a man get well when he is dying? It's such a waste of good health. Come closer my friends. In my illness I dreamed so strangely! Oh, such dreams… It seemed I was a… No… I dare not tell lest you think me mad.
Dominique: Put them from your mind!
DQVash: They are gone, Dominique. Nor do I know what they mean. (Legato reenters and sits at a desk) Legato?
Legato: Speak and I shall write.
DQVash: I, Vash the Stampede… with one foot in the stirrup and the agony of death already upon me…
Legato writes as a knock is heard at the door. Milly appears to answer it and smiles at Wolfwood. Dominique shakes her head at Milly, indicating that no one should be allowed to enter.
DQVash: …do hereby make the following disposition of my estate… To Sancho-
SanchoWW: Wolfwood.
DQVash: I leave my guns and my donut maker.
SanchoWW: …Thanks… I think…
DQVash: To my niece, Dominique the Cyclops, I leave the bulk of my estate, with the exception of a few other personal bequests which are as follows…
Milly backs into the room, being pushed by someone much smaller than herself. It is Meryl, who is dressed in nicer clothing and is much cleaner. She seems to have been doing better since she was last seen.
Dominique: What is this? Knives?
Milly: You cannot! I say you cannot!
Knives: It's that whore from the Inn.
Meryl: Get out of my way, idiot!
Milly: I tried to stop her… but she threatened to-
Meryl: Tear your eyes out!
Milly whimpers and runs to Wolfwood, crying. Wolfwood grins and comforts her.
Knives: (Walking toward Meryl) Get out.
Meryl: And if you touch my again, by God-
Knives: Get out of here!
Meryl: Not before I see him!
Knives: I'm warning you- go quietly or-
DQVash: Let be.
Knives: Vash…
DQVash: In my house there will be courtesy! Come closer, girl. Now, what do you wish?
Meryl comes toward him.
Meryl: Don't you know me?
DQVash: Should I?
Meryl: I am Meryl!
DQVash: I am sorry. I do not recall anyone of that name.
Meryl: (She looks around and points to Wolfwood) He knows!
Wolfwood opens his mouth to speak, but quiets when Knives glares at him.
Meryl: Please my lord!
DQVash: Why do you say "my lord"? I am not a lord.
Meryl: You are my lord, Don Quixote!
DQVash: Don Quixote… You must forgive me. I have been ill… I am confused by shadows. It is possible that I knew you once, but I do no remember.
Knives takes Meryl by the arm and leads her away. Meryl allows herself to be led and then turns and runs back to Vash. She falls on her knees beside his bed, crying.
Meryl: Please! Try to remember!
DQVash: It is so important?
Meryl: Everything. My whole life. You spoke to me and everything was… different!
DQVash: I spoke to you?
Meryl: And you looked at me! And you called me by another name…
(sings) Dulcinea… Dulcinea…
Once you found a girl and called her Dulcinea,
When you spoke the name an angel seemed to whisper-
Dulcinea… Dulcinea…
(Knives begins to lead her away)
Dulcinea… Dulcinea…
Won't you please bring back the dream of Dulcinea…
Won't you bring me back the bright and shining glory
Of Dulcinea… Dulcinea…
Knives: I am afraid I must insist…
DQVash: Let her be! Then… perhaps… It was not a dream…?
Meryl: You spoke of a dream. And about the Quest!
DQVash: Quest?
Meryl: How you must fight and it doesn't matter whether you win or lose if only you follow the Quest!
DQVash: The words… Tell me the words!
Meryl: "To dream the impossible dream…" But they are your own words! "To fight the unbeatable foe…" Don't you remember? "To bear with unbearable sorrow…" You must remember! "To run where the brave dare not go-"
DQVash: (singing) To right the unrightable wrong,
Meryl: Yes!
DQVash: To love, pure and chaste from afar,
Meryl: Yes!
DQVash: To try, when your arms are too weary,
To reach the unreachable star!
Meryl: Thank you, my lord!
She reaches up and kisses Vash, full on the lips. Everyone stares in shock, except Milly and Wolfwood who had started making out ten lines ago. The kiss is broken and Vash blushes.
DQVash: My lady… *cough* (He begins to get out of bed)
Meryl: My lord, you are not well!
DQVash: Not well? What is sickness to the body of a knight-errant? What matter wounds? For each time he falls he shall rise again, and woe to the wicked! Sancho!
There is no answer. Vash looks around and sees Milly and Wolfwood off in their own little world.
DQVash: See? He is not gay…
Meryl: Okay, you were right.
DQVash: Then… uh… Legato! Get my armour and my sword, I have adventuring to do!
Legato: Uh… okay…
Legato gets up to get Vash's things but is intercepted by Dominique who is getting tired of Milly and Meryl getting the man of their dreams. She reaches up and pulls Legato into a deep kiss. Knives stares at her incredulously. Vash coughs and averts his eyes. The kiss is broken and everyone is silent as it settles into his brain that he was just kissed by someone of the female persuasion.
Legato: (Thinks for a second) …That wasn't half bad…
Legato reaches forward and pulls Dominique into another kiss. Vash, Knives and Meryl all look at each other. Vash and Meryl shrug and join the make-out-fest. Knives throws his hands in the air and walks out. The sounds of the staircase is heard and it falls slowly into the pit. The making out all stops… Except for Legato and Dominique, who fall on the floor, out of everyone's line of vision. The Judges and Chapel enter, waiting for Wolfwood and Vash.
Chapel: Under authority of the Holy Office of the Inquisition! (Reading) "By reason of certain offences committed against His Majesty's Most Catholic Church, the following is summoned to give answer and submit his person for purification if it be so ordered: Don Nicholas Miguel Wolfwood de Cervantes and Vash the Stampede."
Wolfwood: How popular a defendant I am. Summoned by one court before I've quite finished with another. Well? How says the Judge?
MHGov: (Holding out the journal) I think I know what this contains. The history of your mad knight? (Wolfwood nods and takes the journal) Plead as well there as you did here and you may not burn.
Wolfwood: I've no intention of burning. (To Vash) Well Vash, are we ready?
Vash looks upset, and glances at Meryl, who smiles encouragingly.
Vash: As ready as I'll ever be…
Wolfwood kisses Milly quickly and lets himself and Vash be led toward the stairs.
MHGov: Wolfwood… I think Don Quixote and Don Nicholas are brothers.
Wolfwood: (smiles) God help us, we're both men of La Mancha.
Wolfwood and Vash mount the stairs slowly, with Chapel and the other Judges following. Behind them, Meryl begins to sing.
Meryl: To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe
Meryl/Milly: To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To run where the brave dare not go…
All the Prisoners: To run where the brave dare not go,
Though the goal be forever too far,
To try, though you're wayworn and weary,
To reach the unreachable star…
To reach the unreachable star,
Though you know it's impossibly high,
To live with your heart striving upward
To a far, unattainable sky!
*~Fin~*
Thanks for bearing with my demented mind. ^^;; I will now work on my Cowboy Bebop/Rurouni Kenshin/FF8 fics… unless Wolfwood decides he needs more and then I'll have to lock him in the muse dorm until I finish the other stuff. ^^;; It's been fun!
-Rhyein/Aozame Yokujin
