Consequences, Choices, and Confessions
by pari106
Disclaimer and rating found in chapter 1.
Chapter 8
After Zack left, Max wasn't sure what to do. She could cry again, she supposed. She could spend her
entire pregnancy crying. But she was tired of it. She was tired of all the drama. She was tired of all the
worry and anguish. She was just tired.
And oddly numb, at the moment.
It was a never a good sign when you told the man you loved that you were going to have a baby…and he
stalked out looking ready to murder.
Max sat up in bed, then pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her
chin on her knees.
**** ****
Zack didn't drive around for very long. It wasn't his nature to run from a conflict, or even to procrastinate
about one. And he wasn't exactly known for long periods of reflection. So as soon as he got himself back
into control he returned to the motel. Max was pregnant. Regardless of how or why or who, that was a
fact. A fact they had to deal with. They had a lot of things to consider. Like healthcare. How the hell
were they going to get Max the kind of treatment she needed? Zack had absolutely no idea what to do with
a pregnant woman. Or a pregnant X5. Would she even need healthcare? Would she need all that much
more because of her genetic differences?
And there was the security risk to consider. Zack had promised himself, since learning of Tinga's family,
that he would take a more lenient perspective of his duties as CO. But he was still CO, regardless. If Max
wasn't going to stay in Seattle for the duration of her pregnancy, then they'd have to be very careful about
where they located her next. They had to be very careful about who they trusted. Blah blah, woof woof.
Which brought them back to another subject. Why wasn't Max in Seattle? This wasn't a subject Zack
liked to think about. It brought all those awkward, uncomfortable emotions of his right back to the fore.
But he had to think about it. Why wasn't Max with Logan?
After he'd left Seattle, Zack had wondered if Max would hook back up with him. After he'd gotten over
his own issues, he'd felt guilty about the whole situation. Max had just had a very emotional blowout with
Logan when she was with Zack. He should have been more understanding when she ran from him that
morning after. He should have realized that she was in a bad place and had probably just needed some time
to herself to think. But he hadn't realized this until Zane had beat it into him. He'd been so concerned with
his own wounded pride and hurt feelings…certain that Max had used him to rebound from her spat with
Logan…that he hadn't given himself time to consider any other alternative. Once he had, he'd felt like a
heel. And he'd wondered what would happen between Max and Logan after he'd left. He'd wondered if
they'd gotten back together. As friends or as anything more. He'd wondered if he could somehow make
up for his mistakes and try to get Max back. That's when he'd decided he would stay in Seattle if that were
what Max wanted.
Now it was obvious Max had hooked back up with Logan. He'd been the one to contact Zack.
As Zack pulled back into the motel parking lot, bringing his bike to a stop, his fists clenched on the
handlebars. A fury of rage and pain and intense jealousy clouded his vision for a moment, eliciting a growl
from deep within his throat. Nothing and no one brought out the animalistic part of Zack's DNA like
Logan Cale. The man who'd almost taken Max from him. Who might very well have done so after Zack
had left the last time.
But Max wasn't with him now. Was it Logan's baby?
The thought tore at Zack. He'd always prided himself in being a cold, efficient soldier, whether it was for
Manticore or himself and his family. But the thought of Max and Logan…that hurt worse than any cold
soldier would care to admit.
However, Zack didn't know which thought might hurt the worst: the thought that the baby was
Logan's…or that it wasn't. That it was someone else's. Some unknown Max had turned to, God only
knew why. Perhaps because she felt rejected, first by Logan and then by him? Zack's stomach turned at
the thought. If that were true he'd gladly turn himself over to the next Sector Patrol he saw, and end his
miserable existence once and for all. If he'd caused one of his own, if he'd cause Max, harm by letting his
emotions cloud his judgement…then he deserved whatever fate he got.
But if it wasn't true…
If the baby was Logan's…
Zack climbed off his bike and headed for the motel room. Then, on second thought, he looped around
once, giving himself just that much more time to think.
If the baby was Logan's, then he had no idea what they were doing here. If Logan got Max pregnant, just
to turn her and the kid out…
Zack's fists flexed and his jaw clenched.
Best not to think about that. Zack was not the kind of man who was safe with those kind of thoughts on his
mind. He might do something…unpleasant…to the other man. And all he could think of was that they still
needed Logan. As Eyes Only, he'd have a better shot at finding Max a doctor than Zack would. He hated
to do it…relying on others went as much against Zack's own personal code of protocol as anything. But it
was necessary. He couldn't take any chances with Max and the baby, any more than he could have made
Tinga stay in Quebec when he knew how much she had in Portland to go back for.
