Consequences, Choices, and Confessions
by pari106

pari106@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html

Rating and Disclaimer found in chapter 1.


A/N: Okay...I was waiting for the reviews to hit 45 before I posted again, but all those e-mails started to hurt my heart. :) [Begs forgiveness in the conspicuous absence of any promises to change.] Meg, here it is ; so now you can put your characters away (don't let "creepy guy" run too far, though. The creepy ones are always fun ;)



Chapter 4

Max had an odd feeling of déjà vu as she woke, later that evening. Again, she way lying on a strange bed
in a motel room. Only now she was alone.

Max's eyes fluttered open slowly. She'd found that she slept more and more often lately, and she awoke
with more and more difficulty each time.

Max sat up, still unaccustomed to the grogginess and dizzy disorientation that assaulted her as she did.
Then she frowned. If Tinga and Jace had gone through this, too, it was a wonder the nation had survived.
Max had only been suffering the nausea for a few weeks now, and already she'd become moody and
sensitive because of it.

Then Max's eyes widened, and her frown twisted into a grimace.

It didn't look like her condition would be improving any time soon, either.

Max clutched her stomach, and rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before her breakfast
came back to haunt her.

If she ever returned to Gillette…Manticore was gonna answer for this shit. Big time.

As soon as Max finished, she hobbled over to her pack on unsteady legs, and fished out a toothbrush and
paste. She couldn't help it. She'd probably brushed her teeth so often in the last forty-either hours that you
could shoot hoops through the holes in her tooth enamel. But she had to eliminate every trace of her
illness, as soon as it appeared. Besides the seizures, she'd never been sick before. And she'd learned that
the experience was decidedly unpleasant.

So Max brushed vigorously. Sometimes retching and brushing, alternately.

That's how Zack found her. It wasn't how Max would have preferred, of course. But she had little say in
the matter. She glimpsed him in the mirror above the sink, and had hardly spoken his name before she was
sick again.

"Zack, I…"

Max wasn't sure what sensation filled her the most – embarrassment or anger. She was just so damned
tired of this. Of the sickness and the exhaustion and the uncertainty. It was hard. It was all worth it, of
course, Max reminded herself, her hand unconsciously rubbing her still slender stomach. But it was hard.

Max meant to apologize as soon as she could, but again Zack surprised her. Instead of turning away when
he'd realized she was sick, he rushed to her side.

When Max tried to speak he shook his head.

"Shh. It's okay, Maxie. I'm here. It's alright." He pulled her hair back away from her face, and wiped her
brow. He was being so uncharacteristically tender, it brought tears to Max's eyes. That, more than the pain
of separation, the fear of uncertainty concerning her future, broke through Max's calm façade. As soon as
the nausea subsided, the overwhelming urge to weep took its place.

"Zack…"

Max burst into tears. 'Goddamn hormones,' she silently cursed.

Zack, for all the effort he'd been putting into being supportive, was still not good with tears. His eyes
widened. If Max had been paying attention, she would have sworn he squeaked.

"Uh…"

He was at a loss as to what to do. But since Max was still clinging to him, standing on unsteady legs, he
figured he had to do something.

"It's okay, Max. Just…"

Zack grabbed a towel, and Max, and carried her back to bed. After laying her down gently, he used the
towel to wipe at her damp forehead and mouth.

He was frightened. He would admit it. As Max so often did, she'd totally overturned all his cool reserve.
He was never frightened, but he was frightened for her now. He'd never seen Max sick before. She'd
never been sick. Besides the seizures, she was never like this. Zack felt an odd sting at the back of his
eyes.

What was he going to do? Should he call Logan? Where the hell did that guy get off, telling him Max was
alright? She was sick – didn't he see that?

Max was starting to calm down.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" She was trying to recover herself.

"Shh."

But Max refused to be "shushed".

"I want to go with you, Zack," she told him. "I want to leave. Today. Wherever you want to go. I'll leave
Seattle, just like you wanted."

Zack stilled, just staring at her. Those were the words. The words he'd been waiting to hear for more than
a year. His eyes fluttered closed then open again. It was ironic that she would say them now, when he had
been planning, for some time, to tell her that he meant to come to Seattle. For good. Just like she wanted.
It was ironic that she would say those words now…because now he couldn't accept them. He couldn't take
Max anywhere. Not like this. She needed a doctor. She needed the kind of help he couldn't give her. It
killed him to admit it, but she needed Logan. Why the other man had sent her to him was a mystery.

"Max…"

"I'm ready to leave, Zack. I shouldn't have stayed all this time."

Zack brushed a strand of hair out of her face. He wished that wasn't just her sickness speaking.

