Fathers And Sons
by NightsDawne


Chapter 2: Breaking the News

Dear Squall,
I know I probably should have done this in person. It's really the sort of thing that should be done face-to-face, I know that. I thought this way, though, you could have a chance to react the way you want to and not have to worry about me seeing. You know, come to terms with it. Of course, I'm eager to get together and spend some time with you getting things sorted out and on the right track between us as soon as you're ready for it. What I'm saying is, it's not because I don't want to see you that I'm doing this in a letter. I really thought about it before I did this.

Thinking? That would be a first for Laguna. Squall sighed. Why didn't he just get on with the point? It was hard to believe this guy had ever written articles that actually got published.

Anyway, I guess you want me to get to the point already. It's something I only learned recently. I guess Ellone wasn't sure how either of us would take it and we were busy getting our own relationship sorted out now that we're back together again. Hard to believe I missed out on so much of her growing up, but now it seems like nothing compared to what else I've missed.

The point, Laguna, thought Squall. The point.

You remember how I left home right after Raine and I got married. I t was supposed to be only temporary, of course. A travel journalist can't really get their job done if they stay home all the time. That whole incident with being arrested as a spy in Esthar just took such a big toll on my plans. I had no idea Raine had died until Ellone found me again.

I know your history, airhead. I went through it in your brain.

Still, I guess you don't need to read all this. After all, you were there in a way, right? Ha ha. So, anyhow, it was a shock to find out about my wife. I'd loved her so much and I never got a chance to say goodbye until she'd been in the ground almost eighteen years. I had a hard time dealing with my emotions over it all. I was mourning the love of my life. I guess that's another reason why Ellone waited.

Get on with it before I start crying for you. Not.

Yesterday I finally worked up the courage to ask Ellone how her mother had died. I wasn't prepared at all for her answer. Raine died in childbirth. I'd never even known she was pregnant when I left. I guess it was too early. Of course I asked what happened to our child. Ellone told me they'd gone to the orphanage together, her and her half-brother, my son.

What? One of the orphans was Laguna's son? It had to be Irvine. He was nearly as much of an airhead as the president sometimes.

That's part of what makes it so wierd that you were the one who she sent back to my past. You know more about me than I know about you, even though I'm your father.

Squall stopped and reread that again. It still said 'I'm your father.' No. No possible way. Ellone was mistaken, she had to be. She was only four years old when she went to the orphanage, she'd just gotten confused over which one was her brother because she spent all of her time with Squall since he was a baby. There was no way that Squall was even related to Laguna Loire, much less his son.

Hard to believe, right? You're my son. It all makes sense now, though. You have your mother's eyes, and you're quiet and introspective just like she was, too. I can't believe that I'm a father. Well, biologically, I mean. I was Ellone's step-father and I knew that all along. I wish I'd known about you. I wish a lot of things, that I'd never gone on that stupid trip, that I'd never been imprisoned, then locked away behind Esthar's shield for all those years. I wish I could have raised you. I don't know if there's any way I can make up for the past, but I want to try, Squall. Please call me.
Your dad,
Laguna

Squall dropped the letter on the desk, leaning back in his chair. No, this was just impossible. They could get a blood test, prove that he wasn't Laguna's son. He didn't know who his father was, but it sure as hell wasn't some halfwit klutz. His father was either dead or just plain never cared that he had a son, leaving Squall to grow up on his own, his only family the other kids at the orphanage and the orphanage's matron, Edea, caring and maternal but with her hands full with seven wild children to raise, then later, a halfway father figure in Cid, but again shared, that time with hundreds of students at the Garden.

He was used to being alone in the world. It wasn't until a few months ago that he even started having friends. Not until after he met Irvine, really. The outgoing sharpshooter had given him his first taste of trusting someone else, of opening up and talking. Irvine and Selphie had instigated his first date with Rinoa, and soon he knew what love was. He had his circle of friends, that was plenty. He didn't need someone stepping in after he was all grown up and trying to be a parent he'd never had. He dropped his head on the desk and closed his eyes, wishing his headache would go away.