Finally, Zack steeled himself and headed back for Max's motel room.
**** ****
Max knew Zack was back long before he quietly slipped back into the room. She'd heard his bike when
he'd returned. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, with her back to the door, when he came in. And she
didn't turn. She didn't really know what to say now.
Zack crossed the room, without a word, and straddled a chair sitting next to the side of the bed where Max
was sitting. For a moment he just sat there, and neither one of them looked at the other, nor spoke.
Max wondered what he would say next. What he would ask. His initial reaction had been strong, but he
must have been surprised when he'd heard the news. Unbidden, a new spark of hope began to burn within
her. Maybe, with a little thought, Zack had decided the baby wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe there was
still a chance he could grow into the idea. Would he even be interested in the little things? He knew the
conception date, of course, since there had only been that one time between them. So he knew the due date
if he'd taken the time to calculate it. Would he want to know about doctors and prenatals and fetal heart
rate? Max waited, wondering.
But Zack didn't ask any questions.
"We have to get you back to Seattle," he said, finally.
Max looked up at him in surprise.
"Seattle?"
Zack just nodded. He seemed so tense. That new hope began to fizzle out just like its predecessor. Max
frowned.
"Why?"
That actually seemed to surprise Zack.
"Why?" he repeated. "So we can get you a doctor. So…"
"I've seen a doctor, remember?" Max insisted. This wasn't right. This just wasn't going right at all. All
this time Zack had been asking her to leave Seattle, and now that she was doing as he said he was trying to
send her back? Because of the baby? Because he couldn't handle it? Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe
Zack really would turn his back on one of his own, if the reason for doing so was personal enough. But
he'd always been so loyal; so duty-oriented. Didn't he see this as his duty? Or was this just a mistake; a
"moment of weakness", as he'd once said, long ago, when Max really hadn't believed that he'd meant it.
She really didn't believe that Zack could be that callous. And he'd been pretty tough at times. But never
so much that Max would believe he could dismiss his own child so easily. That he could dismiss her so
easily. And after the last time he was in Seattle. After they'd been together…
Zack's voice brought Max back to the present.
"What did the doctor say?" he asked.
Things were spiraling too quickly out of control for Max to be pleased that he was showing interest in the
child, if even just a little. She was totally focused on one objective: keeping Zack from turning her away so
quickly.
"The doctor said I'm fine. Better than fine, despite the nausea. Not everyone has their babies under the
constant supervision of some family phys. somewhere. Some people still want to keep their dealio to
themselves. Have their babies at home. I don't even have to deliver in a hospital. I just have to show back
up at the doctor's during my third trimester. Till then I've got all the prenatals I need. And the doc gave
me the 411 on what's going down with this whacked up body of mine. I don't have to see the doctor again
till then. I thought that would be best. Keep exposure to a minimum. This woman is one of Eyes Only's
contacts. But still…"
Max didn't have to finish that sentence. Yeah, the woman was an Eyes Only contact, but there was still
that little risk that came with involving anyone else in their affairs. And, to be honest, if Max didn't have
to see a doctor, then she didn't want to. The few examinations she'd had during the last couple of months
had been awful. They'd just reminded her too much of her days back in testing at Manticore. Every time
she got into a pair of stirrups she felt claustrophobic. And she'd hoped she could spend the time until her
next checkup with Zack. Working out their problems and helping him accept the situation. Max was still
determined that that would happen.
"And what about Logan?" Zack asked. He had to practically force himself to say the words, but there they
were.
"What about him?"
"He knows, right? Why you went to see the doctor?"
"Of course he knows. You don't go to just anybody when you're pregnant, Zack. You need someone in
obstetrics."
Zack frowned. He'd known that. But he just couldn't figure this thing out. Logan didn't seem like the
type to disown his offspring. Zack hadn't really believed that the man would ever let Max walk away from
him, much to less to let her walk away with their child. And now he was getting her a doctor and then just
turning her loose?
"And he's okay with you leaving?" Zack asked.
Max shifted, uncomfortable. "Okay" was probably too strong a word. After Logan's initial reaction to
learning about Max's pregnancy he'd done the unexpected, noble thing to do. He'd asked her to marry
him. Can you imagine? Max hadn't known what to think about that. Except that it was the sweetest and
most awful thing anyone had ever done for her. Of course, she couldn't accept his offer. Not when she
hadn't even told Zack about the baby yet, or about her feelings. And not when she cared about Logan as
she did, and wanted so much more for him than another marriage to someone who couldn't love him the
way he deserved.
