I pull up to the Crash, gently turning the ignition off. I take a deep
breath, reminding myself while I'm there. She's your best friend Max. When
most people would have fled in terror, Original Cindy's stayed by your
side. Just go in, say hi, maybe even have a drink or two. You can't spend
your life wallowing in the past.
Loud music greets me as I enter the club. I spot the gang at a couple of the far tables. Alec's there too. In a way, I've almost forgiven him for what he did to me. I can never forget, the way I know, deep down, I could never love anyone but Logan, but he was only doing his job. He spent his entire life there. Manticore haunts even me, and I've been outside for years.
"Hey there hot stuff."
My way is impeded by an obviously drunk biker, looking for a quick roll in the hay. Before I notice what I'm doing, I respond. "Hey yourself." Flirtious. God, what am I doing? I hate myself, but don't stop. There is no way that guy is going home with me, but tonight I will have fun, for Logan's sake more than my own. "C'mon. It's my friend's birthday today. Wanna come celebrate?" We make our way to my crowd.
"Ciao my sistah"
"Max. Where have you been? I was worried something happened to my homegirl."
"I told you I was coming. Don't be so paranoid. If something happened, I would've called. I had some stuff to work out."
"Wheels?"
"My baby. I swear there something wrong with the engine." I can tell OC sees through my alibi, but she knows not to prod.
"He called today. Said he needed a favor. If you ask me, the boy just wanted to hear your voice." I don't even bother asking who she's talking about. That topic is not something I really want to get into right now.
"Yeah right. Probably just wanted me to run an errand that Asha couldn't. You know, that girl could give him everything he needs."
"Yet he's still obsessed with you," piped up a voice behind me.
I turn. As I spy the speaker, my blood runs cold. "Lydecker." My obvious distaste for the man is conveyed by the dull sense of recognition in my voice.
"Shame on you Max. Returning to Seattle. I thought I trained my kids better. Foolish sentimentality. It's gonna get you hurt."
"You're one to talk." I say bitterly.
"Am I missing something? I thought I was an ally."
I snort at the thought. "You remind me of someone I used to know." I mimic, thinking back to the night at the Top Hat. "Inspired by your wife, I believe you said. How could I ever see you as an ally? You were going to kill me."
"I wanted to protect you."
"What are you doing in Seattle?" I ask, changing the subject. "This is my place, you have no right to be here."
"Business."
I hate the way he says it, airily, as if he didn't wake up at night with thoughts of Manticore pounding through his mind. People are beginning to crowd around us, trying to figure out what is happening. "Leave." My voice is cold, the voice of a fighter. Don't let him see you cry Maxie, says a voice in the back of my mind. It sounds suspiciously like Zack. Soldiers never cry. The thought stops me. It's my voice, but I'm not the soldier they wanted me to be. I couldn't even fight to be with the one I loved. Yet I know the voice is right.
"Now, why would I do that?" He's mocking me, trying to draw me out.
"Because if you don't you'll have two x5s ready to kill you." Alec murmurs the words into Lydecker's ear. "x5-494, trained assassin."
"Now I suggest you leave." He says, loudly enough for everyone to hear.
"I see you've made friends Max. Let's hope they care enough about you to remember you when you're gone."
Before I realize what's happening, Alec has Lydecker pinned to the wall. "Never threaten my sister. Do it again, and they'll be fishing your body out of the water. You never scared me the way you scared the others. You're not God, despite your attempts. Complete your work and get out of Seattle tonight, or there won't be enough of you do carry out in a pine box. Are we clear?.
It took awhile to convince people that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I make up a story about Lydecker being our father figure growing up, and that there was bad blood between us. Some people don't look convinced, but they don't challenge the story. Looks like the Blue Lady was on my side today.
When I asked Alec why he stuck up for me, he just sorta smiled and said that nobody touches his family. Nice to see he finally has a sense of responsibility. "Max, you've forgiven me for things I wouldn't forgive myself for. Besides, Deck always took a special interest in your unit, so it's understandable you're a little precautious when it concerns him."
"Looks like I missed something. Hopefully nothing too interesting." Comments a voice behind me. What is it, Sneak Up On Max Day? I whirl, bracing myself for another confrontation. I relax when I see who it is. "Logan. Hey. Lydecker showed up here, got on my case about living in Seattle. Alec took care of it."
"Alec? Wait a minute. Deck came here?" puzzlement crosses his face.
"You knew he was in Seattle?"
"Business. I heard. You aren't the only one with connections."
"Can we talk? It's really important." I want to say no, but one look into his eyes and I can't resist "It better be good," I warn. We head to a far table.
"What?"
"I really don't know how to say this. I had this whole speech planned out, and I honestly can't remember a word of it. Have you ever done something you've regretted?"
" Logan. I go into heat three times a year. What kind of question is that?"
Same old Max. Always the wit. "Seriously. Have you?"
"Yes."
