CHAPTER 7 - "You promised."
Helpless.
That's what it was.
It just lied there, helplessly, on a darkened floor, in the middle of the room. As if the whole world rested upon its metaphorical shoulders. And somehow, it might.
There, a couple of inches away from Angel's leather jacket, a couple of other inches away from the bathroom door, lied the wooden, single stake.
Alone.
Waiting.
Slightly scattered across the floor were the remaining of their clothes. A light blue blouse resting at the foot of the bed; a dark sweater, cramped in a little bundle a bit further away from the bed; a pair of black pants quietly waiting on the side, near the nightstand; a classic yet comfortable pair of shoes forgotten nearby.
Everything stood still.
The clothes. The air. The sleeping body that somehow rested on the bed, a sheet covering him from the waist down.
The room bathed in a dreadfully intense silence, except for the hushed sound of running water coming from the bathroom.
The quiet, subdued sound of water.
A sound that Angel seemed to be oblivious to as he lied, eyes closed, on the empty bed.
The door to the bathroom was closed. Behind it, a thoughtful Cordelia hovered over the sink, listening to the somewhat calming sound of the rhythmic water. Constancy. Constancy that overstepped on thoughts she wasn't ready to have. Having put back on her white top and a pair of training pants she'd found on Angel's dresser, she leaned on the side of the counter, her palms feeling the coolness of it against their skin. Eyes lowered, she took a long, deep breath.
The sound of the water was reassuring to her somehow. It relaxed her. It calmed her nerves for about a split second.
Her heart began to beat faster again as the realization of what had just happened dawned on her. How had she let him convince her? How had she let him convince her that everything would be fine?
She tried to take reassurance in the fact that so far, everything [I]was[/I] fine. Except for the obvious awkwardness that would surely follow Angel's awakening. But, no matter how she tried to think positive, she could not help the fear and thoughts from settling in her mind.
Angel.
She wasn't sure how to word the whole thing.
She had sex with Angel. She and Angel slept together. Angel had sex with her.
No matter how she was wording it, it made her nervous. And it sounded wrong. It didn't feel wrong, but her choice of words did. Who was she kidding? She had a pretty good understanding of what casual should have been like. What simple comfort should have felt like. How simple, heartless sex should have unfolded.
That had been n one of the above. Not that she was ready - or even wanted - to admit it at this point, but the truth seemed pretty obvious. There had been feelings. There had been emotions. There had been..something. She didn't dare go as far as to uncover what that might have been.
Everything had been so slow. So gentle. So.not rushed. She wasn't used to not rushed. Her mind had been yelling at her to just rush things. Just do it. Quick. Without feelings. Just to save her. But it had been so delicate at first. So.unexpected.
What had begun as a device to save her life had turned into something she both enjoyed and feared now.
Yes. As her heart beat faster and she looked at herself up in the mirror, she uncontrollably became invaded by this urging and constant fear. She ran her hands through her hair and tied it with a small elastic, in a messy little bun.
Cordelia took a sharp breath and slowly reached for the empty glass on the side of the sink. She silently drank some water, letting the water run quietly. Ever so quietly.
Angel was sleeping. And there she was.
Just like he'd told her.
To get away. Not to stay close. Even though he'd promised her everything would be fine - just as everyone seemed to try and make her believe - she had seen in his eyes the worry. The fear. The despair to make her believe something he couldn't make himself believe in the first place.
And there she was. In the bathroom. She wasn't sure how long she'd been in there. 5 minutes? 10? 15? Probably more, she couldn't tell really.
Everything would be fine she repeated herself. No big happy. No big Angelus.at least not that she had seen prior to entering the bathroom. Not prior to Angel falling asleep.
Fine.
Things were fine.
Cordelia placed the glass she had just emptied in one long swallow back on the small counter. She breathed slowly and then raised her eyes towards the mirror again.
Her heart stopped as she nearly jumped in shock.
The blood froze in her veins for a moment as her eyes landed on the image of Emily standing right behind her, a look of warning imprinted on her face.
Cordy immediately turned around, trying to catch a breath of air that seemed lost to her. As soon as she spun around, the image had disappeared.
Nothing.
Nobody.
Emily was gone.
It took Cordelia a few seconds to actually calm herself down. The reflection in the mirror had taken her by surprise - and obviously had troubled her. The look in the young girl's eyes had been mysteriously disturbing. Foreshadowing something she now was back to dreading. She felt her chest rise and fall quickly as she pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, carelessly. She closed her eyes, mentally berating herself for nearly letting herself go insane.
Cordelia turned around slowly and as she did so her eyes landed on something on the side of the sink.
Her eyes widened and her heart skipped an important beat.
It had not been there before.
She swallowed difficultly and reached for the sharp stake that now rested on the side of the sink. A growing fear began to take over her being as she took it in her hands. She heard a small noise from the other side of the bathroom door and suddenly, she really wished she had taken Angel up on his offer and just ran out of there as soon as their little "mission" had been finished.
