Standard disclaimers apply, once again overcharacterization n' stuff like that.

The Frog Emperor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ripped-off Round Robin Fic brought to you by Akai Ku and Kementari




Sick of it, Chiriko picked up the book. "Dear Diary, today I plundered and was mean. Really mean. Ha ha! And Tomo and Soi were fighting over me again. They always fight. I think they should kill each other."
Tomo mumbled something meanly about Soi.
"But I don't care. Tomo's always leaving for his Hair Club. Today, I trapped a princess in a castle far away. Because I was evil."
Tasuki rolled his eyes, staring at the happy chibi daing monk, who was curled up on the floor muttering about the shadow of his heart being reflected in water or something. But we wouldn't know that, as we don't speak Japanese, so we just hear "Mizu-kagami de kokoro no kage wo mireba" and before the narrator could give the readers a Japanese grammar lesson on the parts of speech, Tai-Tack-Toe interjected.
"This is quite fascinating," She lied.
"It's near Sairou, but I won't say where because I'm EVIL! And I know if I die, someone will break in and look through all my stuff. And you know what? !*^*!**!*! *!*!**!*! *!*!**!*! HAHAH!! You won't know where I put that !*^!*!* princess!"
"Wha the.. how the *!^**!^ did that *!*^*!* Nakago git off stealin' MY words!!" Tasuki fumed and reached for his tessen.
Naturally, Tai-lady didn't want that. She mentally thwapped him.
"OW! !*^*!^*! WOMAN!"
"Tasuki, isn't your girlfriend and band of thieves on the way to Sairou?" Hotofroggy asked, being influenced by the boredness of Authoress #1.
"I DON'T HAVE A *!^*!*^ GIRLFRIEND!" Tasuki fumed.
Chiriko piped up. "Yes you do, Tasuki-san. She whaps you on the head and swears at you and finds Kouji annoying with his acute skitzophrenia but thinks at least he's brighter than you are an-"
"WILL YOU #$#$^$%#$ **SHUT UP**?!!!"
Tasuki, extremely annoyed and red-faced Hmphed out of the room. Hotofroggy hopped onto Chichiri's head, ignoring the fact that he couldn't see anything with the huge blue bang in his face.
"So, ka. We go to Sairou." Tomo went 'hm'. "I'd better pack more makeup."
Chichiri was snapped out of his reverie of angsting by the green frogginess in his scientifically impossibly bouyant bangs. He blinked upward.
"Da?"
Sweatdropping, Chiriko snapped the book shut. "Well then, to Sairou!" He said nervously, following the put-out bandit, but not before stomping upon one of Nakago's many N*SYNC posters.
"Long live the Backstreet Boys..." He muttered. Tomo, Chichiri and Hotohofroggy sweatdropped.
"Riiiight..." (A no da was tacked on the end)
Tomo looked slightly hurt. He felt he was much better looking than those stupid Backstreet Boys.

Somewhere in a land of non-mortals, Byakko watched amused. He had a lot of fun when the Suzaku chosen had visited Sairou, and being a bored god, was feeling very much like playing games with them.
However, as the seishi all headed away from Nakago's evil place, they had no idea about what the god was planning.

So, Tasuki whose name's pronounced Taski and Chichiri whose name has the second syllable stressed and Chiriko whose name can be correctly pronounced Chiliko and Tomo whose name means "friend" in Japanese and Hotohori whose name Author #2 has seen spelled "Hotohouri" by a baka and
...whoever whose name we can't bother to get right! all hopped on their horsies.
It didn't take long before Tomo had a few "questions", "Are we there yet?" being predominate.
"Are we there yet, ka?"
"No," Tasuki mumbled.
"Does anyone have batteries, no da?" Chichiri sniffed as he tried to fix his tape player.
Just then, a loud SNAP was heard. Tasuki turned around to see the most scary, terrifying thing..
"WHERE THE *!^*^!*!* DID Y'PLAN T'GO WITHOUT ME?!"
Tasuki gulped as out of nowhere came his band, and his girlfriend.
"Uh, Rassy.."
Tomo raised his hand in school-child fashion. "If you don't have a girlfriend ka, who's tha-"
"SHADDUP!!!" Tasuki bellowed as the minna chibid. He sweatdropped back at the company.
"Er... Rassy, Kouji... MINNA!" Pause. "Aheh..."
"Hello?" Said Kouji.
"Who is it?" Said Kouji.
"It's me, Kouji, wondering where the heck his best buddy Genrou is," said Kouji.
"Really?" said Kouji. "That's good, because I think Rassy's gonna dismember him soon..."
"So, Kouji, will you let Kouji and me join up with Tasuki?" said Kouji.
"Of course! Please, come along!" said Kouji.
Kouji grinned. "Ari-ga-TOU!"
There was a large, collective sweatdrop from 99.9% of the Mt. Reikakuzan Bandits as they dispersed, because Author #2 doesn't feel like accounting for all of them.
Tasuki gulped. "Er, Rassy, are y'comin' along? You'll get yer clothes all wet n' y'might loose some of yer daggers."
Rassy growled. "Someone tell me what the *!^*!^ is goin' on,"
Immediately, and from fear of what she'd do, everyone started talking at once.
"Well I was cruely changed into a.. an AMPHIBIAN.."
"A frog more precisely,"
"And Nakki-poo's DEAD! KA"
"And no da, my batteries ran out!"
"AND WE"RE ALL GOING TO FIND A PRINCESS!"
"Eh? What the !**!^ d'ya need a princess fer?"
"So that this story will continue," Hotofroggy prompted. "And because I miss my gorgeous looks being awed at by my harem."
"But you never _Visited_ yer harem."
"Rassy, dear, put the daggers away.."

