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Hired Help

Chapter Five: Interviews

Tifa's office was tidy and comfortable, even if it was a bit small. She had sent her ad to the paper to the previous evening and had closed the bar. She had also closed it for today because she had a whole days worth of job interviews to conduct, and being the owner of a popular bar, she wanted to look the part.

"If only Barret could see me now." She said aloud. Sitting behind her mahogany desk dressed in a snappy, form-fitting charcoal suit with a crisp white collared shirt, no tie, and her hair pulled up in an elegant bun, black panty hose, and *gasp* no boots, he'd probably freak. Just like the rest of the old gang would. Cid, Red, Cait, Barret, Cloud, Yuffie, Aeris, ....Vincent....

Thinking of Vincent, she opened the secret compartment in her desk, and pulled out a wrinkled sheet of paper. Looking over the words, Tifa recalled her last meeting with Vincent before the group went back to each of their homes.

It was the final night of their week long celebration after saving the Planet from Meteor. Tifa had stepped outside from the raging party to get a breath of fresh air. Between Cid's smoking and Yuffie's constant puking in a trash can in between insults, she was about ready to jump over the side of the Highwind. A deep sadness weighed upon her heart. It was over. It was finally over. She should be happy, but she actually almost enjoyed the journey, when she really thought about it. Not the brutal deaths, or the horrifying fear of what was to come, but the pure happiness of having comerades. People to depend on who cared about you. Friends. Most of all she would miss her friends. And then she thought of Aeris. The amazing girl who gave her life to save them all. Sometimes it truly seemed to Tifa that Aeris was the one who deserved to live the most out of all of them.

Tifa was on deck, leaning on the side of the Highwind, the wind flapping through her hair as she gazed at the stars, yet never really seeing them. She was so intent on her thoughts that she didn't hear the dark figure approaching her from behind.

"Beautiful, aren't they? The stars?"

Tifa jumped. The man stood beside her and leaned on the side just as she, his eyes gazing at the same light filled sky.

"Very." Her reply was squeaky, because it wasn't everyday that Vincent Valentine commented on anything besides grief, death, guilt, and eternal punishment.

"......I saw you, you know..." He said quietly, without looking at her.

She glanced at him. "What do you mean?" She asked hesitantly.

Suddenly he turned towards her and grabbed her hand with his human one.

"I have something for you." He replied, his deep voice muffled by the velvety coat of darkness surrounding them.

Tifa was too shocked to respond. He placed a terribly abused lump of paper in her hand, and closed her fist around it.

"W-what is it?" She asked, too confused to hide her curiosity.

He met her eyes, his crimson ones glowing heinously in the night, while her kind, soft bourgony ones glittered enchantingly.

"A gift." He said softly. "From me to you. Don't read it until you look upon me no longer."

"But-"

"HEY!!! You two get yer asses back in here! Cloud's drunk and it's damn hilarious!" Cid yelled out a porthole to them, disrupting the special moment.

Vincent let go of Tifa's hand, and nodded his head at her.

"Yeah Cid, we'll be down in a sec." She shouted back.

"Well, okey-dokey, but hurry cause---BLOODY HELL YUFFIE! That's friggin' gross!" Cid stuck his head in the porthole, and an uproar of laughter occurred, followed by Cid cursing.

"Guess that's our cue, huh?" Tifa asked Vincent, praying for an answer.

He smirked a little. Tifa was flabbergasted. "I suppose so." he replied calmly.

The two went back into the meeting room with everyone else. The table was littered with beer cans, bottles, mugs, pitchers, and candy wrappers. For the rest of the night, everyone partied and had fun, although Cid refused to let Yuffie and Tifa drink because they were under age. Cloud sang "100 bottles of beer on the wall" in duet with Barret , while Red, Cait, and Cid gambled. Yuffie puked every five minutes, but besides that, everyone had a great time. The next morning Cid dropped everyone off at their homes, where each city would have a feast in honor of the "Saviors of the Planet," as AVALANCHE had been dubbed. Red at Cosmo Canyon, Cait at the Gold Saucer, Barret in North Corel, where he would meet up with Elmyra and Marlene, Yuffie in Wutai, Vincent in Nibelheim, where he would return to the Shinra Mansion. Lastly, Cid dropped off Cloud and Tifa in Costa Del Sol, where he would then head for home himself in Rocket Town. Tifa had thought it would all be okay.

Back in reality, Tifa read the words that had brought her to tears barely 6 months ago, from none other than Vincent Valentine.

Ten years ago it seemed impossible

That she should ever grow so calm as this,

With self remembrance in her warmest kiss

And dim dried eyes like an exhausted well.

Slow speaking when she has some fact to tell,

Silent with long-unbroken silences,

Centered in self yet not unpleased to please

Gravely monotonous like a passing bell.

Mindful of drudging daily common things,

Patient at pastime, patient at work,

Wearied perhaps but strenuous certainly.

Sometimes I fancy we may one day see

Her head shoot forth seven stars from where they lurk

And her eyes lightnings, and her shoulders wings.

"Vincent Valentine, you are the most romantic man in the world. Even if you don't know it." She mumbled as she replaced the elegantly scrawled poem back into her secret drawer. She glanced at her watch. 11:17. Her first appointment was late. She decided to give him a bit more time.

10 minutes later and still no show. Tifa was rapping her fingers on the table impatiently.

Suddenly, her office door was pounded on by someone on the other side.

"Please, come in." She called.

A man entered. He looked about six feet tall, and had one of the strangest appearances Tifa had seen in a while. She tried not to stare at the name "Big One" emblazened on his belt buckle. The man reeked of cologne and aftershave. He had his hair slicked back, like some kid stock broker. His dark sunglasses hid his eyes. His brown hair was frosted blond in the front, as was his goatee. A pretty good-looking guy, but in that dark blue suit, he could be mistaken for a Turk, were it not for the lack of weapons.