"You aren't going anywhere, Max," he told her, trying to be gentle but firm. "You're sick…"

But Max just shook her head. She got the oddest look on her face.

Max was nervous. This was it. This was the moment of truth.

"I'm not sick," she told Zack. Zack shook his head, but Max insisted. "I'm not sick."

"Max, you just got through puking up a lung, alright? You're as pale as a ghost. You're sick, and we have
to get you to a doctor."

"I've already seen a doctor."

That put chills down Zack's spine. Was it that bad? But then Max saw the look on Zack's face, and
realized what he was thinking.

"I'm fine, Zack," she clarified. She tried a weak smile. "This is normal."

Zack snorted. "Normal. Normal for what?"

Max looked him straight in the eyes. "For a pregnant woman," she told him quietly.

"For…"

Zack's words died on his lips. He suddenly heard what she'd said.

'For a…'

Max swallowed, her eyes shining once again.

"I'm pregnant, Zack."



**** ****



In the life of a Manticore lab experiment, there are many moments when awkward confessions arise. Max
could remember a dozen such moments; a dozen such conversations. She imagined there was a lot she
could confess that would really take some explaining.

"Why don't I sleep? Uh…well…"

"Did I hurt you? Oh, yeah, sorry about that. You see, I get these cycles…"

"Hello, I'm a genetically engineered super soldier who's been on the run for ten years. And how are you
today?"

But the most awkward confession, Max had learned, that any woman ever had to make, was that she was
pregnant when, really, the last thing in the world anyone would have expected at that moment is for her to
be pregnant.

She'd had to make that confession three times now.

The first had been to Cindy.



Around a month ago…

She was pregnant.

The realization suddenly hit her. Hit her so hard, she dropped the store-bought pregnancy test on the floor,
and sank into a sitting position in her and Cindy's tiny little bathroom.

She was pregnant.

It had taken her sixteen of those little tests to figure it out. They couldn't all be defective. She couldn't
keep going on denying it any longer. She was pregnant.

By Zack.

She was pregnant with Zack's baby.

"Oh, God…"

Max clutched her head in her hands and stared at the two little, life-altering pink lines staring, mockingly,
up at her from the plastic tester.

'…pregnant…pregnant…'

She'd known it, but she'd been afraid to admit it.

After she'd left the motel that morning she'd just driven. Driven as far and as fast as she could. She
couldn't even remember where she went. She'd just wanted to get away from everything and everyone – to
contemplate what had happened between her and her brother. 'Her brother.' It felt strange to call him that
after having spent the night with him. But, somehow, the term still fit. They weren't brother and sister like
normal people – they never had been. She'd had that confused before, when her feelings for Zack had first
become known to her and had discomforted her. She'd agonized over how she could feel for Zack the way
she did. But she'd gotten over that agony. There was nothing wrong with her loving Zack. Not when love
was such a precious commodity to someone like her and her brother. There was certainly nothing wrong
about it when she was with him. Everything felt right when Zack was with her. Despite the fact that they'd
grown up as brother and sister. Despite the fact that he was her brother still. He just wasn't a brother to her
in the way other people were to their siblings. So it wasn't that she'd wanted to get away from Zack, or
what they'd done. She'd just wanted to get away. To think.

She'd realized before that she loved Zack. That she needed him. That she wanted him. But having
actually acted on those feelings had surprised and frightened her.

It was only after a whole day of trying to come to terms with that act, that Max realized she'd made a
horrible mistake.

Because, chances were, that Zack had been every bit as shocked and frightened as she was, though he
would be too tough to admit it. Perhaps even more so. Max knew Zack loved her, but he'd never seemed
comfortable with those emotions. And she'd never told him how she felt till last night. How could he know that she really
loved him just the same? How was he to know why she left, or what that meant?

When Max had realized what she'd done, it had been with horror.

She'd raced back to the motel, but, of course, he'd been long gone. She'd searched all of Seattle. It had
taken her days, and her friends had worried about her, they said when she came back. Logan had worried
about her. She'd avoided him for days after their blowout, when she'd spent her time with Zack. She
hadn't called him once during the time she spent searching for her brother. She just wasn't ready for that.
Besides, if Logan took offense to what she'd done at Manticore, ten years ago, how would he feel about
what she'd done just the other night? With her own brother? There was no way he'd make the sort of
distinction between blood siblings and Manticore siblings as she, and most likely the other X5s, as well.

So she'd searched for days, alone. She hadn't slept. She'd finally crawled back to her apartment, weary
and red-eyed. And despite her friends' inquisitions she hadn't told them where she'd been or why. She'd
just spent the next week or so moping through work, or locked in her apartment, crying herself to sleep.

