This chapter was typed on: Sunday, October 07, 2001
Smoldering Thoughts: Sifting through the memories 15/?Murdock's Crazylady, Now Susie and Red also, with imput by Lacy, Flight, Nikie
(With Red, CK, MCL, Susie, Nikie, Lacy, Dixie, Jesse, Tish, Sky, Fanny, Flight, Fancy
R (Major charecter death in this one)
MCL tries to get out of her life contract, but will mom allow it?
Warning: Strong Language, 3 suicide attempts, major charecter death
Disclaimer: I don't own the team. I do own CrazyKid and Melly
© 2001 Murdock's CrazyLady (MCL)
PLEASE send comments.
This is the sequel to Melly and CrazyKid: The 2 youngest patients/Terrors
*anything in between these are thoughts*
No Other Way Out
Red sat, shocked.
*I knew MCL had nightmares, and seemed upset over her father's death, but I never thought this was why.*
"Why would she kill? What did they DO to her?" Red asked herself as Susie popped in.
"Hey, what's wrong? You look like you've just seen a ghost." Susie asked as she came over and sat down.
"No..I've seen memories..MCL's memories." Red replied, and Susie looked concerned.
"Bad?" Susie asked.
"Yes. MCL remembers why she was put here." Red replied, and Susie nodded.
"What? Arson? beatings? stealing?" Susie went down the list of most-probably's.
"No..I mean maybe, maybe that's what made her do it." Red replied, still shocked.
"What then?" Susie asked, getting nervous. Red swallowed, looking Susie in the eye.
"She killed her parents." Red replied and Susie gasped.
"Oh my Goddess..Why?" Susie asked, shocked and horrified at once.
"I don't know..not yet." Red replied, and Susie shook her head. Real Life sucked balls.
*********
MCL ran outside, yelling at someone, swinging at them as she got to the meadow and climbed her favorite tree. She went as high as she could, her memories were coming back even more now, and she couldn't risk hurting anyone, especially Red or Susie, cos they'd tried to love her and be the mom and aunt she never had. They'd never beat her or watched while someone else did either, and she wasn't about to harm them. NO WAY.
She reached into her hood's front pocket and pulled out a bottle. "These will make it stop..he'll go away...she'll go away..I'll be free..I won't hurt..I won't kill.." MCL said as she looked at the label of the pills she'd stolen. She twisted the child proof lid and opened it, dumping the blue pills into her hand.
***********
"No!" Red suddenly yelled, standing up, throwing her chair backwards. "No MCL..no..that's not the way..Susie, stay with CK, I have to go stop MCL!" Red yelled as she flew out of the window. "No MCL, listen to Red, don't do it.." Susie said as she picked up her sister's chair. She was worried, about both of them. "All of this worrying is going to give me wrinkles.." Susie mumbled, as she sat back down.
Red flew to the meadow and followed the emotions she felt, right to the very tree MCL was perched in. MCL sat, staring at the pills that lay in her palm when she hovered over, and MCL looked up and saw her, closing the pills in her hand. "Don't try an stop me, Red! I'm going to sleep..I'm going!" MCL said, swallowing one of the pills. Red just hovered over her, with her arms crossed.
"Stay away from me! I'll kill you and all the rest a ya!" MCL yelled, swallowing a second pill. Red knew MCL would fall asleep pretty quick from the size of the pills she was taking, and was trying to keep her occupied until they kicked in. "You'd never be able to, child. Remember, I have the power to heal and bring back the dead." Red replied. "I'll..I'll Just..Kill you first!" MCL yelled, as the pills she took began their job.
Red kept a close eye on her, so when she did fall asleep, she could prevent her from falling from the tree. MCL popped 4 more pills, making it 6 she'd downed. Red finally snapped her fingers and the pills and the bottle disappeared from MCL's hand. MCL looked shocked and sleepy at her empty hand..Red flew over and grabbed her seconds later, as her eyes rolled back into her head and she was out.
Holding MCL close, Red rushed her to Hawkeye. Hawkeye exaimined the bottle and then MCL, telling Red that the pills were stolen from Face's room earlier that day. Hawkeye pumped MCL's stomach and said she would be asleep for at least 14 hours. Red thanked him and took MCL back to the attic, where she changed her into her orange and red chinese pajamas, and tucked her into bed.
