by NightsDawne
[Argh, the trauma of writer's block. Yes, it's taking a while to get this one done, but it will be done! BTW, those who don't mind slash, there's a shounen-ai story I'm writing right now as well that may turn into another saga if I get enough readers of it. Check out The Chaos Connection and tell me what you think, please? Okay, end of shameless begging.]
[Contest! Since my reviewers are such accomplished writers themselves, I'm going to have you compete to write Cowboy Saga 5. Pretty much everyone is paired up except poor Zelly. CS5 will be his lucky break, thanks to one of you. You have until Jan 13, 2002 to write a pairing (straight only for Cowboy Saga, please) for Zell with either an unattached game character or an original character. (Note: Current pairings are Irvine/Quistis, Seifer/Selphie, Squall/Rinoa, and as I'm sure most of you have guessed, Nida/Ellone is coming up. Please don't break up the couples so far.) Rating and genre is up to you. Please notify me of your entries by leaving a message in the reviews for Fathers And Sons (log in so I can jump over and check it out easily, please) and put 'Cowboy Saga 5 Entry' somewhere in your summary. You don't have to have previously reviewed any of the Cowboy Saga to enter, although I hope you'll read all of it so far so you know where we've gone before. You have my full permission to use any original characters/plot points in the Cowboy Saga for your story. The winner will be notified by email and in their story review (I promise to review all entries) on Jan 14, 2002 and their story will be added in the Cowboy Saga list with credit to the author. Since it will be part of the saga, I will need permission to use any original characters and the storyline for reference in future stories, which the winner can send to me in an email. And what's the prize? The winner, in addition to their story being included in the Cowboy Saga, will receive a story of no less than 3,000 words written by me and dedicated to them on their choice of prequel characters: Cid, Edea, Laguna, Kiros, Ward, Raine, Ellone, Julia, Caraway, or Martine. Multiple character requests will be honored, i.e., you can request a story with both Cid and Edea, or Cid and Martine, or Laguna's whole group, or Laguna, Raine, and Ellone, or any other combination you wish, no matter the logic behind it. Odd combinations add to the challenge, hint hint. You can also choose the genres and whether you want it to be straight or slash. The story will be published no later than February 14, 2002. I'm really looking forward to what you guys come up with! Good luck to everyone except those who, like a certain blond bad boy, don't need it.]
Chapter 9: Forced To Feel
Quistis dumped yet another empty ammunition box in the trash. "Have you cleaned your room once since you moved in?!"
Irvine stopped strumming his guitar, looking over from his bed. "Only been in this room two months, darlin'."
Quistis shook her head, tossing laundry into a basket. "You'll kill yourself trying to get around this pigsty with crutches. Ew!" She peeled a half eaten sandwich from a pair of jeans and shot a look to Irvine.
"Was wonderin' where that went. I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"I wasn't planning on it." Quistis dropped it from arm's length into the trash, which was in danger of overfilling from empty soda cans, fast food and snack wrappers, and more ammunition boxes than she cared to count. "How can you live this way?"
"Practice, darlin', practice." Irvine played a little riff and gave her a grin. "Least it's not Zell's room. Can ya imagine the reek of moldy hot dogs?"
Quistis put her hand on her hip. "Zell would eat anything before it had a chance to mold. And he's not a slob."
Irvine tipped his hat back. "I make up for it in bein' cute, though."
Quistis knocked the hat down over his eyes before picking up the laundry basket. "Barely. I'm going to have to teach you the joys of disinfectant. I'll be back in a few minutes."
Zell laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back in Squall's leather chair, kicking his feet up on the desk. "C'mon, c'mon, need some action! How can Squall stand just sitting around like this?" He looked at the phone, which was silent, down to the cell phone on his belt, silent, then at the fax, which was likewise inactive, then at the computer screen, which refused to announce any new mail. "SOMETHING HAPPEN! I'M IN COMMAND! IT'S OKAY TO HAVE A CRISIS!"
He dropped his feet down and hopped out of the chair, then bounced around to the open space in front of it to practice some kicks and punches with an imaginary foe. "Heel drop.. punch rush.. mach kick.. booya.. burning rave.. DEAD MEAT! HA!"
"Have to get you a flyswatter, chickenwuss. It's a lot easier that way."
Zell spun around to find Seifer striding into his.. er.. Squall's office. "Oh, hey, Seifer. I was just, um, y'know, keeping in shape." Zell skipped lightly on his feet, throwing another punch at the air. "What do you want?"
Seifer leaned over the desk to check the email. "Nothing going on. Where's the cell phone?"
"What do you need the cell phone for? It's for official command business only. Go use your own cell phone." Zell crossed his arms.
Seifer straightened, fixing a piercing gaze on the short martial artist. "Because I'm not going to sit around in an office all day just to play back-up commander. Give me the damn phone."