I'm surprised it was so easy. Max never was one for revealing her weaknesses. Apparently emotions weren't something Manticore taught its kids, but I've accepted the fact. I suppose this isn't the best place to have this conversation, but she's here and we will.
"The only thing truly regret is giving up on love, Max. I met this incredible woman who was more than I could dream of; intelligent, charming, caring and kind, and I gave her up without a fight. I regret it everyday, with every fiber of my being. All I really want is to have one more second chance. I've screwed it up so many times, denied how I felt. It cost me the one thing I valued most-"
"Your Bast statue?"
Her interruption annoys me, until I see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. She knows what I'm doing, and it's making her cry. The thought is incredulous. Max doesn't cry, she always thinks she's so strong, the image of perfection. I press on, knowing, deep in my heart I'm hurting her, driving her away forever, but I have to know. I'm angry. How could she just give up on me, on us? "You Max. Out of all the stupid things I've done, letting you go has got to be my biggest mistake."
"Falling in love with me was your biggest mistake Logan. I'm dangerous. You don't deserve the $hit I put you through, you're better than that. The good guy, Seattle's voice of truth."
"Okay, so maybe I didn't have black helicopter dudes on my tail, but I also didn't have you."
"Wouldn't that be better? Not knowing me. You would have been better off not knowing who I was, what I am"
" No, no, go not to Lethe, neither twist
Wolf's-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kiss'd
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries,
Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow's mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.
But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globed peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.
She dwells with Beauty--Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy's grape against his palate fine;
His soul shalt taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.
Ode on Melancholy. John Keats. 1819. Don't you see Max? The only way to appreciate happiness is to see the other side. Sure, before I met you, my life wasn't AS dangerous or filled with pain, but I wasn't truly happy. It was impossible, because my life, being so sheltered, had never realized the depth pain could go."
"What do you want from me?" Her tone is pain-filled, suffering for what I was doing.
"A sign of hope. Just one little indication that you are willing to work on us. I don't know if I could live with myself if you said no."
"You'll have to." Max's voice is barely audible. "How can we be together if we can't even-" she catches her rising voice, and lowers it, "how can we be together if we can't even touch? Care to explain that to me?"
"There are other ways to love somebody." My answer is simple.
"No Logan. I can't."
I accept her decision. I wasn't honestly expecting anything else. I get up to leave, nodding to Alec, who has been watching us the entire time. As I walk out, I wonder if Max's answer would have been different if I had told her why Lydecker was in Seattle.
A/N: do you like my story? I really want reviews, or I won't post the next chapter and y'all be wondering why/how Logan knows what good ole Lyducky is doing in Seattle.
Loud music greets me as I enter the club. I spot the gang at a couple of the far tables. Alec's there too. In a way, I've almost forgiven him for what he did to me. I can never forget, the way I know, deep down, I could never love anyone but Logan, but he was only doing his job. He spent his entire life there. Manticore haunts even me, and I've been outside for years.
"Hey there hot stuff."
My way is impeded by an obviously drunk biker, looking for a quick roll in the hay. Before I notice what I'm doing, I respond. "Hey yourself." Flirtious. God, what am I doing? I hate myself, but don't stop. There is no way that guy is going home with me, but tonight I will have fun, for Logan's sake more than my own. "C'mon. It's my friend's birthday today. Wanna come celebrate?" We make our way to my crowd.
"Ciao my sistah"
"Max. Where have you been? I was worried something happened to my homegirl."
"I told you I was coming. Don't be so paranoid. If something happened, I would've called. I had some stuff to work out."
"Wheels?"
"My baby. I swear there something wrong with the engine." I can tell OC sees through my alibi, but she knows not to prod.
"He called today. Said he needed a favor. If you ask me, the boy just wanted to hear your voice." I don't even bother asking who she's talking about. That topic is not something I really want to get into right now.
"Yeah right. Probably just wanted me to run an errand that Asha couldn't. You know, that girl could give him everything he needs."
"Yet he's still obsessed with you," piped up a voice behind me.
I turn. As I spy the speaker, my blood runs cold. "Lydecker." My obvious distaste for the man is conveyed by the dull sense of recognition in my voice.
"Shame on you Max. Returning to Seattle. I thought I trained my kids better. Foolish sentimentality. It's gonna get you hurt."
"You're one to talk." I say bitterly.
"Am I missing something? I thought I was an ally."
I snort at the thought. "You remind me of someone I used to know." I mimic, thinking back to the night at the Top Hat. "Inspired by your wife, I believe you said. How could I ever see you as an ally? You were going to kill me."
"I wanted to protect you."
"What are you doing in Seattle?" I ask, changing the subject. "This is my place, you have no right to be here."
"Business."