Things are fine.
She repeated that to herself incessantly.
Unsuccessfully at that, however.
Cordelia heard the small rustle of the sheets and she instinctively tightened her grip on the stake. A lump gravitated in her throat as she turned around slowly and faced the bathroom door. Air seemed harder and harder to find by the time her eyes narrowed on the door in front of her.
She bit her lower lip, waiting. Waiting as she stared at the door. Unwilling to imagine the worst, though, unable not to.
--
He stirred. Not much of a move, just a stir.
His whole being was thrown up and he gasped in pain. He shot up in a seating position on the bed as an earth shattering growl escaped his aching throat. With wide eyes and pain stricken muscles, Angel fell down on the floor beside the bed.
The room spun around him. He could feel it. The hole in his chest. That emptiness in his whole being. It hurt. It ached. He felt like screaming at the top of his lungs, which cause a frightening growl from his throat.
His hands aimlessly attempted to grab the floor beneath him as he crawled to the door.
--
Cordelia slightly jumped back at the sound of Angel's painfully dark groans. She could feel her heart in her throat as she debated whether to open the door or not.
Her fingers were now grasping the stake with such a firm drip that it frightened her. It's as if even though she wanted to let it drop to the floor, she couldn't.
At the sound of angel bursting through the bedroom door and into the corridor, she felt her heart jump out of her chest.
--
Angel's body desperately fell through the door and ended up all the way across the corridor. Tears shed from his eyes. A fright somehow unknown to human kind spread across her face. He felt his muscles hit the floor with savage rage and the next thing he knew he was standing at the top of the stairs.
Feeling an impulsive anger-filled growl coming, he just threw himself forward, his body noisily and loudly crumbling down the stairs. His face hit the cold hard steps one by one until he crashed onto the floor.
Gunn, Fred and Wesley sprung from the couch, alarmed by the noise and agitation as they saw Angel rise, grabbing his chest with savage hands. As Angel rose to his feet, his eyes locked with theirs, prompting a very familiar fear in them. The yellow behind Angel's eyes was starting to appear and as Gunn pointed his crossbow towards him, Angel threw himself towards the door to the basement. An alarming cry of pain emanating from him as he crashed down the stairs in the same manner he had the previous ones.
Cordelia's frame appeared at the top of the stairs in a hurry. She rushed down the stairs as quickly as possible as she faintly heard Fred's frightened voice in the back of her head.
"Cordelia! Oh My God!" Fred exclaimed as she saw Cordelia carelessly jump the stairs two by two before barely landing on the ground. She saw Gunn and Wesley run towards the basement as they felt Angel's agonizing growl.
"Wesley!" she cried out but it was too late.
The two men had rushed downstairs, in an attempt to mobilize the beast that Angelus was quickly becoming. Cordelia harshly urged Fred back, but the look in her eyes contained a vulnerability Fred had never seen on Cordelia's face before. Cordelia heard Angel's body hit the ground and barely heard Wesley and Gunn's voices in the background.
She was still unconsciously gripping the stake that Angel had previously handed her when she fidgeted. For about two seconds. With fearful eyes aiming at the stairs, she ran towards the basement and aimlessly made her way down the stairs, fumbling through a darkness unknown to her before.
Darkness.
Everything was dark.
Nothing was fine.
She breathlessly arrived in the doorway just in time to see Gunn being thrown across the room and Wesley's head being smashed on a metal shelf. Angelus fell to the ground, in the middle of the room, his half-naked body shaking as if the life was being sucked out of him.
The life had already been sucked out of him. For a long time.
Now it was his soul.
"Angel, don't!" Cordy found herself shouting at the vampire when she saw him grab Wesley's motionless body.
He let the ex-watcher drop to the floor with such a carefree attitude that Cordelia froze. Angel's back was turned to her and for a second there, she pondered running back up the stairs, grabbing Fred and getting the hell out of there. Her muscles were numb. She was motionless.
Immobile.
Frozen.
The air stopped going in and out of her lungs and her heart momentarily stopped beating. She stood there, eyes riveted on this man.
He was not a man.
Not anymore.
She realized that as soon as he shifted his head and glared at her. His dark, evil, soul-less yellow eyes. She found herself paralyzed with fear and with pain.
"Angel." she barely made a sound, but he heard her.
He was kneeling on the floor as he fully turned to her. A glimpse of the real Angel shone through his hungry stare. She could feel it though. It was coming. It was inevitable.
"Angel.stay with me.." She whispered in a shaky breath as she venture one step closer.
She immediately backed away when Angel crumbled to the floor with an agonizing cry.
She took a step back when she heard Angel's pleading voice from under his breath.
"Get out!!" he warned her as his tone grew darker and darker.
Cordelia pondered the option for a split-second and began stepping back towards the exit. She stopped only when her back hit the wall behind her.
"Angel." she ventured once again, not moving this time around.
