*Yay, finally got chapter 4 up! Still have so much to do...argh. Oh well...patience, my friends. I intended it to be kind of serious with sudden, random, STRANGE toilet humour, but lately, in chapter like kazillion which I am handwriting now, it's getting serious and kinda sad....anyways, hope it's good, regardless. You may not understand my humour. I originally wrote this for some friends for entertainment, and we all seem to like random farty, sexish humour. If you like it too, you've come to the right place.*

"Did you hear?!" Majesta screamed in Luna's ear, juggling her books in her arms. Luna looked at her to continue. "OLIVER WOOD is going to give us a presentation today!" she exclaimed, her eyes flashing.

"That's that hot Scottish dude that graduated a couple years ago, right?" Luna asked, not even looking at Majesta. Her glance lay over on Ron and his twin brothers.

"YES!!!" Majesta noticed Luna's stare and drew a line in the air with her finger, and found herself pointing to the Weasleys.

"Ahh...Ron, eh? You guys would make a cute couple."

"Yeah, he's fuckable...but look at his brothers! I'd bang all of them!"

"At the SAME time?"

"YES!"

Majesta chuckled. "Who knows, maybe they're into that..." she trailed off. They began walking to their common rooms to put their school things away when a pale, blond boy knocked Majesta, making her books clatter to the stone floor. The boy acknowledged what he'd done, snickered, and walked away with his head shaking gently.

"LOOK, asshole," Majesta started. "Don't try this snoody shit with me. You're nothing but a candy ass bitch with no hair on your balls." The boy spun around. The look on his face was cold and painful to look at. Majesta squinted her eyes at him as he walked towards her, getting uncomfortably close to her face.

"NO ONE calls me an asshole," he said all cocky like.

"Oh I know ALL about you, Malfoy. Harry told me everything -"

"OH, so you've made friends with Potter, huh? Should have known..."

"At least he doesn't fart in a can and smell it!" Majesta threw at him like a fireball.

"WHAT?! Potter told you that!" under his reddening cheeks was fury. Majesta laughed evilly.

"Fuck you," Majesta finished, walking past him, bumping his shoulder roughly.

He stood their in awe, amazed anyone would do that to him. Luna turned and bent straight over and said "Kiss my ass!" through her legs, then followed Majesta.

* * *

The next day came too soon. Seamus cracked his eyes open and rolled over. He heard he dormitory door slam shut as he looked at his clock. It told him he was running late. "Ah, shit on a stick," he mumbled, still halfway asleep. By the time he has gotten down to the dungeons for Potions, year 5, he was a full 10 minutes late.

"How nice of you to join us, Mr. Finnigan," snape sneered sarcastically. Seamus sat down in between Harry and Majesta, plunking down his cauldron. Class began again, but Snape failed to forget about Seamus, periodically casting him cold glares.

"My hands are cold," Majesta whined as Snape helped a student with their Centipede Oil measurements. She slyly put her hand in Seamus's robes near his stomach. He quivered with goosebumps of surprise.

"You're very straight forward, ay?" Seamus whispered. Majesta nodded slowly. Actually, she had gotten the idea from Luna, who was risking giving Ron a hand job under the table.

"Ms. Silvermoon!" Snape boomed, appearing in front of her cauldron out of no where. "It appears you have lost something in Mr. Weasley's trousers."

"Oh, yes, I dropped my quill in his lap," was her smart ass remark.

Seamus got an idea. He pulled his wand from his robes, pointed it at snape and muttered "sankmilee dankus". Apparently, he wasn't clear enough, because his want immediatly casted a "singskankily dancus" spell.

Snape, without any warning jumped onto his desk, smiled a warm smile no one had seen before, and burst into song.

"Be - My - GUEST! Be my guest! Put my service to the test!" With the first 'guess' he had torn off his cloak to reveal a black, rhinestone covered corset, which gave his pecks cleavage, with lacy black panties and garters to hold up fishnets.

"Guess we know what he does in his spare time," Luna remarked, while Majesta thought of how much Snape was reminding her of Richard Simmons if he were on Broadway.

Once the initial shock was gone, the class exploded in laughter. Seamus was laughing behind his nervous face. Neville fell off his chair. Majesta and Luna got up and started skanky dancing together, gaining more rounds of laughter.

Hermione, meanwhile, looked for a counter curse, which she couldn't find, although she promised them when it went down, Snape wouldn't remember a thing.

After lunch all interested students were to head down to the Quidditch Pitch for a presentation by alumni, Oliver Wood.

"I wonder which side of the broomstick his balls hang over, or if they drape..." Majesta wondered aloud as she watched the sexy Ollie zip through the air, showing them fancy techniques.

"Depends," came a familiar voice from behind her, "if they're left swingers or right swingers. Mine, are lefties," the voice identified to be Draco shared.

"That's umm..nice," Majesta squirmed uncomfortably. "What do you want?" she asked when she noticed he hadn't moved.

"You."

"Huh?"

"You heard me. I want you," he cracked a one sided smile.

"Ha...Ha," Majesta replied sarcastically, though somehow wishing he was telling the truth. Even though all outisde signs told he was an asshole, there was something about the way she saw him that made her think differently. Before Harry had told her who he was, his bad boy smile had already gotten to her. She kept telling herself that he was a prick, and any enemy of Harry's was an enemy of her's...but it couldn't be denied.

"Meet me in the library tonight. One o'clock." Before she could protest, he had vanished.