Oneness Floats About
But it was Dumbledore who threw me hardest of all. I had more than readily accepted Harry's presence in our household, but the thought that Draco would join our peculiar family never once crossed my mind. It was rather impulsive of me to accept him into our home. What else could I do? This was the son of Lucius sodding Malfoy, for god's sake. That he had nowhere else to go saddened me more than I cared to admit, even to myself. That Dumbledore asked Sirius and I of all people to take him seemed to impress upon me how dire the situation truly was. So Harry was going to have his partner live with him.
Harry falling in love took me by complete surprise. It wasn't until we were ready to go to our new home that it really sunk in. He was so young. There were too many things that he had yet to experience to have fallen in love. With DRACO MALFOY! That was becoming almost more than I could bear. Then when I saw him for the first time in three years, I saw him in a totally different light than I had previous. He was not to be merely a student to me any longer. This was, in a way, almost like meeting the future son-in-law. His appearance startled me and I was concerned for his well being. That emotion, however, was more than slightly overshadowed by my intense dislike for the boy. Or really what I had assumed the boy to be. I knew that I was being childish. But I had started something and I was prepared to uphold my position, no matter how bleeding stupid and selfish it was. I knew I fucked up pretty badly when Sirius said nothing to me at all before going to bed. He didn't even look at me.
Three days after Draco had been thrown into our lives I was forced to modify my opinion. Sirius had taken Harry to the grocery store; Draco was apparently still asleep when they set off. I was sitting at the table in the kitchen reading the Daily Prophet when I heard screams coming from the room Draco was supposed to be sleeping in. Running to see what the matter was was my first instinct. Draco was falling and I ran to catch him. The screams had turned to sobs as he fell limply into my arms. I sat on the bed, trying to get a bit of leverage.
"My goodness, what on Earth is wrong?" I asked, though I wasn't expecting a response. I figured that he was breaking down, the full reality of what had befallen him finally sinking in. To my surprise, he handed me a rumpled piece of parchment. His mother had taken her own life. "I see."
I set the letter aside and pulled him onto my lap. His fingers clutched at my robe so tightly that I was afraid holes would be where his fingers were. Trying to get him to calm down was the first thing on my mind. I smoothed his hair and rocked with him and finally the sobs started to subside.
"I liked my mother, you know." There was no end of pain in his voice as he said the words in an almost defensive manner.
Not sure how to respond, "I'm sure you did," seemed like the best thing. "I never knew her well, myself." Narcissa was in Slytherin and kept mostly to herself when we were in school together.
In a voice barely audible he said, "She's the only person in my life who ever actually liked me. Except for Harry."
He was breaking my heart. It was almost more than I could bear to sit there and listen to him tell me the things he was telling me. I was starting to feel worthless for the way I had been behaving towards him. It wasn't his fault that his family was the way it was. He was an unwitting victim of a terrible age in which the worst of the worst reigned supreme. It was not his fault that his father was the right-hand-man of the darkest, most vile creature ever to call itself a wizard.
We sat in the kitchen for a long while, drinking tea and conversing. The more he talked, the more I found I liked him. The person I thought him to be was not at all the person he truly was. I thought him to be little more than a cold cast of his father, when he was really just a little thing beaten into submission by forces he had no hope of successfully fighting by himself. As he told me of his life under Lucius's thumb, a lot of things started to come together. I understood why I thought he was a creepy little wanker when I was his teacher. He was doing what he was told to do. Had he done differently, he would -in all likelihood- not have been sitting and telling me the things he was telling me.
After excusing himself, I sat and thought very long and hard about what had taken place between us. To say that I felt like an ass would be a gross understatement. All it had taken for me to get to know the boy was to show even less than an ounce of genuine interest in him. He was not as emotionally bankrupt as I expected him to be. He was scarred, without a doubt, but not a shell of a human being.
Sirius and Harry returned shortly after Draco had gone. Harry immediately went off to see him and Sirius sat across from me.
"I'm so sorry, Sirius." That was all I could think to say to him. Although it was Draco that I had wronged most severely, I knew I had hurt him as well.
For a moment we sat and stared at each other. "What happened?"
"I... Narcissa...Oh, Sirius, I was so fucking wrong."
"What about Narcissa?" His eyes darkened. Oh, dear. I forgot about that.