But this time, when he looked u p, there were no traces of Angel left. With his game face on, his fangs perfectly disfiguring his otherwise handsome face, he coldly stared at her, rising to his feet. She heard the tiny growl coming from him as she clutched the stake in her hands, silently praying. She couldn't run. She couldn't stay.
She couldn't do this.
She didn't have the strength to do this.
Angelus suddenly became aware of his half-nakedness and a somewhat evil smirk spread across her face. Pride. That's what she saw. Pride.
"Looks like we had fun." He growled as he took another step towards her.
Cordelia quickly glanced at Gunn and Wesley unconscious bodies as she brought the stake closer to her chest.
She managed to take a deep breath, eyeing the door for a second, and then noticing the chains that were lying in a corner of the room. Her hands were shaking, but she was quickly trying to think rationally. Though, all rationality seemed to have left her at the instant she realized what was happening.
It was her doing.
"It looks like it." She said, pointedly eyeing him.
Her voice was trying to be firm and confident, but sadly so, it was fearful and guilt ridden.
"I can't do this" she kept repeating over and over again in her head as she saw him approach her with an hunger and a darkness that she had known to fear only in her worst nightmares.
"Come on Cordy, show a little spine." she muttered to herself under her breath.
Angelus launched at her in a moment of spontaneity but Cordy managed to get out of the way. She made a head-start to the weapon cabinet she had installed in the basement but Angelus stopped her, grabbing her body and throwing her onto the floor. The stake flew out of her hand before she could even move. She saw it land half way between them and the doorway. His body pressed hard against her, mobilizing her for what seemed an eternity.
"I guess I should say thank you." Angelus spoke in a low, frightening voice as he lowered his mouth closer to her face. He could see the small tears of fear hidden in the corner of her eyes as she tried to free herself from his grip. "You did me a huge favor - pun very well intended." He growled.
Cordelia had one free hand left and she desperately tried to reach for something that was lying beside her.
"Angel." she was calling to him, even though she knew he wasn't there anymore.
"Now let's have some more fun.my way." He said as he leaned in for her neck.
Cordelia finally managed to grab what she was aiming for and hit Angelus over the head with a strong metallic object. He rolled over her, giving her enough time to crawl from underneath him. Kneeling on the floor, she crawled to the weapon cabinet. She literally jumped when Angelus grabbed her and pushed her right through the cabinet, making the glass shatter to the floor in millions of little pieces. AS he was reaching to pull her up, Cordy's hand fell on something strangely familiar and without a second though to it, she swung the sword in the air and right into Angelus' direction. The sword hit him hard on the arm, cutting his un-bleeding skin deeply.
She looked at him, wide-eyes gracing her tired, frightened face, as if she had made the biggest mistake of her life. For a moment there, the whole world stopped. She had stabbed Angel with a sword.
Angelus.
Angelus she needed to remind herself.
She was breathing quickly now, still pointing the sword at his face, forcing him to back away slowly.
He smirked. Something that looked like a fake smirk at least. The closest thing to one that a monster like Angelus could have formed she guessed.
"You can't do it. You're not going to hurt poor little Angel.." He muttered, faking a deadpan baby voice.
Tiny drops of sweat began rolling down Cordelia's forehead. She saw Gunn stir silently in the back of the room, and then she brought her eyes back to Angelus.
"You promised." she whispered with clenched teeth as her heartbreaking voice brought tears to her own eyes. Tears she was unwilling to shed. And didn't.
"I lied." Angelus said with pride and joy.
In a move so fast she barely saw it happen, angelus grabbed another one of the swords and lunched at her. She managed to escape his attack, but barely. She was fighting to stand up. The transfer of her visions had drained her of all strength she had left, and quite frankly, that little 'transferring process' with Angel had been exhausting as well in and of itself.
He pointed his sword at her, suddenly finding this challenge quite amusing.
Never.
Never had she thought she would actually fight him.
She didn't want to.
There had to be another way. She was not going to stake him, no matter how intent Angel had been about it.
She couldn't.
Angelus took a quick step forward and swung his sword her way, which she stopped with hers.
"Good girl." He growled. "I taught you well."
"Don't flatter yourself." she mumbled as she tried to concentrate on his face.
Disturbing.
That's all she could come up. She felt like she was going to be sick. How did this all happen? What happened to all these "everything's going to be fine" speeches? He could sense her heart beating faster, irregularly almost. He could feel her breathing intensifying. She was scared. That's how he liked it.
He attacked her once again and this time, Cordelia put into use what Angel had taught her. She stopped him and attacked him back, with a pain- stricken look in her eyes as she did so.
She couldn't do this.
She couldn't. Simply couldn't.
A short battle between the demon and the seer ensued, Angelus' sword finally brushing Cordelia's arm, leaving a trace of blood as it moved away. She grabbed her shoulder in pain as her sword dropped to the floor. Angelus took advantage of the moment and pushed her with all his strength, which sent her flying across the room.