"It wasn't his choice to make," Max finally said, aiming at nonchalance with a one-shouldered shrug.
"Not his…"
Zack pondered those words a moment. He was hardly the definitive source on proper etiquette. But he was
pretty sure that most people considered it decidedly improper to skip town with someone's baby, claiming
it wasn't that person's "choice to make." Then again…it was Max's baby, too. She was carrying it in her
body. But still…
"Don't you think he has the right to take some responsibility for this?" Zack asked.
Didn't she think Logan…
Max frowned. What about Zack's taking some responsibility for this?
"How about you taking some responsibility for this?" she demanded aloud.
"Me?"
"Yes *you*." Max stood up. "What did Logan have to do with this?"
Zack blinked. "Max…"
"Forget this!"
Max saw red. She didn't need this right now. She couldn't deal with it. And she couldn't risk the baby by
kicking Zack's ass. But she'd be damned if she was just gonna sit around this room letting Zack try to
blame shift. This was a baby they were talking about. It shouldn't be about blame in the first place.
Zack didn't know why Max was so angry at him. It was Logan she should be pissed at. They should both
be in Seattle right now, kicking miracle boy's ass. But he was sorry if he upset her. She didn't need that
now. He didn't want to upset her.
But at the moment, Max didn't want to hear it. "Max, I just…" Zack broke off in mid-sentence when Max
reached the door and grabbed her bag. She threw it at him, and it hit him in the chest.
"Fine. You can't deal with this? Then don't. Who says we needed you anyway?"
"Max!"
Max yanked open the door and glared back at him.
"Well, are you coming or not?" she asked.
Zack shook his head. With Max he never knew whether he was coming or going. Or where he was going,
for that mater.
"Where?"
"To Seattle, of course. That's what you wanted, right?" Max practically spit the words. Then she slammed
the door behind her.
To Seattle.
Zack stood there for a moment before he followed her. That was what he'd wanted, right? Well, no. It's
what he'd thought was the right thing to do. He drew himself up as he left the motel room. And if it hurt
more than it should that Max had decided to listen to him…well that was Zack's own damned fault.
by pari106
Disclaimer and rating found in chapter 1.
Chapter 8
After Zack left, Max wasn't sure what to do. She could cry again, she supposed. She could spend her
entire pregnancy crying. But she was tired of it. She was tired of all the drama. She was tired of all the
worry and anguish. She was just tired.
And oddly numb, at the moment.
It was a never a good sign when you told the man you loved that you were going to have a baby…and he
stalked out looking ready to murder.
Max sat up in bed, then pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her
chin on her knees.
**** ****
Zack didn't drive around for very long. It wasn't his nature to run from a conflict, or even to procrastinate
about one. And he wasn't exactly known for long periods of reflection. So as soon as he got himself back
into control he returned to the motel. Max was pregnant. Regardless of how or why or who, that was a
fact. A fact they had to deal with. They had a lot of things to consider. Like healthcare. How the hell
were they going to get Max the kind of treatment she needed? Zack had absolutely no idea what to do with
a pregnant woman. Or a pregnant X5. Would she even need healthcare? Would she need all that much
more because of her genetic differences?
And there was the security risk to consider. Zack had promised himself, since learning of Tinga's family,
that he would take a more lenient perspective of his duties as CO. But he was still CO, regardless. If Max
wasn't going to stay in Seattle for the duration of her pregnancy, then they'd have to be very careful about
where they located her next. They had to be very careful about who they trusted. Blah blah, woof woof.
Which brought them back to another subject. Why wasn't Max in Seattle? This wasn't a subject Zack
liked to think about. It brought all those awkward, uncomfortable emotions of his right back to the fore.
But he had to think about it. Why wasn't Max with Logan?
After he'd left Seattle, Zack had wondered if Max would hook back up with him. After he'd gotten over
his own issues, he'd felt guilty about the whole situation. Max had just had a very emotional blowout with
Logan when she was with Zack. He should have been more understanding when she ran from him that
morning after. He should have realized that she was in a bad place and had probably just needed some time
to herself to think. But he hadn't realized this until Zane had beat it into him. He'd been so concerned with
his own wounded pride and hurt feelings…certain that Max had used him to rebound from her spat with
Logan…that he hadn't given himself time to consider any other alternative. Once he had, he'd felt like a
heel. And he'd wondered what would happen between Max and Logan after he'd left. He'd wondered if
they'd gotten back together. As friends or as anything more. He'd wondered if he could somehow make
up for his mistakes and try to get Max back. That's when he'd decided he would stay in Seattle if that were
what Max wanted.
