Author's Note: I could post this song and it would make the perfect Quistis fanfic alone, but since that's very illegal (lol), I'll add my own twist to it. This song is from Les Miserable. It's an excellent musical that I suggest you all rent or see performed. I think that Quistis is one of my favorite characters because I relate to her the most. Seriously ya'll, this song is the story of my life. Enough belly aching though...(*sigh*) Oh, and everything in quotations are a part of the song...
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing Squaresoft's dolls to play with, so don't sue me. Les Miserable and the song "On My Own" is not mine either. Victor Hugo wrote Les Miserable and I'm thinkin' Andrew Lloyd Weber had a part to play in the musical, but don't quote me on that. And now your feature presentation.....
 
 
On My Own
 
"And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home, without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head "

It's cold out tonight. The kind of cold that stings at your cheeks. The kind that reminds you of when you were little, when you stand and blow steam into the air while the other kids would watch you with red faces. There are few people out here tonight. Only a few drunks, but things are really peaceful here in Timber.
I can't fall asleep tonight. Tonight? What am I thinking...I haven't been able to sleep for a while. I think people are starting to notice. My face has turned from it's rosy self to a bland pale, and people are starting to say my eyes look empty. Maybe they are. Oh well. I think I've traced every inch of every town in the world. Every night I get up and walk. Hell, I think I walk more at night than I do during the day. That's pathetic, Quisty.
The night watchmen asked me why I do this so much. "Such a pretty young lady shouldn't be out at night like this."...There's a lot he doesn't know. There's a lot everyone else has no clue about. "Why are you don't you date more often?" I get asked that all the time. They think that the only way to be happy is to have someone to hold you. There's something they don't know.
Every night I walk alone along the wet, beaten sidewalks, but I'm not always alone. I know this sounds so pathetic, but I'm not always so cold.

"On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights
Are misty in the river
In the darkness
The trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me
Forever and forever "

The stars are dazzling. They smile down at me with their smiles sparkling. The trees dance slowly in the night air, as the fireflies fly around. The sidewalk shines like a beautiful river in the moonlight, and I am but a lone passenger. I look down and I know he is near. I know he is close to me. I can feel his arm around me.
His brown hair falls in front of his face as he tries to look into my downcast eyes. I had almost forgotten how deep his own eyes were. I can see past them though. I can see the torment, the passion, and the bravery that lies within him. I think he knows that.
He holds me close, guiding my path along the concrete river. I lean my head upon his shoulder, sighing into the night air. We walk and talk for hours. For once everything is alright in the world.

"And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers "

And then the sun begins to rise, and he is gone. The stars fade out. They no longer smile at us. The once lifelike trees are still. They are dieing. Slowly. The fireflies are taking their rest. The sidewalk is covered in cracks and dirt. I am cold and tired.
A drunk vomits in the distance. I step around him. The world is a dirty, hateful place without him. It always has been.

"I love him
But everyday I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness that I
Have never known"

Maybe they are right. Maybe I do need someone. Maybe these walks are pointless. Maybe I should start taking sleeping pills. Or maybe I should see a therapist. I don't know. All my life I've loved him. I've known no other love. Maybe I've been too blinded by him to see anyone else. I mean, there are perfectly happy normal people out there. What do they get that I don't?

I'm confused.

" I love him, I love him, I love him
But only on my own."

All I know is...despite what people say or how he feels, I love him. I love him.

But only on my own.