**To Live My Life

***By Dimps-chan

**He was running. Crawling upon his knees to get away. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew the reason why he

wanted escape. The girl of his dreams was getting married, to somebody else. She had announced the engagement this morning, with

her fiancée's arms around her, beaming like she owned the world. But she did not, he did. But then why was that he never got what he

wanted? What he yearned for since his life had begun. They were perfect for each other, couldn't she see that? That she was the one

for him. Since the beginning he had dreamt of her, of this union - destiny. When he first laid eyes upon her, he could see that. That

They were what Suzaku destinied to Become. He loved her from first sight.

**Alas, she fell for another. Tamahome. For another fellow Seishi. What Suzaku had generously bestowed upon him was

also bestowed upon Tamahome. He had no practice at being himself, at being in another human's presence. Equality was something

he never experienced before, and this freedom allowed precious time to be wasted. Tamahome had built a steady relationship with her,

upon experiences and lives he never even witness before. She was so innocent, so trusting. Whether it was her beautiful face, or the

way she trusts others with her own life, it always made him wonder. Seeing her refreshed him from the dullness he faced daily.

**"Friend," he tasted the word slowly on his lips. She treated him not only as an equal, but also as someone of flesh and blood. She

made him feel alive, to live the way he wanted to. That laugh of hers, seemly bubbling up from the depths of her soul and surfacing into

the bright, bright light - it reflected the very color of happiness. Remembering her laugh brought a pang to his heart once more. Yet the

pain pleased him in another way - if he couldn't have her, the least he could do was to not stand in her way towards happiness. If

happiness meant giving her away, he would do it.

**He stood up, proud and straight. He would not show his love - he dare not ruin even one moment of the happiest day of the

girl's life. Because he loved her - because she was the Suzaku no Miko Miaka Yuki, and he was her seishi Hotohori. Tomorrow he will

play his Emperor role once more, to live his lonely life. But for now, just for now, let him hold onto her memory, her smell, and her laugh -

even if it's just for one last night.

**"I'm a dying man," he realized. Chuckling dryly, Hotohori now Emperor of Konan, slowly made his way back to the palace.

***Owari***

***Notes:

i'm sorry if it seems that Hotohori lost his gracefulness at the beginning of the chapter ^^;; but it makes him more lovable ne?

just in case ne1 doesn't get why Hotohori is 'dying' - I meant "dying inside", withered away w/out the love etc..

r/r and tell me who should i write about next plz ^^;;

~ Dimps-chan xXx

***http://www.geocities.com/dimps_chan