DISCLAIMER: BLA BLA-YOU KNOW THE DRILL!!

AN: WROTE THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN I COULDN'T SLEEP. HOPE YOU LIKE IT!! Baby Jen.

SPOILERS: All seasons up until end of season 6 i suppose.

SUMMARY: Some of the er docs are reflecting on the events of MAY DAY-that same night.

Yeah I know it's oudated but I was watching the May Day episode, and then TV did a rerun of the season where
Carter works alongside Anspaugh b4 leavin surgery. Remember the one where Carter confronts him in the parking lot?
Well anywayz it all came floodin back! And this is the result.

Please R&R :) Thanx!!

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Less than 1 hour after the blow up in the lounge Dr Anspaugh sits quietly in his office pondering over what he
has just witnessed.

*I don't know how it happened. I honestly don't.

If it had been anyone else I could believe it. But not *that* one. He was different. He was, well-in many ways
like myself. When I looked at him I saw my own reflection. So young, so passionate, so caring, so true.

The patients. Helping patients-that's what matters first and foremost. He reminded me of that fact. Of course I was
dissapointed when he first left surgery for Emergency Medicine-but I understood why he did it. He was just too
good a person to confine himself to correcting a defect in the body. He, he cared about the whole patient. That's part of what made
him so special. So unusual for a surgeon. That day when he defied my orders-leaving rounds to care for a geriatric patient. At the
time I couldn't remember feeling so angry with an intern. But now? I can't remember ever feeling more proud of an intern.

He was a courageous young lad. He confronted me outside my Car that same day. Hell it took guts-I certainly wouldn't have done that
in my day.

That said-he was still a loyal young man. I'm not certain but I'm pretty sure that Edson doctored his chart once. I
think Carter knew about it. I couldn't prove it-so Edson got off scott free on that one-but in all fairness Carter
never sold him out. He was too loyal; for his own good-alot of people would have jumped at the chance to nail Edson-
that weasal. But not Carter. His seflsess nature made me feel kinda proud of him.

Actually, he's alway given reasone to be proud. I remember finding out at the time that when he transfered-he agreed
to do so without pay. Well-It didn't seem so noble then-especially with that hefty trust fund we all knew he had. But later Kerry
told me about that Carter familly row between he and his 'gamma'. How he gave up the Carter riches to be humble resident.
That took courage-the type of courage he's always displayed-for as long as I've known the lad.

As for what happened today? I still can't believe it. The young man for whom I held so much admiration. The young man whom I felt to be the
most altruistic student I'd worked with in a long, long time. A drug addict.

I know this isn't exactly your typical 'druggie' but still. It's unbelievable. The hell he's been through. The stabbing, the loss of his own
student, pushing himself to the point where...where...where he felt he, he needed to overdose. Where he depended on his own medicatio...
I can't-I can't believe it. Why didn't we see it?

Maybe BECAUSE it was Carter-you're mind just doesn't go there...*

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THE END-PLEASE R&R!!