Chapter Thirty-six - Emerson
McQueen waited with Kylen - waited for sunrise. "'A chief event in life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that startles us.' She qualifies," he realized. McQueen wanted time to consider the past few hours. He felt torn in two directions: He could deny or embrace her premise. He would have to decide.
"There is more to Kylen than meets the eye. She sees more than you think she does. She understands things that you don't think she should be able to. Kylen has confidence in life, and mostly she expects to be loved - and she is. Kylen is loved, genuinely, and she loves back the same way."
McQueen had to admit that Kylen had hit the nail on the head. He had been feeling suddenly crowded and out of touch with his core. She was right. A family had been a brief dream he had had a while back, but it had nothing now to do with his self-image. The Wildcards had become a family - his family - and that had been a surprise. And they had been enough. But now this sudden embarrassment of riches was cause for consternation. How would these feelings affect him? What would it do to his edge?
The damage was done. It would take months and tremendous energy to shut all these people out of his mind. He would always have them now. If he denied the truth of her assessment - if he turned away from these people - they would still invade his thoughts daily just as if he took them with him. They would drag at his heart and divide his attention. He might as well embrace it. Emerson had said: 'A certain awkwardness marks the use of borrowed thoughts, but as soon as we have learned what to do with them they become our own.' Kylen had told him to learn how to use this new power - this new knowledge. He could learn to live with the warmth he felt. He laughed silently. It was an amazing thing.
Neither survivor spoke as they watched the sky in anticipation of the sun. Their faithfulness was duly rewarded. The sky began to lighten, and soon the sun began to rise over the lip of the ocean. McQueen could almost appreciate the sound of water dripping off of the disk as it rose. He looked over to Kylen and noticed that a few tears had slid onto her cheeks, but she seemed calm and contained - serene and complete as when he had first seen her. McQueen reached over and gave her hand a squeeze.
"Coffee?" he asked.
"That would be perfect," she said.
McQueen left her and made his way to the kitchen. The remains of last night were painfully evident. He started the coffee and began to police the area. He moved easily around the room, his efforts economical and efficient. Dale entered the kitchen wearing a robe exactly like the one Kylen had on, only newer. He gave the room the once over.
"What in the world ... You were supposed to apologize - not continue the argument. What happened down here?"
"Kylen had, what I guess you would call, a breakthrough last night - about her imprisonment - about what she lost," McQueen tried to explain in the broadest of terms.
"You were with her when it happened?" Dale asked, and McQueen nodded yes. "Thank God you were here," Dale said.
McQueen had a realization. He could leave now. McQueen had felt responsible for Kylen since they had met on the transport - responsible for her safety and well being. He had been waiting almost as long as he had known her for Kylen to figure things out. McQueen had been unsure how she would manage the truth, and had been frightened for her. He had wanted to be there when it happened. McQueen hadn't trusted anyone else to be able to handle the situation. Kylen had broken through the wall. It was over. He could leave.
"She's upstairs on the Widow's Walk. I was going to take some coffee up," McQueen explained as he finished cleaning the floor.
"She is brave, isn't she? Almost a little hero." Dale spoke as he grabbed two travel mugs from a cupboard, prepared the drinks and snapped the lids into place.
McQueen considered and then answered. "'A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.' Yes, she is brave, and probably a hero." He felt extraordinarily proud to know her.
Dale spoke: "I'll get rid of Amy for the day - send her to the mainland for something. I'll be at the Clinic if you need anything. GO, take care of Kylen."
"McQueen was halfway up the stairs when Dale called from the kitchen. "Hey, where is your cane?"
"I have no idea," McQueen answered as he hotfooted it up the stairs with the coffee.
McQueen entered the glass room only to find that he was alone. He set the coffee down and checked the roof walkway. Kylen was gone. His back ached as he felt adrenaline being squeezed into his bloodstream. McQueen rushed to the ladder staircase only to see her making her way back up the stairs.
"I went down - Dale said that I had missed you," she said as she climbed.
McQueen looked down at her as she negotiated the ladder in her huge robe and squeaking slippers. Kylen suddenly slipped. He reached down and grabbed her arm, stabilizing her before she could hit the steps. She looked into his face and smiled. He caught his breath. McQueen had seen something inside her that he hadn't acknowledged until that second. An understanding hit him, and it was almost painful in its completeness. He had graduated from more than his cane.
McQueen had heard that lovers could see themselves - or their unborn children - reflected in each other's eyes. He saw neither in her. That wasn't it. Kylen had told him once that the point was not someone belonging to you, but rather, you belonging to them. McQueen realized with absolute certainty that now he belonged to Kylen. He hadn't seen anything in her eyes that was common to poetry, but rather he had entered into them and felt a home for himself. Kylen belonged to him. He realized that Kylen had been his family for quite a while ... realized that she would probably always know how he felt before he did. She would be a door to the world for him. Someone who would tell him the truth. Kylen would always take his part. She was someone he could always trust - whose love would be unquestioned. They would quote each other for the rest of their lives. McQueen knew that he would feel her vibration inside his heart until the day he died. He was sure that she had facets and layers that would continue to startle him - But he knew, at that moment, all he would ever need to know about Kylen. She was True North. Kylen added to him, gave him something no one else ever had. Amy had been correct in her assessment. He did love Kylen. Loved her in a way that he had never anticipated - didn't know existed. She wasn't his lover. She wasn't his child and she wasn't a little sister - she had no easy definition, but she would always carry part of his soul.
"Door number ... what?" he thought to himself. Kylen would love it, but he doubted that he would ever tell her. This was his own moment. All his own. Singular.
McQueen pulled her up the rest of the way until she was stable on her own two feet. He knew he would remember that instant for the rest of his life. "Answered and blessed, Kylen. Answered and blessed."
End Literary Giants
M.Wheels
