Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.
BOOM! In crashed the guy everybody knew.
"Professor Lupin?"
Lupin replied, "Not Professor Lupin, Harry. Just plain Lupin."
He turned to Voldemort. "Voldemort, stop this at once!"
Voldemort began to go insane. "I would LOVE to stop it *chuckle* *chuckle* but, I pressed the red button! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Something that looked like lightning traveled from a grey box and made its way to the compartment containing the wand and immediately traveled through a pipe towards the factory.
Then, the funnels shot out green gas.
"We're too late!" shouted Sirius.
"There is something left. The more he gets insane, the more he gets stupid," explained Hermione.
"How do you explain that?"
"He didn't tie us up."
"Hey, Hermione. What's this button?" asked Ron.
"That's the one that's labeled "Off"!" replied Hermione.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" shouted Voldemort.
Ron pressed. Nothing. Pressed again. Nothing.
"Oops, I remembered. I TOOK OUT ITS GADGET! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Voldemort showed them the gadget he took out of the button.
Harry thought for 10 seconds. "Lupin, Sirius, try to get that gadget out of his hand and fix it. We'll handle the funnels."
Then, Harry, Ron and Hermione ran towards the ladder. The Death-Eaters nearby chased them up the factory. "Find a small funnel," Harry ordered. They searched and searched until they found one, just near a staircase.
"Put on your masks *Darth Vader breathing sound*. Hermione, do your stuff."
Hermione tapped her wand on the nails. The nails unscrewed themselves. They took out the funnel. Connected at the bottom are several wires.
"If I remembered some of Voldemort's explanation, even if we cut the wires, the funnels will still work. Give me that meat-cleaver."
He swung the meat-cleaver and cut out the wires. "Good, we've a weapon."
As they climbed down, curses ricocheted across the walls. Just one swing of the funnel could Disapparate a Death-Eater. When they reached the controls, there was chaos.
It seems that Lupin and Sirius were having a hard time controlling Voldemort. Dents were found almost everywhere. Harry swiftly pushed the funnel to Voldemort's belly and Hermione conjured up ropes and tied him so that the funnel was tied to his belly.
"HehehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahahahahamuahahahahahahahaHaHaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAHAHAMUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MY PLAN! IT IS WORKING! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'M SEEING GREEN GAS EVERYWHERE!!!" In all the hysterical laughing, Voldemort dropped the gadget. Lupin fixed the gadget and pressed the button. The gas stopped coming out of the funnels…except one, the one tied to Voldemort.
"Why the gas won't stop coming out from that funnel?" asked Hermione.
"Because it was disconnected from the wires," replied Harry.
"CAN SOMEBODY SHUT UP YOU-KNOW-WHO?!" asked Ron.
"I know!" Sirius took out James' wand, stuck it inside the Butt and fixed the two pieces back. "Stand back!"
He tapped the Butt five times.
POOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From Hogsmeade you could see a gigantic mushroom cloud of green gas. Dungbombs landed 50 miles away. Brown muck flooded the rooms. Then the house started to break apart. The Dungbombs pushed the pillars and smashed the walls. Although the gas was weightless the puff crashed the upper floors and the windows cracked. The gas swirled and turned into a tornado. It smashed the furniture and bashed anything its way. When Harry, Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Wormtail just started to run. The tornado sucked them up flying a hundred feet in the air. They ground then got further away. After 3 seconds Voldemort joined in laughing madly. Harry looked down and saw the ground spinning and he kept looping and rolling through the stench. It was so dizzying that they did not know which way is up. He turned just in time to see Hermione faint *bang* and then spun hopelessly in the mad teacup ride. He turned up and saw Ron swirling upwards and on the other side, Sirius screaming. Wormtail looked like he was dancing in mid-air as Voldemort started singing 'Mamamia'. They were flying crazily over the foul smell. They could not breathe for two reasons: the swirling air was too fast to breathe, the smell. Hermione obliviously was spinning and looping like she was in an invisible multi-axis simulator (a ride in space camps and theme parks where you roll and spin and loop). After 6 minutes in there, Harry's vision started to blur and then he could not see anything else.
When he woke up, there was silence. Voldemort was the first to talk.
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAMUAHAHAHA!"
Sirius admitted, "Maybe that didn't work."
Ron pointed, "The Asylum Ambulance!"
50 feet above them, an army of broomsticks hovered above. The doctors tied Voldemort to a board while he was busy singing 'Getting To Know You' to the poor unfortunate nurses. When they left for the Jolly Place Hospital For The Mentally-Challenged and People Like You-Know-Who, Wormtail asked Harry the most stupid question. "Can I stay with you?"