Narcissa was something to Sirius that she was to no other. When we were in our sixth year at Hogwarts Sirius and Narcissa started secretly seeing each other. Sirius didn't tell us, first because he was afraid we would disapprove. As it progressed, he didn't tell us because it had gone to a level he couldn't articulately disclose. I didn't find out until much later that they were planning on getting married after graduation. It had fallen apart at the seams when Lucius disappeared with her graduation night. Sirius only gained this knowledge a few days before James and Lily.... before James and Lily were betrayed. He convinced them to change Peter to their secret keeper, for fear that when he ended his life the spell protecting their lives and the life of their son would be broken. Learning of the betrayal brought him from the brink of suicide at the last minute. He confronted Peter and the rest, as they say, is history.
"She.. er.. was informed that Draco was no longer her responsibility, and... she.. um... she took it rather hard," I tried.
Stone faced, he nodded. "Unfortunate, really." Silence. He sat there for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. I was afraid he was thinking too hard about the past. I was afraid he was resenting me.
"Sirius?"
He looked up at me, as though he just realized I was there. The expression of painful concentration vanished as quickly as it had manifested. He gave me the same loving smile he had been prone to giving me since we were eighteen. Reaching across the table and grasping my hands in his he spoke in little more than a whisper, "Remus, I love you, so very much. Don't ever think that I don't. And don't ever think that I love you less than I loved her."
"Do you mean to say..."
"It is in the past. She left me. You were the one I wanted then and you're the one that I want now. What happened between her and I only happened because I was afraid of my own nature. I love *you*. With everything I have." As though to illustrate his point, he pulled me onto his lap and gave me the deepest, most lingering kiss that has ever occurred between two people. "So, does that answer your question, then?"
I couldn't help but laugh at him. He's always had this strange ability to put my mind at ease like no one else ever could. "Yes, I should think so."
"Hmm," he said, his forehead wrinkling in that adorable fashion I've never been able to refuse, "You don't look quite convinced, yet."
"No?"
"No."
He literally dragged me up the stairs to our bedroom. Immediately after shutting the door he pulled me into his arms, lavishing kisses upon my entire face and neck before throwing me onto the bed. The force of the movement almost startled me in it's ferocity. A wicked grin spread across his face as he approached. The menacing look in his eyes told what kind of encounter this promised to become.
Stopping directly in front of me, he pulled off his tight tee shirt, revealing the extremely well-toned torso underneath. Saliva was finding its way out of the corners of my mouth as I gazed at him. Sirius is the one creature that has always been able to literally make me drool. He is the only creature that could ever satisfy my every desire.
"All right, Moony?" he teased lovingly.
At that point I was beyond coherent speech. All I could do was lick at the corners of my mouth, trying to cover up my blatant desire. As his eyes flicked over my body, I realized that there was no conceivable way I could conceal my obvious arousal. Not that I really wanted to conceal it. Exactly the opposite. As I sat I stripped myself, bringing saliva to the corners of the mouth of the man standing opposite me. This was always one of our favourite games: who could get the other most aroused before actually making contact. I was usually the first to break, but I would not give him the satisfaction this time.
Sirius was frozen in a state of shock. I was deliberately doing everything I could to drive him thoroughly mad with desire. It was a very rare occasion for me to take the initiative like that. And I did it so rarely because I knew that when I eventually took it upon myself to instigate it, Sirius would be absolutely beside himself. I suppose that it was a test on my behalf. Kind of just to see how in the past Narcissa really was. Fucked, I know, but lovers do fucked things to each other on occasion. Rest assured that he has done his fair share as well.
Laying back on the bed, I stretched out very luxuriously. He gave me no time to enjoy my victory as he dropped his trousers round his ankles and leapt onto me. I gave a startled cry, and this only seemed to give him an insane amount of pleasure, judging from the grin that was fixed on his face. He wasted no time, shoving himself inside of me almost as soon as he sat down.
It was a short session, but very intense. Sirius wrapped his arms around my chest and nuzzled his face into my hair. Times like those always remind me of all the time I spent alone and hurting without him. Twelve years he was a criminal. Twelve excruciating years without my... my mate. And to have him back in my arms, not a criminal, was more than I could bear. A few tears leaked down my cheeks and onto his. He said nothing, just kissed them away and stroked my hair.
"God, Sirius, I love you so so much, it hurts. I just can't imagine myself without you."
"You'll never have to, love."
*****
There's something a bit more cheerful for you. I'll not be so long in keeping this going from now on. Thanks for hanging in there for me. Love you!