"You killed him.I hope you're proud. I know I am." Angelus spoke as he glared at her.
She fell, helplessly, to the ground, in the middle of the room.
She flipped over to her side and grabbed the stake that was lying right beside her, just as she saw Angelus come right after her.
As it was the case in most movies she'd watched in her young life, the moment seemed to be dragged into a slow-motion sequence. So slow. So painfully slow. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as her fingers rounded the small wooden stake, bringing it closer to her body. Flashes of images, much like the visions, momentarily flashed through her mind.
[I] Cordelia lowered her eyes and leaned against the doorframe once more.
Angel didn't know.
He just didn't.
In the darkness of the room, she felt Angel's hand softly rest on her shoulder. Soothingly. Reassuringly. Caringly.
[/I]
Angelus jumped in the air towards her in what seemed like a long, slow- motion movie. She held her breath as she watched him, slowly, ever so slowly, rushing towards her.
[I] "She's strong." Angel said after a long silence. "Like you." He added, catching a glimpse of her thoughtful profile.
[/I]
Cordelia rolled over on her back as fast as she could, which for some reason, appeared to be very slow to her own eyes.
[I] "Why didn't you tell me.?" he then whispered as his eyes bore into the ground.
Cordelia closed her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek.
She knew what he was talking about.
She could feel it.
She sighed through her tears and glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. At the lost look he saw on her face, he didn't need an answer. He saw the hesitation, the fear. He saw everything.
She finally turned to face him and his un-beating heart broke when he met her sad eyes.
As if everything had been said in this long silence, Angel just wrapped his arms around her and held onto her. Cordelia automatically wrapped her arms around his neck and just held him back, as they both stayed there, in the middle of the dark cemetery.
[/I]
Angel violently landed on top of her, grabbing her arms tightly.
[I] "You know what to do if there is a what if." he whispered, closing her hands over the stake.
[/I]
Time stood still as he lowered his teeth to her neck.
[I] "I won't be able to stake you." she then whispered, throwing the stake on the floor.
"You'll know what you have to do." he whispered, staring at her from across the room.
"I can't do this..stake you."
"You won't have to.I'll be fine." He said, waiting for her answer, expectantly.
Emily had promised it. Now Angel was promising it too.
[/I]
Her hand, which had been frozen over the stake up until now, finally moved. As she felt the tip of his teeth on her skin, she raised her hand, which had been resting on her chest, and pointed the stake to his heart.
She felt his head rise from her neck and her eyes locked with his in a moment that was destined to plague her life with guilt for as long as she'd live.
She had stopped breathing.
She had stopped living.
She gasped as she felt her arm move, heartbreakingly, as she drove the stick into his chest, throwing him backwards.
Her face dropped. Her eyes grew wide. Her heart broke into millions of pieces as she felt her hand hold the stake to his heart.
He leaned back on his knees as she retrieved the stake and stared, blankly at what she had just done.
[I] Angel, cupping Cordelia's face with his strong hands, gently lowered his lips to hers in a long, emotional kiss. Her hands were not trembling anymore. Her heart was beating again. The touch of his lips on hers was enough to silence any fear that ever inhabited her. She closed her eyes and kissed him back with the same gentleness he had.
[/I]
Images of Angel flashed through her mind as a bright yellow glow surrounded his body. His fangs disappeared and a look of utter despair, fear, and sadness spread across his face. His eyes. His tear-filled eyes stared back at her as he whispered her name.
"Cordy."
He held his chest with both hands as she kneeled before him, unable to breathe, just stare.
[I]Emily: "Everything's going to be alright. Trust me. I've got it covered."[/I]
Fred came rushing down the stairs and froze, while Gunn and Wesley slowly lifted their heads up.
Cordelia's eyes welled up with instant tears at the sound of his voice. Underneath her gasp and stare, he vanished.
His image faded as Cordelia stood there, kneeling on the floor with tears silently running down her face. Her hands still grasping the stake in her hands, she just stood there immobile.
There weren't any words for what they had just seen.
There weren't any words for what they were still seeing.
Cordelia.
Alone.
Frightened.
Pained.
The stake fell helplessly to the floor, the noise resounding so loudly he made her deft. Cordelia leaned back on her heels, still staring at the empty space in front of her, her heart numb from what she had just done.
What had just happened.
The look in her eyes. There was such a mix of emotion in her eyes that neither of her friends could form a word. They just stared. Like her. Wesley and Gunn, bruised and bleeding, reached Fred and wrapped their arms around her, making sure she was fine.
Emotionally drained, she just stood there, unable to move.
Unwilling to.
--
The was a long silence. Painful and unbearable.
"And here we are." Wesley sadly spoke as he lowered his eyes to the cast on his forearm.
Gunn, whose bruised face now made sense, and Fred were somberly silent, while Buffy, Xander and Willow sat in silence. Shock.
Buffy lowered her eyes as well, grasping the truckload of information that was just dumped on them.
"Here we are." Gunn repeated in a bare whisper.