*****
14 hours of worry later, MCL woke up in her bed. She saw mom beside her and swallowed, she felt like she'd been throwing up for hours. "Hi..Mom." MCL said, and Red looked over, not noticing she'd woke up. "Hi honey." Red said, as MCL slowly sat up. She remembered the tree, the pills, and threatening mom, but nothing after that. Red watched as MCL suddenly got up from the bed and began taking her pajamas off. "What are you doing?" Red asked, confused.
"He never hit with your clothes on, cos you didn't feel it then." MCL replied, and Red put MCL's shirt back over her head. "An iffin you cry, you get it worse..so don't worry, I don't cry." MCL said in a whisper, and Red realized what she was talking about. Red nodded, and MCL just stood there, waiting to be hit. Red couldn't stand it. She pulled MCL over to her and hugged her. MCL opened her eyes and looked shocked.
"You didn't hit me." MCL said, shock in her voice. "That's because you didn't do anything to get hit for." Red said, and MCL just stared. "Listen. My rules are totally different than the ones you had at home. IF you do do something bad enough for me to spank you, then I will. But, not before you know why." Red said and MCL nodded, as she climbed up onto her bed.
"I couldn't care less if you did cry, or even yell. You don't have to be afraid to cry, honey. I've never spanked any of you, but I heard from Hannibal that CK yells, so there's nothing wrong with that. Oh, and don't strip, that's not how things are done, okay?" Red said, and MCL listened, as she looked up.
"I killed them..I didn't know what else to do..my dad was a cop, an he always said he could do whatever he wanted to me cos nobody would think he did it, that no one would ever believe me..He said he would bury my body in the woods, he even showed me where...He touched me...did things to me..I cried one day and he was hitting me..I grabbed his gun and..and.." MCL said, and Red moved over and held her.
"I shot him..There was a hole in his head..and blood..blood everywhere, all over me.." MCL sais as she stared, remembering. "He hurt me..he put his hands where I didn't like it..he hit me and I killed him..mom, I killed him.." MCL said, burying her face in her mom's shoulder. MCL wasn't crying, but was talking real fast and shaking all over. "Shh...You're okay now. No one's going to hurt you anymore. He didn't have any right to hit you, to touch you or to tell you you weren't allowed to cry." Red said, trying to keep herself calm, squeezing MCL.
"I dinnit mean it mom..honest..I dinnit..I could never hurt you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I love you mom, I love you!" MCL said, not letting go, still no tears fell. Red kissed her, "I love you too, I know you didn't." Red replied as she made MCL let go and lay down. "What you told me is our secret. Okay? I won't tell anyone." Red said as MCL lay there, holding Red's hand against her hot face. MCL nodded.
"Now. I want you to calm down and get some rest." Red said, covering MCL, handing over a stuffed horse. "Oh-okay mom..But, don't go, please?" MCL asked, looking afraid as she held Red's hand captive. Red smiled as she bent down and kissed MCL on the forehead, gently taking her hand. "I'll be right here in the attic. You just lay there and get some rest." Red replied and MCL looked at her. MCL sighed and rolled over, going to sleep. Red smiled and left quietly.
At times like now, Red was glad her kids were almost all still young enough to be made take naps. MCL had never told anyone of her past, and since no one was awake but herself, and MCL, Red was the only person who knew. She was covering Fanny when she heard crying and followed it to MCL's bed. She was utterly shocked, she'd never heard MCL cry. "Honey? You okay? Why are you crying?" Red asked, MCL looked up at her, crying for the first time in 8 years. Red sat beside her, relieved to see her crying, but worried too, not knowing why. "I..don't..I don't know." MCL said, and Red smiled, hugging her.
"I was just checking. Go ahead and cry, you're not bothering me." Red said as she got a nod and walked away. MCL rolled back over and buried herself under her blankets, until she was in the very middle of her bed. 20 minutes of crying knocked her out, and Red noticed she was finally quiet, and went to check on her. Afraid she'd suffocate, Red pulled back the Dragonball Z comforter and gently picked MCL up, putting her back up on her pillow.