Harry replied, "Why?"
"I LOVE YOU!"
"I live with Muggles for your information?"
"But you can stay with Sirius. He is free!"
Harry felt as if a happy balloon was swelling in his stomach.
"He is free?"
"Yes, I surrendered myself to the Ministry of Magic. I'm now in Azkaban. I'm only Wormtail's clone."
He suddenly melted into green slime. "The real Pettigrew won't act gay," said Sirius. "Still got the Butt?"
"Yup."
"I shouldn't have given you that, knowin' you'll end up in danger. I just gave it to you so that it'll be protected. When term's over, you're comin' with me. You can still have fun with it for a while. Let's get back."
Harry quickly dressed for the End-of-Term Feast. He sat down and looked around. There was an empty seat where Hermione was supposed to sit. Unfortunately, she was at the hospital wing. She had developed a sore lump on her head because of all the collapsing *bang* (Hey, you're not supposed to say BANG! Only when you say 'faint' *bang*, then you BANG!).
Dumbledore gave his speech. "An end of another year at Hogwarts. I would like to give some good news."
"First of all, Sirius Black will be your Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher next term. If you haven't been reading the Daily Prophet, you wouldn't have known his innocence. Secondly, the Dark Ages are over. Lord Voldemort will spend his life in an isolated asylum. So, nothing to worry about the securities. Finally, may the feast begin!"
Hermione arrived at the door with a bandage on her head. But she still looked sick.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Harry.
"That Anti-Faint Potion…It is foul tasting," replied Hermione as if she was about to throw up. She then took a huge gulp of water to wash off the taste.
"Oh. Now where's that blasted signal?"
"Uh-oh. Did you…"
"Yup, we have another operation."
"There it is!" said Ron. "Neville?"
Neville kicked the Dungbomb to the spy at the door.
Silence again. Then…
"NOW!!!!"
The atmosphere was again filled with Dungbombs and farts. Dumbledore then acted as the same commander. Parvati still acted as the tactic-maker. Harry ran up and down doing his jobs. Sprout and Flitwick immediately started the competition and again Sprout won. Hermione going back and forth as the potion was trying to push Hermione back up and bring back her consciousness.
"EVERYBODY IN POSITION!"
Harry and the other Gryffindors except Hermione rushed into different places with different parties.
"DUNGBOMB SALUTE!"
Dungbombs were thrown around the hall like grenades. Hagrid and Peeves went back into their job and fired painful shots at students. If the job goes well, two Dungbombs would meet and explode in mid-air like fireworks.
"DEAN! LIGHT THE FIREWORKS!"
Dean lit up an unseen fuse and tons of fizzing, whirring fireworks sped everywhere. Everyone danced to avoid being hit by the speeding rockets.
"MCGONAGALL! NOW!!!!!!"
McGonagall, who transfigured dust into water balloons filled with brown muck, pulled a rope that opened a huge trapdoor at top of the ceiling letting balloons in different colours fall onto the oblivious crowd.
"SEAMUS! THE FARTS!"
Seamus once again tapped the Butt three times and the air was filled with stench.
"QUIET!" Snape ordered. Everybody paused for a while. Then, McGonagall, who was enjoying herself, stuffed a Dungbomb in his mouth. "10 points from Slytherin for interrupting the celebration." The Dungbomb exploded in his mouth and he fainted *bang*. Then, they continued the Hogwarts War II.
Dumbledore asked Harry, "Can I see that butt?"
Harry replied, "Sure."
Dumbledore examined the Butt. Snape revived from his Dungbomb 'nap'.
"This looks exactly like Snape's butt."
Snape looked at Dumbledore with disgust. "THAT IS AN INSULT!"
McGonagall stuffed Snape's mouth with another Dungbomb and he fainted *bang* a fraction of a second before it exploded.
"On the other hand, this IS Snape's butt."
"How?"
"I remembered the Marauders cloned something from Snape's. I think they cloned HIS BUTT!"
The word 'butt' echoed around the Hall. All the students, except Slytherin, if you don't count Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, collapsed laughing hysterically like Voldemort. Fortunately, Snape was still in Lala Land.
"Hmmmm…THE ULTIMATE MISCHIEF…Can I see what's that, Harry?" asked Dumbledore, grinning.
Fred and George came over, looking interested.
"Er…I don't think you would like to know…"
"Why not? I should know too."
He tapped the Butt five times.
Hermione who heard the taps shouted, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But it was too late. The Butt released its load.