That should have been her first sign. Max had always accepted her emotions more readily than Zack. But
she'd never been as emotional as she suddenly was, heartache or no heartache. Still, human pregnancies
usually didn't start showing themselves, behaviorally, that early on. And Max had known nothing about
X5 pregnancies to realize that they were different.

Eventually, however, she did come to terms with the situation. She realized that, yes, she'd made a
mistake, but, no, it was not the end of the world. She had to move on. She was going to go on, either way,
so she might as well accept it. And Zack would be back. She had to believe that. Eventually he'd be back.
He wouldn't just abandon one of his own, no matter how personal the reasons. And the prospect seemed
daunting to her, but Max told herself she would learn, when he did come back, how to explain to him how
she really felt. Why she'd left.

She would get Zack back. She promised herself.

She finally called Logan back. They finally began talking again; working together again, eating together
again. There was something missing there, that hadn't been before. Something Logan was constantly
trying to rebuild. But Max knew it would be slow going and that whatever had been developing between
them before might never be again. She was in love with Zack now. She'd realized it before, but now, after
having been with him, she'd become resolved to it. And the issue with the pictures wasn't about forgiving.
In a way, she'd decided there was nothing for her to forgive. Logan was a good man. He'd been more
understanding to her and her siblings than any other human she'd ever met. But he was human, after all.
He wasn't one of her kind. He couldn't be expected to just automatically accept everything about her.
There was nothing wrong with that, Max knew. But it wasn't about wrong or right; forgiving or forgetting.
It was about what she needed, what he needed and what Zack needed. She needed automatic acceptance.
Perhaps because she'd lived her entire life struggling so hard to be accepted. Logan needed someone he
could accept. And Zack needed her. It was that simple.

That was where she was when the nausea began. She was moving on, missing Zack but hoping for a
chance to be with him again. One day. She was rebuilding a friendship with Logan. And Original Cindy
and the Jam Pony gang were no longer giving her looks like they feared for her life.

It wasn't as bad, at first. But it was bad enough to catch her attention. Max never had nausea, but suddenly
she was nauseous. She didn't have the same sort of menstrual cycles as normal human females, so she
hadn't had that to tell her something was…different. But the nausea did that, anyhow. Just as a dozen
other things should have. She'd been born and trained a soldier, after all. Conditioned for complete
awareness of herself and her surroundings at all times. She should have known something was "different"
a month before. But, like she imagined Jace had been when she'd found out that she was pregnant, Max
hadn't wanted to be aware of herself. So she hadn't been. Until the nausea forced her to become aware.

That's when she'd bought herself the first pregnancy test.

Then she'd bought another.

And, now, fourteen more tests, and twenty-eight more little pink lines later, realization had suddenly hit.
Awareness had come.

She was pregnant.



**** ****



The first thing she had to do, Max knew, was see a doctor. This, however, was easier said than done.
There weren't many transgenic obstetrics available in Seattle. So she'd have to rely on Logan to find her
someone trustworthy.

That prospect scared the hell out of Max, and it made her nervous. She'd nearly cried when she first
thought about it.

Telling Logan was going to be awful. She'd never even told him about what had happened with Zack.
Partly because she didn't want to see that look in his eyes again, that look she'd seen when he'd glanced at
the pictures that had started it all. She didn't want to see his disappointment or disgust. And, partly, she
hadn't told him because she hadn't wanted to hurt him. She knew how he felt about Zack. And she knew
he still harbored some hope of their being together. Maybe it was a spiteful thought, but she thought maybe
he wanted them to be together so badly, only because it now seemed so unlikely that they would be.

Regardless, the thought of telling him, of hurting him, killed Max. And she was so afraid he'd just turn her
away. What would she do then? She had no idea how to get a hold of Zack. Eyes Only could probably do
that, but without him, Max didn't stand a chance. Without Logan Max couldn't find a doctor. She knew it
was cruel to have to ask him – considering that it was another man's baby she was carrying. But it was
true. She needed Logan. And if he turned her away now she didn't know how she and the baby would
make it.

And Logan wasn't the only person she had to tell. What about Zack?

Max didn't even want to think about that yet. She had so much else to worry about first. Zack made her
even more nervous than Logan. What if what happened between them, a month ago, had changed how he
felt about her? And even if it hadn't, Zack had never showed any inclination towards having a family. She
wasn't even sure he wanted a real relationship, much less the kind that included children. Max decided she
just wouldn't think about it. She'd consider that later.