"Don't you worry sweetheart. You don't have to hide now." Red said, as she bent down and kissed her sleeping daughter on the forehead. MCL slept, yet sensed she was safe and smiled a little. Red noticed as she walked quietly away, smiling to herself.
**********
"MOMMY!!" Red sighed as she walked out of MCL's room. She went into the family room and looked up at the cocoon. "What honey?" Red asked. "Oh. Me fought you goed bye bye an me was a 'scared." CK said, sniffing. Red smiled as she flew up and looked at CK. CK had 4 of her fingers in her mouth, and looked like she was going to cry.
"Duh, I'm right here, ha duh." She said, turning her head sideways, making a really goofy face. CK busted out laughing and Red laughed too. Mom had a remedy for everything. "Oh I see how you are. You think it's funny when your mommy makes a complete idiot of herself." Red said, laughing. CK continued to laugh, her fears gone. "Yes..C-Tay..Do!" CK replied, laughing and pointing.
"Oh yeah?" Red asked, laughing.
"Yep!" CK replied, laughing.
"Okay, that does it!" Red said, climbing into the cocoon.
CK watched and laughed at her.
"I'll teach you to laugh at us goofballs!" Red said, laughing while she tickled
CK. CK laughed and giggled, trying to tickle back.
"Uh huh, see? That's what I thought! Have some of this, you!" Red said over CK's loud laughing as she tickled CK under the neck and then under her arm. Red couldn't help but laugh when CK's baby giggles and laughs grew louder, and she kept trying to tickle her back.
"Mommy!" CK said, laughing.
"What?" Red asked, as she stopped tickling.
"Mommy win dis one, C-Tay get you backed yater, C-Tay gots ta pee pee!" CK said, and Red laughed.
"Rematch later!" Red replied as CK flew down and ran to the attic door.
"Hewo auntie..bye bye auntie." CK said as she ran by Susie.
Susie smiled back at her and closed the door.
"Hi sis...Tickle wars again?" Susie asked. Red fixed her hair and nodded.
"Yep. And I have only just begun to tickle!" Red said and Susie smiled, shaking her head.
"Sis, you're starting to worry me." Susie said jokingly.
"Only just starting to?" Red asked as she flew down from the cocoon.
Susie grinned and was abou to say something when a yell cut her off.
"NO!" A sudden scream made Susie jump. MCL ran out of bed and huddled in the corner, shaking. Red, followed by Susie, ran in and saw her, as Susie looked too, confused. Red nodded at Susie for her to stay where she was and went over to MCL. "Honey? You okay?" Red asked and MCL nodded, wide eyed. "Bathroom..I need to..Bathroom!" MCL said and Red nodded. MCL got up and ran out of the attic.
"Sis? What's wrong with her?" Susie asked after MCL had gone. "I can't say, I promised I wouldn't, but let's just say it's not good." Red replied, remembering CK's absence. She was about to mentally check on her when she heard the front door close, followed by the sound of little feet running in. "Mommy! C-Tay backed!" CK yelled as she came in. "Mommy? Where am you?" CK yelled and Red and Susie came in. CK saw them and her eyes lit up. "Right here honey. Did you see MCL when you came back?" Red asked as CK hugged her legs.
"No C-Tay not seed MCL mommy. Why come? Her in big Scooby doo doo?" CK looked up and replied. Red smiled at her an nodded no. "No, not yet. But if she's trying what I think she's trying, she's not going to get very far. MCL's just scared, CK." Red replied, and CK nodded 'Oh'. She knew about nightmares and night terrors too...she had lots of them.
"Poor sissy." CK said, leaning her head against Red's legs. Red put her hand on CK's head. CK found herself in her mom's arms a few minutes later. Red knew CK was worried now, and refused to let her be afraid alone. She'd been trying it with MCL, and gotten nowhere. Now she had to try harder, and make MCL see this was not the way. Red kissed CK's head and waited for MCL to return.