TBC
Helpless.
That's what it was.
It just lied there, helplessly, on a darkened floor, in the middle of the room. As if the whole world rested upon its metaphorical shoulders. And somehow, it might.
There, a couple of inches away from Angel's leather jacket, a couple of other inches away from the bathroom door, lied the wooden, single stake.
Alone.
Waiting.
Slightly scattered across the floor were the remaining of their clothes. A light blue blouse resting at the foot of the bed; a dark sweater, cramped in a little bundle a bit further away from the bed; a pair of black pants quietly waiting on the side, near the nightstand; a classic yet comfortable pair of shoes forgotten nearby.
Everything stood still.
The clothes. The air. The sleeping body that somehow rested on the bed, a sheet covering him from the waist down.
The room bathed in a dreadfully intense silence, except for the hushed sound of running water coming from the bathroom.
The quiet, subdued sound of water.
A sound that Angel seemed to be oblivious to as he lied, eyes closed, on the empty bed.
The door to the bathroom was closed. Behind it, a thoughtful Cordelia hovered over the sink, listening to the somewhat calming sound of the rhythmic water. Constancy. Constancy that overstepped on thoughts she wasn't ready to have. Having put back on her white top and a pair of training pants she'd found on Angel's dresser, she leaned on the side of the counter, her palms feeling the coolness of it against their skin. Eyes lowered, she took a long, deep breath.
The sound of the water was reassuring to her somehow. It relaxed her. It calmed her nerves for about a split second.
Her heart began to beat faster again as the realization of what had just happened dawned on her. How had she let him convince her? How had she let him convince her that everything would be fine?
She tried to take reassurance in the fact that so far, everything [I]was[/I] fine. Except for the obvious awkwardness that would surely follow Angel's awakening. But, no matter how she tried to think positive, she could not help the fear and thoughts from settling in her mind.
Angel.
She wasn't sure how to word the whole thing.
She had sex with Angel. She and Angel slept together. Angel had sex with her.
No matter how she was wording it, it made her nervous. And it sounded wrong. It didn't feel wrong, but her choice of words did. Who was she kidding? She had a pretty good understanding of what casual should have been like. What simple comfort should have felt like. How simple, heartless sex should have unfolded.
That had been n one of the above. Not that she was ready - or even wanted - to admit it at this point, but the truth seemed pretty obvious. There had been feelings. There had been emotions. There had been..something. She didn't dare go as far as to uncover what that might have been.
Everything had been so slow. So gentle. So.not rushed. She wasn't used to not rushed. Her mind had been yelling at her to just rush things. Just do it. Quick. Without feelings. Just to save her. But it had been so delicate at first. So.unexpected.
What had begun as a device to save her life had turned into something she both enjoyed and feared now.
Yes. As her heart beat faster and she looked at herself up in the mirror, she uncontrollably became invaded by this urging and constant fear. She ran her hands through her hair and tied it with a small elastic, in a messy little bun.
Cordelia took a sharp breath and slowly reached for the empty glass on the side of the sink. She silently drank some water, letting the water run quietly. Ever so quietly.
Angel was sleeping. And there she was.
Just like he'd told her.
To get away. Not to stay close. Even though he'd promised her everything would be fine - just as everyone seemed to try and make her believe - she had seen in his eyes the worry. The fear. The despair to make her believe something he couldn't make himself believe in the first place.
And there she was. In the bathroom. She wasn't sure how long she'd been in there. 5 minutes? 10? 15? Probably more, she couldn't tell really.
Everything would be fine she repeated herself. No big happy. No big Angelus.at least not that she had seen prior to entering the bathroom. Not prior to Angel falling asleep.
Fine.
Things were fine.
Cordelia placed the glass she had just emptied in one long swallow back on the small counter. She breathed slowly and then raised her eyes towards the mirror again.
Her heart stopped as she nearly jumped in shock.
The blood froze in her veins for a moment as her eyes landed on the image of Emily standing right behind her, a look of warning imprinted on her face.
Cordy immediately turned around, trying to catch a breath of air that seemed lost to her. As soon as she spun around, the image had disappeared.
Nothing.
Nobody.
Emily was gone.
It took Cordelia a few seconds to actually calm herself down. The reflection in the mirror had taken her by surprise - and obviously had troubled her. The look in the young girl's eyes had been mysteriously disturbing. Foreshadowing something she now was back to dreading. She felt her chest rise and fall quickly as she pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, carelessly. She closed her eyes, mentally berating herself for nearly letting herself go insane.
Cordelia turned around slowly and as she did so her eyes landed on something on the side of the sink.
Her eyes widened and her heart skipped an important beat.
It had not been there before.
She swallowed difficultly and reached for the sharp stake that now rested on the side of the sink. A growing fear began to take over her being as she took it in her hands. She heard a small noise from the other side of the bathroom door and suddenly, she really wished she had taken Angel up on his offer and just ran out of there as soon as their little "mission" had been finished.