Tifa stood. "Shane Griffin I presume. Are you here for the bouncer job?" She asked him seriously.

He took her hand into his and kissed it. "The one and only. Miss Tifa Lockhart, your reputation as the most beautiful woman in Costa Del Sol is an understatement. I would be pleased to work....underneath...you." He finished, adding a charming smile.

A ladykiller. And an arrogant one. Great. "Thank you. Now, if we could please get down to business." They both sat down, he on the other side. She examined a stack of paperwork on her desk.

"From the information on your resume, Mr. Griffin, you've had.....17 run-ins with law enforcement in the last two years. Can you please explain those to me?"

"Sure. Ya see, I'm a pretty popular guy. I gotta live up to my reputation." He sat there trying to look cute, like that was all there was to it.

"Obviously. From your record you're popular with misdemeanors for 'public indecency, and public display of nudity.' Can you explain what all those are for?" Tifa asked, her eyebrows raised.

He adjusted in his seat. Then flashed her a grin. "What can I say? I got it on with a secretary in the mayor's office, then with a news anchor on live tv, then with the team mascot at a big game in the stadium, then with my ex-boss in front of like, 20 people, then....HEY! Now that I think about it, I bet you want me to do you right now! Hurry, on the desk!" He began to desperately undo his belt after hopping onto the desk.

"Mr. Griffin?! Stop that right now!" Tifa shrieked as his pants fell to his ankles.

"Come on baby! I'm gettin horny just thinkin' about grabbing those huge---"

"Get out! Get out! Now!" Tifa yanked her office door wide open, trying extremely hard not to just punch the guy out.

He stopped. Looking her in the eyes, he slowly caressed the bulge in his speedos, "Ya know, you don't know what your missing. It would have lasted all night." He pulled up his pants and carefully got off the desk. He seductively walked through the door, then stopped after passing her. "Oh well.... It's not like I don't have time. We'll finish this someday. In the meantime, here's my number." He handed her an index card with digits in it, and with that, he left.

Slowly, Tifa walked back to her desk and sat down behind it.

"Well, that was interesting. At least he wasn't a pedifile.....I think...."

After straightening her desk back up, she checked her watch. Her next appointment should arrive any minute.

The office door opened a crack.

"Can I help you?" Tifa asked.

In walked a short, fat man with torn up jeans and a grease stained muscle shirt on.

"Mmm...yeah. Names Bob. I'm here for the bouncer job." He stated flatly, sounding a bit drunk. The man's balding head was almost as greasy looking as his shirt.

"...O-kay. Last name?" Tifa asked, trying to ignore the stench of Bob's breath.

Bob his head as if in thought. Then scratched with his whole hand. Soon he had both his hands in his hair, scratching furiously as if he had.......lice.

"Sir-um-sir.....?"

Bob stopped scratching and sat down, leaving his scalp a bloody mess. He leaned on one arm of his chair, and lifted up a bit. A loud "PMPHHHHPHhhh" sounded from his chair. Bob sat back down, and chuckled.

"Huh. That was a wet one. I think I gotta change my pants when I get back to the trailer." He sniffed the air, then waved a hand. " Damn, that was a stinker! You may wanna open a window."

Tifa quickly stood. "Well Bob, don't call us, we'll call you." She commanded, motioning to the door.

"I don't have a phone, but you could come over. I live---"

"NO! I-I mean....that's okay Bob, we'll handle it. Thank you for coming. Bye!" She coughed, the fart finally hitting her. "Go!"

Bob trudged out the door, belching on the way out.

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"I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody. Ohhh, I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me! So, how was I?" The man wearing lipstick and eyeliner asked, his wig disarrayed.

"NEXT!"

"Look, don't get me wrong, but I think you should allow toads in the bar. Not just little ones, but the really big ones too. That could spread, and toads could gain political power, and finally create the Toad Dynasty!"

"NEXT!"

"First I'd rip their spine out, relishing the sound of tearing skin, and being drenched in his life's blood! Then I'd kick their head in until their gray brain matter spurted out their ears and splattered all over the walls! Then I'd find their mama and get her alone---"

"Ermm....next please.."

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"Uhh....names Bob."

"GET OUT!"

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"Yo boss! Somebody cop a tude wit you, I bust a cap in they ass! And speakin' a ass, you got a might fine boo-tay!"

"NEXT!"

*******************************************************************

"Do you know where I can find Charlie?"

"Charlie who?"

"DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME BITCH!"

"Look, I don't know wh---"

"I have to find the Mad Angels!"

"Don't you mean the Hell's Angels?"

"I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU! DON'T YOU DARE CORRECT ME!"

"I think you need to leave Mr. Hazuki."

"I'M NOT BUYING YOU A DAMN POP! I BLEW ALL MY FRIGG'IN MONEY ON THESE DAMN BOUNCY BALLS!

"Charlie's in Gongaga!"

"Thank you. I'll be leaving now."

Tifa's head hit the desk.

Author's Notes: Hey guys! I'm back! ya miss me? I just moved, so now I'll be crankin' out stories like crazy. Anyhow, The bouncer will be revealed sooner or later, cept I can't decide who the bad guy should be. Guess who's got an evil older brother? Betcha can't. I've been watching Buffy: The Musical non-stop since Tuesday. I LOVE that show! So, I'll give you some clues. He's handsome. He's not fabricated. He's stronger than Cloud. Well, who is it? I added the prologue. It was gonna be a whole nother story, but I decided to tie it into this one. R&R please. Also, WATCH BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!!!

P.S. He's not a character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now some of you may disagree with him being stronger than Cloud, but logic and common sense are on my side. I'll collaberate later.