"WHAT?!" Zell stepped back, clenching his fists in shock. "I'm the back-up commander! Quistis is an instructor and that means I have seniority among the active SeeDs!"
"You're a part-time instructor. You've got a class to teach, don't you?" Seifer ignored Zell's stance and reached over to lift the phone from his belt. "Squall named me."
"WHAT?!" Zell made a grab for the phone, which Seifer calmly held out of reach. "But I'm a captain!"
"Sorry, sir." Nida poked his head into the office. "Commander's orders. He wants Lieutenant Almasy in charge so you can take care of your combat class."
"Tch, I can do both!" insisted Zell.
"You're going to disobey orders?" Seifer smirked. "My first write-up."
Zell slumped in dejection. "It's not fair. I was handling things just fine."
"That's because nothing happened." Seifer picked up the desk phone as it rang. "Balamb Garden, Command Office."
"What is it?" Zell jumped forward, only to be held off by Seifer's hand on his chest.
"Understood. I'll fax you a standard contract. It'll cost you 10,000 gil a day, pay up front." Seifer picked up a pen, writing down the fax number. "You'll have a team on the way as soon as we receive the signed contract and the money. No problem." He hung up the phone and walked over to the fax machine to send the contract. "Prison escape. Looks like you're going to miss your class after all, Zell. You're on your way to Galbadia as soon as we get it official. You'll have two on your team."
"BOOYA!" Zell slammed his fist on the desk in his excitement.
Seifer raised an eyebrow and shook his head as he picked up the comm mic with one hand, pulling up the emailed information from the client with the other and printing it out. "Janet Gelder, Ted Holmes, report to the Command Office, Almasy out." He hung the mic back on its peg and handed Zell the print out and a map. "Don't get so hyper, chickenwuss." He looked back to the computer screen. "What's the code for the accounts?"
"Ice Knight 734." Zell paced as he read. "You know, I don't mind at all that you get to be stuck here, answering phones and pushing papers. I'm going out on a mission!"
"Don't gloat, chickenwuss. You're even less tolerable when you act that way. Mission confirmed, they paid fast." Seifer sighed, picking up the phone again as it rang. "Balamb Garden, Command Office. Let me check your contract status." He motioned for Zell to get going, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder as he typed on the keyboard, the fax machine starting up. Zell pouted as he stepped out to brief his team, wondering why all the action had to start the moment he was replaced.
Squall laid back on the hospital bed, feeling a wave of exhaustion flowing over him. He recognized it well, Ellone's gift. Anger and resentment didn't help him resist and he started to dream.
He was sitting at a desk, or rather his dream host was. He recognized the office of the president of Esthar, mentally groaning as he felt the familiar confines of Laguna's body. What is this supposed to prove?
Laguna sat back in his chair, rubbing his hand over his forehead. "I've got that feeling again."
"What feeling?" Kiros came into view, pacing the office with a cell phone to his ear and a folder in his hand.
"Faerie tickles." Laguna chuckled at the old term for their past visitations before they were aware of Ellone's gift.
"Probably your imagination. Either that or that nasty shrimp stuff they served at lunch. Yes, still holding, thank you. You are aware that I am Kiros Seagill, assistant to President Loire, right? Mmhmm, I'll hold." Kiros rolled his eyes and looked back to Laguna. "Anyway, I don't feel a thing."
Laguna scratched his hair. "I didn't have the shrimp after Ward got sick on it, remember?"
"The mushrooms weren't all that great, either. Yes, I am still holding. You know, why don't you get back to me when you've located someone who knows? I think that would be best, too. Goodbye." Kiros flipped the phone closed with a sigh. "Trying to get ahold of the Galbadian ambassador is rather like trying to find you when you've wandered off. I wonder if you two use the same maps."
"I think he just doesn't like us." Laguna frowned. "I really don't think this is the mushrooms, Kiros."
Kiros leaned on Laguna's desk. "Well, I'm sure Ellone has a reason. Will have a reason. Nothing you can do but go with it anyhow."
Laguna sighed. "You're right." He picked up a framed photo, slowly turning in his chair as he gazed at it.
Kiros watched his old friend with concern. "She's gone, Laguna. I thought going to her grave had helped you deal with it."
Laguna bit his lip as he traced the face of his wife in the photo, taken years ago, right before he left Galbadia to become a travel journalist. They had only just married, and in the photo they both held up their left hands, showing off matching bands. His wife's daughter, his stepdaughter, sat on his shoulders. A happy family, torn apart before there could be enough memories to satisfy his grief. "I know," he said quietly, "but you don't just stop loving someone, not even if you'll never see them again."
Kiros sighed softly. "I can't say I understand fully. You and Ward are about the only family I've ever had, and let's face it, it's not like I've ever wanted to marry either of you. Not that I could afford Ward's grocery bills even on my current salary. I only knew Raine for a little while, but I could tell you two had something I've never had with any of my girlfriends."
