A/N: This is one of my ridiculous ideas. For those who hate disgusting stuff, please click 'BACK' and you're outta here.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
CHAPTER 1At the Burrow, Harry Potter re-read the letter sent by his godfather, Sirius Black and inspected the strange, scarlet package sent with the letter.
Dear Harry,
This is one of our successful mischief tools the Marauders had used at Hogwarts. I don't think I have any use of it so I thought you'd have fun using it. If you can use The Marauder's Map, you will be a master using this. Have fun!
SiriusP.S. I heard the Weasley twins are jokesters. Please make sure they use this.
"Ron, Hermione, there is something I want you to see," Harry called downstairs.
He heard ENOURMOUS stomping up the stairs and Ron stormed in.
"Yes?"
Harry, Ron and Hermione inspected the strange package. "Sirius sent this. He said it's a mischief tool," Harry said.
He soon untied the green ribbon and without warning, opened the package.
Then suddenly a blast of green gas filled Ron's room. Nobody could see through the thick gas. It smelt extremely disgusting. Harry covered his nose and squinted through the dense atmosphere to make out something. Then they heard a bang. Harry turned and saw a magical vacuum cleaner. He tapped the vacuum cleaner and the gas was sucked into it. In a few seconds the room was clear.
"Hey Harry, did you hear a bang?" Ron asked.
"Yes. What about it, Hermione? Hermione?"
They looked down. Hermione fainted *bang*.
"Let's check what's inside," Ron suggested.
Ron checked. "BLAH!!!"
Hermione, who finally woke up, checked too. "EEEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!"
Harry finally checked. "Oh my…. It's a…."
"BUTT!!" Harry showed the butt. Hermione screamed and fainted *bang* again.
"Bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed.
"He also said if I can use the Marauder's Map, I could use it,"
Harry then stepped closer to the butt. He then punched it. It wobbled. Hermione who was VERY unfortunate to wake up to see the butt wobble, fainted *bang* again. Ron and Harry looked at their foul package for a few minutes.
"Let me see," Ron pushed Harry aside, "I solemnly swear that I am up to…"
Hermione woke up just to hear Ron say, "…no good."
Then a foul, smelly blast of gas was released. The dense fart once more filled the atmosphere. Then there was another bang and they knew Hermione fainted *bang* again on the floor. After the gas was cleared a poor Hermione had chosen an inconvenient time to wake up.
"Look, Hermione! Writings!" Ron showed her the green words all over the butt. Hermione fainted *bang*.
Harry read the words.
YOU ARE NOW USING THE MARAUDERS' BUTT. IT IS ONE STATE-OF-THE-ART, MULTI-PURPOSE MAGICAL MISCHIEF TOOL. IT DEPENDS ON THE NUMBER OF TIMES IT WAS TAPPED BY THE WAND. TAP IT ONCE AND IT'LL DISGUISE AS A PIECE OF PARCHMENT. TAP IT AGAIN AND IT'LL TURNED BACK TO ITS ORIGINAL FORM. TAP IT TWICE AND A BAG OF DUNGBOMBS WILL APPEAR AT THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT. TAP IT THRICE AND A FOUL STENCH WILL SHOOT OUT. TAP IT FOUR TIMES AND EXPERIENCE BROWN MUCK FLYING AT EVERY DIRECTION. YOU WON'T LIKE TO TAP IT FIVE TIMES. IF YOU DO, YOU'LL EXPERIENCE THE ULTIMATE MISCHIEF!
HAVE FUN WITH IT!
"Let's test it!" Ron suggested.
Harry tapped the butt once. Immediately, it transformed into a piece of parchment.
"LOOK AT THIS HERMIONE!"
"Huh?"
Ron tapped the parchment. It expanded into the same pink butt. Hermione was terribly shocked and she fainted *bang*. They stood there thinking whether they should tap it twice. When Hermione woke up they finally decided.
Harry then tapped it twice. As said, a bag of Dungbombs appeared at the You-Know-What. Ron counted "3…2…1…" They heard a LOUD bang. They looked down. Yup, she fainted *bang*.
"We don't need to test what happens when we tap it thrice. Ron, you go," Harry said.
Ron tapped it four times. And once more Hermione picked the wrong moment to get up.
There was a rumble and all of a sudden, brown stuff flew everywhere. Ron took a pair of tweezers and inspected a sample. "BROWN MUCK!" he observed. You'd have guessed what Hermione did next. You're correct, she fainted *bang*.
"We better clean this up before Mum sees this,"
After the cleaning session, Ron took his wand and was about to tap the butt when Harry stopped him. "Hermione had fainted *bang* a great deal. It's best if we stop the testing session for now,"
That's when two figures jumped out of Ron's bookshelf. Ron quickly transformed the butt into a piece of parchment. Harry groaned.
It's Fred and George.
"We happened to sneak in his room when you were testing the "wonderful wonders" of that BUTT. Say Harry, can we borrow that butt at Hogwarts?"
Ron groaned. "Uh-oh," is all what Hermione said when she woke up.
