She Won't Cry
Alanna faces a loss that she never prepared herself for.
It seemed to Alanna that she walked in an dream, an endless quest to gain the large dias in the front of the room. She knew who lay still on that slab and what she must do, but was she really here? Was this really happening? Why did she feel so numb? Where were the anguish and the sorrow? All she felt was a great gapping hole of emptiness. The King's Champion walked up the aisle slowly, ignoring the words of the whispering people around her:
"You see the pain that lies in her eyes?
But, alas, her eyes are dry.
She's strong though. She won't cry.
No, she won't cry."
It seemed that she had been walking a very long time, yet she still had not reached the dias that lay before her. Anger squeezed her heart painfully suddenly. How could he leave her? He had been her anchor for so long, and now that he was gone her rage and grief ran unchecked, threatening to drive her mad. Heads turned as she pasted them, muttering moths concealed behind hands and napkins:
"You see the anger that burns from her gaze?
The madness that sets her eyes ablaze?
She won't cry. You might think she would, but
No. She won't cry."
A line of mourners offered their condolences. Not that they understood. How could they? It was her duty to be brave, but how could she? How was she supposed to go on with out him? For all her travels, he had been a solid constant in her life. He had been there for more than half her life, seen all the successes and defeats, been though the tears and laughter. His death had left her reeling, and for the fist time in her life, completely lost. Remembering her duty, Alanna smiled grimily and continued down the line, she could hear them still:
"You see the fear that closes her eyes?
The calm mask she wears is but a disguise.
She won't cry, though.
No, she won't cry."
Almost to the dias now, Alanna's heart thudded painfully fast in her chest Shouldn't it be her? They had all prepared themselves for their own deaths, but not his. Never his. They hadn't even spoken in months and this is where her anger and pride got her. She hadn't even said goodby. She had loved him and always thought that she would see him again. As she marched on, she tried to shut out their voices:
"You see the hope that is finally dead?
She cannot breath, for it's her heart that's been bled.
She'll be the strong one now. She won't cry.
No, she won't cry."
Struggling to climb stairs on trembling legs, Alanna bit down hard on her lip and tasted blood. How was she to go about life after his death? She hadn't believed them when they told her. They'd been with each other for so long, their lives intertwined tighter than a braid and now she was expected to serve a boy king in place his loss? Looking down on Jonathan's face, marble white in death, she heard them whisper:
"Look now, you see her love for him?
There it is, plain now that she doesn't hide it so deep within.
She's dieing inside but she won't cry.
No, she won't cry."
Choose your battles wisely. You never know when the people you love won't be around to fight with anymore.
Alanna faces a loss that she never prepared herself for.
It seemed to Alanna that she walked in an dream, an endless quest to gain the large dias in the front of the room. She knew who lay still on that slab and what she must do, but was she really here? Was this really happening? Why did she feel so numb? Where were the anguish and the sorrow? All she felt was a great gapping hole of emptiness. The King's Champion walked up the aisle slowly, ignoring the words of the whispering people around her:
"You see the pain that lies in her eyes?
But, alas, her eyes are dry.
She's strong though. She won't cry.
No, she won't cry."
It seemed that she had been walking a very long time, yet she still had not reached the dias that lay before her. Anger squeezed her heart painfully suddenly. How could he leave her? He had been her anchor for so long, and now that he was gone her rage and grief ran unchecked, threatening to drive her mad. Heads turned as she pasted them, muttering moths concealed behind hands and napkins:
"You see the anger that burns from her gaze?
The madness that sets her eyes ablaze?
She won't cry. You might think she would, but
No. She won't cry."
A line of mourners offered their condolences. Not that they understood. How could they? It was her duty to be brave, but how could she? How was she supposed to go on with out him? For all her travels, he had been a solid constant in her life. He had been there for more than half her life, seen all the successes and defeats, been though the tears and laughter. His death had left her reeling, and for the fist time in her life, completely lost. Remembering her duty, Alanna smiled grimily and continued down the line, she could hear them still:
"You see the fear that closes her eyes?
The calm mask she wears is but a disguise.
She won't cry, though.
No, she won't cry."
Almost to the dias now, Alanna's heart thudded painfully fast in her chest Shouldn't it be her? They had all prepared themselves for their own deaths, but not his. Never his. They hadn't even spoken in months and this is where her anger and pride got her. She hadn't even said goodby. She had loved him and always thought that she would see him again. As she marched on, she tried to shut out their voices:
"You see the hope that is finally dead?
She cannot breath, for it's her heart that's been bled.
She'll be the strong one now. She won't cry.
No, she won't cry."
Struggling to climb stairs on trembling legs, Alanna bit down hard on her lip and tasted blood. How was she to go about life after his death? She hadn't believed them when they told her. They'd been with each other for so long, their lives intertwined tighter than a braid and now she was expected to serve a boy king in place his loss? Looking down on Jonathan's face, marble white in death, she heard them whisper:
"Look now, you see her love for him?
There it is, plain now that she doesn't hide it so deep within.
She's dieing inside but she won't cry.
No, she won't cry."
Choose your battles wisely. You never know when the people you love won't be around to fight with anymore.