Now it was obvious Max had hooked back up with Logan. He'd been the one to contact Zack.
As Zack pulled back into the motel parking lot, bringing his bike to a stop, his fists clenched on the
handlebars. A fury of rage and pain and intense jealousy clouded his vision for a moment, eliciting a growl
from deep within his throat. Nothing and no one brought out the animalistic part of Zack's DNA like
Logan Cale. The man who'd almost taken Max from him. Who might very well have done so after Zack
had left the last time.
But Max wasn't with him now. Was it Logan's baby?
The thought tore at Zack. He'd always prided himself in being a cold, efficient soldier, whether it was for
Manticore or himself and his family. But the thought of Max and Logan…that hurt worse than any cold
soldier would care to admit.
However, Zack didn't know which thought might hurt the worst: the thought that the baby was
Logan's…or that it wasn't. That it was someone else's. Some unknown Max had turned to, God only
knew why. Perhaps because she felt rejected, first by Logan and then by him? Zack's stomach turned at
the thought. If that were true he'd gladly turn himself over to the next Sector Patrol he saw, and end his
miserable existence once and for all. If he'd caused one of his own, if he'd cause Max, harm by letting his
emotions cloud his judgement…then he deserved whatever fate he got.
But if it wasn't true…
If the baby was Logan's…
Zack climbed off his bike and headed for the motel room. Then, on second thought, he looped around
once, giving himself just that much more time to think.
If the baby was Logan's, then he had no idea what they were doing here. If Logan got Max pregnant, just
to turn her and the kid out…
Zack's fists flexed and his jaw clenched.
Best not to think about that. Zack was not the kind of man who was safe with those kind of thoughts on his
mind. He might do something…unpleasant…to the other man. And all he could think of was that they still
needed Logan. As Eyes Only, he'd have a better shot at finding Max a doctor than Zack would. He hated
to do it…relying on others went as much against Zack's own personal code of protocol as anything. But it
was necessary. He couldn't take any chances with Max and the baby, any more than he could have made
Tinga stay in Quebec when he knew how much she had in Portland to go back for.
Finally, Zack steeled himself and headed back for Max's motel room.
**** ****
Max knew Zack was back long before he quietly slipped back into the room. She'd heard his bike when
he'd returned. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, with her back to the door, when he came in. And she
didn't turn. She didn't really know what to say now.
Zack crossed the room, without a word, and straddled a chair sitting next to the side of the bed where Max
was sitting. For a moment he just sat there, and neither one of them looked at the other, nor spoke.
Max wondered what he would say next. What he would ask. His initial reaction had been strong, but he
must have been surprised when he'd heard the news. Unbidden, a new spark of hope began to burn within
her. Maybe, with a little thought, Zack had decided the baby wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe there was
still a chance he could grow into the idea. Would he even be interested in the little things? He knew the
conception date, of course, since there had only been that one time between them. So he knew the due date
if he'd taken the time to calculate it. Would he want to know about doctors and prenatals and fetal heart
rate? Max waited, wondering.
But Zack didn't ask any questions.
"We have to get you back to Seattle," he said, finally.
Max looked up at him in surprise.
"Seattle?"
Zack just nodded. He seemed so tense. That new hope began to fizzle out just like its predecessor. Max
frowned.
"Why?"
That actually seemed to surprise Zack.
"Why?" he repeated. "So we can get you a doctor. So…"
"I've seen a doctor, remember?" Max insisted. This wasn't right. This just wasn't going right at all. All
this time Zack had been asking her to leave Seattle, and now that she was doing as he said he was trying to
send her back? Because of the baby? Because he couldn't handle it? Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe
Zack really would turn his back on one of his own, if the reason for doing so was personal enough. But
he'd always been so loyal; so duty-oriented. Didn't he see this as his duty? Or was this just a mistake; a
"moment of weakness", as he'd once said, long ago, when Max really hadn't believed that he'd meant it.
She really didn't believe that Zack could be that callous. And he'd been pretty tough at times. But never
so much that Max would believe he could dismiss his own child so easily. That he could dismiss her so
easily. And after the last time he was in Seattle. After they'd been together…
Zack's voice brought Max back to the present.
"What did the doctor say?" he asked.