It never even occurred to Max that there might be an alternative to having the baby. To Max, there was no
alternative. If she aborted the baby she'd be no better than Manticore – treating life like their own personal
plaything. Treating children like lab rats. She and the other X5s had risked too much in the name of family
and freedom for her to deny a part of her family now; to deny her baby. To deny it the freedom to live.

Max had just found out about the baby. She couldn't get rid of it, she couldn't bring herself to tell Logan
yet, and she couldn't even think about telling Zack without panicking. Luckily, there was someone else she
could tell. Someone who'd promised to be her boo for life. Someone who'd always had her back. Would
she have her baby's, as well?

Max had to tell Original Cindy.






Max couldn't decide upon which strategy she would use to tell her friend about the baby. Bait and switch?

"Hey, Cindy, guess what."

"What?"

"I've got progeria and I'm dying."

"What?!"

"Ha! Got you! No, I'm just pregnant. Had you worried there for a moment, huh?"

No. That wouldn't be nice. Surprise attack?

"Hey, boo, I'm headin' down to Crash. Wanna…"

"I'm pregnant."

"What? What are you…"

"Yeah. About a month along. You okay with that?"

"What? Wait a …"

"Great. I knew I could count on you, boo."

Uh…maybe not. Hell, this was Original Cindy. Why couldn't she just come out and say it? If her girl
could step up to the real about her being Manticore, then she could handle the news about one little baby.
Right?

It was raining the day Max decided to tell her. The windows were streaked with it. Both she and Original
had gotten the day off. They were just vegging out because there wasn't anything else to do. Some fool
had hit an electrical pole near Crash, and the pole had come down on the bar's roof, causing considerable
damage. So Crash was closed for a few days while repairs were preformed. Which was just about as well
for Max. She had her baby to look out for now, after all. Hers and Zack's. It felt good to say that; warm.
Even though she was still really worried about the situation and uncertain about how everyone was going to
react to it. Regardless, the baby was hers and Zack's, and she loved it. She loved thinking about it. And
she couldn't be getting her drink on now, could she? It wasn't good for human mothers, and she had to
assume the same about herself.

Original Cindy, however, unaware of Max's condition, and bored out of her mind, was not happy with the
lazy demise of her evening.

"You know, this just would happen on my only day off. It's rainin' like a bitch out there, and I'm stuck in
here just 'cause some fool didn't know how to hold his liquor."

Max jus kind of shrugged.

"I don't know. I didn't really feel like going out, anyway."

Original Cindy gave her a look.

"Why, 'cause kicking it here's just da bomb, right?" But then her expression became concerned. Max had
been so different lately. So moody and sensitive. Now she was sitting there on their couch, curled up
around a pillow. She really didn't look like she wanted to go out. She looked like she wanted to be sick.
She was practically wringing the stuffing out of that pillow.

Cindy sighed, sitting down by her friend.

"Okay, spit it."

"What?"

"Don't be playin' no games, sugga. You've obviously got somethin' on your conscience. And Original
Cindy got nothin' but time. So tell me what's got my boo lookin' so bothered before my gramma's pillow
suffers the same fate as that one."

Max blinked. Then she looked down at the pillow in her hands. Two of its seams had busted.

"Oh!"

Max threw it aside. And Cindy grabbed her aforementioned grandmother's throw pillow, and removed it
from Max's reach with a raised brow.

Max sighed. "Okay, I got something on my conscience."

Cindy waited. Then, to her surprise, Max's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, God…"

Cindy's eyes widened. Oh, shit, her boo was crying. This really was some serious shit.

"Hey. Hey, boo, don't do that." She pulled Max into her arms, really worried now. Her boredom had been
completely forgotten. If someone had harmed her homegirl…

Max was mumbling something against her shoulder.

Cindy stilled.

She hadn't heard her exactly, but what she had heard couldn't have been right.

"Wha'd you say?" she asked.

Max pulled back, trying to catch her breath. When she calmed a little, she wiped the tears from her eyes.
Then she steeled herself and met Original's gaze again.

"I said…I'm pregnant."

Original blinked.

"You're pregnant."

Max is pregnant. Max is *pregnant*.

Max nodded. Then it suddenly hit her.

"You're pregnant!"

A huge grin started to spread over her face. Max kind of laughed.

"Yeah. I'm pregnant."

She should have known Cindy would get excited. She was the type to zero in on the positive in a situation
because she, better than most people, realized this was a large life. No use stressin' over it.

Then Original sobered, as other aspects of the situation occurred to her.

"Wait a minute, is that why you and Logan been so…weird around each other lately?"