I hate the way he says it, airily, as if he didn't wake up at night with thoughts of Manticore pounding through his mind. People are beginning to crowd around us, trying to figure out what is happening. "Leave." My voice is cold, the voice of a fighter. Don't let him see you cry Maxie, says a voice in the back of my mind. It sounds suspiciously like Zack. Soldiers never cry. The thought stops me. It's my voice, but I'm not the soldier they wanted me to be. I couldn't even fight to be with the one I loved. Yet I know the voice is right.
"Now, why would I do that?" He's mocking me, trying to draw me out.
"Because if you don't you'll have two x5s ready to kill you." Alec murmurs the words into Lydecker's ear. "x5-494, trained assassin."
"Now I suggest you leave." He says, loudly enough for everyone to hear.
"I see you've made friends Max. Let's hope they care enough about you to remember you when you're gone."
Before I realize what's happening, Alec has Lydecker pinned to the wall. "Never threaten my sister. Do it again, and they'll be fishing your body out of the water. You never scared me the way you scared the others. You're not God, despite your attempts. Complete your work and get out of Seattle tonight, or there won't be enough of you do carry out in a pine box. Are we clear?.
It took awhile to convince people that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I make up a story about Lydecker being our father figure growing up, and that there was bad blood between us. Some people don't look convinced, but they don't challenge the story. Looks like the Blue Lady was on my side today.
When I asked Alec why he stuck up for me, he just sorta smiled and said that nobody touches his family. Nice to see he finally has a sense of responsibility. "Max, you've forgiven me for things I wouldn't forgive myself for. Besides, Deck always took a special interest in your unit, so it's understandable you're a little precautious when it concerns him."
"Looks like I missed something. Hopefully nothing too interesting." Comments a voice behind me. What is it, Sneak Up On Max Day? I whirl, bracing myself for another confrontation. I relax when I see who it is. "Logan. Hey. Lydecker showed up here, got on my case about living in Seattle. Alec took care of it."
"Alec? Wait a minute. Deck came here?" puzzlement crosses his face.
"You knew he was in Seattle?"
"Business. I heard. You aren't the only one with connections."
"Can we talk? It's really important." I want to say no, but one look into his eyes and I can't resist "It better be good," I warn. We head to a far table.
"What?"
"I really don't know how to say this. I had this whole speech planned out, and I honestly can't remember a word of it. Have you ever done something you've regretted?"
" Logan. I go into heat three times a year. What kind of question is that?"
Same old Max. Always the wit. "Seriously. Have you?"
"Yes."
I'm surprised it was so easy. Max never was one for revealing her weaknesses. Apparently emotions weren't something Manticore taught its kids, but I've accepted the fact. I suppose this isn't the best place to have this conversation, but she's here and we will.
"The only thing truly regret is giving up on love, Max. I met this incredible woman who was more than I could dream of; intelligent, charming, caring and kind, and I gave her up without a fight. I regret it everyday, with every fiber of my being. All I really want is to have one more second chance. I've screwed it up so many times, denied how I felt. It cost me the one thing I valued most-"
"Your Bast statue?"
Her interruption annoys me, until I see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. She knows what I'm doing, and it's making her cry. The thought is incredulous. Max doesn't cry, she always thinks she's so strong, the image of perfection. I press on, knowing, deep in my heart I'm hurting her, driving her away forever, but I have to know. I'm angry. How could she just give up on me, on us? "You Max. Out of all the stupid things I've done, letting you go has got to be my biggest mistake."
"Falling in love with me was your biggest mistake Logan. I'm dangerous. You don't deserve the $hit I put you through, you're better than that. The good guy, Seattle's voice of truth."
"Okay, so maybe I didn't have black helicopter dudes on my tail, but I also didn't have you."
"Wouldn't that be better? Not knowing me. You would have been better off not knowing who I was, what I am"
" No, no, go not to Lethe, neither twist
Wolf's-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kiss'd
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries,
Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow's mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.
But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globed peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.
She dwells with Beauty--Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy's grape against his palate fine;
His soul shalt taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.
Ode on Melancholy. John Keats. 1819. Don't you see Max? The only way to appreciate happiness is to see the other side. Sure, before I met you, my life wasn't AS dangerous or filled with pain, but I wasn't truly happy. It was impossible, because my life, being so sheltered, had never realized the depth pain could go."
"What do you want from me?" Her tone is pain-filled, suffering for what I was doing.
"A sign of hope. Just one little indication that you are willing to work on us. I don't know if I could live with myself if you said no."
"You'll have to." Max's voice is barely audible. "How can we be together if we can't even-" she catches her rising voice, and lowers it, "how can we be together if we can't even touch? Care to explain that to me?"
"There are other ways to love somebody." My answer is simple.
"No Logan. I can't."
I accept her decision. I wasn't honestly expecting anything else. I get up to leave, nodding to Alec, who has been watching us the entire time. As I walk out, I wonder if Max's answer would have been different if I had told her why Lydecker was in Seattle.
A/N: do you like my story? I really want reviews, or I won't post the next chapter and y'all be wondering why/how Logan knows what good ole Lyducky is doing in Seattle.