Things were spiraling too quickly out of control for Max to be pleased that he was showing interest in the
child, if even just a little. She was totally focused on one objective: keeping Zack from turning her away so
quickly.
"The doctor said I'm fine. Better than fine, despite the nausea. Not everyone has their babies under the
constant supervision of some family phys. somewhere. Some people still want to keep their dealio to
themselves. Have their babies at home. I don't even have to deliver in a hospital. I just have to show back
up at the doctor's during my third trimester. Till then I've got all the prenatals I need. And the doc gave
me the 411 on what's going down with this whacked up body of mine. I don't have to see the doctor again
till then. I thought that would be best. Keep exposure to a minimum. This woman is one of Eyes Only's
contacts. But still…"
Max didn't have to finish that sentence. Yeah, the woman was an Eyes Only contact, but there was still
that little risk that came with involving anyone else in their affairs. And, to be honest, if Max didn't have
to see a doctor, then she didn't want to. The few examinations she'd had during the last couple of months
had been awful. They'd just reminded her too much of her days back in testing at Manticore. Every time
she got into a pair of stirrups she felt claustrophobic. And she'd hoped she could spend the time until her
next checkup with Zack. Working out their problems and helping him accept the situation. Max was still
determined that that would happen.
"And what about Logan?" Zack asked. He had to practically force himself to say the words, but there they
were.
"What about him?"
"He knows, right? Why you went to see the doctor?"
"Of course he knows. You don't go to just anybody when you're pregnant, Zack. You need someone in
obstetrics."
Zack frowned. He'd known that. But he just couldn't figure this thing out. Logan didn't seem like the
type to disown his offspring. Zack hadn't really believed that the man would ever let Max walk away from
him, much to less to let her walk away with their child. And now he was getting her a doctor and then just
turning her loose?
"And he's okay with you leaving?" Zack asked.
Max shifted, uncomfortable. "Okay" was probably too strong a word. After Logan's initial reaction to
learning about Max's pregnancy he'd done the unexpected, noble thing to do. He'd asked her to marry
him. Can you imagine? Max hadn't known what to think about that. Except that it was the sweetest and
most awful thing anyone had ever done for her. Of course, she couldn't accept his offer. Not when she
hadn't even told Zack about the baby yet, or about her feelings. And not when she cared about Logan as
she did, and wanted so much more for him than another marriage to someone who couldn't love him the
way he deserved.
"It wasn't his choice to make," Max finally said, aiming at nonchalance with a one-shouldered shrug.
"Not his…"
Zack pondered those words a moment. He was hardly the definitive source on proper etiquette. But he was
pretty sure that most people considered it decidedly improper to skip town with someone's baby, claiming
it wasn't that person's "choice to make." Then again…it was Max's baby, too. She was carrying it in her
body. But still…
"Don't you think he has the right to take some responsibility for this?" Zack asked.
Didn't she think Logan…
Max frowned. What about Zack's taking some responsibility for this?
"How about you taking some responsibility for this?" she demanded aloud.
"Me?"
"Yes *you*." Max stood up. "What did Logan have to do with this?"
Zack blinked. "Max…"
"Forget this!"
Max saw red. She didn't need this right now. She couldn't deal with it. And she couldn't risk the baby by
kicking Zack's ass. But she'd be damned if she was just gonna sit around this room letting Zack try to
blame shift. This was a baby they were talking about. It shouldn't be about blame in the first place.
Zack didn't know why Max was so angry at him. It was Logan she should be pissed at. They should both
be in Seattle right now, kicking miracle boy's ass. But he was sorry if he upset her. She didn't need that
now. He didn't want to upset her.
But at the moment, Max didn't want to hear it. "Max, I just…" Zack broke off in mid-sentence when Max
reached the door and grabbed her bag. She threw it at him, and it hit him in the chest.
"Fine. You can't deal with this? Then don't. Who says we needed you anyway?"
"Max!"
Max yanked open the door and glared back at him.
"Well, are you coming or not?" she asked.
Zack shook his head. With Max he never knew whether he was coming or going. Or where he was going,
for that mater.
"Where?"
"To Seattle, of course. That's what you wanted, right?" Max practically spit the words. Then she slammed
the door behind her.
To Seattle.
Zack stood there for a moment before he followed her. That was what he'd wanted, right? Well, no. It's
what he'd thought was the right thing to do. He drew himself up as he left the motel room. And if it hurt
more than it should that Max had decided to listen to him…well that was Zack's own damned fault.
