The TempestXtreme Talk show!

By TempestXtreme

A/N: Yeah, yeah I know that this has been done to death, but I just can't help myself! ^_^

Rebecca (the sexy announcer and the host's wife and powerful sorceress): * walks on stage*

Suicidal guy in audience: Oh yeah! WHOO HOO BABY!! * gets vaporised by a Flare spell*

Rebecca: * clears her throat* Tempest! You didn't have to do that!

Tempest: But he was ogling you! Only I'm allowed to do that!! -_-

Rebecca: Oh dear goddess… Anyway! Welcome to the TempestXtreme Talk show! Here's your host: Tempest!

Audience: *nervous applause and a…* HURRAY!

Tempest: Thank you, my beautiful *cough-and-sexy-cough* wife Rebecca! For our first guest, from FF8, Irvine Kinneas!

Irvine: *walks on stage, takes off his hat, bows and ends up looking at Rebecca's butt* Hmmm…not a bad view ^_^

Rebecca: STOP STARING AT MY BUTT!! *fireballs Irvine*

The Audience (well, all of the males with girlfriends): YAY!!

Tempest: *helps Irvine up and puts him in the chair…headfirst* Welcome to my show! *under his breath* And if you EVER stare at my wife like that again I'll toss you to Barney, understood?

Irvine: O.o *frantic nod and nervous smile*

Tempest: Good! Now for my first question: is it true that you hit on anything that's wearing a skirt?

Irvine: Well…yeah!

Tempest: Even if what's wearing a skirt isn't necessarily female…or human?

Irvine: *warily* Well…

Rebecca: Uh oh.

Tempest: * grins evilly* If you would look at the screen behind you, you'll see Mr. Kinneas hitting on a woman in a short skirt! Well, at least he thought it was a woman!

Irvine (on the screen): Hey baby what's your sign?

Woman in skirt (on the screen): Sore wa himitsu desu!

Irvine (on the screen and on the stage):

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *faints both on screen and on stage*

Tempest: * is now laughing too hard to speak*

Rebecca: O.o OK! WHO LET MY HUSBAND NEAR THE COFFE MACHINE?!

Voice from backstage: Sore was himitsu desu!

Rebecca: ARGH!! XELLOS!! *sends a life-size mechanic doll in Xellos' direction. Seconds later the Mazoku's scream of complete and utter horror can be heard from backstage*

The Audience: O.O ?!?!?!?!?

Rebecca: Uh, we'll be back after this commercial break to talk to… * re-reads the prompt card* ULTIMECIA?!! O.o *as the screen fades* TEMPEST! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!

COMMERCIAL #1:

Announcer: Are you sad and lonely? Do you long for female company? Then call us here! We'll hire out Rebecca Angelheart to you for the day! Just call 1-800-- *gets cut off by the twenty bus-sized fireballs that fry him to a crisp and by the Dragon Slave that follows the fireball barrage* X_X

Rebecca: I AM NOT FOR HIRE YOU BLOODY PERVERT!!

AND NOW BACK TO OUR SHOW!!

Tempest: Hello again! Our next guest WAS going to be Ultimecia, but she was unable to attend due to extreme circumstances…

*The scene switches to the parking lot, where Ultimecia can be seen running from an enraged Rebecca who is swinging her enchanted sword like a madwoman*

Rebecca: YOU GAVE US SORCERESSES A BAD NAME YOU BITCH!!

Ultimecia: SAVE ME!!! * is hit in the back by twenty fireballs and a Giga Slave* X_X

*The scene changes back to a nervous Tempest, who seems to be avoiding his enraged wife as he searches for another guest*

Tempest: AHA!! *picks up the phone* Hello? Miyu? Can you come to my show now? Yes, yes, I know that we were supposed to be interviewing Ultimecia, but Rebecca blew her up with twenty fireballs and a Giga Slave, so we don't have anybody to interview. You can come? Thank you! *puts the phone down* Phew! Saved the show!

Rebecca: *has no idea that the camera is on her and is glaring at a male audience member. The poor man is trying in vain to get away from the pissed off sorceress and then points at the camera. Rebecca looks at the lens and simply fireballs it* WARN ME NEXT TIME!!

Camera guy: O.o This job is dangerous!!

Tempest: It's your fault for not taking that insurance policy you know.

Camera guy: *isn't too bright* Oh shut up Chicken boy.

Tempest: *grabs the poor man and tosses him to Xellos* I AM NOT A CHICKEN BOY!!

Xellos: *looks at the petrified camera guy* Why hello there ^_^

Camera Guy: AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Tempest: We'll be right back after this commercial… *as the screen fades to black, screams of horror can be heard from a certain camera guy*

COMMERCIAL#2:

Announcer: Are you bored? Do you need entertainment in your life? Well, don't watch THIS show! It's crazy! *gets stepped on by a huge Gundam*

Tempest: SHADDUP!!

AND NOW BACK TO OUR SHOW!

Rebecca: *is calm again after 50 cups of coffee* Our next guest is the Vampire Princess, Miyu, and her servant Larva!

Miyu: *appears out of nowhere and sits down. Larva merely stands to the side staring into nothingness*

Tempest: Welcome to my show Miyu!

Miyu: I am happy to be here. There are a lot of potential immortal meals here.

The Audience: O.o

Rebecca: *chuckles evilly*

Tempest: Uh, Miyu…you can't eat the audience.

Miyu: That's too bad.

Larva: …

Tempest: Oh shut up you one-eyed freak.

Larva: ?!

Rebecca: *stifles a chuckle*

Tempest: So Miyu! Tell me about your job.

Miyu: Do you mean the hunting of the demon gods?

Tempest: Yes.

Miyu: Well you see, when I refused my fate, many demon gods escaped from the Abyss, and until I hunt them all I'll be eternally young and my parents will always be locked up in time.

Tempest: Wait, you'll be young forever as long as there are demon gods around? And if you hunt them all you'll grow old and die? WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?!?!

Miyu: *blinks* What?

Tempest: You'll be immortal as long as there is at least ONE demon god in this world! What, you didn't figure that out??

Miyu: I never thought of it that way. But my parents…

Rebecca: Oh, screw your parents. Your dad was immortal and your mother was a vampire.

Miyu: Huh? So what are you getting at?

Rebecca: You'll live forever if you just leave those demon gods alone!

Miyu: Right… Tempest your wife's a lunatic.

Tempest: I noticed, trust me. *ducks a fireball* What? *smiles innocently*

Rebecca: Well, that's the end of our first show! Tune in next time for another episode of the TempestXtreme Talk Show! See you then!

Audience: *claps only because Rebecca is holding a huge meteor in the air with her magic and has threatened to crush them all if they don't clap*

Author's notes: What did you think?? Should I do another one??? Tell me in your reviews!!