"I'm glad you decided to do this, Squall." Laguna was beaming ear to ear.

"...Whatever." Squall looked around. The circus? He hated the circus. What were they doing here?

"I brought you a present."

Squall dropped his eyes to the object Laguna was holding out. "... A teddy bear?"

Laguna scratched his hair. "Yeah, well.. I knew the booties wouldn't fit you."

"...Whatever."

"So you want anything before the show starts? Cotton candy? Popcorn?"

Squall turned away, tucking the teddy bear under his arm sullenly. What an idiot. "I'm fine. I hate cotton candy."

"Now see, there's another thing I didn't know about you." Squall stiffened as Laguna draped a paternal arm over his shoulders. "It's going to be so much fun having you for my little boy!"

"Don't touch me." Squall extracted himself from Laguna's embrace and headed to the stands, sinking down in a seat. God, this was so humiliating. He watched the girls doing horseback tricks on the sawdust floor below. Something blue waved itself in front of his nose.

"Look, son! It's a balloon gunblade! Looks just like yours, doesn't it?" Laguna plopped down next to Squall.

Squall pushed the balloon away, refusing to look at the man next to him. He kept his eyes focused on the clowns. One of them suddenly hopped on one foot, grabbing his calf and wincing, then tripped over the miniature car they'd all piled out of. The clown turned to the stands, looking directly at Squall. He had long black hair and a cheerful grin painted on his face. He looked... just like Laguna. He threw a pie, hitting Squall right in the face.

"Squall? Hey, buddy, wake up. You're havin' a nightmare."

Squall picked his head up off the desk to find Irvine holding his shoulder, looking at him anxiously. "..What?"

"I dunno. Came in and found ya asleep. You were mumblin' somethin' 'bout clowns."

Squall cleared his throat quickly, flipping his hair out of his eyes. "Must have been dreaming about you."

Irvine laughed, dropping down to sprawl on one of the leather chairs across from Squall's desk. "Well, I know I'm a popular dream feature, but it's usually with girls."

"Shut up. What do you want?" Squall picked up a manilla folder, trying to look like he was busy.

"Just wanted ta make sure you were alright, that's all."

"Rinoa sent you in here, didn't she."

Irvine tipped his hat back, dangling one long leg over the arm of the chair. "Well, she's worried 'bout you, but I came in on my own. You okay, buddy?"

"I'm fine."

Irvine tilted his head. "Uh huh. That wasn't one of your 'I'm fine but I really ain't, I'm just tryna get out of talkin' to anyone' kinda I'm fines, was it?"

"I'm fine."

Irvine sat up, leaning forward and resting his weight on his elbows on Squall's desk. "Okay, it's for certain now. What's wrong, Squall? You ain't that mad about Seif, are ya? You two always been at each other."

"It has nothing to do with Seif."

"Well now you're at least admittin' somethin's got ya upset."

Squall sighed, putting the folder down. He could try to keep this up all afternoon but he knew Irvine wouldn't leave him alone until he talked to him. He slid the letter across the desk. "Read that."

Irvine chewed on his lip for a moment. "Ain't right ta read someone else's mail, Squall."

"I'm giving you permission."

Irvine pushed the letter back. "How about you just tell me what it says?"

"... Just read it yourself."

Irvine took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then picked up the paper, leaning back in the seat and frowning at it. Squall tilted his head, watching Irvine's lips moving silently, a look of frustration growing on the cowboy's features. Squall furrowed his brow. It wasn't that long of a letter. "Having a problem?"

Irvine looked up. "Handwritin's kinda hard ta make out."

Squall rolled his eyes and took the letter back. "Laguna says I'm his son, alright?"

"... Laguna Loire?"

"Yes, Laguna Loire." Squall frowned. "Don't tell anyone, alright? It's a mistake. A blood test will get it all sorted out and I don't want to put up with any jokes about it."