Things are fine.
She repeated that to herself incessantly.
Unsuccessfully at that, however.
Cordelia heard the small rustle of the sheets and she instinctively tightened her grip on the stake. A lump gravitated in her throat as she turned around slowly and faced the bathroom door. Air seemed harder and harder to find by the time her eyes narrowed on the door in front of her.
She bit her lower lip, waiting. Waiting as she stared at the door. Unwilling to imagine the worst, though, unable not to.
--
He stirred. Not much of a move, just a stir.
His whole being was thrown up and he gasped in pain. He shot up in a seating position on the bed as an earth shattering growl escaped his aching throat. With wide eyes and pain stricken muscles, Angel fell down on the floor beside the bed.
The room spun around him. He could feel it. The hole in his chest. That emptiness in his whole being. It hurt. It ached. He felt like screaming at the top of his lungs, which cause a frightening growl from his throat.
His hands aimlessly attempted to grab the floor beneath him as he crawled to the door.
--
Cordelia slightly jumped back at the sound of Angel's painfully dark groans. She could feel her heart in her throat as she debated whether to open the door or not.
Her fingers were now grasping the stake with such a firm drip that it frightened her. It's as if even though she wanted to let it drop to the floor, she couldn't.
At the sound of angel bursting through the bedroom door and into the corridor, she felt her heart jump out of her chest.
--
Angel's body desperately fell through the door and ended up all the way across the corridor. Tears shed from his eyes. A fright somehow unknown to human kind spread across her face. He felt his muscles hit the floor with savage rage and the next thing he knew he was standing at the top of the stairs.
Feeling an impulsive anger-filled growl coming, he just threw himself forward, his body noisily and loudly crumbling down the stairs. His face hit the cold hard steps one by one until he crashed onto the floor.
Gunn, Fred and Wesley sprung from the couch, alarmed by the noise and agitation as they saw Angel rise, grabbing his chest with savage hands. As Angel rose to his feet, his eyes locked with theirs, prompting a very familiar fear in them. The yellow behind Angel's eyes was starting to appear and as Gunn pointed his crossbow towards him, Angel threw himself towards the door to the basement. An alarming cry of pain emanating from him as he crashed down the stairs in the same manner he had the previous ones.
Cordelia's frame appeared at the top of the stairs in a hurry. She rushed down the stairs as quickly as possible as she faintly heard Fred's frightened voice in the back of her head.
"Cordelia! Oh My God!" Fred exclaimed as she saw Cordelia carelessly jump the stairs two by two before barely landing on the ground. She saw Gunn and Wesley run towards the basement as they felt Angel's agonizing growl.
"Wesley!" she cried out but it was too late.
The two men had rushed downstairs, in an attempt to mobilize the beast that Angelus was quickly becoming. Cordelia harshly urged Fred back, but the look in her eyes contained a vulnerability Fred had never seen on Cordelia's face before. Cordelia heard Angel's body hit the ground and barely heard Wesley and Gunn's voices in the background.
She was still unconsciously gripping the stake that Angel had previously handed her when she fidgeted. For about two seconds. With fearful eyes aiming at the stairs, she ran towards the basement and aimlessly made her way down the stairs, fumbling through a darkness unknown to her before.
Darkness.
Everything was dark.
Nothing was fine.
She breathlessly arrived in the doorway just in time to see Gunn being thrown across the room and Wesley's head being smashed on a metal shelf. Angelus fell to the ground, in the middle of the room, his half-naked body shaking as if the life was being sucked out of him.
The life had already been sucked out of him. For a long time.
Now it was his soul.
"Angel, don't!" Cordy found herself shouting at the vampire when she saw him grab Wesley's motionless body.
He let the ex-watcher drop to the floor with such a carefree attitude that Cordelia froze. Angel's back was turned to her and for a second there, she pondered running back up the stairs, grabbing Fred and getting the hell out of there. Her muscles were numb. She was motionless.
Immobile.
Frozen.
The air stopped going in and out of her lungs and her heart momentarily stopped beating. She stood there, eyes riveted on this man.
He was not a man.
Not anymore.
She realized that as soon as he shifted his head and glared at her. His dark, evil, soul-less yellow eyes. She found herself paralyzed with fear and with pain.
"Angel." she barely made a sound, but he heard her.
He was kneeling on the floor as he fully turned to her. A glimpse of the real Angel shone through his hungry stare. She could feel it though. It was coming. It was inevitable.
"Angel.stay with me.." She whispered in a shaky breath as she venture one step closer.
She immediately backed away when Angel crumbled to the floor with an agonizing cry.
She took a step back when she heard Angel's pleading voice from under his breath.
"Get out!!" he warned her as his tone grew darker and darker.
Cordelia pondered the option for a split-second and began stepping back towards the exit. She stopped only when her back hit the wall behind her.
"Angel." she ventured once again, not moving this time around.