**********
MCL ran down the halls, not caring how she left, but just so she could shut down and forget. Forget her past..forget her whole pathetic, you-were-a-mistake-and-we-hate-you life. She ran into a med cart and stared at it. She'd done her homework on drugs, and she knew which ones you could OD on, and which ones were easy to do the job. She decided what she wanted, and grabbed a needle and a small vile of clear liquid. She dropped the needle and bottle into her pocket and ran again, before anyone knew she'd even stolen it.
MCL ran into an empty room and left the room itself dark, but flipped the closet light switch before she climbed inside and closed the door. MCL sat down and caught her breath. Then she reached into her hood's pocket and pulled out the stuff she'd taken. "I'm leavin here..I'm goin..then you'll leave me alone..you'll finally let me alone!" MCL said, as she took the new needle from it's package.
Red's senses kicked like a mule, and showed her MCL's latest threat on her own life. "Not again! CK, stay with Susie, I have to get to MCL." Red said, handing CK over to her aunt. CK barely got out a nod out as her mom teleported out. Red picked up MCL's emotions as she filled the syringe the whole way up. Red needed a better feel, and stopped a second. She found MCL's life source and pin pointed where she was. "Don't you.." Red said as she disappeared, seeing MCL holding the needle over her head....
"Dare!!" Red finished, as she reappeared, grabbing the needle from MCL's shocked hand. She then grabbed MCL's hand and hauled her out of the closet. "Let go! LET GO!" MCL yelled, yanking away. Red squeezed her hand. "NO I will not let go! You're not ending your existance now or ever, do you understand? I won't allow it." Red said and MCL still fought.
"I wanna die! Dontacha get it? I don't wanna be alive no more!!" MCL screamed at Red, trying to tear her arm off to get away. Red turned and glared. "I don't care what you want, MCL. I'm not letting you give up that easily, Stop fighting me or I'll carry you back." Red said, and MCL glared back.
"I will do it..I will! I'll never stop until I do, and one of these times you'll be too slow an I'll leave here an you won't be able ta stop me! LET ME GO!!" MCL screamed, pulling harder. Red turned back to MCL and lost all her holding back, slapping MCL's face. MCL stopped screaming and yanking, and looked as shocked as Red did, as she held her cheek.
Red gasped, not believing she'd just done that. She squatted down to MCL, whom was still looking stunned. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.." Red apologized to the shocked kid. MCL just held her cheek and stared. "You..you..smacked..me.." MCL stammered. "I know MCL, and I'm sorry." Red replied, noticing MCL now had tears in her eyes. MCL was fighting her emotions, and was refusing to cry again. Red felt so guilty now, and hugged MCL. MCL lay on her shoulder, and suddenly began to cry. She'd lost the hold on her barrier that held her tears at bay..and they were free to fall.
Red was alittle surprised that she heard MCL start to cry, but patted her and picked her up as she stood back up. She sat down on the bed in the empty room and held MCL. MCL just say there and cried, while her mom let her go. Red sensed fear and anger, along with 85 tons of remorse for what MCL had been trying to do to herself, and all came from the child herself. Red was very sorry she'd hit MCL, and now she'd have to live with it, but at least MCL was alive...
She let MCL cry, knowing she needed it, and just waited patiently for her to stop on her own. "I'm taking us back to the attic." Red whispered, and MCL slightly nodded. Red closed her eyes and teleported them back to the attic, where CK and Susie watched quietly as she carried the still crying MCL to her bed. Red sat MCL down on her bed and watched her, while CK stood in the doorway, stunned. She'd never seen MCL cry before. Red knew CK was there, even though she had her back to her. "Go play, CK. MCL's fine." Red said, and CK jumped, doing what she was told. She'd never get used to her mom being able to do that!
"Mom?" MCL sniffed. Red looked over,"Yeah?" She asked. MCL looked down. "I..I'm sorry again..my dream..it..when I have em, or I talk bout it, I get really scared and just wanna..I just..want to..die." MCL said, pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and hugged them. Red sighed.
"You can't try to kill yourself everytime you have a nightmare, or a memory, MCL. We all have things that we want to forget, and even though we can't forget it, we can't end it all and let our memories and fears win, now can we?" Red explained, and MCL shook her head no.