Laguna blinked. "You're still a virgin?"
Kiros rolled his eyes and slapped Laguna's head lightly with the notebook. "Here I'm trying to be sensitive and deep and you're off in airhead land again. I meant love, real love."
Laguna snickered. "I know what you meant." He sighed, still smiling, but with a hint of sorrow. "I keep thinking about what could have been."
"Bad mistake, Laguna." Kiros straightened. "Can't change the past."
"I can't help it." Laguna gazed at the face he loved. "She was so young, so beautiful. How could she have gone like that?"
"I can't tell you. You'll have to ask Ellone."
Laguna nodded, putting the photo back on his desk and standing. "Yeah, I will." He sighed and walked to the door.
"Laguna, what if the ambassador calls?"
Laguna looked back over his shoulder. "Put him on hold."
He found her in the study, going over medical books, long brown hair pulled back by a headband, curled under like her mother used to wear her hair. For a moment he saw not his stepdaughter, but Raine, his wife. He swallowed, reminding himself yet again that Raine was gone. "Ellone?"
Ellone looked up, offering a smile that only deepened the resemblance toward her mother, soft, genuine, comforting. "Hi, Dad. Everything alright? I thought you were working still."
"Taking a break." Laguna walked over to sit in the chair next to hers, folding his hands in his lap and looking down at them. "I wanted to ask you something."
Ellone closed her book, turning to give him her full attention. "Sure. What is it?"
Laguna took several deep breaths before lifting his head to look in her eyes. "How did your mother.."
Ellone laid her hand softly on Laguna's. "Die? It's alright to say the word, Dad. You'll have to sometime." She gave his hand a squeeze. "She didn't feel a thing. She was under anesthesia and simply bled to death. She just went to sleep and didn't wake up again."
"Anesthesia? For what?"
Ellone kept her eyes on his. "Cesarean section. She died giving birth to my baby brother."
The color drained from Laguna's face. "B-brother?! She.. we.. had a baby?" Laguna pulled away from her, standing and pacing as his thoughts raced. A son. There had been more to his family than just a wife and stepdaughter. The child would have to be eighteen now, no longer a child but a man. The shock was the only thing keeping him from grieving twice. The boy would have been raised an orphan, like Ellone, perhaps adopted, growing up with another father because his real one hadn't been there. "Why didn't you tell me? Is he.." He spun to look at her. "Tell me he's still alive!"
Ellone nodded. "He's alive. He's fine. I'm sorry, Dad. I wasn't sure you were ready to deal with it yet."
Laguna knelt, taking Ellone's hands in his. "Where's my son?"
Ellone swallowed, looking away for the first time. "Balamb Garden."
"He's a SeeD? Did he go to the orphanage with you? Which one, Ellone?"
"Squall," she whispered. "He doesn't know. Things didn't go the way I thought they would when I sent him back to your past. I thought he would see you the way I do, the way everyone does. See how caring and kind and loving you are."
Laguna shook, closing his eyes. Squall, with his gray eyes the same as his mother's, the only difference being the ice that shone from them rather than Raine's softness. Squall, with the quiet and introspective personality like his mother, only hardened and defensive rather than open and thoughtful. He had sometimes wondered what could have scarred the young SeeD commander so deeply that he withdrew from everyone. Now he knew, and it was his fault. He had left them and taken unfair risks, been arrested as a spy. He hadn't foreseen what would happen, but if he had known Raine was pregnant, would he still have gone? He let go of Ellone's hands, dropping his face and sobbing. Ellone slid from her chair to kneel beside him, putting her arms around him.
"I'm sorry, Dad," she whispered. "I didn't want to hurt you again."
"I lost my wife. I lost my daughter for eighteen years." Laguna brushed away tears that refused to ebb. "Now I've lost a son. I can't just let that go. I have to try. I have to do something to make up for what he went through."
"It wasn't your fault." Ellone's voice remained soft, but firm, just short of a rebuke. "It won't help anything for you to blame yourself."
"You're asking me to excuse myself for abandoning my own son?" Laguna shook his head. "I can't excuse myself for leaving you. I can't even ask you to excuse me for leaving you. There is no excuse for leaving him as well."
"I forgive you, Dad. I forgive you, do you hear me?" Ellone hugged his neck. "We can't change the past. But you can change the future. I know you have the courage to do that. And I know you have the love."
Laguna hugged her tightly, kissing her hair. I don't know my son, but I do love him. I'm his father, he thought. Even if he won't feel the same way, even if he won't want me to love him, it doesn't excuse me from trying. I failed him while he was growing up, I'll be there for him now. I'll be there forever if I have to. My son, the Lion Heart, Squall.
Squall awoke, his breath catching painfully in his chest. He rolled onto his side, burying his face in his pillow. A flood of tears that had been dammed back since he was a small boy, since the day Ellone had left him behind in the orphanage, broke free and he was helpless to stop them.
