Hidden Confessions

Author: Robbie (dougandcarol22)

Disclaimer: While I would love to own them, odds are that the reason I bother writing fic, is because I don't own them, happy now? Once again, its me, re-writing ER, because I feel like it. We all know this is the way I would like it, and therefore in no way reflects much of anything else

Spoilers: Everything up through Start All Over Again is fair game.

Need to Know/Authors Note: This is a follow-up of sorts to the recently aired (in the US) Season 8 episode, Start All Over Again. However, I wouldn't exactly call it a gap-filler, because I have changed a couple of things that will be made clear as you read the story. The background info is as follows. Carter is seeing a woman that he has been seeing for roughly 4-5 months. (Here's that changed element I was telling you about) If you read the story you will find out who… I'm setting this story in late October/Early November 2001 or whatever date it is on "Real ER" at the time that this episode aired. (Since we're never really sure). It takes place right where the episode leaves off.

Enjoy and please send me some feedback at gigglgrl26@hotmail.com

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The new mother waved her sons tiny hand as the elevator doors clicked shut, and Susan turned to Carter and gave him a big smile. "Good work in there, Carter." She was casually referring to the baby they had just delivered from a height far above the ground.

He smiled back, "You too." A moment of awkward silence passed between them and neither was quite sure what to say. At a loss for words Carter chuckled, "Welcome back." Susan smiled back and nodded. He yawned tiredly, looking at his watch. "Well, I'm off. Do you have a shift tomorrow?" The two began walking to the front the desk.

Susan nodded in affirmation, "I'm on at 11:00. Let's hope I can get out of here with enough time to get some sleep."

"You know, you could always crash in one of the exam rooms for a couple of hours between shifts."

Susan laughed. "I think I need to get away from here for a while. Just to clear my head a little. There's nothing like coming back to make you realize exactly why you left."

Carter nodded, and began to walk into the lounge. He turned around before entering, "I'll see you tomorrow." Susan waved and grabbed another chart from the desk.

The door shut with a resounding thud, and a woman looked up from her perch on the sofa, drinking a cup of coffee. "Hey," he greeted.

"John. We need to talk." He turned away from his locker a concerned look on his face.

"What is it?"

A pained expression crossed the woman's face. "Not here. I'll see you at home, okay?"

He wore a dazed expression, "Yeah." Shaking his head as if to clear his mind he spoke again, "Yeah, I'll see you there. What time are you off?"

"An hour."

Carter nodded and grabbing a couple of things from his locker, he walked out of the lounge leaving the woman alone.

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The woman pushed the key into the lock and turned it, opening the door quietly only seconds later. She set her purse and coat down on a chair in the small kitchen, and continued on to the bedroom. Finding the door open, she walked in and found her boyfriend of 4 months sleeping on the king sized bed they shared. His image was so sweet that it nearly brought tears to her eyes. He lay on his back sprawled out with one arm curled under his head and the other resting above his hip.

She walked into the walk-in closet adjacent to the bedroom and undressed, pulling on a pair of light blue, flannel pajama pants and a white tank top. Then, she walked back into the room and crawled into the bed, pulling the comforter around her body. Carter stirred and opened his eyes. "Hey. What time is it?"

"12:30. You can go back to sleep," she whispered.

"It's okay, I'm up. What did you want to talk about at the hospital?"

She sighed. "I was thinking today." She paused and he looked at her questioningly. "We've already taken the next step in our relationship by moving in together and getting this apartment."

"Go on," he urged her.

"Well." She took his hands into her own, looking him straight in the eye. "I need to know that this relationship is going somewhere, because, I'm falling in love with you. I… I am in love with you. But if things aren't working between us, I don't want to ruin the friendship that we have. I've been in relationships before that drag on forever and go nowhere. I can't let that happen again. I need to know that the love is from both sides."

Carter sent her a look mixed with confusion and pain. He spoke softly, lovingly. "Don't you know how much I love you? You are everything to me. I love you more than I can express in words. I want to marry you, make babies, and grow old together. Maybe not yet, but as soon as I'm sure we're ready." He squeezed her hand. "What's wrong?"

A single tear began its tantalizing decent down her cheek. "I don't know, I thought that…" She turned away for a moment.

"What is it?" he pressed.

"That new doctor, Susan Lewis." She looked him right in the eye. "Can you honestly tell me that you aren't in love with her?"

Carter breathed a sigh of relief. "Is that all this is about?" He laughed. "Susan and I have known each other since my first day at County. She left a couple of years ago when her sister left for Phoenix. We're old friends. I'll admit that I once had a crush on her, but I was young, and naïve as to the meaning of love. I know now what that is." He smiled at her and lifted her chin with his finger. "I can honestly tell you that all there is between us is friendship. I love you, you, and only you."

"Are you sure, John? Can you promise me that those feelings aren't going to resurface and you're going to leave me?"

He shook his head. "Never. I've loved you since I couldn't have you, and you were involved with someone else. When my opportunity came, I jumped at the chance, and I'll tell you something. I've never regretted it."

She bit her lip. "Even if I were to tell you that I'm pregnant?"

His shocked face burst into a grin, "Are you serious?"

She nodded, a smile at his positive reaction tugging at her lips. "I think so. I haven't taken the test yet, but … I'm late. At first I didn't notice, but it's been almost 2 weeks."

He shook his head in amazement. "I think you've just made me the happiest man in the world. Let's go to the 24 hour drug store and get a test so you can take it right now."

She giggled, "It's almost 1 AM." He shrugged his shoulders and jumped out of bed, pulling on a pair of pants and a shirt.

"Well? Aren't you going to get dressed, or are you going like that?"

She wiped the forgotten tears from her face and stood up to get ready.

"Abby?"

"Yes, John?"

"I love you."

Hidden confessions secret no more, she whispered, "I love you too."

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~THE END~

Authors Note Part 2: Just in case you didn't realize, in my story, Abby and Luka broke up at the beginning of the summer, (at the end of Season 7). Sorry if you were confused, but I didn't want to spoil the story early on. :)

Yeah it was short, but it was an idea that just begged to be written. I hope it wasn't too bad, although odds are it was since it only took about half an hour. At the moment it will remain a standalone unless I get some feedback urging otherwise, in which case there could potentially be a follow-up. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. Please direct it towards gigglgrl26@hotmail.com. Thanks for reading!