"Am I in trouble?" MCL looked up at her mom and asked. "No. And I am very sorry I slapped you. I didn't mean to, I don't know where it came from." Red apologized, and MCL sniffed. "I prob'ly deserved it, scarin ya like that. It's okay, I don't hate you, mom." MCL replied, and Red smiled, hugging her. "I'm going to talk to Susie, if you need me, just gimme a yell, okay?" Red said. MCL nodded and watched as her mom left the room. Red walked away and CK came in. She walked over to MCL and stared at her.
"Why're you starin at me?" MCL looked at CK and asked.
"Did mommy pank you?" CK asked, climbing up on the bed.
"No she didn't. Why?" MCL asked.
"C-Tay neber seed you cwy afore. Me tink dat the only way you'd ebber cwy." CK replied, and MCL looked away. Red knew CK was bothering MCL, and stood up from the table, nodding for Susie to watch this. Susie nodded okay and watched.
"CRAZY KID MURDOCK!!" Red said in a loud voice. "WHA?!" CK jumped and fell off of the bed. "Ow." CK said, on the floor rubbing her knee. "Bring your behind out here and leave MCL alone before I spank it!" Red yelled and CK got up. When mom said her whole name and added the 'S' word, she really really really meant it. "O-Tay! C-Tay comin!" CK replied, leaving. Red snickered to Susie as CK ran by and climbed into her toybox. They both held in laughing as Red sat back down, keeping her mind's eye on both girls.
Red and Susie talked over tea, while CK found it safe to come out and play by herself. Then, Flight, Fancy, Fanny, Nikie and Tish came in, and they all went about playing army with Tish. MCL, meanwhile, thought to herself, alone in her bedroom. *I can't believe mom actually slapped me...I almost had it. one more second, and I'd be gone from this hell...she doesn't understand..* MCL said, mentally. Red could hear her, but chose to pretend not to, keeping up her conversation with Susie.
MCL got up from her bed and looked out the window. "There's gotta be a way...there's just gotta..I ain't quittin, I ain't.." MCL said aloud, but quietly. She got back up and crawled under her covers. Her new plan would have to wait until tonight.
*********
That night, Red checked on MCL 4 times before going to sleep. She knew MCL was going to try something, she just didn't know what. She lay sleeping with CK in the cocoon, her body sound asleep, but her mind wide awake.
MCL got out of bed and changed into her carpenter jeans and orange hood. She slipped on her shoes and grabbed her backpack. She hadn't slept once, and she'd known her mom had looked in on her all 4 times. She shoved a picture of herself and her mom in the backpack with Mr. Clip Clop, then crept to the window and threw out a rope, careful not to wake her sleeping sisters.
She climbed out of the window, and swallowing, climbed down the building to the ground. Once there, MCL yanked out her hat from her hood's pocket and pulled it on, the NHRA hat was one of her most prized possesions, another present from her mom. She ran out of the parkinglot, and into the woods across the street, not caring that she was headed right for the highway...
Red got up and carefully peeked into the room to see if her mind's eye had showed her correctly. She sighed when she saw that it had. MCL's bed was empty, a rope hung out of the window, and her discarded pajamas lay in the middle of the floor.
MCL was suddenly in her own little world, safe and free. The visions her mind showed her stopped her from seeing both reality and the huge headlights headed right for her, as the big tractor-trailer blew it's horn at her. She was frozen, yet she had no idea what was bound to happen. The truck slammed on it's breaks, but hit MCL moments later, throwing her head over heels into the edge of the wooded area.
A sharp, cold pain ran over Red. and she felt the impact, then as MCL lay dying of internal and head injuries she'd sustained. Not surprisingly for LA, the truck driver sped off and left MCL to die. Red zapped herself from MCL's room to the woods, where she sensed MCL, but barely. "MCL! Where are you!" Red yelled, unable to pin point her for how low her life source was.
MCL couldn't hear anything but her body giving out, and she was scared, realizing for the first time she didn't really want to die. Suddenly, MCL's breathing stopped and she lay on her belly, an open, wide-eyed stare on her bloody face. Her heart barely beating, MCL was so afraid she just wanted it all over. Then, she felt her heart stop, and flipped out when she couldn't see anymore. Her eyes went closed, and in a wave of death's hand, MCL was gone.
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TBA: To be archived
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