"I ain't gonna joke about it." Irvine chewed the side of his thumbnail. "What if it's true?"

"It's not. Look, his son got sent to the orphanage with Ellone. She was only four when she got there, she just got mixed up about which one of us was her half-brother." Squall ran his hand through his hair. "Of any of us, I'm betting it's you."

"It ain't. Not that havin' Laguna for a dad wouldn't be cool, but.. it ain't me." Irvine looked away, unable to hide a look of pained anger.

Squall furrowed his brow a bit. "Are you alright?"

"I'm the one who always gets ta ask you that. Ain't no fair ta turn tables."

"You're my best friend, Irvine. I don't usually have to ask you, you're always fine." Squall rested his cheek on his hand, not saying anything about the no smoking rule in his office as Irvine lit up a cigarrette. "... I thought I was the one who was supposed to clam up all the time."

Irvine shrugged a bit. "Sorry. I just.. We were talkin' 'bout your problems."

"I don't have a problem. It's just a big screw-up."

"And what if it ain't?" Irvine looked up at Squall. "What if you got a dad? One that wanted ya but he just didn't know. Couldn't even get to ya. Not one that knew all along and just shoved ya off like trash."

"I don't want Laguna Loire for a father. I don't need a father. I'm eighteen." Squall paused, his eyebrows knitting. "What do you mean, knew all along and just shoved you off like trash?" Irvine looked away again. Squall got up out of his chair and walked around the desk, sitting on the edge of it next to his best friend. Irvine was usually talkative. Squall would only have to get as far as hello and Irvine would take over, keeping up both ends of the conversation. "Irvine?"

Irvine took a long drag off the cigarrette, then knocked the ash off into his palm, not looking up at Squall. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft, quiet, more distant than the SeeD commander had ever heard. "I got a father, too. Remember when I left? Right before the Red SeeD thing?"

"Yeah."

Irvine took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It was 'cause I found out. He told me."

"Who told you, Irvine? Told you what?"

Irvine dropped his head, his face vanishing behind the brim of his hat. "Cid told me he's my father."

Squall sat back, his shoulders sagging a bit as he worked through this bit of information. Irvine just continued to smoke in silence. Cid had married Edea while they were all still at the orphanage, then started the Gardens, the couple seperating to run different campuses. Squall and Seifer, two of the three orphans left at the time, had accompanied Cid to Balamb. Irvine hadn't. Squall didn't remember any of it, not clearly, but he knew that Irvine had grown up in one of the other two Gardens, the ones run by Cid's army friends. Galbadia Garden was the largest of them, but Irvine and Martine, the strict military man who was headmaster, had never gotten along. Irvine had told him about the constant dressings down he recieved, about being flunked out and told he was an idiot and worthless. They'd never said the word, either of them, but Squall always thought of it as emotional abuse, marvelling that Irvine could be as carefree as he was after all he'd taken from Martine. It had been a miserable childhood compared to that Squall had had, encouraged to do what he dreamed of doing by the gentle Cid.

He chewed his lip, trying to figure out why Cid would take him and Seifer but not his own son. He didn't have doubts about the truth of the relationship. They all knew that Irvine was Cid's favorite of the orphans even though the headmaster tried hard not to hold any one of them higher than the others. They even had the same unusual coloring, blue-violet eyes and reddish brown hair. What he couldn't understand was how Cid could knowingly send his own child away to grow up hundreds of miles from him, raised by someone else. No wonder Irvine was hurt and angry. "I.. I'm sorry, Irvine. I didn't know."

Irvine shrugged, giving Squall a half-smile. "Nobody did, huh? Well, Seif and Quisty, they know. Cid and Matron, they knew." He stubbed out his butt on the heel of his boot and leaned over to dump it ant the ashes in Squall's trashcan. "So anyway, what you gonna do if you're really Laguna's son?"

Squall rubbed his temple. That again. "Irvine?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"You know all the bars. I want to go somewhere and have something that tastes like shit and kills braincells."