Rassy complied a bit reluctantly. "Right, right... So we'll find th' #$%$#%in princess to advance the Byakko-@#4in PLOT an' let Hotowhatever impress is practik'ly non-existant harem an' Hibana-chan'll prolly git drunk somewheres along th' way an' we hafta put up with a skitzophrenic who only gets away from it 'cuz he's bish an' has a cool scar and WHY AM I PUTTING UP WITH THIS AGAIN?!!"
Pause.
"Because you're an original character ka?"
"There's lotsa original characters," Rassy spat.
"Because you want to restore me to my former gorgeousness ribbit?"
"The hell??"
"Because you're sane and you wish to end this as much as I do?"
"Where the @#$# did that come from, ugly-@$$??"
"Because I'm kawaii?"
"..."
"Because the monk has a cool scar jes like yew an' me?"
"Kouji....;"
Everyone turned to Tasuki expectantly. He paused.
"Uhm..." He squeaked. "Because you love me...?"
Everyone instantly went 'AWWW!!'
Tasuki turned crimson and said a very bad word that I can't even hint at here, unless we want our rating to go to R-13 or something.
Rasconza twisted her lips in indecision. "Hm... All right, whatever!"
As she joined the group with Kouji, she took the chance to smack the Bandit Lord upside the head.
"Butcher gittin yer own sake fer awhile..."
"@#%#@!!!"

For a while, the trip was uneventful. Cause, everyone was tired and Author#1 had no instant surprises anymore. Tomo and Hotohori were discussing hair tips, Chichiri was cheerfully humming cause he'd found his extra batteries, Chiriko was talking to Tai-lady about lots of really intelligence stuff and Kouji, Ras, and Tasuki were in the back drinking a stolen bottle of sake and singing happy bar songs.
They reached a town, where they decided to sleep for the night. And there was a cook there since Author #1 has now thought up a stupid plot device.
And do you know what the special of the inn they stayed in was? Yup. Frog soup!

'Uh oh' said Author #2.
'Aye' said Author #1. 'that was stupid'.
So a very conversation-engrossed Chiriko and Tai-Ger-Food, a very depressed Chichiri, a very put-out Hotofroggy, a very Nakago-deprived Tomo and a very...well, DRUNK Psychotic Bandit Trio dismounted (or toppled of off ^.^; ) their horsies.
So everyone went into the inn and the first thing they saw was... A guy!
And it was a weird guy.
He had a funny moustache.
And wore a big white hat.
"'e looks French," Kouji slurred. Rassy beat him upside the head, as she was so drunk she couldn't tell the difference between one baka and another.
"Whaddthe hell's a french?" she muttered.
Everyone in the group whapped Tasuki at the same instant before he could show her.
"Ah, waill zhen, what would zhe like fawr dinnahr?" the strange cook asked. He looked at Hotofroggy and licked his lips.
Hotofroggy gulped and hid beneath Chichiri's bangs.
"I'd like Nakkie-poo,:" Tomo sniffed dreamily. "But some steak would be fine, KA!"
"yeash, we wantsh.. s'm SAKE!" Tasuki pounded his fist on the table
"Ah, sake.." The cook eyed the frog again. "Say, what is zhat frog doing "on zhe blue haid?"
"Oh,t hash? Thash a prinsh.. Y'can takesh him," Tasuki's head fell to the table and he snored peacefully.
Before anyone could say anything, the cook snatched Hotofroggy and ran away!
Rassy instantly became unintoxicated for the sole purpose of harrassing Tasuki.
"NOW look whatcha did, ya baka!!!" She roared. Tasuki blinked blearily and hiccuped. "I don't look... I SEEEEEEEEEEE~ WITH THE HEART!"
"Smash," said his head as it hit the table. Minna sweatdropped.
"Stupid soul music ka," Tomo muttered.

"So what are we going to do?" Chiriko asked, Chichiri piping up a curious "no da." Tai-Bo-Staff shrugged.
"That is for you to decide. I am only the oracle, therfor I know what will ultimately happen at the end of this fic, and all of your fates and destinies and that most of you would die particularly nasty, gorey deaths."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...hic."
*THWAP!*
"Ka, hey, shouldn't we get him back?" Tomo asked blankly.
Everyone agreed, stood up, and ran screaming lots of mean things towards the kitchen.
Inside, the French guy was holding Hotofroggy over a large pile of soup. The poor emperor was sniffling, mumbling about beauty like his should never be in hot water unless in a warm, bubbly bath with lots of Mr. Bubbles and Herbal Essences and sponges.
Byakko was watching, of course. And he decided to be mean. The scalding pot dumped over and DOUSED the mean cook!
And everyone went YAY!
...
...I SAID...
..
...EVERYONE WENT YAY, DAMMIT!!
"Yay!" went everyone.
'Better,' said Author#2.
*snickers*