Max shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She hadn't told Original about Zack either. She'd told her friend
about her feelings for him – had tried to explain them. But she hadn't said anything about their making
love. She knew Cindy didn't approve of Zack. She'd support Max in anything, even in her feelings for her
brother. But she didn't have to like it. However, Max figured that, if she was going to tell Original about
the baby, she'd have to tell her about Zack, as well. And there was no time like the present when she still
had her nerve.

"Uh…no. That's not why. It's why I've been avoiding his calls the last couple of days."

Cindy frowned, then sighed again. "Boo, if you two been kickin' it, and now you're worried loverboy
won't like the consequence, know what I mean? Don't. He helped do this, he'll help deal with it. Besides,
this is Logan. How do you know he won't be thrilled to have a little transgenic rug rat messin' up that
penthouse of his?"

Max looked away, then back.

"Cindy…it's not Logan's."

That really did surprise her.

"What happened between Logan and me…it wasn't like that. We weren't fighting about that. And we
haven't been "kicking' it". We're not like that."

Cindy didn't know what to say to that at first. But she couldn't make her usual argument against the
comment. If Max was pregnant by somebody else maybe they really weren't "like that".

"Then whose is it? Somebody you ain't told me about?"

"I told you about him." Max cringed at the exaggeration. "Sort of."

Cindy didn't like the implications behind that. "What do you mean… "sort of"?" she asked carefully.

Max looked at her. Finally, she just said a name.

"Zack."

Silence ensued. After which, Cindy slowly began to shake her head. She felt a stinging at the back of her
eyes. This was a whole different consequence than the kind she'd expected from Max and Logan getting
together.

"Girl…"

Max shot to her feet.

"Look, I know, alright? I know what you think of Zack. You know how I feel about him. You don't know
him like I do, I told you that. But that's besides the point. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that something
happened between us, but it did." Max sat back down again, suddenly feeling deflated. "And now I'm
pregnant," she repeated softly.

Cindy let her words sink in. Yeah, she knew how Max felt about her big brother, as whacked as that term
sounded considering the situation. She knew it and she didn't like it, but she also knew that the last thing
Max needed right now was her reminding her. Still, she couldn't just let her girl walk into this thing
thinking everything was gonna turn out all peachy and rosy. This was Zack they were talking about. One
of the more intimidating members of the three-legged gender. Definitely not the type Original saw
changing diapers and warming bottles. There were some serious, cold, hard facts to consider about this
situation.

"Max…" Cindy put a hand on her friend's knee. "I told you Zack weren't nothin' but trouble."

That didn't quite come out like she'd meant it, and Cindy grimaced as Max glared.

"He didn't mean to knock me up," she snapped.

Cindy tried to neutralize her voice. Keep things smooth this time.

"I know," she conceded. 'I just bet he didn't,' was what she was thinking. Max had told her Zack loved
her. Cindy didn't want to deny that. Who couldn't love Max? But from what she'd seen of "Sam", or
Zack, or whatever the hell he called himself, he didn't look like the lovin' type. Unless it was lovin' and
leavin' he was up to. And that seemed to Cindy to be exactly what they were looking at here.

"I know he didn't mean to, Max. But he did. What I want to know is how you gonna deal with that?"

Max shifted in her seat again. "I don't know."

"You don't know."

"I need to think about it!"

Cindy just looked at her. She squeezed Max's knee. "You don't think soldierboy is gonna want to play
"daddy", do you?"

Max frowned at the nickname Cindy had given her lover, but she didn't say anything. That's exactly what
she was thinking.

Finally, Cindy sighed. She pulled Max back into a hug.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she finally admitted, emotionally.

Max just clung to her. She felt like crying again.

"I just want to know you've got my back," she told her.

Cindy felt one of her own tears slip down her cheek. Did Max even have to ask?

"Of course, I've got your back, boo. I'm ready for "Auntie Original" any time you are."

Despite the situation, Max laughed.

" 'Auntie Original'? Lord help us all," she drolled.

Cindy laughed, too.

They were quiet a minute.

"I just need someone to be there. Till I figure out how to tell Zack," Max said then.

Cindy had to keep herself from stiffening. Personally, she didn't think telling Zack was a very good idea,
even though she'd usually insist a daddy has the right to know he's a daddy. She hated to admit, but she
was afraid of Zack. And she feared for Max and the baby if he decided he didn't want to be a daddy. And
if he decided to do something about it. It was a terrible thought, and Max would be pissed off if she knew
Cindy had had it. But Cindy couldn't help it. Max was right. She didn't know Zack. She just hoped she
was wrong about what she thought she did know.

"So what're you gonna do now?" she asked.

Max sighed. "Now I've gotta tell Logan."