Arnold was bored one day. Really bored. I mean extremely bored. It was raining outside, so he couldn't go outside. And the boarders were fighting so he decided that it would be best if he stayed in his room for a while. Gerald was sick with ebola so he couldn't come over. All Arnold had was a phone line and the warm glow of his computer screen. He went online.

Now of course, Arnold uses a local dial-up connection, because AOL is for pussies. But he does use AIM because it's the only way he can contact his other friends, like SeXyChiCa69 and l33thax0r992. He surfed through some web sites, and came across www.fanfiction.net. Arnold liked to read The Abdicator fanfiction. He found out about it when Eugene started emailing him his fanfic updates every week. He began to read the fanfics out of boredom. Some writer named RedBaronNine made him vomit. That kinda sucked.

Well, Arnold was so bored that he decided "hey, I bet I could write a good fanfic!" Well, he can't. He actually doesn't watch the Abdicator that much. And he knew this! He knew it was a bad fanfic! But goddamnit he was bored! Bored you motherfuckers! So he posted it anyway, just for something to do. Then he waited.

In the matter of, uh, however the hell long it takes fanfiction.net to post new shit, Arnold started receiving reviews. "that wuz a good storie!" "omg post more plz!" Someone named dramachyk even told him that he was such a good writer that she would have sex with him. Arnold was shocked! They loved his horrible piece of shit fanfic! Nobody ever even bothered to read his good original writing! But wow! Arnold loved this new positive attention. He wrote 3 more fanfics! More good reviews! Amazing! Arnold was hooked.

Arnold couldn't afford to spend all day at his computer, writing fanfics, but that's what he ended up doing. He had his grandpa send food up to his room, and in a month, got his own fridge and microwave. Sometimes Grandpa spoon fed him while he typed on his computer, so as not to waste time. Arnold's grades started slipping, and in a few months he quit school completely. School got in the way of fanfic writing! Fuck them! Arnold will be a great fanfic writer and will receive a great job writing scripts for his favorite shows! It's destiny!

Grandpa became worried. By the age of 18, Arnold was a full-fledged alcoholic, and weighed over 200 lbs. CBS, which aired the Abdicator, never answered his calls or letters. Once his hormones set in, Arnold's fics became more and more risque, and he eventually began writing perverse NC-17 fics that he masturbated furiously to in his dirty pajamas. This saddened Helga deeply, for the love she once had for him was now lost. But we all knew she was a dyke to begin with, so she fell in love with Phoebe and they lived happily in a cozy apartment with the stereo playing Melissa Etheridge and Ani Difranco 24/7. This caused Helga's parents to disown her, even though Phoebe's parents thought it was cool. Without Arnold around to help everyone with their problems, the students of PS 118 grew up to be thugs and punks and depressed goths. Harold was sentenced to Death Row for crimes I won't even say, and the city fell apart into one big ghetto. Arnold died lonely of a heart attack at age 34.

The moral of the story is GET THE FUCK OFF FANFICTION.NET BEFORE YOU RUIN YOUR LIVES!!!111 Well actually no, I'm just bored. Like Arnold was! Oh fuck! Save me before I blaroamdaongalalaldla...