But this time, when he looked u p, there were no traces of Angel left. With his game face on, his fangs perfectly disfiguring his otherwise handsome face, he coldly stared at her, rising to his feet. She heard the tiny growl coming from him as she clutched the stake in her hands, silently praying. She couldn't run. She couldn't stay.
She couldn't do this.
She didn't have the strength to do this.
Angelus suddenly became aware of his half-nakedness and a somewhat evil smirk spread across her face. Pride. That's what she saw. Pride.
"Looks like we had fun." He growled as he took another step towards her.
Cordelia quickly glanced at Gunn and Wesley unconscious bodies as she brought the stake closer to her chest.
She managed to take a deep breath, eyeing the door for a second, and then noticing the chains that were lying in a corner of the room. Her hands were shaking, but she was quickly trying to think rationally. Though, all rationality seemed to have left her at the instant she realized what was happening.
It was her doing.
"It looks like it." She said, pointedly eyeing him.
Her voice was trying to be firm and confident, but sadly so, it was fearful and guilt ridden.
"I can't do this" she kept repeating over and over again in her head as she saw him approach her with an hunger and a darkness that she had known to fear only in her worst nightmares.
"Come on Cordy, show a little spine." she muttered to herself under her breath.
Angelus launched at her in a moment of spontaneity but Cordy managed to get out of the way. She made a head-start to the weapon cabinet she had installed in the basement but Angelus stopped her, grabbing her body and throwing her onto the floor. The stake flew out of her hand before she could even move. She saw it land half way between them and the doorway. His body pressed hard against her, mobilizing her for what seemed an eternity.
"I guess I should say thank you." Angelus spoke in a low, frightening voice as he lowered his mouth closer to her face. He could see the small tears of fear hidden in the corner of her eyes as she tried to free herself from his grip. "You did me a huge favor - pun very well intended." He growled.
Cordelia had one free hand left and she desperately tried to reach for something that was lying beside her.
"Angel." she was calling to him, even though she knew he wasn't there anymore.
"Now let's have some more fun.my way." He said as he leaned in for her neck.
Cordelia finally managed to grab what she was aiming for and hit Angelus over the head with a strong metallic object. He rolled over her, giving her enough time to crawl from underneath him. Kneeling on the floor, she crawled to the weapon cabinet. She literally jumped when Angelus grabbed her and pushed her right through the cabinet, making the glass shatter to the floor in millions of little pieces. AS he was reaching to pull her up, Cordy's hand fell on something strangely familiar and without a second though to it, she swung the sword in the air and right into Angelus' direction. The sword hit him hard on the arm, cutting his un-bleeding skin deeply.
She looked at him, wide-eyes gracing her tired, frightened face, as if she had made the biggest mistake of her life. For a moment there, the whole world stopped. She had stabbed Angel with a sword.
Angelus.
Angelus she needed to remind herself.
She was breathing quickly now, still pointing the sword at his face, forcing him to back away slowly.
He smirked. Something that looked like a fake smirk at least. The closest thing to one that a monster like Angelus could have formed she guessed.
"You can't do it. You're not going to hurt poor little Angel.." He muttered, faking a deadpan baby voice.
Tiny drops of sweat began rolling down Cordelia's forehead. She saw Gunn stir silently in the back of the room, and then she brought her eyes back to Angelus.
"You promised." she whispered with clenched teeth as her heartbreaking voice brought tears to her own eyes. Tears she was unwilling to shed. And didn't.
"I lied." Angelus said with pride and joy.
In a move so fast she barely saw it happen, angelus grabbed another one of the swords and lunched at her. She managed to escape his attack, but barely. She was fighting to stand up. The transfer of her visions had drained her of all strength she had left, and quite frankly, that little 'transferring process' with Angel had been exhausting as well in and of itself.
He pointed his sword at her, suddenly finding this challenge quite amusing.
Never.
Never had she thought she would actually fight him.
She didn't want to.
There had to be another way. She was not going to stake him, no matter how intent Angel had been about it.
She couldn't.
Angelus took a quick step forward and swung his sword her way, which she stopped with hers.
"Good girl." He growled. "I taught you well."
"Don't flatter yourself." she mumbled as she tried to concentrate on his face.
Disturbing.
That's all she could come up. She felt like she was going to be sick. How did this all happen? What happened to all these "everything's going to be fine" speeches? He could sense her heart beating faster, irregularly almost. He could feel her breathing intensifying. She was scared. That's how he liked it.
He attacked her once again and this time, Cordelia put into use what Angel had taught her. She stopped him and attacked him back, with a pain- stricken look in her eyes as she did so.
She couldn't do this.
She couldn't. Simply couldn't.
A short battle between the demon and the seer ensued, Angelus' sword finally brushing Cordelia's arm, leaving a trace of blood as it moved away. She grabbed her shoulder in pain as her sword dropped to the floor. Angelus took advantage of the moment and pushed her with all his strength, which sent her flying across the room.
"You killed him.I hope you're proud. I know I am." Angelus spoke as he glared at her.
She fell, helplessly, to the ground, in the middle of the room.
She flipped over to her side and grabbed the stake that was lying right beside her, just as she saw Angelus come right after her.
As it was the case in most movies she'd watched in her young life, the moment seemed to be dragged into a slow-motion sequence. So slow. So painfully slow. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as her fingers rounded the small wooden stake, bringing it closer to her body. Flashes of images, much like the visions, momentarily flashed through her mind.
[I] Cordelia lowered her eyes and leaned against the doorframe once more.
Angel didn't know.
He just didn't.
In the darkness of the room, she felt Angel's hand softly rest on her shoulder. Soothingly. Reassuringly. Caringly.
[/I]
Angelus jumped in the air towards her in what seemed like a long, slow- motion movie. She held her breath as she watched him, slowly, ever so slowly, rushing towards her.
[I] "She's strong." Angel said after a long silence. "Like you." He added, catching a glimpse of her thoughtful profile.
[/I]
Cordelia rolled over on her back as fast as she could, which for some reason, appeared to be very slow to her own eyes.
[I] "Why didn't you tell me.?" he then whispered as his eyes bore into the ground.
Cordelia closed her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek.
She knew what he was talking about.
She could feel it.
She sighed through her tears and glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. At the lost look he saw on her face, he didn't need an answer. He saw the hesitation, the fear. He saw everything.
She finally turned to face him and his un-beating heart broke when he met her sad eyes.
As if everything had been said in this long silence, Angel just wrapped his arms around her and held onto her. Cordelia automatically wrapped her arms around his neck and just held him back, as they both stayed there, in the middle of the dark cemetery.
[/I]
Angel violently landed on top of her, grabbing her arms tightly.
[I] "You know what to do if there is a what if." he whispered, closing her hands over the stake.
[/I]
Time stood still as he lowered his teeth to her neck.
[I] "I won't be able to stake you." she then whispered, throwing the stake on the floor.
"You'll know what you have to do." he whispered, staring at her from across the room.
"I can't do this..stake you."
"You won't have to.I'll be fine." He said, waiting for her answer, expectantly.
Emily had promised it. Now Angel was promising it too.
[/I]
Her hand, which had been frozen over the stake up until now, finally moved. As she felt the tip of his teeth on her skin, she raised her hand, which had been resting on her chest, and pointed the stake to his heart.
She felt his head rise from her neck and her eyes locked with his in a moment that was destined to plague her life with guilt for as long as she'd live.
She had stopped breathing.
She had stopped living.
She gasped as she felt her arm move, heartbreakingly, as she drove the stick into his chest, throwing him backwards.
Her face dropped. Her eyes grew wide. Her heart broke into millions of pieces as she felt her hand hold the stake to his heart.
He leaned back on his knees as she retrieved the stake and stared, blankly at what she had just done.
[I] Angel, cupping Cordelia's face with his strong hands, gently lowered his lips to hers in a long, emotional kiss. Her hands were not trembling anymore. Her heart was beating again. The touch of his lips on hers was enough to silence any fear that ever inhabited her. She closed her eyes and kissed him back with the same gentleness he had.
[/I]
Images of Angel flashed through her mind as a bright yellow glow surrounded his body. His fangs disappeared and a look of utter despair, fear, and sadness spread across his face. His eyes. His tear-filled eyes stared back at her as he whispered her name.
"Cordy."
He held his chest with both hands as she kneeled before him, unable to breathe, just stare.
[I]Emily: "Everything's going to be alright. Trust me. I've got it covered."[/I]
Fred came rushing down the stairs and froze, while Gunn and Wesley slowly lifted their heads up.
Cordelia's eyes welled up with instant tears at the sound of his voice. Underneath her gasp and stare, he vanished.
His image faded as Cordelia stood there, kneeling on the floor with tears silently running down her face. Her hands still grasping the stake in her hands, she just stood there immobile.
There weren't any words for what they had just seen.
There weren't any words for what they were still seeing.
Cordelia.
Alone.
Frightened.
Pained.
The stake fell helplessly to the floor, the noise resounding so loudly he made her deft. Cordelia leaned back on her heels, still staring at the empty space in front of her, her heart numb from what she had just done.
What had just happened.
The look in her eyes. There was such a mix of emotion in her eyes that neither of her friends could form a word. They just stared. Like her. Wesley and Gunn, bruised and bleeding, reached Fred and wrapped their arms around her, making sure she was fine.
Emotionally drained, she just stood there, unable to move.
Unwilling to.
--
The was a long silence. Painful and unbearable.
"And here we are." Wesley sadly spoke as he lowered his eyes to the cast on his forearm.
Gunn, whose bruised face now made sense, and Fred were somberly silent, while Buffy, Xander and Willow sat in silence. Shock.
Buffy lowered her eyes as well, grasping the truckload of information that was just dumped on them.
"Here we are." Gunn repeated in a bare whisper.
TBC
